MISTAKES * OF * INGERSOLL 

AND HIS 

ANSWERS COMPLETE, 

INCLUDING REPLIES BY PROF. SWING, JUDGE BLACK, 

J. Munro Gibson, d. d., Rabbi Wise, Rev. W. F. 
Craft, Chaplain McCabe, Dr. Robert 
Collyer, Bishop Cheney, Dr. Thomas, 
Dr. Lorimer, Dr. E. P. Goodwin, 
Dr. James Maclaughlan, 
and others. 

O 

Including Also, in full, Ingersoll's Lectures 
entitled The Mistakes of Moses", ' 'Skulls", 
"What Shall We Do To Be Saved?" 
and ' ' Thomas Paine ", 

to which the replies are made, 

WITH INGERSOLL'S ANSWERS, 

— o — 

Also Ingersoll's Funeral Oration at his Brother's 
Grave, with Remarks by Henry Ward 
Beecher, Hon. Isaac N. Arnold, 
and others. 
Etc. Etc. , Etc. 
:o: 

EDITED BY 

J. B. McClure, A. M. 



Chicago. :.: 
Rhodes & McClure Publishing Company. 
1898. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1892, 
By J. B. MoClure & R, S. Rhodes, 
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C, 



Exchange 

Augustana College Llby. 
Sept. 28 1934 



A religious faith at present so generally pervades the 
civilized world that it seems almost amazing that any one 
should dare speak as Mr. Ingersoll does in his several lec- 
tures about the Bible. It is this singularity, no doubt, 
rather than intrinsic worth, which gives any significance 
that may attach to his words. That the Bible is in the 
least endangered is out of the question. It is too late now 
for that. The words herein compiled from good and able 
men, who have made the great Book, in its early language, 
import and history, a careful study for long years, will show 
how futile are Mr. IngersolPs efforts in parading what he 
calls the " Mistakes of Moses," etc. Indeed, it would seem 
that, possibly Mr. I. is guilty of a mistaken identity, for he 
is severely accused of false assertions and misrepresentations 
concerning the real Moses. This reminds us of a " mis- 
take" which was made on a certain occasion by the celebra- 
ted Archbishop of Dublin, the gifted author of the work so 
widely known, entitled M The Study of "Words." He was 
not in robust health at the time, and for many years had 
been apprehensive of paralysis. At a dinner in Dublin, 
given by the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, his grace sat on 
the right ef his hostess, the Duchess of Abercorn. In the 
midst of the dinner the company was startled by seeing &§ 



4 PREFACE. 

Archbishop rise from his seat, and still more startled to hear 
him exclaim in a dismal and sepulchral tone, " It has cornel 

it has come! " 

" What has come, your Grace? " eagerly cried half a dozen 
voices from different parts of the table. 

" What I have been expecting for twenty years," solemnly 
answered the archbishop — " a stroke of paralysis. I have 
been pinching myself for the last twenty minutes, and find 
myself entirely without sensation." 

" Pardon me, my dear archbishop," said the duchess, 
looking up at him with a somewhat quizzical smile — " par- 
don me for contradicting you, but it is / that you have been 
pinching !" 

Messrs. Gibson, Swing, and many others ., of Chicago, 
and Rabbi Wise, of Cincinnati, whose replies are herein 
given, are too well known as scholars and divines, to require 
any introduction to a reading public. Their words are 
wise and timely, and are put on record in this form to show 
the weakness of modern infidelity and the stability of Divine 
Truth. 

J. B. MoOluxs. 




PART I. 



REPLIES TO INGERSOLL'S LECTURE ON 
-THE MISTAKES OF MOSES". 

PAGE 

Prof. Swing's Reply .... , 7 

The Lawyer vs. The Philosopher — Ingersoll's 
Professional Proclivities in Making a Part equal 

to the Whole 8 

Seven Mistakes of Moses Left out ! — Injustice to 

Hebrew History 10 

Swing Puts Himself in Ingersoll's Place and At- 
tacks the Seventeenth Century — How it 

Works 13 

Ingersoll's Narrowness Shuts Out God, Heaven 

and Immortality — Infidel Dogmatism 16 

In the World's Great Freedom of Choice, Inger- 
soll is Counted Out 19 

Dr. Gibson's , Reply 23 

Ingersoll Betrays His Ingnorance 25 

Harmony of Science and Genesis 25 

The Harmony of Genesis and Science Not the 

Result of Guess-work, but of Inspiration 29 

God . 32 

(5) 



6 CONTENTS. 

PAGE 

Nature 33 

Man 35 

Woman 36 



. Mistakes Respecting Labor and Death Corrected 38 
The Deluge and its Difficulties — Not Universal — 



Ararat originally a District (alas ! Ingersoll 

calls it a High Mountain) — Other Deluges .... 40 

Faith in Jesus Christ the Essential Factor 44 

Candor vs. Injustice — -Dr. Gibson's Pointed Sum- 
mary 45 

Judge Jere S. Black's Reply 49 

Religion and Politics 49 

"The Gospel of Dirt" 54 

Ingersoll and Creation 55 

Ingersoll's "Phenomenon which Happens".... 56 
Something that "Never Entered any Human 
Head Before," but Somehow it has got into 

. Ingersoll's Head 57 

Ingersoll's Boomerang Argument 58 

Rabbi Wise's Reply 5c 

Ingersoll's "Pocket Edition of an Idol" 6c 

Ingersoll is not so Bad as his Reputation 61 

Ingersoll is no Reasoner, but a Great ' ' Spitter " 62 
The Law of Moses is Secure with its 3,500 Years 

of History 63 

Some Things About Pigeon Eating 64 

The Colonel Lecturing for Money 66 



PART II. 



REPLIES TO INGERSOLL'S LECTURE ON 
-SKULLS ". 

PAGE 



W. F. Craft's Reply 69 

Ingersollism Outlined — -Ten Points" instead 

of "Five" — Infidel Protoplasm 69 

First Point in the Ten — Sepulchral Hoots of the 

Ingersoll Owl — A Theological Rip Van Winkle 72 
Ingersoll Mistakes a Part for the Whole — Gross 

Misrepresentations. . . . . 75 

The Great Ingersoll Boomerang — How it Works 

—Further Misrepresentations Examined 76 

Misrepresenting Bible Passages 77 

Sun and Moon Standing Still. . 78 

Hell 78 

The Present vs. the Future 80 

Ingersoll's Horrible Estimate of Truth 82 

The Bible the Best of Books, and Christ the Best 

of Men 83 

Something New if True — Infidelity the Essential 
Factor in Progressive Civilization — But Cole- 
ridge, Wm. H. Seward, Bismarck, and other 
Great Statesmen can not see it — Civilization 

goes only with Christianity 85 

Marvelous Power of Time and Circumstance — 
Tragic Effect of Iso-thermal Lines — Peoria 
Mud Necessarily the Seventh Heaven as Inger- 
soll Sees it 87 




8 CONTENTS. 

PAGE 



Law is Ingersoll's God 90 

Liberty and Infidelity — What De Tocqueville 
Says About it 90 

Woman — Ingersoll's Theory at Variance with 
Facts 92 

Ingersoll's Theory of Childhood — Some of His 
Little Stories — The Whole Subject Carefully 
Examined— Significant Incident in the Life of 
Abraham Lincoln : 93 

Ingersoll Says Christianity Fetters Thought — 
The Bible and a Host of Distinguished Men 
Say Otherwise 97 

A Cloud of Witnesses 99 

Jesus Christ 103 

Amazing Ignorance of Infidels Concerning the 
Scriptures — Hume's Ignorance of the New 
Testament — Tom Paine Without a Bible 104 

Distributed Ignorance and ConcentratedHatred — 
Probable Cause of Ingersoll's Infidelity 105 

The Truth of the Whole Matter 107 

Chaplain C. C. McCabe's Reply 109 



The Famous Chaplain Has a Remarkable Dream 
— He Sees the Great City of Ingersollville— 
Which Ingersoll and the Infidel Host Enter — 
And are Shut in for Six Months — Remarkable 
Condition of Things Outside and Inside — Hap- 
piness and Misery — Ingersoll Finally Petitions 
for a Church and sends for a Lot of Preachers. 109 

Dr. Collyer's Reply 115 

Dr. Collyer Relates a Little Story — A Book that 



CONTENTS 9 

PAGE 

Cost Mr. Ingersoll theGovernorship of Illinois — 
The Volume Philosophically Considered — 
Heavy Blows 115 



Sparks Flying in all Directions — Singular Mental 
Phenomenon Occasioned by $25,000 a Year. . . 116 

The Clear Ring of Truth vs. the Dull Thud of the 
Baser Metal — Potency of Simple Statement — 
The Doctor's Objections to Ingersoll's Talk. . . 119 

Putting the Fine Edge on Orthodoxy — Taking a 
Weld with Prof. Swing and Dr. Thomas — 



Borax and Bigotry 121 

A Touching Illustration —Eloquence and Truth — 

Havelock's Saints 126 

Atheism — Not an Institution but a "Destitution !" 

— The True Life 127 

Bishop Cheney's Reply 129 

How the Question of Forgery Applies to the Five 

Books of Moses 129 

The "Common Ground" of the Contending 

Parties — Logical Position of Ezra 131 

The Bishop Planting Signals on the Mountain 
Tops of History — Survey of the New Moses Air 

Line 133 

Termination of the Great Air Line 136 

Genealogical Reflections 137 

Cutting the Gordian Knot 138 

The Bishop's Challenge — Moses and Ingersoll as 

Chronologists 140 

Mud Calendars vs. Facts — Some Sad and Sorrow- 
ful Scientific Figuring in the Sand 142 

A Mistake of Ingersoll, Tom Paine & Co. Cor- 
rected — Conclusion 145 



part in 



REPLIES TO INGERSOLL'S LECTURE ON 
"WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ?" 

PAGE 

Reply of Dr. H. W. Thomas 149 

Points Wherein the Doctor and the Colonel 

Agree and Differ — A Fair and Candid Rejoinder 149 
Ingersoll's New Departure — What the Doctor 

Says About it 152 

The Teachings of Christ Emphasized — Character 

Rather Than Dogma. . 154 

Reply of Bishop Fallows 1 59 

The Bishop Believes the Colonel is Making 'True 

Progress' 

The Facts in the Case . j5 c 

How Celsus, the Ingersoll of the Second Century, 

Did a Great Work for the Church 163 

Reply of Dr. George C. Lorimer ^7 

The Scope of the Lecture, and not the Lecturer, 
under Consideration — The Issue — Faith and 

Works 167 

Theology Progressive— Creeds, Faith, Etc 169 

Ingersoll's Gospel under the Doctor's Microscope 
Shows a Fatal Contradiction — God Forgives, 

but "Bob" is for "Inexorable Justice" The 

Colonel in Fact an Extreme Calvinist 171 

Ingersoll Does not Answer the Question, "What 

Shall We Do to Be Saved ?". 1?3 

10 



CONTENTS. II 

PAGE 

Authenticity of the New Testament 174 

The Gospel Plan of Salvation 176 

The Vital Relation of Faith to the Soul— Its 
Elevating and Saving Power When Fixed on 

Jesus Christ 1 79 

Saved, Not for Faith's Sake, Nor Work's Sake, 

But for Christ's Sake 181 

Infidelity Unmasked 183 

PART IV. 



REPLIES TO INGERSOLL'S LECTURE ON 
"THOMAS PAINE". 

r. Goodwin's Reply 185 

The Renowned Pastor of over a Thousand Church 
Members Rises in Defense of the Truth — The 
Ax Laid at the Root of the Ingersoll Tree — 
The Solemn Issue 185 

Ingersoll's Sad. Need of Spectacles at a Much 
Earlier Period in Life — What He Sees in the 
Historic Spectrum — A Remarkable Phenome- 
non 187 

Further Optical Illusions of the Eloquent Colonel 
— Why Paine Came to America 190 

Paine and American Independence — The Cause 
of Liberty at White Heat before Mr. Paine 
Gets Around — Interesting Facts 191 

Paine's Fractional Glory in the French Republic 193 

A Fair Test, with Some Plain Philosophy 194 



12 



CONTENTS. 



PAGE 



Jesus Christ and the Testimony — Paine's Con- 
fession 196 

What the Testimony Demonstrates and its Sig- 
nificance 197 

The Other Side — Gibbon, Hume, Voltaire & Co. 
— How the Apostles of Infidelity Look Under 

the Doctor's Electric Light 200 

The Difference is as Night and Day 202 

The Divine Philosophy — The Way 203 

The Truth 204 

And the Life 205 

The Potency of Infidelity . . 207 

Two Pictures... 208 

Christianity not Responsible for the Wickedness 
of Christians — Lawlessness not the Law .... 209 

The Great Cloud of Witnesses 211 

The Fruits of Infidelity — The Blackest Page in 
Human History — The French Revolution.. .. 213 

Ingersollism Unveiled 214 

Penumbra of Hell 21 c/ 

The Final Picture — An Endless Night of Tears. . 2i(M 
Tallyrand's Advice to Ingersoll and His Friends 21^ 

Dying Words TT* 21ml 

Rev. Dr. James Maclaughlan's Reply 221I 

The Scotchman Looks the Lawyer Square in tht> 1 
Face — How They Manage Witnesses — Inger- 
soll and His Last Client, Thomas Paine 221 

Getting at the Facts — Interesting Incidents in 

Paine's Life 222 

Bancroft vs. Ingersoll — Additional Facts 223 

The Reign of Terror— The Great Ingersoll Epoch, 225 



CONTENTS. 1 3 

PAGE 

— Voting for the King's Execution 226 

How Ingersoll Wastes His Powder — Some of his 

Blunders — Paine's Moral Decline 227 

Charity vs. Slander 228 

- The Scotchman Draws his Bible on the Colonel 
— A Heavy Shot which Hits Between the Eyes, 229 

Ingersoll's Sophistries , . . . . * 231 

Is it True ? — Paine as a Philanthropist 232 

John Calvin 234 

Centre Shots by a Scotch Rifleman 236 

Impotence of Infidelity 237 

What Distinguished Men Say of theBible. ... 238 

Ingersoll at his Brother's Grave 240 

Colonel Ingersoll's Funeral Oration 240 

Henry Ward Beecher's Comments on Mr. Inger- 
soll's Faith and Funeral Discourse 245 

Hon. Isaac N. Arnold's Comments on Ingersoll's 
Funeral Oration 249 

JVhat Great Scientists Say of the Bible. 252 

What Great Statesmen Say of the Bible 253 

J What Great Thinkers Say of the Bible 256 

'Dying Words 270 



14 



INGERSOLL'S LECTURES, 

TO WHICH THE REPLIES ARE MADE 
AND INGERSOLL'S ANSWERS. 



Ingersoll's Lecture on ' ' The Mistakes of 



Moses" 275 — 311 

Ingersoll's Lecture on ' 1 Skulls ", and his Re- 
plies to Prof. Swing, Dr. Collyer, and 

Other Critics 31 2 — 379 

Ingersoll's Reply to Dr. Collyer 356 

Ingersoll's Reply to Prof. Swing 358 

Ingersoll's Reply to Brook Herford 359 

Ingersoll's Gattiing Gun Turned on Dr. Ryder 360 

Ingersoll's Reply to Rabbi Wise 362 

Ingersoll's Catechism and Bible Class 371 

Ingersoll's New Departure and His Lecture 

Entitled "What Shall We Do To Be I 



Saved?" 380—426 

Ingersoll's Lecture on " Thomas Paine" 429 — 482, 



PAGE. 

Prof. David Swing 6 

Rev J. Munro Gibson, D. D 22 

Rev. W. F. Craft 68 

Rev. C. C. McCabe, D. D 108 

Rev. Robert Collyer, D. D 114 

Dr. H. W. Thomas 148 

Bishop Fallows 158 

Rev. E. P. Goodwin, D. D 184 

Rev. James Maclaughlan, Ph. D 220 

Unforgotten 241 

Henry Ward Beecher 244 

'ol. Robert G. Ingersoll 274 

Tiomas Paine 4 2 & 

:o: 



(15) 




PROF. DAVID SWING . 



PART I. 

MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



Replies to IngersolT s Lecture 
— on — 

" THE MISTAKES OF MOSES." 



PROF. SWING'S REPLY. 



This discourse is not spoken regarding the man, Robert 
G . Ingersoll, but regarding the addresses which he is 
delivering and is otherwise publishing. The man Inger- 
soll is said to be, in his private life, kind, neighborly, 
humane, and in many ways an example which might be 
imitated with great profit by thousands who represent 
themselves as holding the Pagan or the Christian religion. 
Bat, were this author and lecturer a mean, wicked man, 
I should still be bound to consider his thoughts apart 
from the thinker just as- we deal with Bacon's ideas apart 
from his moral qualities, and the politics of Alexander 
Hamilton apart from the infirmities of his moral senti- 
ments. The intellect of such an individual as the one 
before us is a thinking machine. It makes a survey of 
the religious landscape. Objects strike it that escape you 
and me. His eyes are not those of a preacher, not those 
)f a bishop, nor those of an evangelist like Mr. Moody; 

(7) 



8 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

not those of a moralist like Dymond or William Perm, 
nor those of Theodore Parker or Emerson, but they are 
a vision purely his own, and our task is limited to the 
inquiry what this peculiar sense discovers in our wide 
and varied world. 

THE LAWYER VS. THE PHILOSOPHER INGERSOLL's PRO- 
FESSIONAL PROCLIVITIES IN MAKING A PART EQUAL 
TO THE WHOLE. ! 

We perceive at once that these addresses do not offer 
us any system of philosophy for woman, or child, or 
State, and therefore they cannot aspire to be any valuable 
Mentor to tell each young Talemachus how to live. They 
are the speeches of a lawyer retained by one client of a 
large case. Men trained in profession come by degrees 
into the profession's channels, and flow only in the one 
direction, and always between the same banks. The 
master of a learned profession at last becomes its slave . 
He who follows faithfully any calling wears at last a soul 
of that calling's shape. You remember the death scene 
of the poor old schoolmaster. He had assembled the 
boys and girls in the winter mornings and had dismissed 
them winter evenings after sundown, and had done this 
for fifty long years. One winter morning he did not 
appear. Death had struck his old and feeble pulse; but, 
dying, his mind followed its beautiful but narrow river 
bed, and his last words were : "It is growing dark — the 
school is dismissed — let the girls pass out first." Very 
rarely does the man in the pulpit, or at the bar, or in 
statesmanship, escape this molding hand of his pursuit. 
We are all clay in the hands of that potter which is 
called a pursuit. A pursuit is seldom an ocean of w T ater j 
it is more commonly a canal. But if there be a class ol 



PKOF. swing's rfply. 9 

men more modified than others in language and forms 
of speech, the lawyers compose such a class, for it is 
never their business to present both sides. It is their 
especial duty so to arrange a part of the facts as that 
they shall seem to be the whole facts, and next to their 
power of presenting a cause must come their power to 
conceal all aspects unfavorable to their purpose. A 
philosopher must see and set forth at once both sides of 
all questions, but a lawyer must learn to see the one side 
of a case, for there is another man expressly employed 
to see the reverse of the shield. But few of us are phil- 
osophers. When we wish to exhibit something, we in- 
stantly cut off all light except that which will fall upon 
our goods. If we are to display only a yard of silk, we 
will veil the sun and move about to find the right posi- 
tion, and then light a little more gas, that the fields, and 
hills, and heavens may all withdraw, and permit us to see 
the fold of a bride's dress. Thus all the professions, 
honored by being called learned, do more or less cut off 
the light from all things except the fabric that is being 
unfolded by their skillful fingers. 

Men of intense emotional power like Mr. Ingersoll, and 
men who, like him, have hearts as full of colors as a 
painter's shop, are wont, beyond common, to pour their 
passion upon one object rather than diffuse it all over the 
world. These can awaken, and entertain, and shake, 
and unsettle, but then, after all is over, we all must seek 
for final guides men who are calmer and who spread 
gentler tints with their brush. I am, therefore, of the 
opinion that none of us should follow any one man, but 
rather all men; should seek that general impression, 
/hat wide-reaching common-sense, which knows little of 



o 



MISTAKES OF 



NGERSOLL. 



ecstacy and little of despair. These ' 'Addresses" under 
notice are wonderful concentrations of wit, aud fun, and 
tears, and logic, but concentrations upon minor points. 
They are severe upon a little group of men, upon liter- 
alists and old Popes, and old monks, but they do not 
weigh and measure fully the religion of such a being as 
Jesus Christ, nor touch the ideas and actions of the 
human race away from these fading forms of human 
nature. 

SEVEN MISTAKES OF MOSES LEFT OUT ! INJUSTICE TO 

HEBREW HISTORY. 

These addresses do injustice to the Hebrew history. 
A lawyer has a right to be one-sided and narrow when 
he is presenting the cause of his client, but when he is 
addressing a public upon a religious, or political, or 
social question, narrowness in his discourse must be con- 
sidered an infirmity, or else an act of injustice. These 
speeches betray either unconscious narrowness or wilful 
injustice.. But Mr. Ingersoll is the embodiment of sin- 
cerity, according to those who enjoy his acquaintance, 
and therefore we must conclude that the cast of his 
mind is such that it is led hither and thither by that 
narrowness which belongs no more to a high Calvinist 
than to a high infidel. If the lecture upon "Moses" had 
been more thoughtful, it would have confessed that there 
were several forms of the man "Moses," — the historic 
"Moses"; and then, after this concession, he might have 
assailed the "Calvinistic Moses". 

But if the addresses had been broad, and spoken fr • 
that larger audience called humanity, they would ha \. 



asked us to mark the mistakes of the Moses of Hebr 




PROF. SWING'S REPLY. 



times and of common history. But they did not dream 
of this. Standing in the presence of one of the grandest 
figures of Egyptian and Hebrew antiquity, Mr. Ingersoll 
failed to see this personage, and permitted nothing to 
come upon his field of vision except those sixteenth cen- 
tury theologians who distorted alike the mission of 
Moses and of Christ, and even of the Almighty. To set 
forth the mistakes of the historic "Moses" would not 
be an easy task. One doing this would be compelled to 
ask us to mark the blunders of a leader who planned 
freedom for slaves; who bore complainings from an ig- 
norant people until he won the fame of unusual meek- 
ness, one who did in reality what infidels only have 
dreamed of doing — living and dying for the people; the 
mistakes of one whose ten laws are still the fundamental 
ideas of a State, of one who organized a nation which 
lived and flourished for 1500 years; the mistakes of one 
who divested the idea of God of bestiality and began to 
clothe it with the notions of wisdom and justice, and even 
tenderness; the follies of one who established industry 
and education, and a higher form of religion, and gave 
the nation holding these virtues such an impulse that in 
the hour of dissolving it produced a Jesus Christ and the 
twelve Apostles; and thus did more in its death than 
Atheism could achieve in all the eons of geology. Seven 
mistakes of Moses left out ! 

There is, it is true, a time and a place for irony, but 
after it has done its work amid the accidental of a time 
or a place, there remains yet much to be studied by the 
sober intellect and loved by the heart which really cares 
for the useful and the true. It is essentially a small 
matter that some poetic mind, some Froissart or some 

mM t ■■; H 



12 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



Herodotus, came along perhaps after the reigns of David 
and Solomon, and gathered up all the truths of old 
Hebrew tradition, and all the legends, too, and wove 
them together, for out of such entanglements the essen- 
tial ideas rise up just as noble pine trees at last rise up 
above the brambles and thickets at their base, and ever- 
more stand in the full presence of the rain, and air, and 
the sun. Above the brambles and thorn of legend, at 
which the narrow eye may laugh, there rises up from the 
Mosaic soil a growth of moral truth that catches at last 
full sunshine and full breeze; a growth that will long 
make a good shadow for the graves of Christian and in- 
fidel beneath. The errors of legend are so unimportant 
that even a Divine Book may carry them. 

It will thus appear that the method of the addresses is 
very defective. It is not a wide survey of a two-thous- 
and-year period in human civilization, a period when the 
Hebrews were making imperishable the good of the 
Egyptians who were dying from vices and despotism, but 
is only the ramble of a satirist having a sharp eye for 
defects and a most ready tongue. All the by-gone periods 
may be passed over in two manners. We may go forth 
for our laughter and for our pensiveness and wisdom. 
Juvenal saw old Rome full of dissolute men and women. 
Virgil saw it full of literature. Tacitus found it not 
destitute of patriots and heroes; and where Juvenal found 
the husbands all debauchees, and the wives all hypocrites, 
there the most calm and elegant historians found the 
most excellent Agricola, and found a wife of spotless 
fame in the daughter Domitia. Thus in the very gener- 
ations in which the lampoons of Juvenal found only vice, 
behold we see beauty and virtue in full bloom around the 



PROF, swing's REPLY. 1 3 

homes of Tacitus, and Agricola. and Pliny. Thus all 
the fields of human thought lie open to the invasion of 
those who wish to mock, and of those who wish to ad- 
mire. And beyond doubt when Mr. Ingersoll shall have 
uttered his last thought over the Mistakes of Moses, some 
other form of intellect could glean in the same field, and 
leave covered with the truths of Moses, a nobler and 
larger tablet. 

SWING PUTS HIMSELF IN INGERSOLL's PLACE AND AT- 
TACKS THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY. HOW IT 

WORKS ! 

Permit me now, in imitation of the style of these ad- 
dresses, to ask you to look at the seventeenth century : 
Why, it all drips in blood ! Horror upon horrors ! The 
King of Persia put to death some of the Royal family and 
put out the eyes of all the rest — even the eyes of infants. 
Russia begins her cruel oppression of Poland. Prussia, 
the hope of Europe, is desolated by war, which never 
lifted its black cloud for thirty years. In this wretched 
century came the massacre of Prague and the forcible 
banishment of 30,000 Protestant families. Allowing five 
persons to a family, it will thus appear that 150,000 
were driven from their homes and country. Further 
south, in France, a few years before, 700,000 Protestants 
had been murdered in twenty-four hours. Afterward 
came the licentious court of Louis XIV. ; while over in 
England noble men and women were being beheaded or 
otherwise slain in dreadful numbers. The beautiful 
Queen Mary is beheaded just as the century begins, and 
Essex is beheaded in its full opening. And in its close 
France re-enters the scene, revokes the edict of Nantes, 
and sends into exile 800,000 of her best citizens. 

i 

j - 

I 

/ 



14 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

Thus dragged along the seventeenth century, as it 
would seem, bleeding, and weeping, and gasping in per- 
petual dying. What a picture ! Amazing indeed, but 
narrow and false ! I have been thinking only of the 
"mistakes" of a time, Just look at that century again 
with a wider survey and a happier heart, and lo ! we see 
in it a matchless line of immortal worthies. There 
flourished Gustavus, laying the foundation of our liberty; 
there lived Grotius, writing down the holiest principles 
of duty; there we see Galileo, inventing the telescope, 
and beholding the starry sky; there sits Kepler finding 
the highest laws of astronomy; near these are the French 
preachers, Bossuet, Fenelon, and Massilon, whose fame 
has not been equaled; there, too, Pascal and Corneille . 
But this is not all. It is not one-third the splendor of 
that one epoch, for, cross the Channel, and behold, you 
meet Shakespeare, and Lord Bacon, and Milton, 
and Locke, and while these divine minds are com- 
posing their books, Cromwell is overthrowing des- 
pots, and^ a Republic springs up as by enchantment. 
Thus the seventeenth century, which awhile ago seemed 
only a period that a kind heart might wish stricken from 
history, now comes back to us as the sublime dawn of 
poetry, and science, and eloquence, and liberty. 

The truth is, we must move through the present and 
the past with both eyes wide open, and with a mind 
willing to know all and draw a conclusion from the whole 
combined cloud of witnesses. The author of the ad- 
dresses does not do this. He does not make a wide sur- 
vey nor draw conclusions from widely scattered facts; 
and hence, after he has spoken about the horrors of the 
Mosaic age, or of the church, there remains that age or 



prof, swing's reply. 1 5 

that church emptying rich treasures into the general 
civilization, purifying the barbarous ages, awaking the 
intellect, stimulating the arts, inspiring good works, 
elevating the life of the living, by setting before man a 
God and a future existence. Our Christianity has a 
Hebrew origin. The sermon on the Mount was begun 
by Moses. 

The eloquence of Mr. Ingersoll is much like the art of 
Hogarth or John Leech, — an acute, and witty, and in- 
teresting art, but very limited in its range. Hogarth 
was without a rival in his ability to picture the "mis- 
takes" of marriage, and of a "Rake's Progress," the 
peculiarity of "Beer Lane" and "Gin Lane"; and his art 
was legitimate in its field, but its field was narrow, and 
took no notice of the eternal beauty of things as painted 
by Rubens or Raphael. After Hogarth had said all he 
could see and believe about marriage, there stood the 
holy relation in its historic greatness, filling millions of 
homes with its peace and friendship, notwithstanding 
the mirth-provoking pencil. Thus the ideas of "Moses", 
and "Church", and "Heaven", and "God" lie before 
Mr. Ingersoll to be pictured by his skillful derision, but 
after the artist has drawn his little Puritanic Hebrew 
and his absurd Heaven, and has painted his little gods, 
and has limned his own Papal Heaven and Hell, another 
scene opens and there untarnished are the deep things 
of right and wrong, the immortal hopes of man, and a 
Heavenly Father which cannot be placed upon a jester's 
canvas. 

John Leech found the weak points in all English high 
and low life. The fashions, and sports, and entertain- 
ments, und the current politics, underwent for a genera- 



I 6 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

tion the torture of his pictures, his sketches, his cartoons, 
but the moment the laugh had ended, the homes of 
England, the happy social life of rich and poor, the 
learning and wisdom of her statesmen were back in their 
place just as the sun is in its place after a noisy thunder- 
storm has passed by. 

INGERSOLL'S NARROWNESS SHUTS OUT GOD, HEAVEN AND 
I MMORTALITY INF I DEL DOGMATISM. 

This narrowness of survey which marks Mr. Ingersoll's 
estimate of the Hebrew period and of the human Church 
follows him in his thoughts about another life and the 
existence of God. He denies that any regard whatever 
should be paid to a second life. Heaven deserves no 
consideration at our hands. He says in his lecture on 
the Gods : ''Reason, observation and experience have 
taught us that happiness is the only good ; that the time 
to be happy is now, and the way to be happy is to make 
others so. This is enough for us. In this belief we are 
content to live and die," Such assertions as these no 
broad-reaching mind could make, for the broad mind, 
not knowing that there may be a second life, having no 
positive information on that point, is bound to admit all 
that uncertainty, and that hope is a lawful element in 
that strange mingling which makes up the soul. As Mr. 
Ingersoll does not know whence man came, so he knows 
not whither he goes, and therefore he must himself stand 
and permit others to stand in the presence of death as 
in the presence of a great mystery that, at least, should 
silence all dogmatism of priest or infidel. The logic of 
the addresses may be fitted for the common jury, but 
they are too rude for man who is weeping his way along 
between birth and death. 



PROF. SWINGS reply. 17 

In some better hour the lawyer forgets his petit jury 
and addresses the human soul . On the title page of a 
recent volume he says in substance that : "The dream 
of immortal life has always existed in the heart of man, 
and will remain there in its matchless charms, born not 
of any book or creed, but out of human affection"; and 
being not born of reason or sense, he can but reject its 
hope ; he is personally above being molded in thought, 
or action, by such a fable of the heart. In calling such 
a dream a fable, he is guilty of that very dogmatism 
which he so hates in Calvin and Edwards, for if Calvin 
was too certain that he knew God's will, Mr. Ingersoll is 
too certain that he knows God not to exist. It often 
happens that the dogmatism of the bigot must await its 
exact parallel in the dogmatism of the atheist. The 
ideas of a future life and a God are thus in these ad- 
dresses rudely set aside as though this author had shown 
the real origin and destiny of the Universe and had 
found out the secret of the grave. 

He would pay no attention to the idea of God. He 
would not be guilty of any worship in this life. He says: 
"If by any possibility the existence of a power superior 
to and independent of nature shall be demonstrated, 
there will be time enough to kneel. Until then let us 
stand erect." 

In such language we find only a perfect overthrow of 
the method of the human soul; for the soul has never 
dared wait for any such certainty in any of the paths 
before it. It has always been compelled to build up be- 
fore itself the largest possible motives and hopes, and 
live for them and abide the consequences. It is won- 
derful that a man who will pluck a violet and draw de- 



1 8 MISTAKES OE INGERSOLL. 

light from its tender color and still more delicate per- 
fume, will sternly command the human race not to hold 
in its hands any flower of immortality, lest by chance its 
leaves may at last wither. If this idea of a future life 
should at last fail, which seems impossible, the human 
heart will be all the purer and happier from having held 
all through these years a lily so sweet and so white. 

Logic cannot make such short work of the religious 
sentiments. Mr. Ingersoll says : "If you can ever find 
a God, just let me know, and I shall kneel. Until then 
I shall stand erect." What injustice to that delicate 
form of reason, which has moved the world for perhaps 
10,000 years ! We do not propose to find God or a 
future life. What the world has found long since is the 
deep hope in God, and the measureless hope that the 
dying loved ones of this world will meet in a land that is 
better. Nobody has come to the human race to let it 
know that a God has been found, but many have come 
to it saying : "My dear children, let us trust that all this 
matchless universe came from a Creator, and that from 
Him we also came." So many and so holy were these 
voices and so responsive was the heart, that upon this 
trust the living and the dying have knelt and told their 
longings to the Invisible. The human race has not been 
haughty. It has been willing to kneel. Its heart has 
never been stone, nor its knees brass. It has stood erect 
in battle where liberty was to be won; it has been as 
erect as an infidel when the bosom was to be bared for 
arrows or bullets, or when the neck was to be unclothed 
for the fatal ax, but in moments of hope and longing it 
has bent willingly in hope and prayer. The advice of 
the "Addresses" not to kneel until you have reached and 



prof, swing's reply. 19 

handled the Creator, is advice that civilization has always 
spurned, for it has woven all its gorgeous fabrics out of 
delicate probabilities, — gossamer threads spun by the 
heart. Fame, and learning, and art, and happiness, all 
are simple probabilities before each youth. He does not 
dare say, Make me sure of results, and I will gird myself 
for the present. He casts himself upon the better of 
two possibilities, and is borne along toward an unknown 
end. Thus has the human race dealt with the intima- 
tions of religion. It has cast itself upon the better hope, 
and, being at perfect liberty to espouse Atheism, has al- 
ways repudiated it as being a paralysis of the soul, and a 
perfect reversal of the common logic of society. 

IN THE WORLDS GREAT FREEDOM OF CHOICE, INGERSOLL 
IS COUNTED OUT ! 

The world has always been perfectly free to use the 
form of reasoning which Mr. Ingersoll suggests. No 
Westminster Assembly, no Calvin compelled the human 
family from old Egypt to Greece to think the universe 
had a Creator. The world has always been free to sup- 
pose that such seasons as day and night and spring and 
summer, such creatures as the nightingale and man, 
such a star as the sun, all came from mud and water and 
fire, mingling of their own accord, but the world has had 
no wide use for such conclusions. Of its own free 
choice, it has avoided Atheism, and has never made up 
anywhere a civilization without discarding the idea of 
waiting for a demonstration, and without espousing the 
idea that all noble society reposes upon lofty hopes. 
Out of beautiful possibilities the soul's garments are 
woven . 



20 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



It thus appears that the ' 'Addresses" are defective as 
guides for any man's life or death. They constitute a 
bill of exceptions against certain hard rulings in some 
local and ignorant courts, but as pleadings in the great 
tribunal where the whole human family stands assem- 
bled, to get the wisest decisions about duty and hap- 
piness, and the possibility of there being a God and a 
second life, the possible value of a hope forthe dying — 
they each and all fall far short. They see only the re- 
ligion of some fanatic, and think it the religion of Jesus or 
of mankind. They see a God damning honest men, and 
conclude that is what is meant by Jehovah, They see 
a Heaven with some little sect in the midst of it, and 
speak as though they were what is meant by the im- 
mortality of man. They note the follies of the Puritans 
and Papists, and infer that if there were no religion in 
the world, there would be no bad judgment or bad pas- 
sions. They fail, too, to mark the delicacy of man's 
practical logic, which is not iron-like, waiting for the 
absolute, end of all doubt, but which is bending and 
hopeful, and stands ready forever to found immense mo- 
tives, and society, and church, and homes upon the 
greater and better of two probabilities that lie within 
this world of cloud. They assert the adequacy of earthly 
happiness as an end of being, and fail to mark that 
earthly happiness has always depended upon high morals, 
and father, and mother, and child, and social life, and 
all mental development have found their full meaning, 
until a warm and broad religion has shed its cheering 
light. The human race cannot find its supreme good in 
having a few acres of ground, and in seeing the grass 
grow, and in hearing the birds sing. These make some 



to 



PROF. SWING'S REPLY. 21 

days delightful indeed, but man, with his retinue of art, 
and statesmanship, and morals, and temptations, and 
virtues, and joys, and sorrows, and partings, and death, 
demands the assumption of God, and the expectations 
of a resurrection from the dust. Under such a temple 
as society, the foundation must be deep. 

To those who read or hear these addresses of Mr . In- 
gersoll, let me say : Hear them, read them, for 
they will show you what a sad caricature of Christianity 
was that which came down to us from the Dark Ages ; 
but, having thus been taught by an enemy, then dismiss 
the laughter, and look at religion in the widest forms of 
its doctrine and experience. We are now warned daily 
not to follow paatisans in politics, because they will 
eclipse a country by a little chair of office — they will 
make a village outweigh a continent. These addresses 
of a talented lawyer warn us equally against trusting 
the partisans in religion — the dim-eyed zeal which 
makes a Deity as small as their own hearts, a Bible 
as cold and hard as adamant; but now, having been 
taught to shun partisans in politics and in Christian- 
ity, let us learn to resist one more form of partisan — 
the partisan of an atheism and a hopeless grave. Let 
us at times laugh with him, let us admire his acute- 
ness, let us confess the honesty of his life, but for our 
guides or ideas in the world spiritual let us seek some 
mountain of thought where the survey is broader, and 
tenderer, and more just, from which height no good lies 
concealed; but looking from which we can see the great 
landscape of the soul, some of it bathed in light, some 
of it lying in shadow, but all of it instructive and full 
of impressiveness. 



/ 



REV. J. MUNRO GIBSON, D- 



DR. GIBSON'S REPLY. 



Unhappily, the attention of Bible students has been 
almost exclusively directed to certain difficulties. These 
difficulties all arise, as it seems to me, from three sources, 
and the Bible is not to blame for any of them. First 
source : treating" the passage as if it were history, where- 
as it is apocalypse . Second source : taking it as in- 
tended to teach science, especially astronomical and 
geological science. Third source of difficulty : the mis- 
takes of translators. For example, the unfortunate word 
firmament continually comes to the front as one of the 
1 'mistakes of Moses. " Strange that a Latin word should 
be a mistake of Moses ! Did Moses know Latin ? Did 
he ever write the letters f, i, r, m, etc. ? Not only is the 
word ''firmament" not in the Hebrew Bible, but it does 
not represent the Hebrew word at all. The word firm- 
ament means something strong, solid. The Hebrew 
word for which it is an unfortunate translation, signifies 
something that is very thin, extended, spread out ; just 
the best word that could be chosen to signify the at- 
mosphere. 

Then there is the word "whales," that Professor Hux- 
ley made so merry over a year ago. But the Hebrew 
does not say whales. The Hebrew word refers to great 
sea monsters, and is just the very best word the Hebrew 
language affords to describe such animals as the plesio- 
saurus and ichthyosaurus and other creatures that 

(23) 



24 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

abounded in the time probably referred to there. Let 
us only guard against these three sources of error, and 
we shall not find many difficulties. If we would only 
avoid the mistakes of Moses' critics, we would not show 
our ignorance by talking about the mistakes of Moses. 

We have said that almost everybody knows of the dif- 
ficulties, but how few are there comparatively that know 
about the wonderful harmonies ? So much is said and writ- 
ten about the difficulties that many have the idea that the 
narrative is full of difficulties — nothing but difficulties in 
it — nothing that agrees with science as we know it now; 
whereas, when we look at it we find the corresponden- 
cies most wonderful all the way through. Let us look 
at a few of them. And first, the absence of dates. The 
fact is very noteworthy that there is such abundance of 
space left for the long periods, not till quite recently 
demanded by science. And this does not depend on 
any theory of day-periods ; for those who still hold to 
the literal days, find all the room required before the 
first day is mentioned. Not six thousand years ago, but 
" in the beginning". How grand and how true in its 
vagueness . 

Another negative characteristic worth noticing here is 
the absence of details where none are needed. For ex- 
ample, almost nothing is said in detail about the heav- 
ens. What is said about the heavens in addition to the 
bare fact of creation, is only in reference to the earth, 
as, for example, when the sun and moon are treated of, 
not as seperate worlds, but only in their relation to this 
earth as giving light to it and affording measurements of 
time. There is no attempt to drag in the spectro- 
scope ! 



dr. gibson's reply. 



25 



INGERSOLL BETRAYS HIS IGNORANCE. 

A certain infidel lately seemed to think he had made a 
point against the Bible by remarking that the author of it 
had compressed the astronomy of the universe into five 
words. Just think of the ignorance this betrays. It pro- 
ceeds on the assumption that the author of this apocal- 
ypse intended to teach the world the astronomy of 
the universe ; and then, of course, it would have been a 
very foolish thing for him to discuss the whole subject 
in five words. Whereas, in this very reticence we have 
a note of truth. If this work has been the work of some 
mere cosmogonist, some theorist as to the origin of the 
universe, he would have been sure to have given us a 
great deal of information about the stars. But a pro- 
phet of the Lord has nothing to do with astronomy as 
such. All that he has to do with the stars is to make it 
clear that the most distant orbs of light are included in 
the domain of the Great Supreme, and this he can do in 
five words as well as in five thousand ; and so, wisely 
avoiding all detail, he simply says, "He made the stars 
also. " There was danger that men might suppose some 
power resident in these distant stars distinct from the 
power that ruled the earth. He would have them to 
understand that the same God that rules over this little 
earth, rules to the uttermost bounds of the great uni- 
verse. And this great truth He lays on immovable foun- 
dations by the sublimely simple words, "He made the 
stars also." But passing from that which is merely neg- 
ative, see how many positive harmonies there are. 

HARMONY OF SCIENCE AND GENESIS. 

First, there is a fact of a beginning. The old infidel 
objection used to be that " all things have continued as 



/ 



26 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

they were from the beginning of the creation." Nobody 
pretends to take that position now that science points 
so clearly to beginnings of everything. You can trace 
back man to his beginning in the geological cycles. You 
can trace back mammals to their beginning ; birds, fishes, 
insects to their beginnings ; vegetation to its beginning; 
rocks to their beginning. The general fact of a genesis 
is immovably established by science. 

Secondly, "The heavens and the earth." Note the 
order. Though almost nothing is said about the heav- 
ens, yet what is said is not at all in conflict with what 
we now know about them . We know now that the 
earth is not the center of the universe. Look forward 
to Genesis iv. 2, and you will find the transition to the 
reverse order — quite appropriate there, as we shall see 
in the next lecture ; but here, where the genesis of all 
things, the origin of the universe, is the subject, it is not 
the earth and the heavens, but ' 'in the beginning God 
created the heavens and the earth." 

Thirdly, there is the original chaos. "The earth was 
without form and void." Turn to the early pages of 
any good modern scientific book, that attempts to set 
forth the genesis of the earth from a scientific standpoint, 
and you will find just this condition described. Observe, 
too, in passing, how carefully the statement is limited to 
the earth. The universe was not chaotic then. 

Fourthly, the work of creation is not a simultaneous, 
but an extended one. If the author had been guessing 
or theorizing, he would have been much more likely to 
hit on the idea of simultaneous, than successive crea- 
tion. But the idea of successive creation is now proved 
by science to be true. 



dr. gibson's reply. 27 

Fifthly, there is a progressive development, and yet 
not a continuous progression without any drawbacks. 
There are evenings and mornings ; just what science 
tells us of the ages of the past. Here it is worth while 
perhaps to notice the careful use of the word ' 'created". 
An objection has been made to the want of continuity in 
the so-called orthodox doctrine of creation, the ortho- 
dox doctrine being supposed to be that of fresh creation, 
at every point. But the Bible is not responsible for 
many "fresh creations." The word "ereated" is only 
used three times in the record. First, as applied to the 
original creation of the universe, possibly in the most 
embryonic state. ' ' In the beginning God created the 
heavens and the earth." Next, in connection with the 
introduction of life (v. 2), and last, in reference to the 
creation of man (v. 27). In no other place is anything 
said about direct creation . It is rather making, ap- 
pointing, ordering, saying "Let there be." "Let the 
waters bring forth," etc. Now, is it not a significant 
fact that these three points where, and where alone, the 
idea of absolute creation is introduced, are just the 
three points at which the great apostles of continuity 
find it impossible to make their connections ? You will 
not find any one that is able to show any other origin 
for the spirit of man than the Creator Himself. You 
cannot find any one that is able to show any other origin 
of animal life than the Creator Himself. There have 
been very strenuous efforts made a great many times to 
to show that the living may originate from the not-liv- 
ing ; but all these efforts have failed. And the origin of 
matter is just as mysterious as the origin of life. No 
other origin can be even conceived of the primal matter 

f 



28 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



of the universe than the flat of the great Creator. Thus 
we find the word "creation" used just at the times 
when modern science tells us it is most appropriate. 

Sixthly, the progression is from the lower to the 
higher. An inventor would have been much more likely 
to guess that man was created first, and afterward the 
other creatures subordinate to him. But the record be- 
gins at the bottom of the scale and goes up, step by 
step, to the top ; again, just what geology tells us. All 
these are great general correspondencies ; but we 
might, 

Seventhly, go into details and find harmonies even 
there, all the way through. Take the fact of light ap- 
pearing the first day. The Hebrew word for "light" is 
wide enough to cover the associated phenomena of heat 
and electricity, and are not these the primal forces of 
the universe ? Again, it used to be a standard difficulty 
with sceptics that light was said to exist before the sun 
was visible from the earth. Science here has come to 
the rescue, and who doubts it now ? It is very interest- 
ing to see a distinguished geologist like Dana using this 
very fact that light is said to have existed before the sun 
shone upon the earth as a proof of the divine origin of 
this document, on the ground that no one would have 
guessed what must have seemed so unlikely then. So 
much for the progress toward the Bible which science 
has made since the day when a sceptical writer said of 
the Mosaic narrative, ' 'It would still be correct enough 
in great principles were it not for one individual over- 
sight and one unlucky blunder ! " — the oversight being 
the solid firmament (whose oversight ?), and the blunder 
light apart from the sun (whose blunder ?). 



\ 



DR. GIBSON'S REPLY. 29 

I have spoken already about the words "created" and 
"made", in relation to the discriminating use of 
them. This word ragia, too, how admirable it is to ex- 
press the tenuity of our atmosphere, especially as con- 
trasted with the clumsy words used by the enlightened 
Greeks (stereoma) the noble Romans (firmamentum), 
and^ven by learned Englishmen of the nineteenth cen- 
tury (firmament)! And not to dwell on mere words, as 
we well might, look at the general order of creation: 
vegetation before animal life, birds and fishes before 
mammals, and all the lower animals before man. Is not 
that just the order you find in geology ? More partic- 
ularly, while man is last he is not created on a separate 
day. He comes in on the sixth day along with the 
higher animals, yet not in the beginning, but toward the 
close of the period. Again, just what geology tells us. 

THE HARMONY OF GENESIS AND SCIENCE, NOT THE RE- 
SULT OF GUESS WORK, BUT OF INSPIRATION. 

These are only some of the many wonderful harmonies 
between this old revelation and modern science. I 
would like to see the doctrine of chances applied to this 
problem, to determine what probability there would be 
of a mere guesser or inventor hitting upon so many 
things that correspond with what modern science reveals. 
I don't believe there would be one chance in a million ! 
Is it not far harder for a sensible man to believe that 
this wonderful apocalypse is the fruit of ignorance and 
guess-work, than that it is the product of inspiration ? 
It is simply absurd to imagine that an ignorant man 
could have guessed so happily. Nay, more. Let any 
of the scientific men of to-da^ set themselves down to 



30 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

write out a history of creation in a space not larger than 
that occupied by the first chapter of Genesis and I do 
not believe they could improve on it at all. And if they 
did succeed in producing anything that would pass for 
the present, in all probability in ten years it would be out 
of date. Oar apocalypse of creation is not only better 
than could be expected of an uninspired man in the days 
of the world's ignorance, but it is better than Tyndall, 
or Huxle)/, or Haeckel could do yet . If they think not, 
let them take a sigle sheet of paper and try ! 

.... It is of great importance to remember that the 
symbolism attaches to the form, and not to the substance 
of the history. To call this whole story of the Fall a 
mere allegory, is to take away from it all historical re- 
ality. Let us distinguish carefully between the reality 
of the history, which is a very important thing, and the 
literality of it, which is of minor importance. It is very 
unfortunate that so much time is often spent upon the 
mere letter, regardless of the warning of the great 
apostle : "The letter killeth, but the spirit giveth life. 
This accounts for nine-tenths of the difficulties people 
have about it. Suppose a person, seeing a cocoanut for 
the first time, and being told it was good for food, should 
spend all his time gnawing away at the shell, and never 
get at the kernel. No wonder if his verdict should be, it 
is not fit to eat. So you will find that most of the peo- 
ple who have insuperable difficulties with the Bible are 
those who are busying themselves all the time about the 
shell and never get hold of the kernel. If they could only 
seize the kernel they would so readily see the beauty 
and enjoy the taste, and find the use of it ; and 
then, perhaps, they would begin to see some beauty and 



dr. Gibson's reply. 31 

some usefulness in the shell too. "The letter killeth, 
but the spirit giveth life." 

A very good illustration of this is found in the fifteenth 
verse of the third chapter, where we read about "the 
seed of the woman bruising the head of the serpent." 
The literalists get nothing more out of it than a declara- 
tion that in time to come serpents will annoy the des- 
cendants of Eve by biting at their heels, and on the other 
hand, the descendanis of Eve will destroy serpents by 
crushing their heads ! The mere shell of the thing man- 
ifestly. The reality, as pictured there, is of a great con- 
flict to go on throughout all these ages of development ; 
a great conflict between the torces of good on the one 
hand, and the forces of evil on the other. Of this con- 
flict the issue is not doubtful. There is to be serious 
trouble all the while from the the forces of evil, but in 
the end these forces will be crushed. There is One 
coming — a descendant of this same woman, called here 
"the seed of woman " — who will at last bruise the head 
of the serpent " and gain the victory, and bring in that 
glorious era when sin and suffering and pain and death 
shall have all rolled away in the past. ' There is a great 
deal more than this in that wonderful verse — more than 
we would have time to tell though we spent a whole 
hour on it. We only refer to it now as an illustration. 

And now, what matters it whether you take the "ser- 
pent" that tempted Eve to be a real and literal serpent, 
or the mere (phenomenal) form of a serpent assumed by 
the Spirit of Evil for the purpose ? or even whether the 
serpent form is connected with the old style of pictorial 
representation ? All that is minor and subordinate. 
There is no use of wasting time on it. All we want to 



32 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

be sure of is the truth, that there was a tempter, an 
evil spirit, that in a seductive form tempted our first 
parents and they fell. Let us by all means beware of 
allowing our time to be frittered away by mere trivial 
questions of the letter, instead of making it our great 
aim to see and to seize the great spiritual truths set forth 
in this old and simple record. 

There are many who represent this book of the Gen- 
erations as a second edition of the Genesis, or separate 
account of the creation ; and of course they find difficulty 
in comparing the two. All their difficulty, as we shall 
see, comes from their not understanding the passage as 
a whole, their not perceiving that it was intended to 
teach. It will help us to meet this difficulty if we fol- 
low the same order of ideas as in the exposition of Gen- 
esis i, viz. : God, Nature, Man. In all we shall find 
marked differences. But these differences,, instead of 
presenting any difficulty, will have their reason made 
abundantly manifest. 

GOD. 

First, then, there is a different name for God intro- 
duced here. All through the Genesis it has been "God 
said," "God made," "God created." Now it is in- 
variably, "Jehovah God" (Lord God in our version). 
And this is the only continuous passage in the Bible 
where the combination is used. How is this explained ? 
Very easily. In the apocalypse of the Genesis, God 
makes Himself known simply as Creator. Sin has not 
yet entered, and so the idea of salvation has no place. 
In this passage sin is coming in, and along with it the 
promise of salvation. Now the name Jehovah is always 



dr. Gibson's reply. 33 

connected with the idea of salvation. It is the covenant 
name. It is the name which indicates God's special re- 
lation to His people as their Saviour and Redeemer. 
This name is introduced now, because God is about to 
make Himself known in a new character. He appears 
in Genesis simply as Creator. He appears now in the 
book of the Generations as Redeemer, and so we get 
the name Jehovah in place of the name God. But lest 
any one should suppose from the change of name that 
there is any change in the person ; lest any one suppose 
that He who is to redeem us from sin and death, is a 
different being from Him who created the heavens and 
the earth, the two names are now combined — Jehovah 
God. The combination is retained throughout the en- 
tire narrative of the Fall to make the identification sure. 
Thereafter either name is used by itself without danger 
of error. 

NATURE. 

Look next at the way in which nature is spoken of 
here. When you look at it aright, you find there is no 
repetition. Nature in Genesis is universal nature. God 
created all things. But here, nature comes in, as it has 
to do immediately with Adam. Now see the effect of 
this. It at once removes difficulties, which many speak 
of as of great magnitude. 

In the first place, it is not the whole earth that is now 
spoken of, but a very limited district. Our attention is 
narrowed down to Eden, and the environs of Eden, a 
limited district in a particular part of the earth. Hence 
the difficulty about there not being rain in the district 
(' 'earth") disappears. Let me here remind you once for 
all that the Hebrew word for earth and for land or 



34 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

district is the same. See Gen. xii. , ] . , where the word 
is twice used, translated "country" and "land." 

Again, it is not the vegetable kingdom as a whole that 
is referred to in the fifth verse, but only the agricultural 
and horticultural products. The words "plant," "field" 
and "grew" (v. 5) are new words, not found in the crea- 
tion record. (The correct translation of the fifth verse 
is : "Now no plant of the field was yet in the land, and 
no herb of the field was growing.) In Gen. i. the veg- 
etable kingdom as a whole was spoken of. Now, it is 
simply the cereals and garden herbs, and things of that 
sort ; and here instead of coming into collision with the 
previous narrative, we have something that corresponds 
with what botanists tell us, that field and garden pro- 
ducts are -sharply distinguished in the history of nature 
from the old flora of the geological epochs. 

In the same way it is not the whole animal kingdom 
that is referred to in verse nineteen, but only the do- 
mestic animals, those with which man was to be especi- 
ally associated, and to which he was much more intimately 
related than to the wild beasts of the field . It may be 
easy to make this narrative look ridiculous, by bringing 
the wild beasts in array before Adam, as if any com- 
panionship with them were conceivable. But when we 
bear in mind that reference is made here to the domestic 
animals, there is nothing at all inappropriate in noticing 
that while there is a certain degree of companionship 
possible between man and some of those animals, as the 
horse and dog, yet none of these was the companion he 
needed. 

In the first chapter of Genesis, nature is the great 
theme. We are carried over universal nature, and the 



DR. GIBSONS REPLY. 35 

great truth is there set forth, that God has created all 
things. In the second chapter of Genesis, man is the 
great theme, and consequently nature is treated of only 
as it circles around him, and is related to him. This 
sufficiently accounts for the difference between the two. 

man . 

Passing now from nature to Alan, we find again a 
marked difference, In Gen. i. we are told, ' ' God cre- 
ated man in His own image ; in the image of God cre- 
ated He him." And here: "The Lord God formed 
man of the dust of the ground." (ii. 7.) Some people 
tell us that there is a contradiction here. Is there any 
contradiction, let me ask ? Are not both of them true ? 
Is there not something that tells you that there is more 
than dust in your composition ? Is there not something 
in you, that tells you, you are related to God the Creator ? 
When you hear the statement that ' ' God made man in 
His own image, is there not a response awakened in 
you — something in you that arises up and says, It is true? 
On the other hand we know that man's body is formed 
of the dust of the earth. We find it to be true in a 
more literal sense than was formerly supposed, now that 
chemistry discloses the fact that the same elements enter 
into the composition of man's body, as are found by 
analysis in the " dust of the ground." 

And not only are both these statements true, but each 
is appropriate in its place . In the first account, when 
man's place in universal nature was to be set forth — man 
as he issued from his Maker's hand — was it not appropri- 
ate that his higher nature should occupy the foreground ? 
His lower relations are not entirely out of sight even 
there, for he is introduced along with a whole group of 



36 Mf STAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

animals created on the sixth day. But while his con- 
nection with them is suggested, that to which emphasis 
is given in the Genesis is his relation to his Maker. But 
now that we are going to hear about his fall, about his 
shame and degradation, is it not appropriate that the 
lower rather than the higher part of his natnre should be 
brought into the foreground, inasmuch as it is there that 
the danger lies ? It was to that part of his nature that 
the temptation was addressed ; and so we read here, 
"God formed man of the dust of the ground." Yet 
here, too, there is a hint of his higher nature, for it is 
added, "He breathed into his nostrils the breath of life," 
or as we have it in another passage, ' ' The inspiration 
of the Almighty gave him understanding." 

In this connection it is worth while to notice the use 
of the words ' ' created " and ' ' formed. " ' 4 God created 
man in His own image." So far as man's spiritual and 
immortal nature was concerned it was a new creation. 
On the other hand, " God formed man out of the dust 
of the ground." We are not told He created man's body 
out of nothing. We are told, and the sciences of to-day 
confirm it, that it was formed out of existing materials. 

WOMAN. 

Then, in relation to Woman, there is the same ap- 
propriateness in the two narratives. In the former her 
relations to God are prominent : " God created man in 
His own image . In the image of God created He him ; 
male and female created He them " — man in His image; 
woman in His image. In the latter, it is not the rela- 
tion of woman to her Maker that is brought forward, but 
the relation of woman to her husband. Hence the spe- 



dr. Gibson's reply. 37 

cific reference to her organic connection with her hus- 
band. 

Here, again, it is very easy for one that deals in liter- 
acies to raise difficulties, forgetting that there is no in- 
tention here to detail scientifically the process of 
woman's formation, but simply to indicate that she is 
organically connected with her husband. It is here 
proper to remark that the rendering ' ' rib " is probably 
too specifie. The word is more frequently used in the 
general sense of "side." As an evidence that there is 
no intention in giving here any physiological information 
as to the origin of woman, we may refer to the words of 
Adam : " This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my 
flesh. She shall be called Woman, because she was 
taken out of man." And now, is there anything irra- 
tional in the idea that woman should be formed out of 
man. Is there anything more mysterious or inconceiv- 
able in the formation of woman out of man, than in the 
original formation of man out of dust ? Let us conceive 
of our origin in any way we choose, it is full of mystery. 
Though there may be mystery connected with what is 
said in the Bible, there will be just as much mystery 
connected with any other account you try to give of it. 
Matthew Henry, in his quaint and half-humorous way, 
really gets nearer to the true spirit of the narrative than 
any physiological interpreter can, when he makes the re- 
mark that some of you may be familiar with, ' ' that 
woman was taken out of man, not out oi his head to top 
1 him, nor out of his feet to be trampled underfoot ; but 
out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be 
protected, and near his heart to be beloved." Another 
remark of his is worth quoting. Referring to the fact of 



38 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

Adam's being first formed and then Eve, and the claim 
of priority and consequent superiority, as made on his 
behalf by the Apostle Paul,- he says : "If man is the 
head, she is the crown — a crown to her husband, the 
crown of the visible creation. The man was dust re- 
fined, but the woman was dust double refined — one re- 
move further from the earth." 

But, Matthew Henry apart, one thing is certain, that 
this old Bible narrative, while it has not done that which 
it was never intended to do, while it has given no scien- 
tific explanation of either man's origin or woman's origin, 
has nevertheless accomplished its great object. It has 
given woman her true place in the world. It is only in 
Bible lands that woman has her true place ; and it is 
only there that marriage has its proper sacredness. 
Here as everywhere else, we see the practical power of 
the Bible. It was not written to satisfy curiosity, but to 
save and to bless ; and most salutary and most blessed 
has been the influence of these earliest words about 
woman, setting forth her true relation to man and to 
God, to her earthly husband and to her heavenly Father. 

MISTAKES RESPECTING LABOR AND DEATH, CORRECTED. 

. The Bible has been charged with representing 
labor as a curse. The charge is not true. On the con- 
trary, we are told that Adam was appointed in Eden to 
dress the garden and keep it. The law of labor came in 
among the blessings of Eden, along with the law of 
obedience and the marriage law. It is a slander on the 
Bible to say that it represents labor as a curse. It is 
not the labor that is the curse . It is the thorns and the 
thistles. It is the hardness of labor. " In the sweat of 



dr. Gibson's reply. 39 

thy brow thou shalt eat bread." Labor would have been 
easy and pleasant otherwise. 

Then in regard to death. There are those who re- 
present the Bible as if it taught that death was unknown 
in the world until after the Fall. And then they point us 
to the reign of death throughout the epochs of geology 
as contradicting the Bible. Now, the Bible teaches 
nothing of the kind. On the contrary, there seems 
rather to be a suggestion that death was in existence 
among the lower animals all the way through. Not to 
speak of the probability that one of the divisions of 
animals mentioned in the first chapter of Genesis, cor- 
responds with the carnivora, is there not something in 
the way the subject of death is introduced, which rather 
suggests the idea that it was already known ? It was a 
new thing to Adam. It was not a new thing to animal 
life. Man had been created with relations to mortality 
beneath him, but with relations also to immortality 
above him. Had he not fallen, his immortal nature 
would have ruled his destiny ; but now that he has 
separated himself from God by his sin, his lower rela- 
tions, his mortal relations, must rule his destiny. In- 
stead of having as his destiny the prospect of being as- 
sociated with God in a happy immortality, he is de- 
graded from that position, and is henceforth associated 
with the animals in their mortality. We are told that 
''death passed upon all men, because all have sinned." ' 
But you do not find a passage in the Bible asserting that 
death passed upon the animals because of man's sin. 

. We must here touch a little on the difficulties 
connected with the story of the flood. These difficulties 
are almost all founded upon the idea that the deluge 



40 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

was universal ; that it covered the highest tops of the 
Himalayas in India, the Rocky Mountains here, and all 
the mountains over all the earth. It is but reasonable, 
then, to ask if there is good reason for insisting that it 
was universal ? 

THE DELUGE AND ITS DIFFICULTIES — NOT UNIVERSAL 

ARARAT ORIGINALLY A DISTRICT (ALAS ! INGERSOLL 
CALLS IT A HIGH MOUNTAIN) OTHER DELUGES. 

I know of only three strong reasons that are given for 
this position. The first is the use of the term " earth" 
continually throughout the narrative, which only proves 
that those who translated the Bible into English, be- 
lieved the flood to have been universal. As we have had 
occasion already to prove, the word " earth" in Hebrew 
means just as readily a limited district. Why do not 
those who insist so strongly on the wide signification of 
"earth" here, not insist upon the same interpretation 
in such a passage as Genesis, xii. I, and make it an 
an article of faith that Abraham left the world altogether 
and went to another, when he left Ur of the Chaldees 
and went to Canaan ? The second argument for uni- 
versality is found in universal expressions, the strongest 
of which is Gen. vii. 19: And the waters prevailed 
exceedingly upon the earth, and all the high hills that 
were under the whole heaven were covered." Now re- 
member that this is the account of an eye-witness, vivid- 
ly describing just what he saw, water on every side, 
water all around, nothing but water — even the mountains 
to the farthest verge of the horizon covered over with 
water. When, in the book of Job, we read of the light- 
ning flashing over the whole heaven, the meaning surely 
can not be that a lightning flash starts at a certain de- 



DR. GIBSON'S REPLY. 41 

gree of latitude and longtitude, and makes a journey 
right round the world to the point where it started. 
"The whole heavens " is evidently bounded by the hor- 
izon. The third reason which has led people to suppose 
the whole earth was covered with water, is found in the 
tradition that the ark rested on Mount Ararat. The 
tradition, we say, for that is all the authority there is 
for the idea. In Gen. vii. 4, we are told that the ark 
rested on the mountains or highlands of " Ararat." The 
word "Ararat" only occurs other two times in the Bible 
and in neither place does it refer to what was only long 
afterward called Mt. Ararat . In Old Testament times 
Ararat was not a mountain at all, but a district, on some 
of the highlands of which the ark rested. A moment's 
thought will show that it could not be on the top of 
Ararat. It would require one of the hardiest mountain- 
eers to perform such a feat as the climbing of Ararat . 
It would be the most inconvenient place you could think 
of for the ark to rest on. When you look fairly at these 
three arguments that are urged in support of a universal 
deluge, you will find that none of them really demand it. 

On the other hand, there are things that seem to point 
the other way. In the eleventh verse of the seventh 
chapter we are told that ( ' the second month, the seven- 
teenth day of the month, were all the fountains of the 
great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were 
opened." There is no indication there of the. sudden 
creation of such a body of water as would cover the earth 
to the depth of 30,000 feet above the old sea-level. The 
causes that are assigned are just such as could be most 
readily and naturally used. It may be worth while to 
notice here in passing, an attempt which has been made 



42 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

recently to cast ridicule upon the story of the flood, by 
representing the Bible as if it attributed the deluge to 
nothing else than a long, heavy rain, whereas the first 
importance is given to an entirely different cause : ''the 
fountains of the great deep were broken up." That is 
just what would appear to one who was describing such 
a scene as we imagine this to be. Suppose there had 
been some great submergence of the land there, as has 
taken place in other parts of the world. There 
would be a rushing up of water from below, from "the 
fountains of the great deep." 

Again, in the first verse of the eighth chapter, natural 
agency is made use of : " God made a wind to pass over 
the earth, and the waters assuaged. " There is no reason 
why we should suppose a greater miracle performed than 
was necessary. Still further ; turn to the tenth verse of 
the ninth chapter, where God says : "I establish my 
covenant with you, and with every living creature that 
is with you ; from all that go out of the ark, to every 
beast of the earth." What were those beasts of the 
earth thus distinguished from those going out of the 
ark ? Probably they were those that came from the 
area of land not covered by the flood. 

Then again, attention is called to the purpose of 
the flood, which was simply to destroy the race of 
men, and it is not to be supposed they had traveled 
a great distance by this time from their original place 
of abode. The extent of the flood need not have been 
any greater than was necessary to submerge that area. 

Further, when we take this view, not only do ge- 
ological and other difficulties disappear, but there is 
decided confirmation from modern scientific research. 



DR. GIBSONS REPLY. 43 

There is no evidence in geology that there was in any 
period of the earth's history, a flood great enough to 
overtop the Rocky Monntains, but there are evidences 
of floods as great as this one must have been, for the 
purpose of destroying the race. I do not know how it 
is in the immediate region where the flood is supposed 
to have been. I do not know whether geologists have 
explored it sufficiently ; but this is certain, that there 
are evidences of similar floods in other parts of the 
world. Some of our own geologists have discovered 
evidences of them in this very neighborhood. You have 
not to go very far from Chicago to find such traces of 
sudden, powerful, and transient diluvial action. Then, 
finally, this view of the deluge removes, of course, all 
difficulty about the number of animals in the ark, be- 
cause all that was necessary was, that the species more 
nearly connected with man, those found in the region 
that was submerged, should be represented in the ark. 

But after all, the question of extent is of quite minor 
importance so long as it is conceded that it was universal 
in the sense of destroying all but the family of Noah. 
The reality of the judgment is the great thing, and of 
this we have abundant confirmation from tradition. We 
find legends of a flood everywhere. We find them 
among the Semitic and Aryan and Turanian races. We 
find them east and west, and north and south ; in savage 
nations and civilized nations ; on continents and in is- 
lands ; in the old world and in the new. And if Egypt 
is a solitary exception, which is very doubtful, but if it 
is, the exception is accounted for by the simple fact that 
in that country they have floods every year. 

Here again, as in the traditions of the Fall, there is 



44 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

difference enough to show which is the original and true. 
Other traditions of the flood are polytheistic, whereas 
here we have the one living and true God. Those are 
full of mythological elements, whereas here is a plain 
narrative, with the impressive scene vividly, but quite 
simply, depicted. In heathen traditions, too, you find 
many grotesque items and exaggerations, as for instance, 
when the ark is described, as three-fourths of a mile 
long, and drops of rain the size of a bull's head ; and, 
generally speaking, a conspicious absence of that moral 
purpose which is so impressive and all pervading in the 
narrative before us. 

FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST THE ESSENTIAL FACTOR. 

. There are those in our day who find a 
stumbling-block at the very threshold of Christian life, 
in the fancy, that what is required of them in order to 
salvation, is the crediting of all the details of a long 
history extending from the first man to the last man, 
from Adam to the consummation of all things ; and long 
accustomed to that sceptical attitude of mind which 
questions all things, they think it would take them a 
life-time (as indeed it would) to verify every statement 
that is made from Genesis to Revelation, and clear them 
from all possible objections ; and so they do not venture 
at all. But remember, it is never said: "Believe 
everything that is in the Bible and you will be saved." 
Ah, there have been many who believed everything in 
the Bible, who never thought of questioning a sentence 
in it, who will find themselves none the better for their 
easy acquiescence in the statements of a book which 
they had been taught to accept as inspired. There is 
no such word written as, "Believe the Bible and you 



DR. GIBSONS REPLY. 45 

will be saved." No. It is " Believe on the Lord Jesus 
Christ and thou shalt be saved." Do not trouble your- 
self in the first instance about questions with the 
book of Genesis, or difficulties suggested by the book of 
Revelation. Let the wars of the Jews alone in the 
meantime, and dismiss Jonah from your mind. Look 
to Jesus; get acquainted with Him ; listen to His word ; 
believe in Him ; trust Him ; obey Him. That is all 
that is asked of you in the first instance. After you 
have believed on Christ and taken Him as your Saviour, 
your Master, your Model, you will not be slow to find 
out that ' ' all Scripture is given by inspiration of 
God, and is profitable for doctrine and for reproof, and 
for correction, and for instruction in righteousness.'' 
You may never have all your difficulties solved, or all 
your objections met ; but though difficulties may still 
remain, and interrogation points be scattered here and 
there over the wide Bible-field, you will be sure of your 
foundation ; you will feel that your feet are planted on 
the ''Rock of Ages," even on Him of whom God, by 
the mouth of the prophet Isaiah, said : "Behold, I lay 
in Zion for a foundation, a stone, a tried stone, a pre- 
cious corner-stone, a sure foundation : he that believeth 
shall not make»haste." 

CANDOR VS. INJUSTICE DR. GIBSON'S POINTED 

SUMMARY. 

The prevailing feeling among intelligent readers of the 
Bible in reference to the profane and coarse assaults 
made on it by Mr. Robert Ingersoll, is that few people 
are so ignorant as to be imposed upon by his vulgar 
witticisms. But, inasmuch as there are not a few who 
accept without inquiry his account of what is in the 



46 MISTAKES OF 1 NGERSOLL. 

Bible, it may be well to give a few illustrations of his 
unscrupulousness inputting " mistakes " into the Bible 
which he either knows or ought to know, are not 
there . 

He asserts positively that Moses must have understood 
by firmament something solid, though every one who 
has studied the subject knows, and the fact has been 
published again and again, that the Hebrew word 
means something exceedingly attenuated, being the very 
best word in the language to designate the ■ atmosphere ; 
while the mistake found in the English word "firm- 
ament," is due to the science of Alexandria, where in 
the third century before Christ, the "expanse of Moses 
was translated " stereoma " (firmament) to suit the ad- 
vanced astronomy of the time. 

When in speaking ©f the vegetation of the third day he 
says : "Not a blade of grass had ever been touched by 
a single gleam of light," is he dealing fairly with a nar- 
rative that makes light its first creation ? 

When he accuses Moses of compressing the astronomy 
of the universe into five words, is he dealing fairly with 
a narrative that does not profess to give any astronomy 
at all, but, after a general reference to the heavens and 
the earth as created in the beginning, restricts itself to 
the earth and its "environment >" Any intelligent per- 
son can see that this is the reason why sun, moon and 
stars are referred to only in their relation to the earth. 

When he represents the first and second chapters of 
Genesis as a varying repetition of the same story, is it 
fair to withhold all reference to the different purport 
and object of the two narratives, which fully and satis- 
factorily explain the variation ? 



dr. Gibson's reply. 47 

Is it fair to speak of the deluge to represent it as 
ascribed to nothing but rain, when the Bible expressly 
says: " All the fountains of the great deep were broken 
up," evidently pointing to such a subsidence of the land 
as is familiar to any one acquainted with geology. 

Is it fair to make the Bible responsible for the Ar- 
menian tradition that the ark rested on the top of Mount 
Ararat, 17,000 feet high, when the Bible nowhere, from 
Genesis to Revelation, makes any such statement ? The 
district of Ararat on the mountains or highlands of 
which the ark rested is not the " Agri-Dagh" to which 
the name Ararat has in modern times been given ; and 
Mr. Ingersoll's ignorant mistake about it is of the same 
kind as that of the bumpkin who should inquire for the 
Coliseum in Rome, N. Y. , or seek the tomb of Leonidas 
in Sparta, Wisconsin. 

It will be at once seen that with this childlike ignor- 
ance is connected the Ingersoll nonsense that the water 
was five and a half miles deep. So says the ignorant 
critic, while the simple and reasonable statement of the 
Bible is : " Fifteen cubits upwards did the water pre- 
vail." As for the submersion of even the hills to the 
utmost verge of the horizon, the subsidence of the land 
was quite sufficient to accomplish it without resorting to 
the supposition of any unreasonable quantity of water. 

Is it fair, when Mr. Ingersoll wishes to render ridicul- 
ous the rate of increase among the Israelites in Egypt, 
to represent the length of their stay there as 215 years, 
when Moses says (Exodus, xn. , 40): <( Now the sojourn- 
ing of the children of Israel who dwelt in Egypt was 430 
years." The only other place in the Pentateuch where 
the length of their stay is referred tc is in the prediction 



48 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

concerning it in Genesis xv. , where it is put in round 
numbers at 400 years. To do Mr. Ingersoll justice, it is 
admitted that certain theologians, on the strength of 
one or two passages in the New Testament and some 
genealogical difficulties, have favored shortening the 
period, but the subject was not the mistakes of Moses, 
but of theclogians ; and again we ask, Was it fair, 
without a word of apology or explanation, to deduct 
more than two centuries from the time Moses gives, and 
then make all his coarse, not to say indecent ridicule 
turn on the shortness of the time ? 

One hardly knows how to characterize the infamy of 
such a passage as that about the bird-eatirg priests 
during the time of rapid increase, in view of the fact 
that there were no priests at all, and no such rule as he 
refers to during the entire 430 years ! The consecration 
of Aaron, the first priest, did not take place till after the 
Law was given at Sinai, and the ordinance relating to 
the offering of the pigeons was still later. These are 
mere specimens of the mistakes and misrepresentations 
which form the warp and woof of this lecture. 



JUDGE JERE S. BLACK'S REPLY TO COL. 
INGERSOLL. 



This is no personal wrangle with Mr. Ingersoll. He 
has said nothing offensive about me. 

His indignation at finding himself confronted, not by a 
professional theologian, but by a layman who applied 
the judicial test to his assertions, was natural and ex- 
pressed with tolerable moderation. On the other hand, 
I tried, and I think I tried successfully, to confine my- 
self rigidly to the square issue between us. 

A just or even an intelligent criticism could not be 
made without some reference to hit mental peculiarities, 
which, with habits of shallow thinking and rash talking, 
made him an utterly incompetent judge of the subject 
he pretended to argue. But I found the proofs of this 
within the four corners of his own paper. There, also, 
I learned that he was without any acknowledged stan- 
dard of right or wrong. It was legitimate to notice that, 
because it accounted satisfactorily for his other utter- 
ances. 

Neither is there any question of partisan politics be- 
tween us. I have certain political convictions, which 
you may call prejudices if you will. But whether they 
are well or ill-founded, they have no manner of just 
connection with the subject matter of Mr. Ingersoll's 
diatribe against Christianity. 

I believe, and have often expressed the belief, that 
religion and politics cannot be mingled together without 

(49) 



50 MISTAKES OF I NGHRSOLL. 

endangering both. The most perfect system of human 
government that ever was invented by the wit of man, 
and the holiest religion that God has revealed to His 
creatures, when united together, form a monstrous com- 
pound highly injurious to the best interests of the human 
race. Such a union is pronounced by Christ and His 
apostles to be impure, and the fathers of this Republic 
so shaped their fundamental law as to make it a wall of 
perfect partition between them. Without such com- 
plete separation there can be no security for either civil 
liberty or the rights of conscience in matters of religion. 
The worst form of this adulterous connection is not 
assumed when a legal union is formed between Church 
and State. It is when a popular party in a free govern- 
ment undertakes to mingle its interests and its vulgar 
passions with the religious coarse sentiments of the 
people. That is what pollutes and falsifies both. 

The history of the world, and especially that of our 
own country, has been written in vain if this be not the 
lesson it teaches. These convictions not only disarm 
me of the power to repel Mr. Ingersoll's assaults by a 
political argument, but force me to admit for the pur- 
poses of this case that he is right on all the points of 
that kind which he chooses to lug in. I can do that, 
argnmenti gratia, without affecting the real question in 
controversy. 

He thought he was striking a powerful blow at the 
Almighty when he showed that the Jewish Constitution 
contained a provision which conflicted with the platform 
of the Abolitionists. They had determined and resolved 
under all circumstances, at all times, and everywhere, 
the toleration of slavery or servitude for life was a crime. 



JUDGE BLACK'S REPLY. 5 1 

By this and by other means not now to be described, 
they got money, power, and great personal consequence 
for themselves and their fellows. 

. Mr. Ingorsoll could trust them to unite with him in 
howling down Christianity or anything else that dimin- 
ished the profits of their business. Directly before him 
he had the successful example of Demetrius, the silver- 
smith, who raised a tremendous uproar against the 
Gospel of Christ by simply bellowing out: " Great is 
Diana of the Ephesians." "Sirs, you know that by this 
craft we have our wealth." 

I could only protest that these appeals to the interest 
and passions of a political party were unfair. Diana of 
the Ephesians and Yankee Abolitionism may both have 
been great, and they were great in the sense of being 
popular, but that does not prove that the Gospel of God 
is a pernicious imposture . The Jewish Constitution, 
which tolerated the enslavement of savages in Judea, 
and the resolves of the Abolition caucus, which con- 
demned it in America, might both be right, since the 
two systems were not to be judged by one another ; each 
should be considered with proper reference to circum- 
stances widely different. But the suggestion that the 
infallible God might be believed to have proceeded on 
just grounds without impugning the righteousness of the 
Abolitionists met with no favor. 

The practiced demagog cannot forego the tricks of his 
trade, and so he makes the panegyric of his political 
faction an excuse for casting contempt in the face of his 
Maker and for insulting the. faith and reason of all who 
believe in Christ . The barest thought that the Judge 
of all the earth did right fills him with rancor, which he 



52 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

pours out over page after page and then repeats it again 
and again : 

Unpacks his heart with words, 

And falls to cursing like a very drab — 

A scullion — 

I have said thus much about the slavery point, not as 
an answer to Mr. Ingersoll, but because I will not have 
it understood, if I can help it, that I permitted or pro- 
voked the introduction of partisan politics into the dis- 
cussion of a religious subject. 

These furious outbreaks of intemperate abuse upon 
God, His laws and institutions, do not disturb any 
one's intellectual belief or at all diminish the awful 
reverence which a Christian feels for the supreme ob- 
ject of his adoration. Mr. Ingersoll thinks he is raising 
a storm on the ocean of thought ; he is not producing 
a ripple. He is merely doing the part of a common 
scold, to whom the idle listen for the sport of the thing, 
while others, taking counsel of their outraged feelings, 
think him a nuisance that ought to be abated. This is, 
perhaps, not so very easy to do. A woman, for such 
an offense, could be ducked, under the rule of the an- 
cient law, but when a communis vixatrix of the male 
gender vexes the peace of the neighborhood in this way 
the remedy is difficult and doubtful. 

To learn how gratuitous these anilities are — how he 
scolds for the mere sake of scolding — look at his fanfar- 
onade on polygamy. By the unaided influence of the 
Church alone this vice has been extirpated completely 
and perfectly. In Christian countries the universal rule 
is that one man shall be the husband of one wife and 
no more ; and it is neither the rule nor the practice 



judge black's reply. 53 

anywhere else on the face of the globe. Now, a per- 
son who has ordinary sense must see that the moral 
merit of Christ's Gospel in this respect is directly pro- 
portioned to the magnitude of the evil, from which it 
has relieved human society. 

But Mr. Ingersoll tries to blacken the character of the 
Christian religion by railing at the bad practrice which 
it has opposed and destroyed. If he had flung out a 
monogamous marriage, which Christianity upholds, his 
act, though unjust, might have had an apparent object 
not altogether preposterous. Indeed, monogamy is as 
open to mere vulgar vituperation as polygamy. When 
an unclean mind exerts itself to imagine what may take 
place it is as easy to talk about brutality and the animal 
degradation of woman in one case as another. To the 
-beastly all things are beastly. 

In point of fact the great body of unbelievers have de- 
nounced the Christian institution of marriage with espe- 
cial bitterness. To tie one man and one woman together 
by a bond which nothing but death can dissolve is, in 
their opinion, not only unjust and immoral, but a base 
and brutal tyranny which imposes a degrading restraint 
upon the natural rights of men and women to love and 
cohabit with whom they please. This is a prime and 
prominent part of the atheistic theory, everywhere ad- 
vocated by its regular organs and its greatest disciples. 
In France, where their societies are compact and power- 
ful, they define their creed substantially thus : I. There 
is no God. 2. Religion is a lie. 3 . Property is theft. 
4. Love must be free. 5. Marriage is slavery. 6. 
Children belong to the State and not to anybody in par- 
ticular. 



54 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

This is "the gospel of dirt." I don't say that Mr. In- 
gersoll swallows it whole. He believes, or at least he 
practices, the Christian doctrine on the subject of mar- 
riage, paternity, and property,, not because he is bound 
by the Divine commandment, but because he feels like 
it. Others, rejecting as he does the " golden metewand 
of the Law," have an equal right to take their own feel- 
ings as the measure of righteousness. So one set of 
atheists curses marriage and another blackguards poly- 
gamy, and they are both right if there be no God above 
all and over all. 

My principal object is to show that Ingersoll's "circu- 
lar abuse " amounts to absolutely nothing. A regular 
reply would prove that in every line of his last article he 
has either falsified history or applied to it an erroneous 
iterpretation. But I am tempted not to quit without* 
giving a sample of his efforts at scientific reasoning. 

If he does not deny the existence of a God, his occu- 
pation is gone. The object, therefore, of his highest 
ambition ever since he took the stump against Christian- 
ity has been and is to annihilate the evidence which 
shows that the world has a Maker and a Moral Gover- 
nor. This being his great central point on which all 
other points must turn, he has, of course, laid himself 
out to his very best for it. Let us see what he has 
achieved. 

I thought I was giving a true and accurate account of 
his theory when I said that he regarded the universe as 
natural ; that " it came into being of its own accord"; 
that "it made its own laws at the start, and afterward 
improved itself ccnsiderably by spotaneous evolution." 
But he denies that this is a true exposition of his views, 



judge black's reply. 55 

and he exercises his conceded right to define them again 
more sharply than he did before. Now he says that the 
universe did not come into being at all ; it always was ; 
nor did it make its own laws, for it has no laws. 

If the material universe existed, just as it does now, 
from all unbegun eternity, there is, to be sure, not much 
chance for a creature to have done any work ; if its har- 
mony is preserved and the uniformity of its action main- 
tained without any rule or regulation prescribed by a 
superior power, then there is and has been no need of a 
lawgiver : God is, therefore, so useless a being that He 
must be theoretically blotted out of existence. 

For the proposition that the universe always was 
(without a creator) and will be forever (without a pre- 
server) he offers only one proof, to-wit, that it is accord- 
ing to his idea. This he considers potent enough to 
overrule all the evidence, direct and circumstantial, by 
which his " idea " is opposed. All testimony borne by 
the common sense of mankind, all the deductions of 
reason, all philosophy, and all faith in Holy Writ, must 
be swept aside, so that his idea may have free course to 
run und be glorified. But this ascription of supreme 
authority to an idea, merely because it happens to be 
his idea, will hardly be concurred in. The asssertion 
of it, indeed, proves nothing except that his bump of 
self-esteem is in a state of chronic inflarnation. 

He starts another idea, which has the same 
merit of being especially his own, namely; that the ma- 
terial universe is not governed by laws. The planets 
move at the rate and in orbits which can be calculated 
with absolute certainty ; the earth revolves on its axis 
with such perfect regularity that the very second of time 



56 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

at which the sun will rise at a particular place can be 
predicted a thousand years beforehand ; chemical sub- 
stances combine always in exactly the same relative 
proportions ; in the animal and vegetable worlds like 
produces like; in all organized beings certain causes are 
known to produce certain effects favorable or unfavor- 
able to life and health. 

Mr. Ingersoll's idea is that these are not the results of 
law or any sort of intelligent pre-arrangement ; but they 
are phenomena which happen, and the world is by mere 
accident prevented from falling into chaos. In his wis- 
dom he decides ''as matter of fact" that there is no 
rule back of the phenomenon which happens and the 
world is a by mere accident prevented from falling into 
chaos. In his wisdom he decides ' ' as matter of fact ' 
that there is no rule back of the phenomenon which a 
controlling power compels the subject-matter to obey ; 
it merely happens y but it happens so uniformly that it cre- 
ates the idea of law in our minds, which is, however, delu- 
sion. If Galileo and Newton and Kepler and all the other 
philosophers great and small, have been seduced into 
the weak belief that the material universe is under the 
reign of law, it is rare good fortune for us in these latter 
days to have found a superior personage who, by merely 
turning the Drummond light of his intellect on the sub- 
ject, at once exposes the blunders of the ignorant living 
and " the barbarous dead." 

Let no man misunderstand or misrepresent Mr. In- 
gersoll. It is not in irony or to point a scurrile jest that 
he denies the operation of natural laws upon matter. 
He is in serious earnest, and if he does not actually be- 
lieve what he says, his simulation of sincerity is very 



judge black's reply. 57 

perfect. To make himself clear; he takes a simple case. 
Water, he says, always runs down hill, not because 
there is a law behind it — law does not cause the phe- 
nomenon, but that phenomenon causes the idea of law 
to exist in our minds — but that idea is on this side of 
the fact. It follows that Newton must have been grossly 
mistaken when he said that the falling of water and 
other bodies toward the center of the earth was caused 
by the law of gravitation. 

Mr. Ingersoll supposes that he is imputing an ab- 
surdity to me when he says, "Mr. Black probably 
thinks the difference in the weight of rocks and clouds 
is produced by law. " Undoubtedly I do, I learned in 
my infancy, and I have "kept the credulity of the 
cradle, " that this difference is caused by that same law 
of gravitation operating according to rules which aie 
perfectly understood by all tolerably well-informed men. 
I will go further and confess that I think it a most 
beneficient law which prevents the rocks from flying about 
through the air and the clouds from becoming immov- 
ably fixed in the earth. Our great Creator ought to be 
adored and thanked for making such an arrangement. 
But this only proves to Mr. Ingersoll that I am a be- 
liever in ' ' the monstrous and miraculous, the impossible 
and immoral." 

Mr. Ingersoll is much accused of plagiarism. Whether 
that be true or not of his declamatory spouting, this no- 
tion that the material world is not governed by law is 
without doubt original . It never entered any human 
head before — and I think that in all future time it will 
find no lodgment in the mind of any reasonable being. 

Another way he has of reaching the atheistic conclu- 



58 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

sion — I do not say that I know what he wants to be at — 
but as well as I can understand him, he asserts that i:he 
universe could not have had a design because we cannot 
trace back the designer to his own origin ; the world 
was not made because we cannot tell who made the 
maker. The mechanism of a watch is so curious that 
"it must," says he, ''have had a maker, but he adds 
the watchmaker himself is more wonderfully made than 
the watch, and hence he infers that he also must have 
had a maker, since the necessity of a Creator increases 
with the wonder of the creature. He is unquestionably, 
though perhaps unconsciously, right in this. It makes a 
demonstration as complete as mathematics that man was 
created by "some pre-existent and self-conscious being 
of power and wisdom to us unconceivable." 

But instead of accepting this plain, palpable, and 
necessary consequence of his own logic, he turns his 
back upon the conclusion, and begins to maunder over 
his own inability to understand how a designer could be 
without an anterior design, and telling how hard it is for 
him to see the plan or design in earthquakes and pestil- 
ence; and how the justice of God is not visible to him 
in the history of the world. 

This silly trash he thinks sufficient to repel the ir- 
resistible proofs of a Creator which he himself has ad- 
duced, and which by all fair and unperverted minds are 
received as conclusive. 

J. S. Black. 



RABBI WISE'S REPLY. 



We need not pray for Col. Rob't Ingersoll's soul, for he 
says he has none ; and in this instance we are bound to 
believe him, as he is judge, jury and witness in the case; 
and there may be men without souls, as there are some 
without conscience, others without reason, and quite a 
number without principle. The first man of whom the 
Bible says that he prayed, was Abraham. He prayed 
for Abimelech. But Col. Ingersoll, we suspect, is not 
smitten with that disease. He prayed for the wicked 
people of Sodom and Gomorrah, to which class belongs 
no American citizen, of course, as "Mitchell's Geogra- 
phy" substantially proves. Jacob prayed when his 
brother Esau approached him with an armed force ; and 
the Colonel has come to us unarmed, and without any 
force except a few harmless agents of the Boston Lecture 
Bureau, who take the money, show the show, and depart 
in peace. Moses prayed for his sister Miriam when she 
was leprous, but Mr. Ingersoll is no woman, and his ex- 
cellent exterior betokens no leprosy. Joshua prayed to 
make the sun and moon stand still, but Mr. Ingersoll is 
neither the greater nor the lesser light, and to the best 
of our knowledge nobody wants him to stand still at any 
place. 

Speaking of imagination it reminds me that Col. In- 
gersoll said he could not imagine the existence of a God. 
Imagine God ! Any professor of philosophy would faint 

(59; 



6o 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



if he were told that illogical expression. How can God 
be imagined ? Perhaps one of Mr. Ingersolls manufac- 
tured gods could be imagined in a disorderly imagination, 
as only physical objects of nature or combinations there- 
of could be imagined — nothing else. What kind of a 
god would that be which could be submitted to the im- 
agination of a man without a soul ? It must be the min- 
iature or pocket edition of an idol, made by man, such 
as Col. Ingersoll purchases and exhibits to amuse tall 
babies. It must be that sort of farcical gods which he 
describes in his burlesques. He is not the first quack 
who would not take his own medicines, although he is 
certainly among reasoners the first who would imagine 
Deity, for none tries to imagine that which reason only 
can grasp ; none will permit himself to be led astray by 
imagination where pure reflection only can reach the 
aim. # 

The perversion of ideas springs from a mistake about 
Moses. A god or gods have been fabricated at the ex- 
pense of Moses, until each little priest had his own snug 
little god that could be used as the Crusader's emblem 
or the license of the auto-da-fe, to massacre and glut in 
human gore, or the frail woman's last resort of love to 
make honest men out of rogues, pure souls out of the 
dregs of hell. The god or gods variously depicted, mis- 
cellaneously described, and promiscuously applied become 
objects of imagination, hence also the farce. The mis- 
take is that Moses was charged with all the follies of 
theological jugglers and sophistical bummers. The God 
whom Moses taught is emphatically the God whom no 
man can see and live, — the Great I am, who is the I, the 
Ego, the Subject of the Universe, the law, the life, the 



RABBI WISE'S REPLY. 6 1 

love and the intellect of the cosmos, the Eternal Jehovah, 
essence itself, and the absolute substance, in whom all 
things are as all objects of a man's tender love are in his 
soul, of whom all things came and into whom all return. 
This is not a God fabricated by man, hence He could 
not be imagined by man, as no man can imagine a being 
superior to himself. This is the God taught by Moses , 
the other gods may be subjected to farce and ribaldry, 
while the true Deity is too sublime even for the pyrotech- 
nical displays of Mr. Ingersoll's disentangled humor. It 
is a mistake about Moses which feeds his boiler to 
tweedle the rusted think- apparatus of twaddlers. The 
God of Moses is too great for Mr. Ingersoll ; he only 
deals in gods which can be imagined, and in speaking of 
mistakes of Moses he reverently passes by the God of 
Moses. The man is not as bad as his reputation. 

I maintain that Col. Robert Ingersoll is not half as 
bad as his reputation. The man was persecuted by his 
countrymen, was defeated in his political aspirations by 
church-members, and thinks the Presbyterians have done 
it. He is a man of prominent talents, belonging to the 
better class ; all on account of the Presbyterians, he was 
teased, persecuted, and wounded in his pride, and so he 
became a public lecturer. But business is business ; if 
one wants to make money he must know how. He 
could imagine that people go to the circus to see the 
clown, to the theater to laugh over the comedian. People 
want fun to be amused, alcohol to force the blood to the 
brain, to fill up the vacuum . He could see that earnest 
men who reason on principles would not take with the 
masses. Aware of his own talents as a humorist and an 
orator, of the scarcity of humorists in this country, and 



62 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



the plenitude of slang, low comedy, and uncultivated 
taste, he could only choose the career which he did 
choose — a career of ribaldry, to laugh over everything 
holy, to sneer alike at human follies, frailties, virtue and 
piety ; and as a business man he has chosen well — he 
makes plenty of money and hurts nobody. A moral 
effect he will never have upon anybody, because there is 
no moral force in his burlesque. He is no Thomas 
Paine, Thomas Jefferson, no Voltaire, Strauss, Feuer- 
bach, or even a Heinrich Heine, because he lacks the 
research, the erudition, the systematical learning, and 
the moral backbone of either of them . He will not set 
Rome on fire in order to sing from his balcony the 
destruction of Troy ; he lacks the fire and the torch. It 
is all pyrotechnical ribaldry, which sweeps away many a 
consumptive superstition and laughs many a prejudice 
out of existence ; but truth takes care of itself. Let the 
man alone ; he is better than his reputation. 

You think, perhaps, I ought to be very angry, because 
the gentleman spoke of the mistakes of Moses, and ridic- 
uled the great lawgiver of the Jews. Let me tell you 
first, anything over which you laugh leaves no particular 
impression behind. That which goes not through the 
avenues of reason or the depth of the moral sentiment in 
a short time proves effectless. Scorn is a terrible weapon 
to achieve momentary success, but it is worse than 
worthless after a second sober thought or a healthy 
action of the feelings. Then let me say, the theology of 
Moses is certainly beyond the reach of Col. Ingersoll, for 
he is no reasoner ; he can spit, but he could not think 
with philosophical minds. He never studied through or 
even read any of the philosophical systems of Germany, 



RABBI WISE'S REPLY. 63 

England, or France ; nor has he the ability to do it. He 
'is no naturalist of any description, has never troubled 
himself about any specialty thereof, and so he talks about 
matters and things in general as is the American custom, 
what the Germans call Wurst-philosophie, good enough 
as jokes or for beer-house reasonings. When he speaks 
of the Infinite he becomes too ludicrous for anything, 
especially for men of thought to make anything out of 
it. He will not upset the theology of Moses. 

The law of Moses is also secured against the Col- 
onel's possible attacks . He will commence no trouble 
with his Blackstone or Hugo Grotius, or the other 
writers on law who maintain that all law rests upon 
the Mosaic legislation. 

Thirty-five hundred years of history, and the common 
consent of the civilized world at this end of the nine- 
teenth century, are a little too much for any man to 
upset. He says he could write a better Decalogue than 
Moses did, but that is said only — he is not going to do 
it ; he will not even add a category of law to the 
ten. 

Well, then, if he is not the man to attack success- 
fully the theology or jurisprudence ot Moses, I have no 
cause to object to his lectures. He ridicules Bible 
stories, but that concerns literalists only, not us. If all 
the stories of the Pentateuch be ridiculed, denied, or 
otherwise disposed of, it does not change an iota in the 
jurisprudence or theology of Moses. Let the literalists 
take up that part ; it does not concern us so very 
much. 

Here, again, is a point which makes me feel bad and 
badly disposed to the eloquent humorist. Why does he 



64 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

continually repeat that which others said often before 
him ; why does he not hit upon something original ? He 
rehearses old rags in new shoddy, and that is unworthy g 
of a man who has any pride about him. He does some- 
times worse than that ; he ignores his opponents, which 
no honest man must do. He speaks a long yarn about 
the history of creation, always assuming an air of orig- 
inality, without having the honesty of mentioning even 
Dr. J, W. Dawson's work, "The Origin of the World", 
which upsets his whole twaddle . It is dishonest to make 
people believe that a thing said is indisputable, when it 
has been completely upset. 

He appeals to the apotheosis of labor to impeach 
Moses, because it said in the Genesis that God cursed 
man. 1 'In the sweat of thy 'brow shalt thou eat bread"; 
and labor is a blessing to man. Did all Socialists clap 
hands ? If not, some must have thought this is the 
language of a demagogue, who is either a hypocrite or a 
self-deluded man. Labor aud hard labor are two dif- 
ferent things, and the ' 'sweat of thy brow" points to hard 
labor, which rests like a curse upon the poor man, and 
is the severest punishment imposed on the criminal con- 
demned to hard labor. 

He talks about the creation of woman like an ignor- 
ant man who has not the remotest idea of the difficulties 
among biologists, considering the differentiation of man 
and the origin of sexes. So he talks about the littleness 
of the ark and smites Charles Darwin in the face, instead 
of saying this proves Darwin's theory on the origin of 
species. He scoffs at the God who destroyed His own 
children and undertakes to teach the Colonel of Peoria 
how he should educate his. It all depends upon what 



RABBI WISE'S REPLY. 65 

kind of children one wishes to bring up. Usually every 
parent brings up his own kind. God wanted them to 
bring up God-like children, and when they would not do 
it, He got them out of the way in preference to destroy- 
ing human freedom or perpetuating wickedness. If it is 
only to bring up such children as Robert Ingersoll, of 
Peoria, 111. , no such stringency is necessary. Musquashes 
grow spontaneously in abundance. Then he speaks about 
600 pigeons a day for three priests, and does not know 
that there were no pigeons in the wilderness, and the 
Mosaic sacrificial policy was not introduced till Joshua 
had taken the Land of Canaan, and then there were 
more priests than there are to-day humorists in America, 
for Joshua gave them quite a number of cities, and I 
would not be astonished if those American humorists 
could eat more pigeons than they can do good in this 
world. 

But what is the use to speak of the mistakes of 
Moses ? Speak of mistakes about Moses. Did Moses 
write the Genesis? Says Col. Ingersoll, "I don't 
know", and he does not know a great many other things. 
Did Moses write the historical portions of the Penta- 
teuch ? Says the Illinois Colonel again, "I do not know.'' 
If he has written all that, did the translators and com- 
mentators^ which the Colonel read represent correctly 
the ideas of Moses ? "Don't know," says the Colonel. 
If those writers do represent the matter correctly, have 
those points which the Colonel ridicules never been 
discussed and refuted ? "Don't know," says the Colonel; 
and decent men must not curse ; still they are permitted 
to say, ' 'Why do you talk of matters of which you know 
so precious little ? That is all excusable, however, in this 



66 



MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 



case. The humorous and eloquent gentleman is out on 
a lecture tour, and wants to succeed. This can be done 
by reckless ribaldry only. It makes no difference whether 
Hell or gods, Devil or Moses, Pope or Presbyterian 
church — anything that will pay must be pressed into the 
service. The Colonel's field is small ; he has no great 
choice of subjects, and he must take the first best to 
ridicule it and make it pay. He has that particular 
talent, and could not do the same work m another field. 
He cannot criticise Aristotle and Emanuel Kant and 
make it pay, because he cannot read them. He cannot 
ridicule Carlyle or Stuart Mill, because he cannot under- 
stand them . So he picks up some small stories which 
the children know, and dishes them up in his own hum- 
oristic way for the amusement of big babies. The man 
understands his business to a T. I tell you, he is not as 
bad as his reputation. I beg a thousand pardons of Col. 
Robert Ingersoll if I have wronged him. I did not mean 
to make fun of him anyway. 



REV. W. F. CRAFT. 



PART II. 

MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL 



Replies to IngersolV s Lecture on 4 ' SKULLS ". 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 



INGERSOLLISM OUTLINED "TEN POINTS" INSTEAD OF 

' ' F I VE " 1 NFIDEL PROTOPLASM. 

"I war with principles not with men" — the motto 
of Daniel Webster in political debates — should be the 
law in all conflicts of ideas, especially in the realm of 
religion. It is not of the person, Mr. Ingersoll, that I 
speak, but rather of the principles of which he is the 
most popular spokesman, and which make up that shal- 
lowest, but loudest, Jericho book of infidelity's bitter 
waters which begins in a few tears of pretended matyr- 
dom to love of truth ; spatters the mud of epithets 
upon Christians, while condemning that very vice in a 
part of the Church in less advanced ages ; babbles shal- 
lowly along its little channel about law as an almighty 
executive, as if the rails that give direction to 
a train took the place of the engine that draws 
it ; winds very crookedly through the Old Testa- 

(69) 



70 MISTAKES OF INCERSOLL. 

ment avoiding every passage except those few 
that can be used for ridicule ; plows still more 
crookedly through church history, shunning every part 
except the unchristian swamps of bigotry and super- 
stition ; keeps up the same snaky crookedness in its 
passage through religion of to day, hurrying noisily 
among only the few rocky and marshy places, where 
it can find the reptiles of superstition and error ; passes 
with great dash of spray along the audacious theory 
that Christian civilization is the result of anti- Christian 
forces ; plunges with loud roar of waters down its 
claim that infidelity is the only liberator of man, 
woman, and child ; and still flowing within its little 
channel babbles itself as an emancipated ocean of un- 
trammeled thought. 

These characteristics of the brook are the ten points 
of Ingersollism. I have read and re-read, carefully, 
the nine published lectures of Mr. Ingersoll on religi- 
ous themes, besides hearing the one entitled " Skulls," 
and every one of them has something on each of these 
ten points of his fixed and unchanging creed, and not 
one or all has anything beyond these ten ' ' doctrines " 
< — for he often uses the words, ''That is my doctrine." 
While attacking creeds of the Church he holds an urges 
all to believe his own unformulated but distinct creed, 
offering in place of the 4 ' five points of Calvinism " the 
ten points of Ingersollism, the latter occurring as 
regularly in every one of his lectures in this age as the 
former did a century ago in the sermons of Calvinists, 
which he ridicules for their sameness. 

What is this frightful monster that we call "a creed?" 
Simply a statement of what one believes. Every man, 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 7 1 

unless he is an idiot, has a creed in which he agrees 
with somebody. The only question is to find by ' 'reason, 
observation, and experience," which is the best. It 
would hardly be considered bigotry for a scientist to be- 
lieve a few things as a creed of fixed scientific truths 
which no progress can ever erase, for instance, the 
rotundity and revolution of the earth, the attraction of 
the planets upon each other, and scores of other things 
which every scientist has held for many years unchanged, 
and is sure are unchangeable because proved conclus- 
ively. There are some certainties in the science of re- 
ligion, such as are referred to in the Apostles' Creed, 
which may, without any greater bigotry, be considered 
as proved and established. The Christian Church of to- 
day does not generally insist upon anything further than 
these few concrete facts of the Apostles' Creed "as 
essentials " in Christian belief. When Evangelical 
churches shout their watchword, " In essentials, unity ; 
in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity," it is 
as if a company of scientists should say, "On proved 
facts we will all agree, but in the realms of hypothesis 
and opinion, we will' agree to disagree. " 

But the special point we wish to notice is, that Mr. 
Ingersoll attacks creed with creed. He is as bigoted a 
partisan of his own creed as ever called hard names. 
The very heart of his creed seems to be the belief that 
his mission is to destroy the creed of everybody else. 

It is a suggestive fact that the naturally-gifted mind 
of Mr. Ingersoll, who declares that godless and soulless 
materialism is the emancipator and inspirer of thought, 
should be able, in all the years which these ten lectures 
represent, to produce but ten ideas which made up his 



72 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

earliest lecture, years ago, appearing successively in 
each of the succeeding lectures, including that of to-day, 
there being no change, save in the cap and bells of his 
jokes. Reading these ten ideas over and over for as 
many hours in going through these lectures, brought 
back a ludicrous scene in our college burial of mathe- 
matics when fifteen notes of Pleyel's hymn were played 
dolefully over and over again for nearly an hour, as 
marching music. 

In reading these lectures, which are but ten combin- 
ations and permutations of ten ideas, one is reminded 
also of the lecturer's own illustration of the boarding 
house keeper, who, for years, had no change of diet 
from hash, for every lecture is the same hash of ten 
ideas, changed only in the name and in the order of put- 
ting in the ten elements. 

ARTICLE I. 

FIRST POINT IN THE TEN SEPULCHRAL HOOTS OF THE 

THE INGERSOLL OWL A THEOLOGICAL RIP VAN WINLLE. 

As in the beet hash of New England the blood red 
beet predominates and gives color to the whole, so the 
principal element in these lectures against Christianity 
is the blood of past persecutions by a corrupt part of the 
Church, for which true Christianity has no more re- 
sponsibility than a loyal colonel in our war of 1776, or 
1 86 1, for the robberies and crimes of camp-followers or 
traitors. In every published lecture on religion, Mr. 
Ingersoll deliberately cites the acts of the Benedict 
Arnolds of the Christian army as representing the Wash- 
ingtons and Grants. He describes past counterfeits of 
religion as specimens of its accepted currency. It is as 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 73 

if one should attack present astronomers by relating 
ridiculous stories of the old astrologers, or assail present 
physicians by quoting the strange practices of the ancient 
alchemists. 

In one lecture — a fair representative of all in this re- 
spect — I found that in forty-three pages only two did 
not contain these references to past persecutions, except 
a few pages given to the trial of Professor Swing, which 
were equally stale as assailing chiefly abandoned features 
of human Calvinism. Past errors and follies of the 
human Calvinism, human Catholicism, and heathen 
religions are constantly spoken of as if vital elements of 
Christianity. 

Mr. Ingersoll ought to have a hymn to sing at the 
opening and close of his lectures, made on the pattern 
of that one whose first verse is : 

Go on, go on, go on, go on, 

Go on, go on, go on, 
Go on, go on, go on, go on, 

Go on, go on, go on. 

with forty-two verses more of the same, substituting 
' 1 past persecutions, " instead of "go on," which is too 
progressive for a ' ' go back " lecture. 

Mr. Ingersoll is a Rip Van Winkle in theology, who 
seems to have slept ever since the days of persecution. 
He is a Sancho Panza who assails imaginary foes of his 
own making, and thinks he has captured the golden 
helmet of Christianity when he has only secured the 
abandoned brass kettle of old traditions and discarded 
superstitions. He is a Falstaff killing the dead Percy of 
past follies. His lectures bustle with the antiquated and 
misused words ''priests," "dark ages," "witches,'' 
"fagots," "religious wars," " church fathers," "damned 



74 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

infants," " martyrs," " gods," etc., as if he were speak- 
ing in a heathen land, and also in some dead century. 
And he uses the past tense so exclusively in his "pro- 
gressive " lectures that one would suppose English as well 
as Hebrew had no present tense. It must have been Mr. 
Ingersoll, in his boyhood, that came from his first hunt 
crying, " I've shot a cherub," having mistaken an owl 
for a cherub, because of the wretched pictures of the 
latter on the old grave stones. Mr. Ingersoll logically 
destroys some Church owl of the dark ages, and because 
it corresponds with his own carricature of the Church 
thinks he has dethroned Christianity itself. Like Poe's 
"raven" who had but one word, " Nevermore," Mr. 
Ingersoll is continually crying in the ears of the present 
that worn-out strain about abuses which we all condemn, 
" Galileo-Servetus, Galileo-Servetus. " 

This ten-idea-champion of popular materialism, while 
talking of progress and condemning those who hold fast 
to things of the past, is nevertheless so largely devoted 
to showing his carefully preserved martyr-mummies from 
the long-past ages of persecution, that we find Mark 
Twain's question constantly arising at each new charge 
against Christianity : "Is he — is he dead ? " and we are 
also tempted to cry out for a " fresh corpse" in place of 
these very dry and dead mummies of past abuses. To 
paraphrase the lecturer's own words, we want one pres- 
ent fact. We pass our hats through the lectures in vain 
for some present facts against pure Christianity, which 
he assumes to assail and overthrow. There is far more 
excuse for Thomas Paine, in an age when the old Cal- 
vinistic errors were largely held, and for Voltaire, sur- 
rounded by the superstitions of Romanism, misunder- 



rfv. w. f. craft's reply. 75 

standing Christianity, than for this modern lecturer, who 
very well knows that the carricatures which he represents 
as Christianity are very old pictures of its ancient camp- 
followers. 

ARTICLE II. 

INGESOLL MISTAKES A PART FOR THE WHOLE GROSS 

M I S REPRESENTATIONS . 

Article Second of Ingersollism, like unto the first, but 
with present instead of past tense, is about as follows : 
Christianity to-day is proved to be false by the present 
errors and abuses that are found in some of the 
churches. 

Romish superstitions aud the errors of those who have 
grossly misinterpreted the Bible as a support of slavery, 
polygamy, etc., are continually used by this champion 
of " liberty of thought," and "charity" and "brother- 
hood," as representing true Christianity to-day, which is 
quite as honorable as if a man should attack the prin- 
ciples of medicine by citing the tricks of quacks. An 
examination of the hull of the great Eastern found ad- 
hering to the iron-plates of the bottom an enormous 
multitude of mussels, whose weight is estimated at three 
hundred tons. The great ship has been carrying on her 
hull a burden equal to full cargoes for six or eight sail- 
ing ships. 

Suppose I should show you a few of those barnacles 
as specimens of what the Great Eastern is made of, and 
then denounce its builders as fools ? Mr. Ingersoll is 
constantly confounding barnacles of some "church" 
with Christianity. Suppose I should take the belts and 
whips of torture that are used by Romanists in Mexico 



?6 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

and show them in lectures as specimens of barbarism of 
Congregationalisis and Methodists ? It is certainly most 
palpable unfairness for Mr. Ingersoll to use the word 
"gods" indiscriminately of heathen and Christian ob- 
jects of worship, and to employ the words "The Church" 
as if there were no false or true, past or present in con- 
nection with it, and as if its meaning were as much a 
unit as "The Moon," So also he unfairly classes all 
ministers as "priests." It v/ould be quite as fair to 
speak of all " medicine men," past and present, savage 
and civilized, under the words "The Doctors." 

ARTICLE III. 

THE GREAT INGERSOLL BOOMERANG HOW IT WORKS 

FURTHER MISREPRESENTATIONS CAREFULLY EX- 
AMINED. 

Far less prominent, but ever present, is the third element 
in Ingersollism — an oft-recurring moan — ' ' Infidels to-day 
are martyrs at whom men cast epithets, but not bal- 
lots." 

The defeated infidel politician appears as regularly and 
revengefully in every lecture (indirectly, of course) as 
the misanthropic Byron shows himself in each of his 
poems as the real hero under the various names of 
" Childe Harold," "Don Juan," "Corsair," etc. He 
who cries out against the past for calling infidels by 
hard names hurls in the more kindly present more ana- 
themas than any other Pope. 

"You are an infidel." 

"You're a bigot! Arn't you ashamed to be calling 
names, you old hypocrite ? " 

In this debate of Mr. Ingersoll's bigotry with the big- 
otry of the past, a printer might fitly misprint the "pros 



rrv. w. f. craft's reply. 77 

and cons," " pigs and cows." It is like the English lady 
who criticised an American friend for saying, at a mis- 
take in croquet, "What a horrid scratch," and when 
asked what would have been better, replied, -'You 
might have said, 'What a beastly fluke.'" It is not 
strange that the people will not elect to represent them 
in politics, one who so audaciously misrepresents them, 
as does Mr. Ingersoll in nearly every attempt to declare 
the belief of Christians. 

MISREPRESENTING BIBLE PASSAGES. 

Dr. Ryder, Prof. Swing, and Dr. Herford, have 
abundantly shown his numerous and inexcusable mis- 
representations of Bible passages, to which may be added 
another more atrocious, if possible, the implication that 
the persecutions of Saul of Tarsus, and the adulteries of 
Solomon, are a part of the Christian system, and also 
that Jephthah ' really killed his daughter as a sacrifice, 
which the Bible does not declare, nor any Christian be- 
lieve, and the mis-interpretation of the passage about 
women keeping silence in the churches, which the 
Christian Church of to-day considers of only temporary 
force, a command to Corinth, and not to Christendom, 
no more binding upon us than Paul's request that 
Timothy should bring his cloak that was left at Troas. 
It is a kindred misrepresentation to say the assertion 
that those who tortured the martyrs were the same ones 
who made the Bible — an assertion which history clearly 
refutes, as the Old Testament was arranged in its present 
form 388 B. C, and the New Testament was collected 
as it is at present before the days of persecution by the 
church began. 

It is also a misrepresentation, not only of the Bible. 



78 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

but of the common principles of interpretation in every 
department of literature, to intimate that an explanation 
of passages as poetic and figurative, is unfair and begging 
the question. Suppose we shonld put a literal interpre- 
tation upon the tropical figures of Mr. Ingersoll's elo- 
quence, and when he speaks of the sun's rays 1 ' as arrows 
from the quiver of the sun," declare him an ignorant 
idolator, who thinks the sun an intelligent being who 
has caught the passion for archery. 

SUN AND MOON STANDING STILL. 

It is equally absurd for him to interpret the poem 
about the sun and moon standing still by the rules of 
prose. Mr. Ingersoll also says, poetically : ' ' Think of 
that wonderful chemistry by which bread was changed 
into the divine tragedy of Hamlet." Suppose we should 
interpret that sentence as fact rather than figure, and 
say that Mr . Ingersoll believes that by the combination 
of certain liquids and solids in the chemist's retort this 
marvelous literary production was created ! It would be 
quite as reasonable as to insist upon absolute literalness 
in the bold figures of Oriental eloquence and poetry. 

Mr. Ingersoll also misrepresents the Christian's Sun- 
day in the home, speaking of it as "a day too good for 
a child to be haypy in," saying: "The idea, that any 
God would hate to hear a child laugh." We all know (?) 
that in the Christian homes of to-day the smiles and 
laughter of childhood are strictly forbidden, and any 
one who smiles in church is carried out by the 
police (?). 

HELL. 

Especially does Mr. Ingersoll continually and grossly 
misrepresent Christianity in regard to the conditions by 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 



79 



which men are believed to bring themselves to Hell. 
Hear him : "It is infinitely absurd to suppose that a 
God would address a communication to intelligent beings 
and yet make it a crime, to be punished in eternal 
flames, for them to use their intelligence for the purpose 
of understanding His communication. Neither can they 
show why any one should be punished, either in this 
world or another, for acting honestly in accordance with 
reason ; and yet a doctrine with every possible argument 
against it has been, and still is, believed and defended 
by the entire orthodox world. If I should say ninety-nine 
in a hundred go down to Hell I should have the support 
of the entire orthodox world. You can see for your- 
selves the injustice of damning a man if his parents hap- 
pened to baptize him in the wrong way. Think of a 
a God who will damn his children for the expression of 
an honest thought !" 

Few, if any, intelligent Christians teach that a man 
must accept their denominational creed in all its details 
in order to be saved, as the careless critics of Christian- 
ity so often assert, but rather all evangelical Christians 
repeat the New Testament conditions of salvation, ' 'Be- 
lieve on the Lord Jesus Christ and thou shalt be saved,' 
and declare negatively, not as has been said by Mr. In- 
gersoll, said by infidels, that all who do not believe will 
not be saved, but rather in the words of Martin Luther, 
" No man shall die in his sins, except him who, through 
disbelief, thrusts from him the forgiveness of sin, which 
in the name of Jesus is offered him." It is the firm of 
Ignorance and Bigotry that declare that evangelical 
Christianity teaches that a man can not be saved who 



80 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

does not believe in its statement of the Trinity and its 
interpretations of the Bible. 

He also utterly misrepresents the Christian conception 
of saving faith as ignoring reason and action, both of 
which it includes, and as resting chiefly on a book or a 
creed as its end, rather than on the person, Christ . 
Every church teaches that intelligent faith and faithful- 
ness toward Christ (not creeds in detail) is the condition 
of salvation. "Faith," says Bishop Wightman, "be- 
lieves on competent testimony what it could not other- 
wise know." Or, as Dr. Arnold says : "Faith is reason 
leaning on God." Reason is the foundation of belief. 

THE PRESENT VS. THE FUTURE. 

Another of the almost countless misrepresentations of 
religion by Mr. Ingersoll, is the frequent statement that 
Christianity is wholly devoted to the future, and ignores 
man's present needs, which reminds us that it was 
Thomas Paine (?) and not the Bible that said, "Pure 
religion and undefiled before God the Father, is this, to 
visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction, 
and to keep himself unspotted from the world." And 
you have all observed that the organized societies and 
benevolences, by which orphans, and the aged, and the 
helpless, are aided in asylums and refuges, were not (?) 
established by this Christianity which "ignores man's 
present needs, and devotes itself exclusively to the 
future." Christian ministers never preach on combin- 
ing works with faith, or showing character by conduct, 
or loving their neighbors as themselves. Mr. Ingersoll 
declares that a little restitution is better than a great 
deal of repentance, and we have noticed that when In- 
gersoll has delivered a lecture or two in our large cities, 



REV. w. F. craft's REPLY. 8 1 

those among his hearers who have defrauded others, at 
once, begun the work of restitution (?) by sending back 
the money they had stolen from employers, creditors and 
customers. (?) Mr. Moody, who preaches repentance 
as well as restitution, of course (?) has no such results 
following his work, as he proclaims the Christianity 
whose entire interest is in the future life. (?) You smile 
at this practical test of Mr. Ingersoll's theory, in view of 
the fact that we have no record of a single instance 
where one of his lectures has led to the restitution of 
stolen property ; while such cases are constantly oc- 
curring in connection with the work of Mr. Moody and 
other Christians. Several very notable ones have coma 
under my own immediate notice. 

It is an equally astounding, barefaced misrepresenta- 
tion, or to put it in fewer letters, false, when he states 
that all of the orthodox religion of the day is Calvinistic. 
Part of the so-called Calvinistic churches are not Calvin- 
istic in the usual sense of the word, and we had fondly 
dreamed that there was such a body of Christians as 
Methodists who are distinctly anti-Calvinistic, and hold 
the first place in numbers among Protestant Churches in 
America. 

It is also a misrepresentation to say, 1 'Whoever 
thinks he has found it all out, he is orthodox," for every 
orthodox pulpit constantly preaches the duty of growth, 
intellectual and spiritual. Mr. Ingersoll declares that 
Protestants to-day would persecute, as in the past, if 
they had the power, a statement in which he assumes the 
role of the prophet, and shows the profundity of his in- 
sight into the spirit of Christianity to-day, which binds 
up the broken-hearted and ministers to the troubled and 



82 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

sorrowing. It is cunning sophistry to say that every 
one is opposed to the union of Church and State, be- 
cause they know that the Church could not be trusted 
with power, a statement which obtains its force by sup- 
pressing the very important fact that the Church when 
united with political power draws into itself unprincipled 
politicians, and becomes entirely a different body through 
the opportunities it offers to selfishness and ambition. 
It is also a misrepresentation to say that Protestants 
stand up for Protestant persecutors of the past, " for all 
Protestant churches of to-day condemn the burning of 
Servetus and such acts as much as any one. It is also 
a misrepresentation by holding back half the truth to 
tell us of that base or mistaken element of the Church 
that made the rack and not of that other noble element 
of the Church that was upon the rack, for the martyrs 
were seldom if ever infidels. 

ingersoll's horrible estimate of truth. 

Mr. Ingersoll, in his recent lecture on " Skulls," twice 
said that truth was not worth a little suffering, that one 
had better lie or recant than suffer a little pain, or lose 
a drop of blood. He would "turn Judas Iscariot to his 
own soul " to save a thumb. This significant item as to 
his whole estimate of truth helps us to account for the 
wholesale manufacture of falsehoods in his lectures. 

Mr. Ingersoll's most gross misrepresentation is the 
habitual custom of telling only one side of a fact, quot- 
ing difficult Bible passages but never sublime ones, bad 
customs of the Church but never good ones, defects in 
Christians but never excellences. When Mr. Ingersoll 
speaks of "a lawyer whipping his child for holding back 
part of the truth," he describes his own partisan and 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 83 

one-sided method, as Professor Swing has shown, attack- 
ing: Christianity as the hired attorney of infidelity, or 
the hired campaigner of the anti-Christian party who is 
to present only one side. This, too, from a man who 
claims that infidelity unfetters thought and broadens 
mind. 

THE BIBLE THE BEST OF BOOKS, AND CHRIST THE BEST 

OF MEN. 

Mr. Ingersoll also misrepresents the differences among 
the various forms of Christianity. All men of broad 
scholarship of the last and best century who have 
written on religion, both skeptics and Christians, agree 
on two things — the Bible as the best of books, and Christ 
as the best of men. So much at least may be said to 
be indorsed by all scholarship, and when a man rests 
down upon these two truths to which they lead, he will 
not be likely to go far astray, for if Christ is confes- 
sedly the greatest and best of men, the "Teacher sent 
from God," then His teachings ought to be accepted, 
and those teachings are the foundations of all essential 
Christianity ; and if the Bible is the best of books, 
the moral and spiritual guide of man, then its teach- 
ings are to be carefully read and deeply regarded, and 
all who take this book as life's guide book will be led 
into all truths of Christianity that are fundamental and 
important. 

All Christians, Romanists and Protestants, agree 
that Christ is the living embodiment and pattern of 
Christian manhood, and that the Bible, at least, con- 
tains the "Word of God." All evangelical Christians 
agree on that broad and simple platform of the Apostles 
Creed, and declare not "many," but one way to 



84 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

Heaven, and that not by "believing an incomprehens- 
ible creed," but by faith and faithfulness of intellect, 
will, heart and life, toward the person, Jesus Christ. 
Two quotations fairly represents all the evangelical 
churches on this matter. Bishop Whipple, an Epis- 
copalian, recently remarked, "As the grave grows 
nearer, my theology is growing strangely simple, 
and it begins and ends with Christ, as the only refuge 
for the lost." Dr. Alexander, of Princeton, a Pres- 
byterian, when dying, said : ' ' All my theology is reduced 
to this narrow compass, ' Jesus Christ came into the 
world to save sinners. ' " Mr. Ingersoll misrepresents 
the most familiar facts when he says, "Just in propor- 
tion as the human race has advanced, the church has 
lost power. There is no exception to this rule." It is a 
fact so familiar that every intelligent child knows it, that 
Christianity was never so powerful in the world, as to- 
day — never had so many followers. By the multiplied 
agencies of church work, six thousand are converted per 
day — two Pentecosts every twenty-four hours. 

Mr. Ingersoll misrepresents not only the Bible and 
church history, by leaving out all that would not help 
his theories, and stating one half the truth, but he also 
misrepresents the Declaration of Independence as "re- 
tiring God from politics," as if the words were not there, 
"the station to which the laws of nature, and nature's 
God entitle them," "All men are endowed by their Cre- 
ator with certain inalienable rights " — " and for the sup- 
port of this declaration, and in a firm reliance upon Di- 
vine Providence ; we mutually pledge to each other our 
lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor. " It is surely 
infinitely absurd to expect a man broadly and truly to 



REV. W. F. CRAFTS REPLY. 85 

represent us in politics, who so inexcusably and grossly 
misrepresents us in religion. 

ARTICLE IV. 

SOMETHING NEW IF TRUE INFIDELITY THE ESSENTIAL 

FACTOR IN PROGRESSIVE CIVILIZATION — BUT COLE- 
RIDGE, WM. H. SEWARD, BISMARCK, AND OTHER 
GREAT STATESMEN CAN NOT SEE IT CIV- 
ILIZATION GOES ONLY WITH CHRIST- 
IANITY. 

The fourth article in Ingersollism is as follows : "The 
civilization of this country is not the child of faith, but 
of unbelief — the result of free thought. But for the 
efforts of a few brave infidels, the church would have 
taken the world back to the midnight of barbarism." 
How ignorant we have all been ! Luther, who led 
Europe out of the Dark Ages, was not, it seems a child 
of faith, but of free thought (?) and Paul also, who 
brought civilization into the barbarous Europe, peopled 
with savage tribes, as described by Julius Caesar in his 
Commentaries. The transformation of savage Gaul and 
Britain into civilized France and England was accom- 
plished by the efforts of "unbelief." (?) 

Long ago, Christianity had a contest with Atheism, 
Pantheism, and Culture, as to wjiich was the best civil- 
izer. Christianity selected Europe, and gave the other 
three contestants Asia, with several centuries the start. 
Atheism or Buddhism, which ignores all spiritual things 
and devotes itself to present life, has operated for 
thousands of years in India. Pantheism, or Brahmin- 
ism made its experiment in the same country ; and 
Culture obtained exclusive control of China, ruling both 



86 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

church and state. As a result, in accordance with Mr. 
Ingersoll's theory, these elements of Ingersolllsm have 
developed a lofty civilization (?) in China and India, 
given education to woman, torn away the veil of her 
slavish seclusion, made her the equal of man, treated 
female infants as honorably as the boys, developed a 
high morality in the community, and supplied the world 
with its standard literature, its foremost science, and its 
chief inventions. (?) On the other hand Christianity 
came into barbarous Europe a dozen centuries later, 
caused the degradation and enslavement of women and 
children, (?) repressed scientific investigation, (?) pre- 
vented invention, (?) checked thought, (?) and thus hin- 
dered literary activity, and, by the barbarism of the 
Bible, "brought bondage to man, woman, and child " in 
body and brain. (?) If the facts do not correspond to 
these legitimate deductions from Mr. Ingersoll's theories 
as to the effect of atheistic culture, on the one hand, 
and Christianity, on the other, on national life, so much 
the worse for the facts . 

Mr. Ingersoll says much against the wars of Christian 
nations. He forgets that peace societies and arbitration 
were never known outside of Christianity, and that wars 
in Christian lands are the gradually disappearing remains 
of previous barbarism; He talks of science and inven- 
tion as opening up this era ! How does it happen that 
all this is in Christian rather than in heathen lands ? 
He talks of charity and benevolence of infidels ! Why 
is it that all benevolent societies are Christian, and that 
Thomas Paine halls can not be supported ? He talks of 
liberty of speech and thought and government ! Why is 
it that such liberty is only found in Christian countries ? 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 8? 

He has much to say of the barbarous age of dug-outs, 
tom-toms, and wooden plows ! Has he not seen in the 
World's Expositions these very things as representing 
nations to-day, that have not risen from their primitive 
degradation and ignorance because Christianity has not 
yet reached them ? 

As to the relation of the Bible to civilization, Samuel 
Taylor Coleridge declares that ''for more than a thou- 
sand years the Bible, collectively taken, has gone hand 
in hand with civilization, science, law, in short, with 
moral and intellectual cultivation, always supporting, 
and often leading the way." 

W. H. Seward says, ' ' The whole hope of human pro- 
gress is suspended on the ever-growing influence of the 
Bible." 

Bismarck utters a similar sentiment, as quoted in his 
recent biography : "How, without faith in a revealed 
religion, in a God who wills what is good, in a Supreme 
Judge, and a future life, men can live together harmon- 
iously — each doing his duty and letting every one else 
do his — I do not understand." 

Similar sentiments are uttered by the leading states- 
men of all lands, the unanimous verdict of statesman- 
ship being that civilization can not be carried forward 
without Christianity. 

ARTICLE V. 

MARVELOUS POWER OF TIME AND CIRCUMSTANCE TRAGIC 

EFFECT OF ISO-THERMAL LINES PEORIA MUD NECES- 
SARILY THE SEVENTH HEAVEN AS I NGERSOLL 
SEES IT. 

The fifth article of Ingersollism is, that gods and men 
are but evolutions of matter and circumstance, the dif- 



88 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

ference between heathen gods and the Christian's God 
being the result of a difference in their worshippers, and 
the difference of men being the results of varying soils 
and surroundings. He says : " No god was ever in ad- 
vance of the nation that created him." In answer to 
this last statement, which is true, of course, of all imag- 
inary deities, but not of the One True God, it is only 
necessary to ask any candid and intelligent man to read 
the description of God given in the Bible, where both 
Testaments declare Him to be "merciful and gracious, 
long suffering and abundant in goodness and truth, 
but will by no means spare the guilty," and then 
say whether this God is nothing more than the reflec- 
tion of the stiff-necked and perverse people who held to 
this conception of Deity. The fact is, God as described 
in the Bible is infinitely loftier and purer than the Jew- 
ish people, or any people of any age. It is still more 
absurd, if possible, for Mr. Ingersoll to assert that ' 'men 
are but the creatures of their surroundings, made what 
they are wholly by material causes, such as soil and 
climate. It is one of the characteristic contradictions 
of history, such as are found so frequently in Mr. Inger- 
soll's lectures, when he asserts that great minds have 
never been found except in the ' ' lands of respectable 
winters," with the iutimation that no great achievements 
in art or literature are possible in warm Oriental lands. 
As if Babylon, and Nineveh, and Egypt had not been in 
early ages the universities of the world. Carlyle must 
have been very much deceived when he declared Job of 
the Oriental land of Uz to be the greatest poet the world 
has known. Mohammed of those warm lands was cer- 
tainly great, even though wrong, and scores of others, 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 89 

equally eminent, might be mentioned, although, of 
course, it is evident that greatness of men or peoples in 
tropical lands is rather in spite of circumstances than by 
their help . 

Mr. Ingersoll in his lecture on "Man, Woman, and 
Child," speaking of one of these warm countries as the 
representative of all, says : "You might go there with 
five thousand Congregational preachers, five thousand 
deacons, five thousand professors in colleges, five thou- 
sand of the solid men of Boston and their wives, settle 
them all, and you will see the second generation riding 
upon a mule bare-back, no shoes, a grapevine whip, 
with a rooster under each arm going to a cock fight on 
Sunday. Such is the influence of climate." But like 
most of Mr. Ingersoll's theories, this one is unfortunately 
the direct opposite of facts. The Sandwich Islands have 
all these disadvantages of climate, and fifty years ago 
were plunged in the deepest barbarism, with all the 
vices of savage life ; but to-day, as all well informed 
persons know, they are as truly civilized as any land, 
with industries, education, protection of life and pro- 
perty, equal to what is found in our own favored coun- 
try. And this is all due, as King Kalikua said in New 
York, to the Christianizing of his people. Indeed, Mr. 
Ingersoll contradicts his own theory as to the depend- 
ence of the individual upon surroundings in his lectures 
on Humboldt and Paine, both of whom he represents as 
becoming great in spite of surroundings that would na- 
turally have led in the opposite direction, thus involun- 
tarily recognizing something in man deeper than mere 
physical evolution. 

The whole absurd theory of individuals and nations 



90 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

being wholly dependent upon soil, and climate, and sur- 
roundings for their character, is fairly represented in the 
following incident : 

''Pa," said a little six-year old, "what makes me 
grow ? " 

" Why, the bread and potato I feed you with. 
" Does potatoes make our pig grow, too ? " 
"Yes." 

"Then, what makes him be a pig and me be a 
boy?" 

That boy's simple question explodes all the theories of 
evolution. 

ARTICLE VI. 

LAW IS INGERSOLL'S GOD. 

The sixth article of Ingersollism is, " I believe in law, 
the Almighty maker of Heaven and Earth." One might 
as well say that the United States Constitution made 
our country, or try to rule the land by laws without 
enforcers. 

That the universe is governed according to a system 
of law is recognized by Christians as much as by any 
one, and the laws of the Bible are not new arbitrary 
enactments, but recognitions and proclamations of that 
part of the law-system of the universe that relates to 
religion and morality. Laws of spirit are as eternal 
as laws of matter. Natural science proclaims the lat- 
ter, religious science the former. 

ARTICLE VII. 

LIBERTY AND INF I DETITY WHAT DE TOCQUEVILLE SAYS 

ABOUT IT. 

The seventh article is made made up of the follow- 
ing statements ; 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 9 1 

"All religions are inconsistent with mental freedom. 
The doubter, the investigator, the infidel, have been 
the saviours of liberty." 

Mr. Ingersoll, when talking of liberty, contradicts 
what he himself has said of law, and fails to remind 
his hearers and readers that the circle of law bounds 
on every side the privileges of liberty, that one has 
liberty only within the range of propriety, and that 
all beyond that is license. He also forgets the very 
evident fact that the prevailing ideas of personal liberty 
in the world are due to the general dissemination, by 
Christianity, of the truth that a man is a soul as well 
as a body. Wherever men are regarded as mere phys- 
ical beings, with no lie deeper than the bodily life, the 
stronger will enslave the weaker — woman, child and 
captive. When the idea that each man is an immortal 
soul takes hold upon man, with it there comes the idea 
of individual rights. If Ingersollism should ever per- 
suade a civilized people that man has no soul, this form 
of bondage of the weaker to the stronger will be re- 
sumed. Not soil, but soul, is the secret of liberty. 

Even Mr. Frothingham recently declared that the 
Bible is a democratic book, and that we get out of it 
our ideas of equality. He remembered what Mr. Inger- 
soll seems to forget, that all through the Bible, the 
idea of personal and religious liberty is found, especi- 
ally in those words of the Apostles to the rulers who 
attempted to tyrannize over their consciences, "We 
ought to obey God rather than man," which has fitly 
been termed the concisest of all statements of the prin- 
ciples of personal liberty. We may show this relation 
of religion to liberty in the words of the greatest mo- 



92 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

dern writer upon such questions, De Tocqueville, who 
says, " Bible Christianity is the companion of liberty in 
all its conflicts, the cradle of its infancy, and the divine 
source of its claims." 

ARTICLE VIII. 

WOMAN INGERSOLL'S THEORY AT VARIANCE WITH 

FACTS. 

The eighth article of Ingersollism is in regard to 
woman, and is as follows : "As long as woman regards 
the Bible as the charter of her rights, she will be the 
slave of man. The Bible was not written by a woman. 
Within its lids there is nothing but humiliation and 
shame for her." 

You have all doubtless observed that in heathen 
countries, where the Bible has not yet come with its 
enslaving (?) influence woman has (?) liberty and honor, 
and education, and opportunities of public activity and 
benevolence (?), but in Christian lands she is veiled, de- 
graded, shut out of sight and restrained from educa- 
tion (?). I have always observed, as a pastor, that it 
is the religious, and church-going husbands that tyran- 
nize over their wives as "bosses" and deny them their 
liberties of conscience, and other rights. (?) 

You smile at the absurd statement, knowing that the 
"heathen at home," who as husbands are harsh and 
brutal to the wives they have promised to cherish, are 
frequently ardent believers in Ingersollism, and seldom 
in any way connected with even nomial Chrsitianity, 
while every schoolboy is familiar with the fact that 
woman, in all except Christian lands, is hardly better 
than a slave, notably so, in that land where Ingersollism 
under the name of Buddhism has the controlling influ- 



REV. Wo F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 93 

ence. Mr. Ingersoll utters many true sentiments about 
the family, but all of these he learned of Christianity, 
not from China or Egypt . 

ARTICLE IX. 

INGERSOLL'S THEORY OF CHILDHOOD SOME OF HIS 

LITTLE STORIES WHOLE SUBJECT CAREFULLY EX- 
AMINED SIGNIFICANT INCIDENT IN THE LIFE 

OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN. 

The ninth article of Ingersollism is a theory of child- 
hood which attacks the principles of sound government 
and health even more than religion : " Do not have it 
in your mind that you must govern them ; that they 
(children) must obey. Let your children eat what they 
desire. They know what they wish to eat. Let them 
begin at which. end of the dinner they please." 

Such a theory is worthy of nothing more than the 
smile with which you hear it. It is all answered in the 
following representative fact of childhood : A little bit 
of a girl wanted more and more buttered toast, till she 
was told that too much would make her sick. Looking 
wistfully at the dish for a moment, she thought she 
saw a way out of her difficulty, and exclaimed, " Well, 
give me annuzer piece, and send for the doctor !" 

Mr. Ingersoll, in connection with his theory of child- 
hood, often refers to the fact, that he leaves his pocket- 
book around where his children can help themselves to 
whatever they wish, and urges the same course upon all 
parents. It is said that one of the lecturer's admirers, 
being convinced that this was the correct theory, 
determined to give up punishing his child, and try the 
new plan. 

So he said to his boy, "John, I am convinced I have 



94 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

been taking the wrong course to try to make you a bet- 
ter boy. I am going to trust you more, and give up 
whippings. I am going away for a few days, and I 
have left my pocket-book in the top drawer of the bu- 
reau. Help yourself to money whenever you need it." 
After a few days the father returned to his home, late 
at night. As he opened the door he stumbled over a 
large canoe in the entry, and was then attacked by a 
large bull-dog that his boy had bought. Entering the 
boy's room, he found it hung round with guns, and fish- 
ing poles, and daggers, with another canoe, and several 
snail dogs — his pocket-book lying empty on top of the 
bureau. He is now less enthusiastic in regard to Inger- 
soll's knowledge of domestic government. 

The leading point which Mr. Ingersoll endeavors to 
make in connection with his lecture on Thomas Paine is 
that the Bible shocks a child, and, therefore, can't be 
true. You have all observed how much children are 
shocked as they gather about the mother's knees in the 
twilight, and hear her tell the stories of Jesus, and Jo- 
seph, and Moses, and Samuel, and Daniel (?). As to 
the relation of the Bible to childhood and home life, let 
me quote the opinion of several eminent men, mostly 
skeptics, for whom even Mr. Ingersoll cherishes the 
highest regard : 

Thomas Jefferson, speaking of the Bible and home- 
life, says: "I have always said, and always will say, 
that the studious perusal of the sacred volume will make 
better citizens, better fathers, and better husbands. " 

John Quincy Adams says : "So great is my venera- 
tion for the Bible, that the earlier my children begin to 
read it, the more confident will be my hopes that they 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 95 

will prove useful citizens to their country and respect- 
able members of society." 

Theodore Parker says : "There is not a boy on the 
hills of New England, not a girl born in the filthiest cel- 
lar which disgraces a capital in Europe, and cries to God 
against the barbarism of modern civilization ; not a boy 
nor a girl all Christendom through, but their lot is made 
better by that great book. " 

Diderot, the French philosopher and skeptic, was 
wont to make this confession : ' ' No better lessons than 
those of the Bible can I teach my child." 

Huxley, in an address upon education, says : "I have 
always been strongly in favor of secular education, in 
the sense of education without theology ; but I must 
confess I have been no less seriously perplexed to know 
by what practical measures the religious feeling, which 
is the essential basis of conduct, was to be kept up, in 
the present utterly chaotic state of opinion on these 
matters, without the use of the Bible. The pagan mo- 
ralists lack life and color, and even the noble stoic, Mar- 
cus Aurelius, is too high and refined for an ordinary 
child. Take the Bible as a whole, make the severest 
deductions which fair criticism can dictate, and there 
still remains in this old literature a vast residuum of 
moral beauty and grandeur. By the study of what other 
book could children be so humanized ? If Bible reading 
is not accompanied by constraint and solemnity, I do 
not believe there is anything in which children take 
more pleasure." 

What would " shock the mind of child" would be to 
hear Mr. Ingersoll excuse them for telling a lie, in order 



g6 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

to escape a whipping. What would shock a child would 
be to hear Mr. Ingersoll uttering profanity. 

What would shock the mind of a child would be to 
hear Mr. Ingersoll telling to a crowded audience with a 
smile of approval the story of a boy's oath. — — 



Speaking of swearing reminds me of that incident of 
Abraham Lincoln, whom Mr. Ingersoll calls "the 
grandest man ever President of the United States," who 
said to a person sent to him by one of the Senators, and 
who, in conversation, uttered an oath, ' ' I thought the 
Senator had sent me a gentleman ; I see I was mistaken. 
There is the door, and I bid }'ou good-day." I hold in 
my hand the last report of the New York Society for the 
Prevention of Cruelty to Children. Of course, the 
bruised and beaten little ones, here described, were the 
victims of cruelty in Christian homes (?). Their fathers 
and mothers had taken too much religion (?), had be- 
come brutalized by reading the Bible (?), and hence 
abused the children by their own fireside until the law 
was compelled to interfere for their defense (?). 

In my work as a member of the Citizen's League for 
the suppression of the sale of liquors to minors, I have 
noticed that this supreme cruelty to children — selling 
them in their immature years the liquors that make them 
self-destroyers, violators of the public peace, and can- 
didates for drunkard's graves — is perpetrated by Christ- 
ian men, not by the infidels who applaud so lustily at 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 97 

Mr. Ingersoll's lectures (?). Here I am reminded of 
the published report, which seems well authenticated, 
that Mr. Ingersoll in his childhood lived in one of those 
exceptional homes where nominal Christianity was com- 
bined with harshness, cruelty and bigotry. If so, this 
would be some slight excuse for his present conduct, 
were it not for the fact that maturer years have given 
him abundant opportunity to see the bright and sunny 
side of Christian gentleness in other homes. And there 
are no true homes that do not owe their existence to the 
influence of Christianity upon the family relation. 

Having myself made childhood a special study for 
several years, I find that the degree of recognition given 
to the opinions and importance of childhood in various 
ages and countries, is exactly in proportion to the de- 
gree of Christianity there, children being scarcely no- 
ticed in heathen lands, either in poetry, or history, or 
ethics, while the Bible religion has always given child- 
hood an exceedingly prominent place. All the atten- 
tion given to the education and development of the 
little ones is but the starlight that shines down upon 
us from the manger of the God-child. 

ARTICLE X. 

- INGERSOLL SAYS CHRISTIANITY FETTERS THOUGHT THE 

BIBLE AND A HOST OF DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY 
OTHERWISE. 

The tenth article of Ingersollism is the frequent as- 
sertion that Christianity fetters thought, while infidelity 
emancipates it in such passages as these : "In all ages, 
reason has been regarded as the enemy of religion ." 
1 1 The gods dreaded education and knowledge then (in 
the time of the Garden ot Eden) just as they do now." 



93 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

' ' For ages a deadly conflict has been waged by a few 
brave , men of thought and genius, on the one side, and 
the great, ignorant, religious mass, on the other. The 
few have said : ' Think. ' The many have said : ' Be- 
lieve.'" 

In order to ascertain what freedom and power of 
thought materialism had given to the mind of Mr. Inger- 
soll, I made special examination of the logic in the lec- 
ture on "The Gods," and found there, in a very short 
time, one or more specimens of all the fallacies laid 
down in the text-books of logic. "Waiter," said John 
Randolph, at a certain hotel, ' ' if this is coffee, bring 
me tea ; if this is tea, bring me coffee." And so we 
say, if this is the ' ' power of thought, " give us weakness. 

Instead of the Bible forbidding us to think, as Inger- 
sollism so often declares, it is full of ringing appeals to 
"reason," "think," "consider," "ponder," "prove all 
things. " 

Prov. 26:16 : " The sluggard is wiser in his own con- 
ceit than seven men that can render a reason." 

Eccl. 7:25 : "I applied mine heart to know, and to 
search, and to seek out wisdom, and the reason of 
things, and to know the wickedness of folly, even of fool- 
ishness and madness." 

Isa. 1:18: " Come now and let us reason together, 
saith the Lord ; though your sins may be as scarlet, 
they shall be as white as snow ; though they be red like 
crimson, they shall be as wool." 

Matt. 22:42 : " What think ye of Christ ?" 

Acts 17:2 : " Paul, as his manner was, went in unto 
them, and three Sabbath days reasoned with them out 
of the Scriptures. " 



REV. W. P. CRAFT'S REPLY. 99 

Acts 18:4: "He reasoned in the synagogue every 
Sabbath, and persuaded the Jews and the Greeks." 

Acts 18:19: "And he came to Ephesus, and left 
them there ; but he himself entered into the synagogue 
and reasoned with the Jews." 

Acts 24:25 : "And as he reasoned of righteousness, 
temperance, and judgment to come, Felix trembled." 

Rom. 12:4: " I beseech you therefore, brethren, by 
the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a liv- 
ing sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your 
reasonable service. " 

Phil. 4:8 : "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things 
are true, whatsover things are honest, whatsoever things 
are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things 
are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there 
be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these 
things." 

1 Thess. 5:21 : "Prove all things; hold fast that 
which is good. " 

Let us look into biography, and make a practical test 
of this theory that the Bible fetters thought. If so, 
those who believe and love it will not be strong and 
leading thinkers. Let us apply the test in the ranks of 
science. 

A CLOUD OF WITNESSES. 

Professor Benjamin Pierce, of Harvard College, has 
recently completed a very remarkable course of lectures 
at the Lowell Institute, Boston, on the ' 4 Ideality in 
Science." Professor Pierce, who is now in his seventieth 
year, is, perhaps, the most eminent mathematical 
scholar in this country, and the author of some of the 
most profound investigations and speculations that have 



IOO MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

been made in the realm of astronomical science. This 
man of mighty thought must have been emancipated and 
inspired by infidelity (?). This scholar, whose mind 
may be supposed to feed on fact, holds an unquestion- 
ing faith in a personal God and the immortal life. 

The late Professor Henry, of the Smithsonian In- 
stitute, was one of the broadest and best of scientific 
thinkers because infidelity gave him freedom of thought(?). 
No, he was a sweet-spirited Christian in his daily life. 

Sir David Brewster, another eminent scientist, said of 
his Christian experience : "I have had this light for 
many years, and oh ! how bright it is to me. " 

Professor Silliman, who is unsurpassed in his scien- 
tific department, must also be classed under the head 
of "the ignorant religious mass," for he was another 
of the very many Christian scientist, whom the world 
has ignorantly (?) supposed a thinker, in spite of Mr. 
Ingersoll's theory of faith as being a mental bondage. 
He says: "I can truly declare that, in the study and 
exhibition of science to my pupils and fellow men, I 
have never forgotten to give all honor and glory to 
the infinite Creator — happy if I might be the honored 
interpreter of a portion of his works, and of the beau- 
tiful structure and beneficent laws discovered therein 
by the labors of many industrious predecessors." We 
might add scores of others in each department of sci- 
ence, who have found no discord between the Word 
and World of God. 

Who are the four greatest thinkers in the realm of 
statesmanship of this century ? Daniel Webster, Glad- 
stone, Thiers, and Bismarck. All of them, of course, 
are enabled to be thus broad and prominent as national 



REV. W. F. CRAFTS REPLY. lOI 

thinkers by the power of infidelity (?). No, each one 
of them is most positive in his Christian belief. 

Webster declares the grandest thought which ever 
entered his mind was that of ''personal accountability 
to God." 

Gladstone gives much of time and attention to religious 
writing. He says : ' ' During the many years I was in 
the Cabinet I was brought into association with sixty 
master minds and all but five of them were Christians. 
My only hope for the world is in bringing the human 
mind into contact with divine revelation." 

Thiers says, in his last days : "I often invoke that 
God in whom I am happy to believe, who is denied by 
fools and ignorant people, but in whom the enlightened • 
man finds his consolation and hope." 

Bismarck is called, in derision, "the God-fearing 
man," in reference to his well-known religious prin- 
ciples. (Busch's Bismarck, p. 200). 

We might add to these Charles Sumner, who called 
Christianity the "true religion" and "our faith," and 
whose speeches constantly recognize God and Christ- 
ianity. 

Who are the leading literary characters of the century ? 
Victor Hugo, what of him ? Did you ever read his 
chapter on prayer in Les Miserables, and his grand 
tribute to immortality, uttered as a rebuke to a com- 
pany of French physicians, a few years ago ? Moore — 
have you read his "Paradise and the Peri," the Gospel 
of repentance, and do you know him as the author of the 
hymn, " Come, ye Disconsolate ? " Walter Scott — have 



1 



102 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



you read his translation of " Dies Irse," uttered so de- 
voutly in his last days : 

" Oh ! in that day, that dreadful day 
When Heaven and earth shall pass away, 

Be Thou, O Christ, the sinner's stay, 
When Heaven and earth shall pass away." 

31 And Shakespeare, whom Mr. Ingersoll accounts one 
of the grandest of human minds, was great enough to 
believe in the Bible. And so Thackeray, Whittier, 
Dickens, Goldsmith, Longfellow, and Irving were intel- 
lectual believers in Christianity. 

The following men, also lacking the freedom and 
power of thought that comes by materialism (?) became 
mentally so weak (?) that they declared in varying terms 
after reading largely 'in all departments of literature, 
that the Bible is the best book in the world : Sir Walter 
Scott, Sir William Jones, George Gilfillan, Milton, Pol- 
lock, Coleridge, Collins, Bacon, John Adams, Napo- 
leon, James Freeman Clarke, Lange, Kitto, Robert- 
son. And Channing put the Gospels where these 
others place the whole Bible — above all other liter- 
ature. 

The following persons strongly commend the Bible 
as a whole : Dr. Samuel Johnson, Carlyle, Dryden, 
Young, Cowper, Locke, Newton, Seward, Dawson, 
Franklin, John Quiney Adams, Bellows, Bartol, Theo- 
dore Parker, Rousseau, Guizot, Bunsen, Story, Webster, 
Diderot, Matthew Arnold, and Huxley. 

- The following persons among many others declare that 
they found in the Bible, not fetters for thought, but 
their strongest inspiration to thought : , Daniel Webster, 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. 103 

Fisher Ames, Mitchell, the Astronomer, Ruskin and 
Goethe. 

It is evident that very many others might truly have 
said the same, including Theodore Parker and Mr. 
Frothingham and other skeptics, whose writings show 
plainly that they owe their beauties of style to a famil- 
iarity with the Bible. 

JESUS CHRIST. 

With these great men who have commended the Bible 
should be mentioned one who is confessed by Christians 
and skeptics the greatest and best of men, Jesus Christ, 
who used the Psalms as His prayer and hymn book, and 
always spoke of the whole Old Testament as the Eternal 
Law Book of humanity. There is not time, nor is it 
necessary now to answer in detail all the hard questions 
that can be asked about single Bible passages. But 
these great men and Christ saw all these points of diffi- 
culty, and yet accepted the Bible as the pre-eminent 
book, commendidg it to the perusal of all as the source 
of the mind's grandest inspirations.- Side by side with 
these scores of the world's foremost men who declare trie 
the Bible the best of books, or strongly commend it, or 
point to it as the source of their grandest thoughts, put 
the opinion of that more learned (?), more profound (?), 
more unprejudiced (?) scholar and philosopher, Colonel 
Ingersoll, who stands almost alone among educated men 
in strongly condemning the Bible, which his bigotry 
prints with a small " b " in spite of the rules of gram- 
mar, and describes it as about the worst book of the 
world, in these words among others : ''If men will read 
the Bible as they read other books, they will be amazed 
that they ever, for one moment, supposed a being of in- 



104 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

finite wisdom to be the author of such ignorance and of 
such atrocity. The Bible burned heretics, built dun- 
geons, founded the inquisition, and trampled upon all the 
liberties of men. All the philosophy of the Bible would 
not make one scene in Hamlet. I could write a better 
book than the Bible, which is full of barbarism." 

AMAZING IGNORANCE OF INFIDELS CONCERNING THE 

SCRIPTURES HUME'S IGNORANCE OF THE NEW 

TESTAMENT TOM PAINE WITHOUT A 

BIBLE. 

"But some one asks, Are there not other eminent 
men who despised and condemned the Bible ? Most 
certainly, as there are those who have entered their 
protest against almost any and everything mentionable. 
It is, nevertheless worthy of note, that in most instances, 
those who have sought the more resolutely to defame 
the Holy Scriptures are those who are comparatively un- 
acquainted with them. David Hume distinguished both 
as essayist and historian, standing among the most noted 
of modern skeptical philosophers, was a resolute objector 
of the Bible, but was notoriously ignorant of its contents. 
Dr. Johnson, in conversation with several literary 
friends, once observed, in his usual, direct, and un- 
equivocal manner, that no honest man could be a deist, 
because no man could be so after a fair examination of 
the truths of Christianity. When the name of Hume 
was mentioned to him as an exception to his remark, he 
replied : ' No sir ; Hume once owned to a clergyman in 
the bishopric of Durham, that he had never read even 
the New Testament with attention.' " * 



* From "What Noted Men Think of the Bible. 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. I05 

Let us cross-question another important witness as to 
his knowledge of the book against which he offers testi- 
mony. We ask Thomas Paine as to his familiarity with 
the Bible, which he so bitterly condemns, and he re- 
plies, " I keep no Bible." 1 hold in my hand a sermon 
preached in New York City, by Rev. W. F. Hatfield, in 
reply to Mr. Ingersoll's lecture on Thomas Paine, in 
which reply with abundant facts, such as would convince 
a court, it is shown conclusively that Thomas Paine was 
vicious and corrupt in life, and miserable and remorseful 
in death. 

As to the value of Voltaire's testimony against Christ- 
ianity, Carlyle declares it worthless on the ground of 
lack of knowledge on the subject of which he testifies. 
He says : " It is a serious ground of offense against 
Voltaire that he intermeddled in religion without being 
himself, in any measure, religious ; that, in a word, he 
ardently, and with long-continued effort, warred against 
Christianity, without understanding, beyond the mere 
superfices, what Christianity was." 

DISTRIBUTED IGNORANCE AND CONCENTRATED HATRED 

PROBABLE CAUSE OF INGERSOLL'S INFIDELITY. 

There are also a class of specialists who are quoted 
against the Bible, and who manifest a hostility to it, 
whose testimony is of little value because of the narrow 
range in which they have studied, making them author- 
ities only in their special department. Halley, the 
astronomer, once avowed his skepticism in presence of 
Sir Isaac Newton. The venerable man replied : "Sir, 
you have never studied these subjects and I have. Do 
not disgrace yourself as a philosopher by presuming 
to judge on questions you have never examined." 



T06 MISTAKES OF 1 NGERSOLL. 

The largest proportion of skeptics, however, are mere 
sophomores, spoiled with a little learning which is only 
" distributed ignorance," well represented by a preco- 
cious boy of fourteen, whom I found writing an essay on 
" Matrimony," and who left it during my call to argue in 
favor of Ingersollism and against the Bible (of which he 
knew as little as of matrimony), which he admitted he 
had never read, as do nearly all skeptics when questioned 
On this matter. The bitterness of the opposition to 
Christianity of Mr. Ingersoll and other infidels is ex- 
plained by the Earl of Rochester, who was converted 
from infidelity and said, in explanation of his former 
course and that of others : " A bad heart, a bad heart 
is the great objection against the Holy Book." * 'The 
fool hath said in his heart (not his head) " there is no 
God." The bad heart is father to the infidel thought. 
It is like the case of the old woman who broke her look- 
ing-glass because it showed the wrinkles creeping into 
her fading face . Men strive to break the Bible glass 
that shoWs the wrinkles and defects of character. The 
whole appearance and tone and spirit of Mr. Ingersoll in 
his lectures is suggestive of his heart hatred against the 
book which he attacks, " kicks," " hates," not with the 
calmness of logic, but with the bitterness of a heart- 
hostility. Those infidels who have faithfully examined 
the Bible have usually been convinced of its truth and 
converted to Christianity. Among them, such distingu- 
ished names as Lord Lyttleton, Gilbert West, Soame 
Jenyus, Bishop Thompson, and at least a score of 
notable cases in connection with Mr. Moody's revival 
meetings in England. "What comparison, let us ask, 
will the ' rhimbef bf celebrated skeptics'; * even wneW ■ tfii 



REV. W. F. CRAFT'S REPLY. IOJ 

best possible showing is made, hold with the distingu- 
ished men who have ranked the sacred volume above all 
others ? Remember that your mother's love for the 
Bible and your own early reverence for it, have the in- 
dorsement of the grandest and profoundest minds which 
have been known and honored among humanity." 

THE TRUTH OF THE WHOLE MATTER. 

But salvation is not by belief in a book, or a creed, or 
a Church, but by belief in the person of Jesus Christ. 
Mr. Ingersoll skips this hard problem, "What think ye 
of Christ?" He hardly refers to this citadel of Christianity 
half a dozen times in all his lectures, making his attacks 
chiefly on human outposts and then claiming to have 
overborne the citadel of Christianity. Even Strauss, 
Renan, Rousseau, Theodore Parker, Napoleon, and 
Richter — none of them experimental Christians — unite 
as a jury in the verdict expressed by Richter in regard 
to Christ. " He is the purest among the mighty, the 
mightiest among the pure. " We have, then, two facts 
as a sure anchorage of our Christianity to-day. All 
scholarly skepticism agrees with Christianity that the 
Bible is the best of books and that Christ is the best of 
men; He who thus accepts the Bible and Christ can 
not logically or consistently stop short of a Christian 
life, following Christ as his pattern, and walking by the 
Bible as his rule. 

- We may differ about creeds, and Church forms, and 
Bible interpretation, but he who has faith and faithful- 
ness toward the person, Jesus Christ, shall be saved. 
Let us then devoutly utter the creed of Daniel Webster, 



108 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

as inscribed by his own request on his tombstone at 
Marshfield : 

"LORD, I 
BELIEVE, HELP 
THOU MINE UNBELIEF. 
PHILOSOPHICAL ARGUMENT 
ESPECIALLY THAT DRAWN FROM 
THE VASTNESS OF THE UN I VERSE in COM- 
PARISON WITH THE APPARENT INSIGNIFICANCE 
OF THIS GLOBE HAS SOMETIMES SHAKEN MY REASON 
FOR THE FAITH THAT IS IN ME ; BUT MY HEART HAS 
ASSURED ME THAT THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST MUST 
BE A DIVINE REAIITY. THE SERMON ON THE 
MOUNT CAN NOT BE A MERELY HUMAN 
PRODUCTION. THIS BELIEF ENTERS 
INTO THE VERY DEPTH OF MY 
CONSCIENCE. THE WHOLE 
HISTORY OF MAN 
PROVES IT." 




REV. C. C. McCABE.. 



CHAPLAIN McCABE'S REPLY. 



THE FAMOUS CHAPLAIN HAS A REMARKABLE DREAM HE 

SEES THE GREAT CITY OF INGERSOLLVILLE WHICH 

INGERSOLL AND THE INFIDEL HOST ENTER AND 

ARE SHUT IN FOR SIX MONTHS REMARKABLE CON- 
DITION OF THINGS OUTSIDE AND INSIDE HAPPINESS 

AND MISERY INGERSOLL FINALLY PETITIONS FOR 

A CHURCH AND SENDS FOR A LOT OF PREACHERS. 

I had a dream which was not all a dream. I thought 
I was on a long journey through a beautful country, 
when suddenly I came to a great city with walls fifteen 
feet high. At the gate stood a sentinel, whose shining 
armor reflected back the rays of the morning sun. As I 
was about to salute him and pass into the city, he stop- 
ped me and said : 

" Do you believe in the Lord Jesus Christ ? " 

I answered : " Yes, with all my heart." 
■* t Then," said he, " you can not enter here. No man 
or woman who acknowledges that name can pass in 
here. Stand aside !" said he, ' ' they are coming." 

I looked down the road, and saw a vast multitude ap- 
proaching. It was led by a military officer. 

" Who is that ? " I asked of the sentinel. 

•'That," he replied, " is the great Colonel Robert 
I , the founder of the City of Ingersollville." 

4 • Who is he ? " I ventured to inquire. 

"He is a great and mighty warrior, who fought in 

pidw (109) 



IIO MISTAKES OF INCERSOLL. 

many bloody battles for the Union during the great 
war." 

I felt ashamed of my ignorance of history, and stood 
silently watching the procession. I had heard of a 

Colonel I , ****** 

but, of course, this could not be the man. 

The procession came near enough for me to recognize 
some of the faces. I noted two infidel editors of na- 
tional celebrit3 7 , followed by great wagons containing 
steam presses. There were also five members of Con- 
gress. 

All the noted infidels and scoffers of the country 
seemed to be there. Most of them passed in unchal- 
lenged by the sentinel, but at last a meek-looking indi- 
vidual with a white necktie approached, and he was 
stopped. I saw at a glance that it was a well-known 
' ' liberal " preacher of New York. 

"Do you believe in the Lord Jesus?" said the sen- 
tinel. 

" Not much ! " said the doctor. 

Everybody laughed, and he was allowed to pass in. 

There were artists there, with glorious pictures ; sing- 
ers with ravishing voices ; tragedians and comedians, 
whose names have a world-wide fame. 

Then came another division of the infidel host — 
saloon-keepers by thousands, proprietors of gambling 
hells, brothels, and theatres. 

Still another division swept by ; burglars, thieves, 
thugs, incendiaries, highwaymen, murderers — all — all 
marching in. My vision grew keener. I beheld, and 
lo ! Satan himself brought up the rear. 

High afloat above the mass was a banner, on which 



CHAPLAIN MCCABE'S REPLY. Ill 

was inscribed: "What has Christianity done for the 
country ? " and another on which was inscribed : "Down 
with the churches ! Away with Christianity — it inter- 
feres with our happiness ! " And then came a murmur 
of voices, that grew louder and louder, until a shout 
went up like the roar of Niagara: "Away with Him ! 
Crucify Him, crucify Him ! " I felt no desire now to 
enter Ingersollville. 

As the last of the procession entered, a few men and 
women, with broad-brimmed hats and plain bonnets, 
made their appearance, and wanted to go in as mission- 
aries, but they were turned rudely away. A zealous 
young Methodist exhorter, with a Bible under his arm, 
asked permission to enter, but the sentinel swore at him 
awfully. Then I thought I saw Brother Moody apply- 
ing for admission, but he was refused. I could not 
help smiling to hear Moody say, as he turned sadly 
away : 

"Well ! they let me live and work in Chicago ; it is 
very strange they won't let me into Ingersollville." 

The sentinel went inside the gate and shut it with a 
bang ; and I thought, as soon as it was closed, a mighty 
angel came down with a great iron bar, and barred the 
gate on the outside, and wrote upon it in letters of fire, 
"Doomed to live together six months." Then he w r ent 
away, and all was silent, except the noise of the revelry 
and shouting that came from within the city walls. 

I went away, and as I journeyed through the land I 
could not believe my eyes. Peace and plenty smiled 
everywhere. The jails were all empty, the penitenti- 
aries were without occupants. The police of great 
cities were idle. Judges sat in court-rooms with nothing 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



to do. Business was brisk. Many great buildings s 
formerly crowded with criminals, were turned into 
manufacturing establishments. Just about this time the 
President of the United States called for a Day of 
Thanksgiving. I attended services in a Presbyterian 
church. The preacher dwelt upon the changed condi- 
tion of affairs. As he went on, and depicted the great 
prosperity that had come to the country, and gave 
reasons for devout thanksgiving, I saw one old deacon 
clap his handkerchief over his mouth to keep from shout- 
ing right out. An ancient spinster, who never did like 
the " noisy" Methodists — a regular old blue-stocking 
Presbyterian — couldn't hold in. She expressed the 
thought of every heart by shouting with all her might, 
" Glory to God for Ingersollville ! " A young theological 
student lifted up his hand and devoutly added, ''Esto 
perpetual Everybody smiled. The country was almost 
delirious with joy. Great processions of children swept 
along the highways, singing, 

"We'll not give up the Bible, 

God's blessed Word of Truth." 
Vast assemblies of reformed inebriates, with their 
wives and children, gathered in the open air. No build- 
ing would hold them. I thought I was in one meeting 
where Bishop Simpson made an address, and as he 
closed it a mighty shout went up till the earth rang 
again/ O, it was wonderful ! and then We all stood up 
and sang with tears of joy, 

" All hail the power of Jesus' name ! 

Let angels prostrate fall ; 
Bring forth the royal diadem, 

And crown him Lord of all." 
The six months had well-nigh gone. I made my 



CHAPLA i N MCCABe's REPLY. I i 3 

way back again to the gate of Ingersollville. A dread- 
ful silence reigned over the city, broken only by the 
sharp crack of a revolver now and then. I saw a 
man trying to get in at the gate, and I said to him, 
"My friend, where are you from?" 

"I live in Chicago," said he, "and they've taxed 
us to death there; and I've heard of this city, and I 
want to go in to buy some real estate in this new and 
growing place." 

He failed utterly to remove the bar, but by some 
means he- got a ladder about twelve feet long, and with 
its aid, he climbed up upon the wall. With an eye to 
business, he shouted to the first person he saw : 

"Hallo there !— what's the price of real estate in 
Ingersollville ? " 

[ ? Nothing ! " shouted a voice ; ' ' you can have all you 
want if you'll just take it and pay the taxes." 

"What made your taxes so high ? " said the Chicago 
man. 

I noted the answer carefully ; I shall never forget it. 

"We've had to build forty new jails and fourteen 
penitentiaries— a lunatic asylum and an orphan asylum 
in every ward ; we've had to disband the public schools, 
and it takes all the city revenue to keep up the police 
force." 

" Where's my old friend, I • — — ? " said the Chicago 

man. 

" O, he is going about to-day with a subscription paper 
to build a church. They have gotten up a petition to 
send out for a lot of preachers to come and hold revival 



114 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

services, If we can only get them over the wall, we 
hope there is a future for Ingersollville yet. " 

The six months ended. Instead of opening the door, 
however, a tunnel was dug under the wall big enough 
for one person to crawl through at a time . First came 
two bankrupt editors, followed by Colonel I him- 
self ; and then the whole population crawled through. 
Then I thought, somehow, great crowds of Christians 
surrounded the city. There was Moody, and Hammond, 
and Earle, and 'hundreds of Methodist preachers and 
exhorters, and they struck up, singing together, 

"Come, ye sinners, poor and needy." 

A needier crowd never was seen on earth before. 
I conversed with some of the inhabitants of the aban- 
doned city, and asked a few of them this question : 
V Do you believe in Hell ? " 

I can not record the answers ; they were terribly 
orthodox. 

One old man said, "I've been there on probation 
for six months, and I dont want to join." 

I knew by that he was an old Methodist backslider. 
The sequel of it all was a great revival, that gathered a 
mighty harvest from the ruined City of Ingersollville. 




REV. ROBERT COLLYER, D. D. 



DR. COLLYER'S REPL.Y. 



DR. COLLYER RELATES A LITTLE STORY A BOOK THAT 

COST MR. INGERSOLL THE GOVERNORSHIP OF IL- 
LINOIS THE VOLUME PH I LOSOPH I CALLY CONS I DERED 

HEAVY BLOWS. 

I have been told a gentleman went to see Mr. Inger- 
soil once, when he lived in Peoria, and finding a fine 
copy of Voltaire in his library, said, " Pray, Sir, what 
did this cost you ? " ' * I believe it cost me the governor- 
ship of the State of Illinois," was the swift and pregnant 
answer. I can not but recall the incident as he stands 
in the light of his lecture. He seems to be saying, " It 
is my turn now, and I will do what I can to square the 
account. I will dethrone your God to-day amid peals 
of laughter , blow His being down the wind on the wings 
of my epigrams. I have those about me who will send 
my words flying all over the state. I will start a cru- 
sade which will shut up your churches some day, silence 
your immemorial prayers, slay all the hopes that would 
strive after something more than this momentary gleam 
between the eternities, make of no account the grand 
deep truth that 'life struck sharp on death makes awful 
lightning,' and so dwarf our human kind that when we 
get man where we want him he shall never again be able 
to look over the low billows of his green graves, and 

("5) 



Il6 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLLi 

end the fight by making my own creed good once, for 
all that 

Man, God's last work, who seemed so fair, 

Such splendid purpose in his eyes, 

Who rolled the psalms in wintry skies, 
Who built him fanes for fruitless prayer, 
Who trusted God was love indeed, 

And love, creation's final law ; 

Though nature red, in tooth and claw, 
With raven, shrieked against his creed ; 
Who loved, who suffered countless ills, 

Who battled for the true and just, 

Is blown about the desert dust, 
And sealed within the iron hills." 

Now, since we first knew Mr. Ingersoll by report, there 
has been a time when those who can only believe in 
God as a rather helpless little brother, by no means able 
to take care of Himself, and in themselves as big brothers 
that are bound to stand up for Him, might have felt 
there was grave danger in such a sight as we have wit- 
nessed — of a vast array of men and women, some of 
them it is fair to believe of a thoughtful turn, assembled 
to hear the last and best word which can be said why 
God should be dethroned and His presence and pro- 
vidence numbered among the things that seemed true 
enough once, but pass away inevitably in the process 
through which we arise from ' ' our dear selves to higher 
things." 

SPARKS FLYING IN ALL DIRECTIONS SINGULAR MENTAL 

PHENOMENON OCCASIONED BY $2 5,000 A YEAR. 

He was clothed once in a fine austerity ; went on his 
lonely way quite content, to give grave and serious 
reasons for rejecting what so many of us hold dearer 



DR. COLLYER'S REPLY. I I 7 

than our life, and was faithful to his instinct and insight, 
though such ovations as were ever given him — as Dr. 
Dyer used to say of the old abolitionists — might take the 
form mainly of rotten eggs. I know of more than one 
man, who, in those days, nourished a deep and most ten- 
der regard for him, and found something noble in the 
stand he made for the best a man could do and be, who 
has to abide so utterly alone. But Mr. Ingersoll, roys- 
tering around as the popular advocate of atheism, at 
$25,000 a year, as the common report goes, is quite 
another sort of a man. No doubt the laborer is worthy 
of his hire. Those who run the thing may be trusted to 
see to that, and a good many of us who stand on the 
other side may not be much better, according to the old 
proverb that "money makes the mare go." Still, as this 
always turns the fine edge of our endeavor and makes us 
weak for good when we make it at all a matter for barter 
and sale, so it must be with Mr. Ingersoll, making him weak 
for what I can not but believe to be evil. He is no more 
in such a case than the second batch of reformers in the 
old times, who argued lustily for a reformation, while 
still they grew rich on the Church lands. No more than 
your Archbishop in the Church of England, arguing on 
the godliness of tythes and priestly authority. So, Mr. 
Ingersoll, in motley, trying to laugh the deepest and 
most sacred convictions of men down the wind under 
the guise of girding at the Pentateuch (for we must 
thank him, I say again, for the frankness with which he 
tells us that this is his ultimate aim), is a very different 
man to the quiet, manful fellow we used to hear of in 
Peoria long ago, who won such regard from those who 
could at all understand him. The man in the ring, 



I I 8 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

whose sole business it is to make you laugh, makes no 
converts even to rough riding. And so there is ground 
for neither hope nor fear, as we stand on that side or 
this, about the advance of atheism, so long as this re- 
mains as the best method of its choicest champions. It 
may make headway with such men as Voltaire had to 
handle, and in such times ; but this serious and deep- 
hearted race of ours never did take to this kind of thing, 
and never will. It is only as the crackling of the thorns 
under a pot. 

Nor can this bitter and relentless spirit toward those 
who differ help the advocates of atheism any more than 
it does the advocates of faith. Robert Southey says, in 
a letter to Sharon Turner, touching the contentions of 
his time between the sects, " When I hear the dissenters 
talk about Churchmen, I feel like a very high Church- 
man myself ; but when I hear Churchmen talk about 
dissenters, I feel that I am a dissenter, too." It was but 
the bias of a nature, in which the balances were still 
true, in favor of the side which was dealt with most un- 
fairly. The plea in the mind of one who could look on 
both sides with a calm concern, that the result of fight- 
ing over the lamp should not be to put out the light, 
or of contending over the nature and properties of the 
spring, to soil the water so that no one could drink at 
it, be he ever so athirst. Lord Bacon says, " there is 
superstition in avoiding superstition, when those think 
they do best who go farthest ; but care should be taken 
that the good should not be purged away with the 
bad, which commonly happens when this is the method." 
So I think it must be with such violent and utter de- 
nunciation as this, which lies within the spirit of Mr. 



DR. COLLYERS REPLY. I 19 

Ingersoll's address. It has pleased a very bright and 
able man in our ranks to fall into accord with him in 
many things he has to say, and to show how we also 
hold this ground. I may be old-fashioned, and unfit for 
a fair judgment, but I am very much of Southey's mind, 
and when I hear orthodoxy denounced in such a spirit, I 
say I agree with Ingersoll nowhere. Here is bigotry of 
a new shape, denouncing bigots ; and [ sway to the other 
side for very charity, and the desire that the most good 
possible should be found in any evil, and especially that 
one should think as well as possible of those who 
can not see as we do, but are still of as fine and clear a 
grain, and show as noble a soul of self-sacrifice — that 
uttermost and innermost proof a man can give that he 
believes he is right. 

THE CLEAR RING OF TRUTH VS. THE DULL THUD OF 

BASER METAL POTENCY OF SIMPLE STATEMENT THE 

DOCTOR'S OBJECTIONS TO INGERSOLL'S TALK. 

Now, a man who seeks and loves the truth, must be 
esteemed in every human society ; but so far as my own 
observation goes, the most of our fights and contentions 
carried on in such a spirit as this I am trying to touch, 
end in vast clouds of dust and smoke, in which the clear, 
shining sun of the truth turns blood-red to our human 
vision . And those who, even with the best intentions, 
are forever going about, as we say, with a chip on their 
shoulder, are likely in the end to be voted a common 
nuisance. The truth must be told, no matter who gets 
hurt ; the truth, or even semblance of the truth, which 
smites the man who tells it, and moves his heart so that 
he has to cry, "Woe is me if I preach not this Gospel ! " 



120 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

But the truth still comes to us through clear and simple 
statements which tell their own story, rather than 
through denial, denunciation, satire, slang, and appeals 
to the top-gallery. So Channing thought, and the result 
is, that his best sarmons are simply statements of the 
truth as it had come home to his own heart and mind. 
So Parker thought, and reading his life again, just now, 
I find there is nothing the man longed for so much as 
that he might be quiet, and just let the truth dome itself 
in his great fine heart and brain, while, he regrets bitterly 
the evil times that compelled him to take to other me- 
thods ; and the best work he ever did for the deep, still 
truth, are statements. So John Wesley thought, when 
once he struck his shining path from earth to heaven, 
and his sermons from 1740 to 1780, are simply state- 
ments of the ever-growing and ever-brightening truth 
God is revealing to man. And so even Calvin thought, 
and his earliest and best utterances are still statements, 
grim, hard, iron-clinched, but all the same the stern and 
inexorable affirmation, made good for all time, that 
neither priest nor Pope can play fast and loose with the 
Most High God. Always you find the greatest and best 
men when they themselves are at their best making 
statements, exactly as Jesus does in the sermon on the 
mount. Saying what is in them simply and sincerely, 
feeling sure, as Coleridge says, that ' ' no authority can 
ever prevail in opposition to the truth." So Columbus 
holds himself before the Council of Salamanca, when a 
new world is in debate. So Stephenson holds himself 
before the House of Lords, when he has to answer for 
his locomotive. So Newton affirms his discovery of the 
law of gravitation ; and Harvey, that of the circulation 



DR. COLLYER'S REPLY. 121 

of the blood. That is the law of all truth-telling in its 
noblest and best shape, and then the contention, if there 
is one, is simply the hiss, as Stebbins, of California, said 
once, when he was speaking in defence of the Chinese, 
" is simply the hiss the white-hot truth makes when it 
strikes the black waters of hell. " 

Here, then, is my radical objection to Mr. Ingersoll's 
talk, apart from his final aim. It is conceived and done 
in a narrow and most bigoted spirit, by one who claims, 
above all things in the world, to be free from bigotry. 
The men of whom he speaks so unworthily are, take 
them by and large, worthy men. The things in the 
five books of Moses, so called, on which the fathers 
based their creeds, are rapidly passing into worthier 
meanings ; and the day is not far distant when the old 
belief will have rotted down, and be as when an old tree 
rots, to become the nursing mother of a bed of violets. 
No man believes in such things any more, who has 
read and thought to any purpose ; and the man who has 
not done this, had far better believe in the six days' 
work and one days' rest, rib, serpent, fall, flood, ark, 
manna, and all the rest of those wonders, than in Mr. 
Ingersoll's enormous and most fatal negation of God. 

PUTTING THE FINE EDGE ON ORTHODOXY TAKING A 

WELD WITH PROF. SWING AND DR. THOMAS 

BORAX AND BIGOTRY. 

Nor is that bad and bitter spirit in orthodoxy now 
which once found utterance in fire and the axe, as it did 
in far more ruthless ways in atheism when the goddess 
of Reason was the divinity of France. Orthodoxy, 
in a free-spoken land like ours, is very civil, indeed, 
and timid, as I think, almost to a fault, showing just the 



122 



MISTAKES OE 1 NGERSOLL. 



spirit which is not sure the ground may not slip from 
under it any moment ; and so far as its finest leaders 
go edging away from the rocking base, as fast and as 
far the people for whom those men have to care will 
follow. Nothing could be more gentle than the way 
orthodoxy used Brother Swing. He was no more 
orthodox than you are. He might not think so, bu f 
that's the truth, patent to the whole world. Yet the 
church to which he was preaching, and the oldstandbys, 
as we call them, said, ' ' This is what we are here for, 
and have laid out our money and time for, and, if you go 
back far enough, it is what our fathers shed their blood 
for. Dr. Swing must be true to his ancient vows, or 
leave." 

If Ingersoll should ever lay out his money, and those 
of his mind put theirs to it, to build a great hall in 
Washington or Chicago for the propagation of atheism, 
and employ a man to preach to them, and then if 
this man should depart as far backward from their 
way of thinking as Brother Swing departed forward 
from that of the Presbyterians, they will be much more 
catholic and inclusive than I think they are if they use 
that man as gently. 

I do not mention this for proof of my word that 
orthodoxy is getting to be very civil — indeed, gentle, 
timid, and even wanting in a proper courage to take 
care of its own household, if we are to judge from the 
half-and-half measures they are taking with Mr. Tal- 
madge, in Brooklyn, and the way in which they let him 
smite them on the mouth. 

Orthodoxy has exchanged the old fetters of iron for 
silken bands with an elastic base. Brother Thomas, 



DR. COLLYER'S REPLY. 1 23 

my dear and good friend, has no right to preach in 
a Methodist pulpit, and in the days I remember, would 
not have preached in one to this time. There must be 
a certain concert of opinion, capable of being brought 
within fair lines, or nobody would organize or hold any- 
thing. This is the secret of our most happy relation 
through all these years in this church. We hold to- 
gether through a large, free, common opinion about cer- 
tain grand verities. I should injure my own nature if I 
went over those lines. Yet men are continually going 
over them in the orthodox churches. But they bear and 
forbear, scold a little, fret a good deal, and trust the 
brother may see things different presently or depart in 
peace, and then, when there is no help for it, they lift 
him very gently out of the fold. 

Nor is the scorn Mr. Ingersoll pours out on these an- 
cient books befitting any man who could feel his way to 
their heart, apart from any theory of inspiration or the 
use made of them to hinder human progress. It is the 
spirit of the Caliph he shows, who, when the question 
came up what should be done with a superb library, 
said, "Burn it ; whatever is against the Koran ought to 
be burnt, and whatever agrees with the Koran is not 
needed." With some such narrow vision he would judge 
these venerable monuments of the most ancient time ; 
make an end of them to human credence ; get them 
branded for worthless in the interests of human reason ; 
and order himself toward them as if an iconoclast, look- 
ing over the treasures of the Louvre, should note only 
what is grotesque or painful, while he missed what is 
most beautiful and entrancing, tumble the whole into a 
heap, and burn it into ashes and lime . Men have mis- 



124 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

used these books, there can be no doubt of that, and 
turned some parts of them into bane, which, well used, 
might bring blessing. So they tell me, there is no place 
that can match Peoria in its power to turn good grain 
into whisky ; therefore, shovel Peoria into the river, and 
leave the smiling prairies where the grain grows, a 
waste. 

Nothing in the world shows a man's limitations so 
fatally as the play of this power which can not or will 
not distinguish between the use and abuse of things, or 
will overlook the abiding good because of the transient 
evil. We tolerate it easily in the child who turns in 
wrath on the chair against which he has bruised himself; 
we look twice at the man who does this, and then draw 
our own conclusion. I have been told, on good author- 
ity, that Mr. Ingersoll, in his childhood and his early 
youth, did get badly bruised against these books. Well, 
the books have to take it now ; but is this the sign of a 
large and graceful mind ? One would think he might have 
gotten over it before this, and come to understand them 
better than mere instruments of hurt. I can agree in 
nothing touching the Bible and the soul's life with the 
man who tells me his aim is to damage or destroy the 
faith of man in God, to the best of his ability ; but if 
this was out of the way, one might not object to his an- 
tagonism to the misuse of Moses by those who think 
they do God service. Still, in any case, I find too much 
beauty in the books to allow me to touch them with 
irreverent hands. They are simply above all standards 
of value, with which I measure other books outside the 
Scriptures, in the revelation they make to me of the 
way men felt their way toward a sure faith in God in 



DR. COLLYER'S REPLY. 125 

those old times, and so grew, in many instances, to be 
very noble and good at last, and, as I have said, of the 
way in which they tried to account for this wonderful 
and mysterious universe in which they found themselves 
when they had "learned the use of I and me, and said, 
' I am not what I see, and other than the things I 
touch.'" Nor would I lose one of the wonders. They 
all tell us something we want to know about the working 
of the human mind. 

That is a very poor and rude matter I treasure in my 
study ; a broken vase of gray clay, with a few fishbone 
marks on it ; but if there was not another of them in the 
world I woud not exchange it for the Portland vase, for 
this reason : That on a day, so remote I can not strike 
it, some poor savage made that vase in my little town, 
to hold the dust of some one dear to him, put those 
marks on it for a token what was in his mind, and then 
made a little vault and hid it away until the sun of 
this century should shine on it, and when I hold that 
vase, I find a trace of the man who had else been lost, 
There is the faint beat of a human heart lingering in the 
clay, and a dim remembrance of tears, and the marks, 
are as if they should open my grave two thousand 
years from now, and find the white cross still fresh on 
my coffin, and say, ' ' Tender, loving hands laid that 
there, let us deal with it tenderly." These rude and 
half-shapen things in the old books are the clue to the 
man who made them, and how he felt, and what he 
thought. I would not spare the last letter out of them, 
but would scan them all in reverence, let who will scorn 
them. They all belong to our human history, and it is 
only their misfortune they have ever been misused. 



126 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



They are included in the saying of the great and wise 
German, that the Bible begins nobly with Paradise, the 
symbol of Faith, and concludes with the eternal king- 
dom ; and with the grand, sweet word of Thomas 
Carlyle : "In the poorest cottage there is one book 
wherein, for thousands of years, the spirit of man has 
found light and nourishment, and an interpreting re- 
sponse to whatever is deepest in him. The Book where- 
in to this day the eye that will look well, the mystery 
of existence reflects itself, and if not to the satisfying of 
the outward sense, yet to the opening of the inward 
sense, which is the far grander result." 

A TOUCHING ILLUSTRATION ELOQUENCE AND TRUTH 

HAVELOCK'S SAINTS. 

Of the doctrine advanced by Mr. Ingersoll. and his 
purpose to have done with the God Jesus believed in, 
and show reason why we should have done with Him, 
there is nothing to say if I have not said it steadily 
these many years. A remark of Charles Hare strikes 
me forcibly as I read the few words that are said on this 
matter, in the address, "There is no being eloquent for 
atheism. In that exhausted receiver the mind can not 
use its wings — the clearest proof that it is out of its 
element." For when I consider how eloquent Mr. In- 
gersoll has been at times, and the moving cause of it, I 
can see that he also must answer to this law. He never 
said grander words than those about our boys, their 
mighty heart, and utter self-sacrifice, for the noblest 
ends. But there never was anything done since the 
world stood, in which the presence of God could be 
traced, and his power felt more clearly, nor did ever 
men make such sacrifice with a devouter sense that God 



DR. COLLYER*S REPLY. 12? 

Was within it all, than those most worthy his grand 
and touching eulogium. " Call out Havelock's saints," 
Sir Archibald Campbell shouted, when hope was almost 
dead in the great Sepoy rebellion in India. Something 
must be done, and done on the swift instant, or there 
would be more woful work among the woman and chil- 
dren. Call out Havelock's saints, they are sure to be 
ready, and they are never drunk. They were of the sort 
that carry a Bible in their knapsack, and turn to chapter 
and verse, and sing psalms from old Rouse's version to 
Dundee and Elgin, and the Martyrs, and nourish their 
hearts on stories of the way stout battles were fought 
and grand martyrdoms endured for God among the 
moors. Call out Havelock's saints, they are always 
ready, and never* get drunk, and they do fight like the 
very angels. They were but the brothers of the great, 
simple souls who fought at Ball's Bluff, and in scores 
of battles beside, while mothers and sisters did the pray- 
ing for the moment, for they had no time except just 
to look up and hear that voice in the heart say, "Steady, 
my boy, steady, you are of a grand stock, you must tell 
a grand story. And they told it, a.. d at the heart of it 
all was God, and a new life for the nation, and in time 
a new civilization that shall shed its blessing on the 
whole waiting world. 

ATHEISM NOT AN INSTITUTION BUT A "DESTITU- 
TION ! " THE TRUE LIFE. 

I have no stones to throw at atheism any more than 
I have stones to throw at blindness. It can never be 
more than a very sore and sad limitation, not an insti- 
tution, but a destitution. This Anglo-Saxon nature is 
not good soil for it ; no arguments can make it take b/old 



128 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



and grow in us any more than arguments can make roses 
take hold and grow on Aberdeen granite. Nor have I 
any exhortation save this : That as we stand as pioneers 
of the noblest and fairest faith we can reach, a faith 
which throws no strands to stay itself on the fall, or the 
flood, or the manna, or the sun standing still, or any of 
these old wonders, but just fronts the light and drinks it 
in, we shall grow ever more worthy to prove God's pre- 
sence in the world, by revealing it in our life, and in the 
work he has given us to do. There is no argument like 
that which lies within a sweet and true life which looks 
to God forever for its inspiration and its joy. Let us be 
right worthy of our faith. 

Then shall this Western Goth, 

So fiercely practical, so keen of eye, 

Find out some day that nothing pays but God. 

Served whether in the smoke of battle field, 

In work obscure done honestly — or vote 

For truth unpopular — or faith maintained, 

To ruinous convictions — or good deeds, 

Wrought for good's sake, heedless of heaven or hell. 



BISHOP CHENEY'S REPLY. 



hOW THE QUESTION OF FORGERY APPLIES TO THE FIVE 
BOOKS OF MOSES. 

In looking at almost any object in the world of nature 
round about, it becomes remarkable only from certain 
points of view. The cathedral rocks that form one of 
the glories of the Yosemite Valley differ not much from 
any other great pile of jagged cliffs, except in a certain 
position, where the great mass of Gothic spires and 
arches appear clothed with evergreen ivy. Only as you 
reach a certain point where Profile Notch penetrates the 
White Mountains, do you see far up, up on the topmost 
cliff, the formation of a face cut in the solid granite by 
nature's own chisel. But the case of alleged forgery 
before u^ is extraordinary Irom every point of view, for 
forgery is generally something which concerns some brief 
document, something that requires only a signature in 
order to secure its currency. The longer and more elab- 
orate the document which forgery produces, the more 
danger there must inevitably be of its final and ultimate 
detection. But here are five long historic books. 
They are full of details. They cover vast periods 
of time. They enter into a variety of topics. They 
are full of details. Incidentally they discuss not 
only questions of religion, but of law, of politics, of 
commerce, even of hygiene — medical laws of health. 

(129) 



I30 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

Was ever forgery committed before or since on such a 
gigantic scale as this ? Moreover, there is no crime that 
is liable to be so speedily detected as forgery. The man 
who signs some document with another's name rarely 
goes down to the grave without meeting his punishment 
here on earth. Why, only a few weeks ago, the doors 
of our penitentiary, in the State of Illinois, closed 
upon a prisoner who had affixed the name of another, 
whose name was better than his own, to a check upon 
which he had received the money ; but only one month 
intervened as a gap between that crime and the punish- 
ment it merited and received. 

It was a hundred years ago, that Thomas Chatter- 
ton, one of the most wonderful men, or boys, I might 
rather say, that England has ever produced, forged a 
huge mass of papers, professedly historical, that were 
dated away back in the thirteenth and fourteenth cen- 
turies. The style was that of the monks and chroniclers, 
which he had imitated with the greatest possible per- 
fection. The references to the customs of that ancient 
period were such as to avoid detection, and Chatterton, 
in the precocity of his intellect, and in the versatility of 
his talent, was without a peer in English literary his- 
tory. The English literary world received it as a revela- 
tion out of lost centuries. The great scholars of Eng- 
land were deceived. But it only took three years to ex- 
pose to every eye the fraud that had been committed, 
and Chatterton, whom Wordsworth called the "marvel- 
ous boy," ended his career in a suicide's grave. O, 
brethren ! who can count the years, who can enumerate 
the centuries which have rolled over this world of 
ours since the alleged forgery of this man Moses ! And 



bishop Cheney's reply 13 1 

yet to-day^ after the lapse of centuries, there are more 
people who believe in that forgery as the genuine work 
of the man whom God appointed the great law-giver and 
leader of Israel, there are more people who hang their 
hopes for time and eternity on this alleged fraud, and 
that which has grown out of this alleged fraud — the 
Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ — than ever before in 
two thousand years. Am I not then justified in saying 
that if this be forgery, which is contained in the five 
books of Moses, it is the most extraordinary forgery that 
has ever been committed in the world since words ex- 
pressed human thought, or human beings learned to 
wield a pen ? 

THE "COMMON GROUND" OF THE CONTENDING PARTIES 
LOGICAL POSITION OF EZRA. 

Now, in the first place, I desire to call your attention 
to certain facts concerning the Mosaic record. In all 
controversies in every department of human thought 
there are certain points which are regarded as neutral 
ground. When our great civil war shook this land from 
centre to circumference and two mighty armies were face 
to face in the Valley of the Tennessee, the stars and 
stripes floated in the same breeze that wafted the stars 
and the bars ; the strains of "Dixie" and "My Mary- 
land" commingled with "Hail Columbia" and the 
" Star-Spangled Banner "; the soldiers of the different 
armies exchanged such commodities as they possessed, 
as if they had been neighbors in peace at home. No 
wonder that finally it came to pass that between these 
armies there was what is known as neutral ground, on 
which it was agreed that the soldiers of one side should 
not fire on those of the other. Now, is there any such 



132 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

ground as that between those who defend what are known 
as the five books of Moses, and those who declare they 
were never written by Moses at all ? Is there any point, 
I say, in this controversy where the skeptic and the be- 
liever can come to stand upon one common ground ? If 
we can find such a neutral ground as that, it will save us 
a long, tiresome, profitless debate . 

Now, such a ground I think we have in the life and 
history of Ezra, the writer of the book of the Old Test- 
ament, which bears his name. It is conceded on all 
hands that this man was a scribe of the Jewish law after 
the close of the Babylonian captivity . After the people 
had returned from the land of their exile into the land of 
their fathers, he gathered into one great collection all 
these sacred writings that were held by the Jews to be 
the inspired word of God. No infidel that I am aware 
of has ever questioned the fact that in this collection of 
Ezra was contained the five books of Moses. It has 
been claimed by some of the least scholarly of infidels 
that Ezra wrote those five books. But that idea was 
found visionary and was long ago given up by those who m 
opposed the truth of Christianity. But the fact remains 
that no one, Christian or unbeliever, to-day questions 
the historic fact that the five books of Moses, as we now 
accept them, were received as the writings of the law- 
giver of the Jewish people when Ezra was at the acme 
of his influence after the Baylonian captivity. But they 
state that it was universally conceded that it was four 
hundred and fifty years before the birth of Christ. In 
other words, it was admitted that every Jew who re- 
turned out of the Babylonian captivity, held these five 



w bishop Cheney's reply. 133 

books to be the works of Moses, the man of God, twenty- 
three hundred years ago. 

THE BISHOP PLANTING SIGNALS ON THE MOUNTAIN TOPS 
OF HISTORY SURVEY OF THE NEW MOSES AIR LINE. 

We stand, then, without dispute, without any contro- 
versy, at this point of time — four hundred and fifty years 
before the birth of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. 
Now, fix that point in your memory while I attempt, 
like a civil engineer penetrating some wilderness, to plant 
the signal on some more remote mountain top of history. 
Now, all the ancient writings, whether Egyptian or 
Chaldean, corroborate the testimony of the Bible that 
these Hebrews were slaves in the land of Egypt. They 
also agree that they migrated into Southern Syria, under 
the leadership of a man who was called Moses — a word 
which meant ' ' one drawn out of the water. " It is also 
universally allowed that they settled in this new land, 
which had long before been promised to their fathers, 
about the year 1450 before Christ. We have established 
then our second date — a date which no skeptic has ever 
called in question. When our great tunnel that brings 
the pure water of Lake Michigan into every home and 
household in this city was in progress of construction, 
the workmen began at either end. There was a shaft 
out in yonder crib, and there was another on the shore, 
and underneath the waves the two parties of toilers 
worked toward each other. And so it is with us. We 
tunnel between our two shafts. The date 450 B. C. and 
the date 1450 B.' C. — only one thousand years are to be 
accounted for. Does that seem a long period of time to 
you ? I admit that it does, but not in the history of 
nations. It is only a trifle more than the time in which 



134 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

you and I are living is removed from the time of William 
of Normandy, who conquered Harold and the English 
barons. 

Now we will cross the sea to the old tower that still 
recalls the memory of William the Conqueror. We will 
enter the office of public records, and in that fire-proof 
vault, guarded as they guard the specie that is gathered 
into the treasury of the nation, is a book in two huge 
volumes of vellum. It is known as the "Doomsday 
Book." In the year 1086, eight hundred years ago, re- 
member, William the Conqueror caused that record to 
be prepared. It is nearly as old as the five books of 
Moses, the Pentateuch, was in the days of Ezra the 
scribe. But not a page of the "Doomsday Book" has 
been lost ; not a line has been altered ; not a letter 
erased. Its pages read to-day as thev did in this old 
time when the Norman heel was on the Saxon neck — 
eight centuries ago. The ink is as fresh on the parch- 
ment as though that parchment were unstained by age. 
Do you ask how it is that the record has remained un- 
corrupted ? Do you ask how it is that after all the re- 
volutions that have swept over England, after all the 
changes of royal houses, and the dissolutions of powerful 
parties, that that has remained perfectly unaltered ? 
The answer is a perfectly easy one to give. It is because 
' ' Doomsday Book" contains the name of every man, who, 
in the days of William the Conqueror, owned one rood of 
English soil . It contains a description of the lands 
throughout the realm. It gives the boundaries of every 
estate, and every English family must, therefore, find the 
roots of itsgenealogy in that old book of the early times of 
the Norman conquest. It gives the title to every acre of 



bishop Cheney's reply. 135 

land in England. Thus, two of the strongest motives 
that can influence the human mind and the human will 
have conspired to guard this " Doomsday Book" with a 
jealous and tireless care. 

The possession of a great name, and the possession of 
landed property are wrapped up in England in the 
safety of that one book. Now, exactly the same mo- 
tives conspired for the preservation, from all corruption, 
of the five books of Moses. They contain the list of 
those who came out of Egypt with Moses and entered 
into Palestine ; they gave a description of the land that 
was apportioned to each and every name. To lose 
these books, which the Jews ever regarded as a precious 
treasure, the genealogy of their household — to suffer 
them to be tampered with, was to unsettle the title to 
every man's field from Dan to Beersheba. 

If the "Doomsday Book" has survived, uncorrupted, 
what reason on earth is there to doubt that the Penta- 
teuch was preserved intact during the thousand years 
that intervened between the time of Moses and the time 
of Ezra ? But I need not stop here. Ezra, as I have 
said, was one of the captives who returned out of exile. 
But Daniel, long before the time of Ezra, speaks of this 
law of Moses. He bases his own conduct and his own 
private character upon it. Daniel brings us a hundred 
years nearer to the days when Moses gave that law to 
the world. When King Josiah mounted the throne of 
Judah he found that throne polluted by the wickedness 
that characterized the reign of his father, King Manasseh, 
and then there came an overwhelming and powerful re- 
vival of religion throughout the kingdom. Monarch and 
subject united in humiliation before God. Numbers of 



136 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

people bowed down before the Jehovah whom they had 
offended. But we all distinctly know that the root and 
the seed out of which this revival sprung was the finding 
of the copy of the five books of Moses, and learning 
there what Moses had commanded against the sin of 
idolatry. I have reached a point nearer yet to the time 
of Moses himself. I will hasten on. 

TERMINATION OF THE GREAT AIR LINE. 

One thousand and four years before Christ, Solomon 
regulated the temple service and worship, but he regu- 
lated it, we are distinctly told, according to the law that 
was contained in the Pentateuch. And we are within 
four hundred and fifty years of the death of Moses. 
But David refers constantly to the five books of Moses 
in the psalms. The law of Moses was the foundation on 
which all the religious character of the psalms of David 
rest. Before David was Samuel. His entire career 
pre-supposes the existence of the Mosaic books. But 
only three hundred and fifty years intervened between 
Samuel and Moses. Joshua succeeded Moses as the 
leader of the chosen people. Again and again in his 
addresses to the people, did he reprove, exhort and en- 
courage Israel, but everywhere on the basis of the books 
of the law of Moses Thus we have link by link carried 
back this chain of testimony to the very days in which 
Moses lived. Now we want no better proof than that 
in the secular history. Suppose the farewell address of 
George Washington had been made the object of skep- 
tical criticism ; suppose that it had been denied that it 
had been written by Washington, and if I find it alluded 
to in Mr. Lincoln's address at the monument-raising in 
Gettysburg ; if I find in one of his speeches that President 



BISHOP CHENEY'S REPLY. 1 37 

Polk also spoke of it ; if this is true of Mr. Van Buren, 
and Mr. Madison before him, and even if John Adams, 
the successor of George Washington in the presidential 
chair, refers to that address — why then, every sensible 
man will say that it is the nearest equivalent of mathe- 
matical demonstration that can possibly be given of the 
genuineness of the document to which I have referred. 

GENEALOGICAL REFLECTIONS. 

Now, I want you to notice again that if these writ- 
ings were forged, they were forged by men, who even in 
so doing, blackened the character of their own lineage 
and ancestry. It has been well said that a man whose 
chief glory is in his ancestors, is very like a potato — the 
best part of him is under ground. But after all there is 
no good man who does not rejoice — and thank God for 
the fact — when he is able to trace back a long line of 
God-fearing, pure-living, honest men and women as the 
seed from whence he sprang. If I go to work and forge 
a genealogy for myself, I certainly will not manufacture 
one that describes my forefathers as the blackest set of 
criminals that ever escaped from a penitentiary. No 
one pretends for a moment that any one but the Jews 
were those who could have been responsible for the 
Testament records ; but if they forged it they must have 
had some motive. Forgers always have a motive. 
There is something before their minds that is to be 
gained. But what did these forgers do ? Why they 
compiled a record of their own family tree, that over- 
whelmed their fathers with everlasting shame and con- 
tempt. They described the ancient Hebrews as besotted 
idolaters in the land of Egypt. When God promised 
them a land, all their own, flowing with milk and honey 



138 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

■ — when all that was set before them — they were willing 
to give up all hope of prosperity, all hope of deliverance 
from slavery, if they might only have that which they 
sighed for — the fish and the leeks and garlic of Egypt. 
They are represented as bowing down to the worship of 
a calf, which their own hands had made out of 
their golden ear-rings, and doing that in the very pre- 
sence of God, displayed upon Mount Sinai, and are 
described when they reached the borders of the promised 
land, when all its glory was before them, and its liberty 
was almost tjieirs, as being too cowardly to fight the 
battles that were necessary to gain the possession of their 
inheritance, till at last God refused to let one of the 
miserable, cowardly generation enter the land He had 
promised to their fathers. Yet all this is forgery, not of 
the Assyrians, not of the Egyptians, who were their 
heriditary enemies , not of the Philistines, but them- 
selves. As though in the dead of night a man should 
steal out under cover of the darkness to the tombstone 
of his dead father, and with chisel and mallet in hand 
try to erase the honorable record of his life, and forge a 
lying epitaph that made him the vilest scoundrel that 
ever polluted the earth. Nay, if I commit a forgery on 
my family record, if ever I try to impose a fabulous 
family tree on those who know me, I don't think I shall 
ever trace my line to Caesar Borgia. 

CUTTING THE GORDIAN KNOT. 

Now again I would like to notice very briefly some of 
the objections to the credibility of the Mosaic writers. 
Now, there is nothing easier than to start difficulties on 
any subject which the human mind can give attention 
to. Let a child in its tiny fingers grasp a pin and get at 



bishop cheney's reply. 139 

the silvered side of a mirror, and in five minutes it will 
do more damage than the most skillful laborer can 
remedy with the work of many hours. 

Is it wonderful that the Bible has been made the sub- 
ject of repeated attacks ? I no more hope to answer all 
the objections that can be put against a book such as the 
book in question, or even the books of Moses — I say I 
can no more hope to answer all these attacks than in 
this spring-time I can hope to pick off every green leaf 
that starts out upon every spreading tree. Jt were an 
easier and more effective way to girdle the tree itself. 
God girdles the tree of infidelity by revival. 

If the record of experience tells any fact in the world, 
it is this, that a thousand objections which the head can 
see, vanish into thin air when the spirit of God gets hold 
of a man's heart. Why, there are men here to-night 
who remember the hour when they found difficulties 
upon every page of the word of God, when they objected 
to every principle it propounded, and now look back to 
the difficulties they used to find there, and wonder how 
it was possible that they could ever have been troubled 
by difficulties so palpably absurd. They did not study 
out one by one the replies that might have been made to 
these objections. When, in June, huge swarms of flies 
make our city like the land of Egypt in the days of old, 
we never undertake to kill them one by one ; half a mil- 
lion of people would not be sufficient for that. But 
God's west wind blows and they are scattered. So it is 
that the winds of God's spirit sweep away the swarms of 
difficulties that men find in the Bible. And yet I am 
prepared to night to take up two or three of the objec- 
tions which have been urged against the credibility of the 



I40 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

Pentateuch. These objections resolve themselves into 
two different parts — the one to the facts of the history 
of Moses, the other to the- morality of the acts that are 
there recorded, or the precepts that are there laid down. 
I won't have time to go over both branches of the sub- 
jects. The limits of such a sermon as this absolutely 
forbid it. I speak now of the facts. At some future 
time I hope to take up the moral portion of it. 

Now, every time you visit the South Park, yoif find a 
place of rest under the grateful shade of an ancient wil- 
low. The vast expanse of its gigantic branches, the im- 
mense girth of its trunk are the witnesses of its venerable 
age. If I should take up to-morrow the report of the 
park commissioners and find there the statement that 
they, at vast expense, had transplanted that willow tree 
from the native soil in which it grew to adorn Chicago's 
pleasure ground, I should know beforehand that it was 
false ; the very appearance of the tree gives the lie to the 
statement, and if there were any way in which I could 
examine the rings that made up the trunk, I need only 
count them to have a positive proof of the fact that the 
statement contained in the report was false. 

THE BISHOP'S CHALLENGE MOSES AND INGERSOLL AS 

CHRONOLOGISTS. 

Now, precisely akin to that is the accusation that is 
often brought against the Book of Genesis. It is said 
that Moses declares that six thousand years ago God cre- 
ated this world in which we are living now. But we 
only need to count the geologic strata — we only need to 
number the rings of the huge trunk of this earth in order 
to disprove the statement. 

Now, in reply to this difficulty, which is so often urged 



BISHOP CHENEYS REPLY. I4I 

against the Book of Genesis, I want to say one word, 
and that is, I challenge any man in this congregation — 
I challenge any man in the wide world that has ever 

o J 

read the Bible, to find in any book of the Bible, much 
less in the Book of Genesis the statement that the crea- 
tion of this earth took place six thousand years ago. 
This Moses, whom Mr. Ingersoll thinks was such a blun- 
derer ; w hose mistakes have been the subject of his jeers 
and blasphemous ridicule, was a more careful man than 
our Peoria skeptic thinks. He certainly was careful not 
to fix the time at which God created this earth. 
Whether that creation took place six thousand or six 
million years ago, he does not state. He does say that 
"In the beginning God created the heavens and the 
earth." But that is all. All that he asserts is, that 
matter — the substance out of which the earth was made 
— is not eternal ; it had a beginning ; He did create it. 

Well, then, again, the creation of man, equally with 
that of the world, is made the object of attack. We are 
told that the Bible claims that between five and six 
thousand years ago God placed the first pair of the 
human family in Eden. But when geologists have dug 
down into the formations that make up this globe — 
formations which upon mathematical calculation have 
taken ages and ages to produce — they find there the re- 
mains of ancient tools, weapons, ornaments and utensils 
that prove that man must have lived in a time far ante- 
distant to that of Adam. 

For example, the skeleton of an Indian was exhumed 
some years ago, while digging for the foundation of the 
gas-works in the City of New Orleans, and it was alleged 
by one geologist of that day that it could not have been 



142 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

less than fifty thousand years ago that that man lived. 
It has been flaunted in our faces that science and religion 
are opposed to each other ; that the Bible is against 
progress, and that we all must concede that the Penta- 
teuch is but a tissue of falsehood. 

MUD CALENDARS VS. FACTS SOME SAD AND SORROWFUL 

SCIENTIFIC FIGURING IN THE SAND. 

Now the first answer I have to give is, that there is 
not one syllable in the Bible that fixes the length of 
time of existence upon this earth. Not one syllable. 
Moses does not tell us anything about the date that God 
created Adam and put him in the garden of Eden. True, 
we have in the New Testament, in the genealogy of 
Christ, a statement of the number of generations from 
Abraham down to the Saviour ; but who knows precisely 
what is the meaning of the term ''generations?" The 
word is used in a variety of senses in the Bible, and it 
baffles all calculation to determine how many ages inter- 
vened between Adam and Abraham. The wisest scholars 
have been perplexed to fix the number of centuries that 
rolled over the world in that period of time. To say 
that God placed man upon this earth six thousand years 
ago, is not quoting the Bible. I want you to remember 
that. I want you to tell it to the skeptic that picks out 
genealogical difficulties in the Scripture. It is only re- 
peating the result of calculations in chronology of certain 
fallible men who, as fallible, were liable to be mistaken. 
All infidels do it in trying to fasten upon the Scripture 
the blunders of mistaken men. But, as is well known, 
the tendency of the best geologists in our day is rapidly 
going away from the old ideas of the vast periods of time 
in the construction of this earth. 



bishop cheney's reply. 143 

It was not very long ago that Sir Charles Lyell, the 
distinguished English geologist, calculated from his own 
standpoint the rate at which the mud is deposited in the 
great delta of the Mississippi. By actual figures he 
reached the astounding calculation that the formation of 
the delta of the Mississippi must have occupied not less 
than one hundred thousand years. And, when down 
underneath that deposit a skeleton was exhumed, it 
proved beyond all question that not less than fifty 
thousand years ago human feet had trod the soft soil of 
the delta of the Mississippi. But unfortunately for Sir 
Charles Lyell, American geologists were on his track, 
and the United States coast survey followed in the path- 
way where he had been investigating. Gen. Humphrey, 
of the American army, measured accurately the amount 
of the deposit. He reviewed the figures of the English 
geologist, and he showed unanswerably that the whole 
delta of the Mississippi could not have been in process 
of formation longer than four thousand four hundred 
years. For many years geologists held that a quantity 
of pottery that was found some sixty feet below the sur- 
face of the soil, in the delta of the Nile, was at least 
twelve thousand years old. But later investigations 
deeper down in the same soil came upon some more 
patterns, which were undoubtedly of Roman origin, and 
ander these, a brick that bore ineffaceably the stamp of 
Mehemet Ali, a modern pasha. 

If you have visited Minneapolis, you certainly must 
have been struck by the formation of the banks where the 
Mississippi has cut its way to the rocks. Above there is 
layer upon layer, stratum upon stratum of limestone, and 
beneath them the saccharoid sandstone, white as the 



144 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

sugar from which it derives its name, and soft enough to 
be cut with a knife, lies in huge masses. On the bluff 
overlooking the river, there lives, in an immense house, 
which many years ago was a popular hotel of the ancient 
city of St. Anthony's Falls, a friend of mine. One day 
there came to him startling news. Just outside of his 
premises, in excavating for the foundation of a new 
building, the workmen had struck upon a wooden coffin, 
and in it they found what was recognized to be, beyond 
all doubt, human bones. A local geologist, a physician 
of the state, with some skeptical tendencies, seized upon 
this new foundation of the antiquity of man, and the 
next day the columns of an evening paper of St. Paul 
contained an article from this gentleman's pen about 
what countless ages must have elapsed to perfect that 
saccharoid sandstone over the coffin, and over that to 
have put these layers upon layers of rock. 

The conclusion was, that the chronology of the Bible 
was utterly a mistake, and that we had, before the days 
of Mr. Ingersoll, one of the mistakes of Moses. On 
reading, the article my friend felt at once it was his duty 
to investigate the event. He found the coffin still unre- 
moved, for it was solidly wedged into the saccharoid 
sandstone, and small pieces of the bones were carelessly 
scattered about. My friend, whose Christian feeling is 
only equaled by his profound ability and scholarship, 
began carefully to examine these relics of pre-Adamite 
man. Imagine his surprise to find that the coffin which 
had been made so many ages before Adam was placed 
upon this earth, was the plank sewer of the old hotel in 
which he lived, and the bones were those of some in- 
nocent lamb, that a careless cook had some time ago 



BISHOP CHENEY'S REPLY. 1 45 

flung into that receptacle. I honor geology, but I claim 
it is yet a very imperfect science, and even with all its 
imperfections I have yet to find a solitary principle of 
fact that geology has laid down that contradicts one 
word of the five books of Moses. 

A MISTAKE OF INGERSOLL, TOM PAINE & CO. CORRECTED — 
CONCLUSION. 

I allude to one more of the Mosaic facts that is 
assailed by the opponents of the Gospel. It is a diffi- 
culty which Mr. Ingersoll recently brought forward in 
that remarkable production of his, as something which 
he had discovered ; but Bishop Colenso, whom the 
Church of England some thirty years ago sent out among 
the Zulus, dwelt upon it long ago, and even before his 
time, Tom Paine had made it his weapon against the 
truthfulness of the Pentateuch. It is simply this : We 
are told that the children of Israel, according to the 
Bible, were in the land of Egypt, in captivity, two 
hundred and fifteen years. There went down with 
Jacob and his sons, their wives and children, seventy 
souls in all. But the Exodus finds in the army of Israel 
six hundred thousand fighting men, involving a total of 
men, women and children which could not have been 
less than two or three millions, and it is declared that 
such an increase is utterly unparalleled in the annals of 
history. Our mathematicians have figured it all out to 
their satisfaction. Now, I want you to observe what a 
tissue of blunders make up this opposition to this Great 
Book. First of all turn back to the life of Abraham, 
the ancestor of Jacob, and you there discover that a 
Hebrew family did not consist merely of the parents 
and children. The servants were a part of the Hebrew 



I46 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

household, and God distinctly made His commands im- 
perative and unavoidable upon Abraham, that every 
male youth born in his house should receive the seal of 
circumcision. He therefore became a participator in 
the Abrahamic covenant. Nay, more, if he bought a 
servant he had to be brought into the covenant of cir- 
cumcision. God insists upon this, and thus every serv- 
ant of every Hebrew, household became a Hebrew, and 
was reckoned in the family into which he was adopted. 
Away back in the time of Abraham, if you take up the 
Book of Genesis you will find he had so many of these 
servants born in his own household, that three hundred 
and eighteen of them, able-bodied men, soldiers, fol- 
lowed him to battle, and when Jacob, in the hundred 
and thirtieth year of his age, went down into the land 
of Egypt the three hundred and eighteen of Abraham's 
day surely must have multiplied into thousands. 

The Pentateuch, it is true, gives only the formal list 
of Jacob's sons, their wives and their children. There 
is no mention of this vast crowd of attendants, who, not- 
withstanding as part of the family, must have entered 
into the land of Egypt with them. Thus, at the very 
rate of increase that the tables of the census of the 
United States to-day display, these thousands might 
have easily amounted to three millions in two hundred 
and fifteen years., 

I am not through with this stronghold of the enemies 
of the Pentateuch. As I study it seems to me that I 
never knew a ghost to vanish into thinner air. I would 
like to know where or how the critics learned that Israel 
was in bondage in the land of Egypt two hundred and 
fifteen years. Why, they learned in precisely the way 



BISHOP CHENEY'S REPLY. 1 47 

that they learned that Moses said this earth was made 
just six thousand years ago. They have taken up cer- 
tain genealogies and speculations of commentators. 
They have taken up the calculations of Hales and others, 
and they have regarded them as infallible. They have 
never turned to the twelfth chapter of Exodus, and I 
find there the statement given with precision that admits 
of no question that the sojourn of the children of Israel 
in Egypt was four hundred and thirty years : "And it 
came to pass, at the end of four hundred and thirty 
years, within the self-same day, it came to pass that all 
the hosts of the Lord came out of the land of Egypt." 
Long before that, God had told Abraham that his seed 
should be strangers in a land that was not theirs, and 
that they should afflict them four hundred years. And 
the Jews so understood it, as shown by the fact that in 
the New Testament Stephen declares that God told the 
father of the faithful that his seed should sojourn in a 
strange land, and they should bring them into bondage 
and evil entreat them four hundred years. Now, if but 
seventy had gone down with Jacob into Egypt, an in- 
crease to two or three or even four millions in four and 
a half centuries would have been no more than what is 
paralleled by the history of every race on the surface of 
the globe. 

In Italy, three hundred years ago, when men were 
wild over the discovery of Galileo's telescope, there was 
one philosopher who refused to look through the tube 
that pierced the veil of the starry worlds, and when he 
was asked the reason, " I am afraid," he said, " that I 
should believe Galileo's theory of the planetary motion." 
My brethren, look into the telescope of revelation. To 
know it, to study it, is to find the very truth of God. 




REV. H. W. THOMAS, D. D. 



PART III. 

MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL 



Replies to IngersolV s Lecture 

ON 

" WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED?" 



REPLY OF DR. H, W. THOMAS. 



POINTS WHEREIN THE DOCTOR AND COLONEL AGREE 
AND DIFFER— A FAIR AND CANDID REJOINDER. 

' (As the Pulpit of the Centennary Church was supplied by a visiting 
candidate, the Rev. Dr. Thomas contributed the following letter :) 

I have no desire to differ from Col. Ingersoll where it 
is possible for us to agree. The disposition to antag- 
onize — to seek to find points of difference, rather than 
points of agreement, has, perhaps, often led both parties 
in religous debates to magnify each others real or sup- 
posed errors. We should rather seek to know as far as 
we may the exact truth, and give it full credit wherever 
found. This seems to be the spirit in which the lecturer 
sought to stand before his great congregation. I would 
reciprocate this as fully as I can, and say, 1 ' Let us see 
wherein we can agree ? " Let us see that the time for 
meditation has arrived in the profound questions of 
thought ; not of compromise of principle or fact, but of 

(H9) 



150 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

harmony where harmony is possible. Such a spirit will 
do much to soften the severity of discussions, and it will 
be a mental and moral help to all parties. 

And first, in reference to Col. Ingersoll's plea for the 
right and duty of all to think and to reason. He says : 
" I belong to the republic of intellectual liberty, and only 
those are good citizens of that rep.ublic who depend upon 
reason and upon persuasion, and only those are traitors 
who resort to brute force. " In this we can agree. I be- 
long to the same, and I indorse that statement. I agree 
with him also in not thinking that ' ' people who disagree 
with me are bad people," and that mankind are gener- 
ally "reasonably honest;" and that most "ministers 
are endeavoring to make this world better." I agree 
with him when he claims the right to think, and for the 
two reasons that "I like, too, and I can't help it." I 
like to think, and I can't help it ; and I will add, that I 
would not "help it" if I could." But here we should 
distinguish between proper freedom to think, and what 
is loosely called "free thought." Freedom to think 
should be the right of all ; but there is not, and there 
cannot be, any such thing as "free thought," unless it is 
in a bad sense. And for this reason, that all thought is 
conditioned, first, by the laws of thought ; and secondly, 
by the facts, and the things about which we think. All 
normal mental freedom must submit to these natural 
limitations. And in this I think Mr. Ingersoll will 
fully agree with me. 

In the second place, I agree with much that the Colonel 
has to say about the good that is in the Christian religion. 
He says : "There are many good things about it." I 
believe that. He says : "I will never attack anything 



REPLY OF DR. W. H. THOMAS. 1 5 1 

that I believe to be good, and will never fail to attack 
anything that I believe to be wrong." In this we can 
agree also. I will join hands with the Colonel in defend- 
ing what I believe to be right, and in opposing what I 
believe to be wrong. But I cannot agree with him when, 
in the next sentence, he says : 

" We have, I say, what they call the Christian religion, 
and, I find just in proportion that nations have been 
religious, just in the proportion they have gone back to 
barbarism. I find that Spain, Portugal, Italy are the 
three worst nations in Europe. I find that the nation 
nearest infidel is the most prosperous — France." 

I think the fairness in debate for which the Colonel 
claims to stand, should' have led him to discriminate 
between religion and superstition, or the abuse of re- 
ligion. He is a friend of liberty, but he would not think 
it fair to charge liberty with all the abuses and the 
wrongs wrought in the name of liberty. The Colonel 
indorses the teachings of Jesus as to purity of heart, and 
mercy, and justice, and forgiveness . We certainly gather 
from his lecture that he believes these to be the essence, 
the very spirit of religion, and he certainly would not 
claim that the more a nation had of these, the worse it 
would be ; and, if not, it is hardly fair to charge the bad 
state of Spain, Portugal, and Italy to religion. Why not 
say that in those countries the spirit of the teachings of 
true religion has been corrupted and turned to base pur- 
poses. 

In the third place, I can agree with much that the 
lecturer says about Christ . I was glad to read his clear, 
manly words, when he said : 

"And let me say here, once for all, that for the man 
Christ I have infinite respect. Let me say, once for 



152 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

all, that the place where man has died for man is holy 
ground ; and let me say, once for all, to that great and 
serene man I gladly pay the homage of my admiration 
and my tears. He was a reformer in His day. He was 
an infidel in Hi? time. He was regarded as a blas- 
phemer, and His life was destroyed by hypocrites, who 
have, in all ages, done what they could to trample free- 
dom oat of the human mind. Had I lived at that time 
I would have been His friend, and should He come again, 
He would not find a better friend than I will be. 

INGERSOLL'S NEW DEPARTURE — WHAT THE DOCTOR SAYS 
ABOUT IT. 

This seems to be a new departure, or at least a step 
beyond where the Colonel has taken his stand in previous 
lectures ; though I do not recall a single instance where 
he has said anything against the life of Christ — that is, 
His life as a man. My heart is with him in those noble 
sentiments. I am glad he spoke so freely and so sincerely. 
With him I feel that the ' ' place where man dies for 
man is holy ground;" and with him I pay to that 
" serene man the homage of my admiration and my 
tears." I think with the Colonel, also, that Jesus was 
regarded by the Church of that day as an " infidel" and 
a ''blasphemer," and that He was put to death by those 
who claimed to be the only religious people of the time, 
and who looked upon everybody who did not accept 
their teachings and mode of life as sinners. But then I 
have to get the facts of that great and good life from the 
very books of the New Testament that the Colonel 
labored so hard to cast suspicion upon as being unreli- 
able, and not written till "hundreds of years after," and 
as coming from confused and conflicting manuscripts, 



REPLY OF DR. W. H. THOMAS. 1 53 

Speaking further of Christ, the lecturer says : 
"For the theological creation I have a different feel- 
ing. If He was, in fact, God, He knew there was no 
such thing as death. He knew that what we call death 
was but the eternal opening of the golden gates of ever- 
lasting joy ; and that it took no heroism to face a death 
that was simply eternal life." 

I will admit that some of the "theological" concep- 
tions of Christ may have served to confuse the mind ; 
but then, in the calmest exercise of that very reason for 
which my excellent friend makes so strong a plea, I am 
compelled to think that there was in that life something 
more than human. Approach it where you will ; touch 
it at any point from the " conception " to the last scenes 
of the cross, and the resurrection, and the ascension, 
and it all seems to be of a piece ; it is consistent with 
itself throughout ; it moves along on its own unique and 
majestic plane. We have the picture before us ; we 
have the marvelous facts ; and for me it is easier — a less 
strain upon the reason — to accept the account as given ; 
to accept the, to us, supernatural in that life, 
than to account for it in any other way. How 
could the unlettered disciples — plain, common men 
— have created such a character ? How could 
such marvelous results have flown from the life of 
one who was only a man ? Wiser and better than other 
men, but yet only a man. I am in worse mental trouble 
when I attempt to put away the divine, the supernatural 
in Christ, and the scriptures and religion, than when I 
accept it . With me it is a way out of difficulty, rather 
than a way into difficulty ; and ' ' I gladly pay the hom- 
age of my admiration and tears " to Him not only as a 



154 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

' ' serene man," but to that higher being who is the Son 
of God, as well as the Son of Man. To me He is that 
being brought into existence by a special, or an excep- 
tional, creation, and in whom God is revealed to the 
world. And this makes it all the more easy for me to 
understand His deep and tender sympathy — His tears, 
His prayers, His agony in the garden and on the cross. 
As a man, Jesus had the susceptibilities to pain, and in 
a measure, to fear, common to men. . As " Immanuel, 5 ' 
God with us, there was an upper and higher sweep to 
His whole life ; and it was the dwelling of this divine 
nature within Him that so quickened and exalted all His 
sensibilities and made possible a degree of suffering to us 
perhaps unknown. 

I think that when we enter in the real life of Christ, 
His outward sufferings were but the smallest part ; the 
mere symbol ; the "flag of distress" thrown out to arrest 
our coarse sense. The real agony was within. It was 
the suffering of love — love slighted and rejected ; love 
scorned and crucified by those He came to save. It was 
the burden of the cold, cruel world upon Him in the last 
hours of a life that had been only tender and merciful to 
all. He feared not ''the change we call death." To 
Him there was no " death;" and yet a horror worse than 
any mere death gathered about that awful hour. 

THE TEACHINGS OF CHRIST EMPHASIZED CHARACTER 

RATHER THAN DOGMA. 

A word in the fourth place, about Christ's teachings, 
as to what man must do to be saved. I can agree with 
Col. Ingersoll that these are reliable — whenever or by 
whoever written. And I believe with him that Christ 
put emphasis upon character rather than upon dogma ; 



'REPLY OF DR. W. H. THOMAS. 1 55 

upon what we are rather than what we profess or what, 
in a technical sense, we believe. Of course, great be- 
liefs must underlie the very principles of purity and 
mercy and justice that He taught. I must believe that 
the pure and merciful and just will be saved. They are 
saved already ; for to have such qualities is to have 
salvation. It may not, indeed, be a "theological" or a 
" regulation " salvation — that is a salvation to a "creed;" 
but it is far better ; it is salvation, in fact. And I agree 
with the Colonel in the absurdity of the old Athanasian 
creed, over which he had so much fun, when it says that 
whosoever will be saved that " first of all it is necessary 
to hold the Catholic faith," and then goes on to define 
that faith in terms, the meaning of which only those who 
have made of theology a profound study can have the 
most distant conception ; and then closes up by saying 
that ' ' except one do thus believe he shall perish ever- 
lastingly." That was an error of the creed-making age. 
The Protestant Episcopal Church does not retain that 
creed, and the Church of England holds it only because 
it does not know how to get rid of it. An effort was 
made some years ago in England to lighten the formal 
terms of subscription, but it failed. 

But I should think the Colonel did not get all the 
teachings of Christ in reference to salvation ; not all of 
Matthew, .even. Jesus taught not only the inner prin- 
ciples of salvation as it is found in character, but He 
taught that men should pray ; that they should deny 
themselves and take up the cross and follow Him. He 
taught that men should repent and be converted. But 
still, I agree with the lecturer that we should put more 
stress upon principles and conduct, and less upon creeds, 



156 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

and I will join in pressing things upon the Church and 
upon the world. 

It was not the purpose of this paper (begun at 9 
o'clock on Saturday evening, and now about firfished be- 
fore 1 1) to review in any full sense this long lecture, but 
rather to look at some things in which we can agree ; 
and to suggest some points on which my own faith goes 
beyond. There are some very palpable, even remark- 
able errors, or mistakes, in statement that I have no 
doubt some of our clergy will find pleasure in exposing. 
And yet there are many things in it that cannot fail to 
make an impression upon many who have heretofore 
regarded the Colonel's lectures as only blasphemous. 
And I want to say to my friend that I think there is one 
point in which he should be more careful. I like all he 
says about liberty, and not causing pain to others. But 
when I read his lectures — and I have read them all: — I 
am compelled to feel that he is not sufficiently mindful of 
the feelings of many good people who differ from him 
on matters of belief. He ought to practice in this respect 
what he preaches. 

And he will not blame me for another word, and that 
is, with so many manly utterances for honesty and fair- 
ness, he should be careful not to permit his love of fun, 
and the laughter and the applause of people who hear, to 
lead him to indulge in unjust caricatures of things 
sacred or to make unfair statements for the sake of gain- 
ing a point. I think his denunciation of the old and 
terrible ideas of endless punishment, and the gross and 
shocking views that have been sometimes held concern- 
ing q. penal atonement, are not wholly uncalled for. I 
xear the teachers of religion have in some things made 



REPLY OF DR. W. H. THOMAS. 1 57 

an occasion for some of his lectures ; but even admitting 
all this, there is still a law of the congruous, a sense of 
the fitting, or of what is proper in the discussion of 
themes that have been in all ages of literature ac- 
counted sacred. Less extravagance, more care in state- 
ment, and fairness in reason, and with all more rever- 
ence, is what our lecturer needs to cultivate. 




BISHOP SAMUEL FALLOWS. 



REPLY OF BISHOP FALLOWS. 



THE BISHOP BELIEVES THE COLONEL IS MAKING ''TRUE 
PROGRESS." 

We have been treated quite recently to an exegesis of 
the New Testament by the well-known author of the 
lecture on "The Gods." 

This congregation will acknowledge with me that 
there is almost an infinity of distance between that athe- 
istic production and the last lecture of Col. Ingersoll. 
He is certainly moving forward with gigantic strides, and 
although the last lecture was full of the most objection- 
able sentences it was such an improvement over all his 
previous efforts in the recognition of certain Christian 
truths, and in his efforts to draw a distinction between 
Christian truths, and in his efforts to draw a distinction 
between Christ and His professed followers, that he 
ought to be taken by the hand and encouraged to go still 
further in the way of light and true progress. 

I am glad Mr. Ingersoll is not lost in the treacherous 
quicksands of Straussian unbelief. He evidently does 
not believe that the Church created Christ. He does 
homage in his way to this central character of all history. 
He has too much common sense to believe that such 
men as the Apostles, or any other men, could invent this 
glorious personage. He knows that such a miracle 
would infinitely transcend all other miracles put to- 
gether. I should greatly enjoy hearing him turn his 

(159) 



l6o MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

brilliant powers of banter and sarcasm upon Strauss and 
all his school, who endeavored to evolve all the stupen- 
dous facts of Christianity out of the subjective conscious- 
ness of Christians in succeeding centuries. I hope to 
have that pleasure yet. 

Mr. Ingersoll is in error when he says : ' ' This Testa- 
ment was not written for hundreds of years after the 
Apostles were dust. * * * They depended upon 
the inaccuracy of legend, and for centuries these doc- 
trines were blown about by the inconstant winds." 

THE FACTS IN THE CASE. 

Now what are the facts in the case ? When the 
Church entered the second century, the year ioj, or 
very near that period, she had the New Testament in 
her hands. 

A friend has called my attention to a communication 
from an agnostic champion of Col. Ingersoll in the Chi- 
cago Tribune, which was intended to forestall any 
answer the Chicago clergymen might make. He says : 
"The orthodox ministers will say, no doubt, that there 
is an unbroken line of evidence running back to the 
Apostolic age as to the authenticity of the Gospels. 
This is not true." He then states that the Rev. Brooke 
Foss Wescott, D. D. , in his " History of the Canon of 
the New Testament," page n, says, " that it is an error 
to suppose that there is such an unbroken chain of 
evidence ; that a few letters of consolation and warning, 
two or three apologies addressed to heathen, a contro- 
versy with a Jew, a vision, and a scanty gleaning of 
fragments of lost works, comprise all Christian litera- 
ture to the middle of the second century " (that is, to 
150 A. D.). 



REPLY OF BISHOP FALLOWS. l6l 

This is simply another specimen of the special plead- 
ing so marked in the treatment of these important 
questions . 

Dr. Wescott in this quotation refers to the whole 
canon of the New Testament, and not to the four gos- 
pels. " The evidence of the earliest Christian writers is 
not only uncritical and casual, but also fragmentary," he 
says, in relation to the entire canon. The point he 
makes is, that it needed a more critical and literary 
period to gather together the records which had been 
made in the earliest times — the Apostolical times — and 
determine their canonicity. The whole aim of his book 
is to show just the opposite of what this agnostic de- 
famer by a garbled extract makes him assert — viz. : 
that there is an unbroken line of evidence from the 
present time to the Apostolic age as to the authencity 
of the gospels, and also of the other canonically received 
portions of the New Testament. 

This uncritical, casual, and fragmentary evidence of 
these early writers, along with the critical, close, and 
full treatment of the subject in succeeding years, form a 
historic highway on which we may triumphantly march 
over all the centuries, first to the upper chamber where 
the Pentecostal spirit inaugrated the visible Church for 
the nations, to the Cross of Calvary, and to the Mount 
of Beatitudes. Our Divine Lord wrote no recorded 
word, but He wrote Himself upon the imperishable 
tablets of His disciples' hearts. They were His loving 
epistles. It was their sole supreme business to make 
known to the world what He had said, done, and suf- 
fered. Eye-witnesses and heart-witnesses, they went 
about preaching the facts and teaching the truths of 



1 62 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

Christianity. Their mode of communication was at first, 
perhaps, purely oral. Undoubtedly their words income 
instances were taken down in writing by the hearers, as 
well as treasured up in their remembrance. These 
records, brief and fragmentary, multiplied. Churches 
began to multiply. In the year 64 A . D. , Tacitus says 
the Christians at Rome were a vast multitude. Pliny, 
in 112 A. D., in a letter to Trajan, refers to their great 
number in the remote province of Bithynia. Irenaeus 
and Tertullian, 150 — 180 A. D., state that the Christian 
brethren were thickly scattered over the known world. 
Out of this original oral Gospel, and these written records 
of the Apostles' teaching, the first three Gospels were 
constructed. The unbroken tradition of the Church is 
that they were written by the persons whose names 
they bear. 

There is not the slightest ground for the presumption 
of doubt in the case of Matthew. The uniform testimony 
is that he wrote his gospel in the Hebrew or the Syrio- 
Chaldaic language. No testimony could be more com- 
plete. The gospel we have is in Greek. We do not 
know who translated it ; whether it was Matthew him- 
self or some other person. There was an urgent need 
of such translation, for Greek was the language of the 
world's literature and the medium of communication be- 
tween different nations. (Mr. Ingersoll made a woful 
lapse when he attempted a witticism upon the alleged 
ignorance of Greek by the Evangelists.) The unbroken 
line of evidence is that the gospel of Matthew that we 
have is either the gospel written in Greek by that 
Evangelist or a translation by some other person made 
while the Evangelist was living. 



REPLY OF BISHOP FALLOWS. 163 

Not the slightest shade of suspicon, so far as we know, 
was thrown upon the genuineness of the gospel as we 
have it. 

So far as known, there are not fifteen manuscripts of 
Plato extant. There are not as many of Herodotus. 
Not one of them is older than the ninth century. 

Nearly a thousand manuscripts of the New Testament 
have been consulted by critics, and at least fifty of them 
are more than a thousand years old, and some are over 
1, 500 years old. 

The most competent scholars fix the date of the Syriac 
version within the first half of the second century, that 
is within 1 50 A. D. 

The Codex Vaticanus was written about the year 300 
A. D., and the Codex Alexandrinus about 325 A. D. 
The Codex Sinaiticus about 300 A. D. , or a little 
earlier. 

Of a portion of the three last manuscripts I give as 
near as possible, in the illustrations before you, a fac- 
simile on an enlarged scale . 

Irenaeus in his youth had been a companion of Poly- 
carp, a disciple of St. John. He makes 400 quotations 
from the Four Gospels. 

Tertullian (A. D. 160) gives about 200 quotations. 

Fabian (A. D. 190) gives a "Harmony of the Four 
Gospels." 

HOW CFLSUS, THE INGERSOLL OF THE SECOND CEN- 
TURY, DID A GREAT WORK FOR THE CHURCH. 

Celsus was the Robert Ingersoll of the second cen- 
tury. He was an acute man, a witty and eloquent con- 
versationalist, rather fond of stretching facts and prin- 
ciples when it served his purpose, and not caring always 



164 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

to know the facts. He lived a little more than 130 
years after the ascension of the Divine Founder of 
Christianity. He attacked the Christians of his age with 
banter, ridicule and sophisms. He hunted up every 
difficulty in the Christians' pathway, and magnified all 
seeming discrepancies into irreconcilable contradictions. 
His attacks upon the Christian system live only in the 
famous reply to them made by Origen. This unbeliever, 
although he caused great annoyance to the believers in 
Christ living in his day, and seemed to many to be 
disturbing the foundations of th£ Christian faith, rendered 
more real service to Christianity than any father of un- 
disputed orthodoxy in the Church. He admits all the 
grand facts and doctrines of the gospel, as they were 
preached by the Apostles, and contained in their acknowl- 
edged writing, for the sake of opposing them. He 
makes in his attacks eighty quotations from the New 
Testament, and appeals to it as containing the sacred 
writing of Christians, universally received by them as 
credible and Divine. 

He is, therefore, the very best witness we can summon 
to prove that the New Testament "was not written hun- 
dreds of years after the Apostles were dust"; but in less 
then a century and a half had been received by the Chris- 
tian Church all over the world. He expressly quotes 
both the synoptical gospels, as they are termed (the first 
three gospels), and the Gospel of St. John. 

It was stated in the Pan-Presbyterian Council at 
Philadelphia, last Friday, by the Rev. Dr. Humphrey, a 
gentleman whom I know to be profound and scholarly, 
" that while the Bible contains the names of about four 
thousand persons and places, in not a single instance had 



REPLY OF BISHOP FALLOWS. 1 65 

modern discovery, through explorations in ancient places, 
shown one of the four thousand names to have been a 
myth or one of the ruins to have been misplaced." I 
can imagine I hear Mr. Ingersoll, in his emphatic way, 
saying, "I like that ; good. A Bible that is so true to 
historic fact demands my attention. It is a proof pre- 
sumptive that the gospel records are true." 



REV. GEORGE C. LORIMER D. D. 



[166] 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 



THE SCOPE OF THE LECTURE, AND NOT THE LECTURER, 

UNDER CONSIDERATION THE ISSUE FAITH AND 

WORKS . 

It has, I believe, been intimated by Col. Robert G. 
Ingersoll that his clerical critics are usually more inclined 
to consider him personally than the merits of his ideas, 
and he justly resents so grave a departure from the 
amenities of debate. The fault complained of cannot 
be too severely condemned, for it is certain when con- 
troversies degenerate into attacks on individuals who ad • 
vocate objectionable views, and are not directed against 
the views themselves, an amount of prejudice is engen- 
dered fatal to the discovery or defense of truth. Into so 
serious an error I shall take care not to fall. 

, Being a member of that unfortunate body, of whom 
Jeremy Taylor, so approvingly quoted by Col . Ingersoll 
wrote "were as much to be rooted out as anything that 
was the greatest pest and nuisance on earth," but who, 
if Bancroft and Lecky are to be credited, have been 
from the beginning the steadfast friends of unlimited 
freedom of thought and speech, I have it not in my na- 
ture to call in question the honesty of any man's opinions, 
or to deny his right to disseminate them as widely as he 
can. Indeed, I am related to a people who have for so 
long a time been in minority, and who were compelled to 
suffer so much for their antagonism to the tyranny of 

(167) 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



both church and state, that I can hardly refrain from a 
kind of admiring sympathy with iconoclasts, even when 
their sturdy blows are directed against my own most 
cherished convictions. Influenced by such feelings, you 
will not be surprised if, in reviewing some portions of 
Col. Ingersoll's lecture, I confine myself strictly to their 
representations, and avoid unnecessary reference to the 
lecturer himself. 

The avowed design of the lecture alluded to was to 
answer the all-important question : " What must I do 
to be saved ? " a question that has engaged the thought 
of many burdened generations, and which only irreverent 
shallowness would treat with laughter and derision ; and 
in furnishing a reply, it was claimed that orthodox Chris- 
tians teach "the justification of the sinner by faith 
alone ; not any words, just faith — believing something 
you do not understand." This statement is in various 
ways repeated in the published reports of the discussion. 
For instance, when the passage is quoted in which the 
Lord is represented as judging, the following comment 
appears as a fair account of what is currently taught : 
" 'He shall reward every man' — to the church he be- 
longs to ? No. To the manner in which he was bap- 
tized ? No. According to his creed? No. ' He shall 
reward every man according to his works,'" the impres- 
sion conveyed being that we advocate what is here so 
emphatically negatived. 

Similar queries are propounded in connection with 
our Savior's interview with Zaccheus, and with the same 
end in view ; and after a dissertation on the Romish 
creed, it is asserted, " In order to be saved it is neces- 
sary to believe this. What a mercy it is that man can 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 1 69 

get to heaven without understanding it." All denomin- 
ations are classed together as conditioning salvation on 
the reception of some such doctrinal formula, and on 
this assumption are made the subjects of infinite merri- 
ment. Unquestionably the Tridentine Decrees are 
fairly open to criticism, and undoubtedly some old Pro- 
testant confessions are not clear of the error charged 
against them ; but though this must be conceded, it does 
not follow that the pulpit of the present makes the eter- 
nal welfare of the soul depend on intellectual belief. If 
it ever did so, it has long since found out its mistake. 

THEOLOGY PROGRESSIVE CREEDS, FAITH, ETC. 

Theology, like any other science, is far from being 
perfect ; progress has distinguished it, and it must con- 
tinue to do so. In the course of its advancement it has 
come to be more fully recognized that whatever saving 
faith may mean, it does not involve subscription to a 
creed, however orthodox. A man may hold to the 1 'five 
points " and to even as many more * 1 points " as he 
pleases, and yet be a stranger to God's grace . He may 
even contend sincerely for the verbal inspiration of 
scripture, and still have no assurance of Divine accept- 
ance. ' ' Devils believe and tremble;" and the same is 
true of men. Creeds have their place. They summarize 
what is held by a particular body of disciples ; they form 
convenient compendiums for reference, and they impart 
defmiteness to an organization, but they have no more 
efficiency in the salvation of a soul than a prescription 
has in the healing of a body, A prescription may guide 
an invalid to the means of health, and a confession of 
faith may accurately point out the way of everlasting 
life ; but if the prescription is swallowed instead of the 



I/O MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

remedy, or the confession is relied on instead of the 
Saviour, the result in the one case will be about as vain 
as the other. Consequently it is mere waste of time 
and energy to labor to disprove, what is far from being 
generally held, if held at all in Protestant circles, that 
intellectual belief is indispensable to the eternal well- 
being of the soul. 

In rejecting this answer to the great inquiry, one of 
two others is suggested : the first as embodying the 
alleged opinions of Matthew, Mark, and Luke ; the sec- 
ond as expressing the conviction of the lecturer himself. 
Several texts are collated from the whole writings of 
these three Evangelists to sustain the view that they 
predicated salvation exclusively of works, and every 
utterance of theirs that seems to point to anything else 
is repudiated as an interpolation. Of the warrant for 
discriminating in this manner between the words of the 
same testimony I shall speak by and by ; at present I 
am only concerned to remind you of the unmeasured 
approval which the lecture under consideration lavishes 
On this interpretation. 

We have, for instance, this commendation of the Ser- 
mon on the Mount : 44 If you will forgive men that tres- 
pass against you, God will forgive your trespasses against 
Him. I accept, and I will never ask any God to treat 
me better than I treat my fellow-men. There's a square 
promise. There's a contract — and it must of necessity 
be true. No God could afford to damn a forgiving man." 
Then, after the text : ' ' He shall reward every man 
according to his works, " the exclamation follows: ' 'Good ! 
I subscribe to that doctrine." Subsequently the rule of 
judgment, that is mentioned in the twenty-fifth chapter 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 1 7 1 

of Matthew, elicits this fervent eulogy : "I tell you to- 
night that God will not punish with eternal thirst the 
man who has put a cup of cold wate'r to the lips of his 
neighbor ; God will not allow to live in the eternal 
nakedness of pain the man who has clothed others. 
For instance : Here is a shipwreck; and here is a brave 
sailor, who stands aside to let a woman that he never 
saw before take his place in a boat. He stands there 
great and serene as the wide sea, and he goes down. 
Do you tell me there is any God who will push the boat 
from the shore of eternal life when that man wishes to 
step in ? Do you tell me that God can be unpitying to 
the pitiful ? That he can be unforgiving to the forgiving ? 
I deny it. And from the aspersions of the pulpit I seek 
to rescue the reputation of the Deity. 

INGERSOLL'S GOSPEL UNDER THE DOCTOR'S MICROSCOPE 
SHOWS A FATAL CONTRADICTION— GOD FORGIVES, BUT 
"BOB" IS FOR "INEXORABLE JUSTICE"— THE COLONEL 

IN FACT AN EXTREME CALVINIST. 
It is my turn to say, "Good!" but how does this 
firm approval of what is claimed to be the apostolic 
scheme of salvation comport with the lecturer's personal 
convictions on the same subject ? His own position is 
diametrically opposed to what he has so elegantly ex- 
tolled. Here it is in his own words : "I believe in the 
gospel of justice, — -that we must reap what we sow. I 
do not believe in forgiveness. If I rob Mr. Smith, and 
God forgives me, how does that help Smith ? If I by 
slander cover some poor girl with the leprosy of some 
imputed crime, and she withers away like a blighted 
flower, and afterward I get forgiveness, how does that 
help her ? If there is another world, we have got to 
settle. * * * For every crime you commit you must 



172 MTSTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

answer for yourself and to the one you injure. And if 
you have ever clothed another with unhappiness as 
with a garment of pain, you will never be quite as happy 
as. though you hadn't done that thing. No forgiveness, 
eternal, inexorable, everlasting justice — that is what I 
believe in." Here is a Draconian evangel with a ven- 
geance ! 

In what essential respect does this differ from the 
most extreme and rigid Calvinism . If one is an upper 
millstone, the other is the nether ; if one is a land- 
slide, the other is an earthquake ; if the one is hope- 
lessness, the other is despair ; if the one is blackness, 
the other is starless night ; if the one is a shroud, the 
other is a coffin, and if the one is a grave, the other is a 
charnel-house. I had thought from what had so earnestly 
been commended by the lecture, that there must be 
some healing balm in charity, some purifying efflores- 
cence in pity, some sweetening aroma in patient gen- 
tleness, and some heavenly grace and beauty in the spirit 
of forgiveness ; but no ; if the only real and divine 
thing in the universe is "eternal, inexorable, everlasting 
justice," these qualities are emptied of their significance 
and worth ; yea, they must be regarded as positive evils, 
running counter as they do to the absolute sovereignty 
of merciless retribution, and society should convert itself 
into an organized feud, and its people into ravening 
wolves. If this latest gospel is true, then the sailor 
would not be saved on account of the heroism so beauti- 
fully described unless throughout his life he had been 
perfectly blameless in the dealings with others ; nor 
could the dying thief have been saved "because he 
pitied innocence suffering on the cross," though we are 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 1 73 

assured that he was by the lecturer, as he certainly had 
committed wrong" against his fellow-beings. And if it is 
true that there is nothing to be looked for in the future 
"but inexorable, everlasting justice, " then it is not true 
' ' that God cannot afford to damn any man capable of 
pitying anyone." 

INGERSOLL DOES NOT ANSWER THE QUESTION, "WHAT 
MUST WE DO TO BE SAVED ? " 

Which of these two solutions of the momentous pro- 
blem are we to regard as entitled to credence ? Which 
shall we adopt ? They cannot both be reasonable and 
worthy of all acceptation, for they are destructive of 
each other. If the first be true, the second is not ; and 
if the second is, then there is no place for the first. 
The encampment of forgiveness cannot withstand the 
stern fortress of unfaltering justice ; and the breath of 
all-loving mercy is fatal to the sign of unapproachable 
Nemesis. Again, I ask, which theory shall we believe ? 
One or the other, or neither ? Obviously the lecture 
does not help us to a decision ; for its glaring contradic- 
tions only make certain that its clever author is not 
clear in his own mind as to what humanity must do to 
be saved, and that we must look elsewhere for a satis- 
factory answer. And to whom shall we look for the 
much needed light if not to Christ ? If not to that 
Being for whom the lecturer expresses such high regard 
that he is ready to pay Him the tribute of his "admira- 
tion and his tears." As it is conceded that He should 
inspire us with "infinite respect," and admitted that He 
in some sense "died for man," we cannot surely do 
better than to lay to heart, and receive as final His doc- 
trine regarding the salvation of the Soul. 



174 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

But how shall we ascertain what He taught ? Permit 
me to reply, by asking another question, how does Col . 
Ingersoll know that Jesus was a " great and serene 
man," one deserving the confidence of his friendship, 
and his " admiration and his tears ?" We are reminded 
that He never directed anything to be written, and never 
wrote anything Himself, except some words in the sand. 
From whence then comes the information which enables 
the lecturer to form so high an estimate of His character? 
Evidently it is derived from the New Testament, for 
there are no other documents to which an appeal can be 
carried. If then it is sufficiently reliable to warrant us 
in accepting its portraiture of Christ, it may certainly be 
trusted when it undertakes to set before us the doctrine 
that He preached. 

AUTHENTICITY OF THE NEW TESTAMENT. 

It may not be amiss at this point to suggest a few 
additional thoughts bearing upon the authenticity of this 
book. The statement that "it was not written for 
hundreds of years after the Apostles were dust " is utterly 
devoid of proof. That the gospels were in circulation 
by the close of the first century is the belief of the world's 
most eminent scholars, a belief abundantly confirmed 
by Irenaeus, Tertullian, and Origen. The assertion 
that they were originally written in Hebrew, and that, 
as the copies are all in Greek, a language which it is 
assumed the disciples did not understand, no confidence 
can be placed in their reported authorship, is gratuitous 
and untrustworthy. Thoughtful rationalists, who have 
studied this subject carefully, hesitate to venture on such 
untenable ground. According to the best authorities, 
in our Lord's day the Greek language was current in 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 1 75 

Palestine ; and it is needless to say that such writers 
as Lightfoot, Alford, De Wette, and Lueke have assigned 
good and sufficient reasons for believing that the gospels 
were the work of the men to whom they are commonly 
ascribed. But even were there serious doubts upon this 
point, it should not be overlooked that it is simply 
incredible that centuries alter Christ a company of un- 
known men should have been able to impose on the 
churches as apostolic, writings that radically differed 
from the doctrine fixed and accepted among them ; 
and if they are in substantial agreement, as undoubt- 
edly they are, then, for the purposes of this discussion, 
we may accept with confidence their report of what 
Christ taught concerning the salvation of the soul. 
And if we attach to them enough importance to call 
them to the witness-stand at all, we are bound to re- 
ceive their whole testimony, and not to garble it to 
suit our own views. 

To reject every statement that mitigates against our 
opinions as interpolations, or to discriminate between 
witnesses whose claims on our attention are equally 
valid, simply because one seems to be more pronounced 
against us than the others, only betrays a determination 
to make good a position at any hazard. Such a course 
is illogical and unjustifiable. For it. to be pursued in 
any other investigation than that of religion, would ex- 
pose its author to censure and condemnation. If the 
Evangelists are entirely untrustworthy, do not appeal to 
them at all ; but if you are going to admit their testi- 
mony, admit the whole of it ; any other course is not 
only inconsistent, it will prove inconclusive as well. 

Believing, then, that we have in this volume a faithful 
transcript of the Savior's teachings, let us draw near to 



I76 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

it, earnestly inquiring, ' ' What must we do to be saved ?" 

The text, which I have chosen on which to rest my argu- 
ment, teaches that salvation is the end or the result of 
faith. What, it will be asked, is it possible that good 
works have nothing to do with eternal life ? I say not 
that ; I would not seem even to imply that . Through- 
out the New Testament the strongest emphasis is laid 
on the indispensableness of virtue, both in its root and 
flavor. It is expressly declared that evil-doing bars the 
gates of the kingdom — "they which do such things shall 
not inherit the kingdom of God," and it is written : 
"Blessed are they that do His commandments, that 
they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter 
in through the gates into the city." We do not teach, 
nor are others authorized to teach, that the beatitudes 
pronounced by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount are 
available to any who fail to comply with the conditions. 
They who receive the benediction must breathe the 
spirit on which it depends, and they who are looking for 
forgiveness must not fail to forgive in their turn. I 
know of no salvation that regards these moral and spir- 
itual excellencies as superfluous. At this point we have 
no serious controversy with the statements made in the 
lecture before us, however one may object to the manner 
in which they are put. We all hold to the great truth 
that, "without holiness, no man shall see the Lord," 
and that "the grace of God that bringeth salvation " 
teaches us "to deny ungodliness and wordly lusts, and 
to live soberly, righteously, and godly in this present 
world." And, whosoever represents us to the contrary, 
gives currency to a slander as foul as it is false. 

But, while this position is to be maintained most 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 1 77 

earnestly, it is impossible to read the New Testament 
without arriving at the conclusion that, in some very 
real sense, faith is interwoven with the soul's salvation. 
To escape from this fact, Col. Ingersoll has been obliged 
to manipulate his witnesses, and to reject, altogether, 
the testimony of one who has as good a right to be heard 
as the others. Certainly, John teaches " He that be- 
lieveth on the Son hath everlasting life," and shows how 
dependent we all are upon Christ for salvation. This is 
not called in question, and we need not therefore multi- 
ply texts in its defense . That the same doctrine runs 
through the epistles will hardly be seriously denied. 
"Therefore, being justified by faith, we have peace with 
God through our Lord Jesus Christ," "in whom ye also 
trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel 
of your salvation," are texts which indicate the direction 
of apostolic thought upon this subject. When we turn 
back to three Evangelists we find the same doctrine, not 
only implied, but expressed. In the account given by 
Mark of our Lord's first preaching we find him saying, 
"The time is fulfilled, and the Kingdom of God is at 
hand ; repent ye and believe the gospel." And the great 
commission under which the Apostles were to act, and 
which last Sunday came in for no small amount of vitu- 
perative eloquence, is but an echo of this original pro- 
clamation. The same writer represents Christ as saying 
to Peter, "Have faith in God;" and on another occasion 
he records the fact that "seeing their faith," He said, 
"Be of good cheer, thy sins be forgiven thee." Indeed, 
all the benefits conferred by Christ's ministry presuppose 
the existence of faith in Him as the Messiah. He not 
only directly asks the people whether they possess it, but 



I78 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

speaks of His gracious purposes as being hindered by their 
unbelief. When He says to them, " Come to me, aD ye 
that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest ; 
take my yoke upon you and learn of me ; for I am meek 
and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your 
souls," confidence in Himself is necessarily implied. 
How could they take Him at His word unless they were 
moved to do so by their faith ? 

I admit that there is growth and development in the 
New Testament teachings on this subject, as on every 
other with which it is concerned. There were reasons 
why the people should be gradually led up step by step 
to the apprehension of the doctrine of grace, and he 
must be blind who fails to discern this advancement in 
the writings of the Apostles. But notwithstanding this 
admission, the germs of all that was afterward more 
fully elaborated appears in the utterance of the Saviour. 
Do the Apostles dwell on the necessity of our becoming 
' ' new creatures ? " Not only does John represent Jesus 
as saying': "Ye must be born again, but Matthew, 
Mark, and Luke describe Him as preaching * ' repent- 
ance," which is one aspect of the same thing, and as in- 
sisting on the tree being made good if we would have the 
fruit good as well. Do they magnify His gracious dying 
for the world ? They were anticipated by Him of whom 
they wrote, for during His ministry, as reported by Mat- 
thew, He claimed " to give His life a ransom for many,' 
and in the institution of the last supper He said : ' 'This is 
my blood of the new covenant, which is shed for many 
for the remission of sins." And thus faith, too, pro- 
ceeded from the earliest intimations of its importance to 
grow in clearness, until in the epistles it appears distinctly 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER 1 79 

defined as to its nature and value, and we might just as 
well deny to the full head of wheat the existence of the 
germ from whence it sprang, as to deny to the completed 
conception of this grace in the apostolic writings its root- 
age in the earliest works of our Lord Himself. 

THE VITAL RELATION OF FAITH TO THE SOUL ITS 

ELEVATING AND SAVING POWER WHEN FIXED ON 
JESUS CHRIST. 

We are now prepared to advance another step in this 
investigation. How comes it that faith is made to sus- 
tain so vital a relation to the eternal welfare of the soul? 
My first answer is, because it is the source of godliness 
in heart and life. Paul when writing to the Thessalon- 
ians associates them together ; and Peter, alluding to the 
conversion of the Gentiles, declares that God purified 
their hearts by faith. In the epistles to the Ephesians, 
Galatians, Colossians, and Hebrews, stress is laid on the 
thought that our union with Christ which is effected by 
faith, should be and must be productive of good works. 
They flow from it necessarily, as wreathed forms of 
beauty rise from the sea, as broad gleams of light stream 
down from the sun, and as flowers and harvests spring 
from the fertile earth. To understand the matter more 
fully we must remember that the Bible assumes the need 
in humanity of a new principle of moral life. Christ 
says that He came to seek and save the lost. That we 
are in some sense lost has been more than suspected, 
even by those who have sought guidance from the light 
of nature only ; for they have been sadly conscious of 
imperfection in their lives. Were we to succeed in 
destroying the Bible, we would still fail to erase from 



l8o MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

human consciousness the conviction that sin reigns unto 
death . 

Sin is here, not because the Bible teaches it, but be- 
cause we transgress the divine law. But how shall we, 
be delivered from this thralldom ? How shall we so in- 
fluence our heart that henceforward our bent, drift, and 
tendency shall be toward righteousness ? To this no 
answer is given by last Sabbath's lecture. That has no 
redemption to preach from a dreary past, no encourage- 
ment to extend of a nobler future. That simply assures 
us that if we are in the wrong we must continue in it, 
and sink in it deeper and deeper. But this is not the 
message of the gospel. That teaches the possibility of 
implanting in the heart a new principle, which will 
regenerate both character and life. The principle which 
it thus highly exalts is faith — not faith in a creed, in a 
form of words, but in a person, and that person Christ. 
Have you never observed the elevating and purifying 
power of this grace in other relations ? When a young 
man who has been reckless unites himself with a pure, 
devoted woman in marriage, if he has confidence in her, 
how decisively her character will act on his. His affi- 
ance with her creates a purer air around him, and im- 
prints upon his heart both the reality and loveliness of a 
virtuous life. Or to change the illustration, let it be 
the confiding love of a child in a mother, or of a son in 
a father, or of one friend in another, and in proportion 
as the object of trust is morally exalted will it have 
power to transform into its own likeness. Pre-eminently 
must this be true of Christ. Consider His greatness, 
His moral splendor and spiritual magnificence. He re- 
presents Himself not only as the teacher of the world, 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 1 8 1 

but as its sacrifice for sin. As such He magnifies in our 
eyes the dignity of the moral law and of personal purity. 
He does not leave the impression that if we wrong any 
one it can be passed unnoticed by the Supreme Ruler. 
The wrong must not only be atoned for by his priestly 
.offering, but we must right it ourselves as far as possible 
and whatever remains of compensation God will not 
withold from the sufferer. 

It is a misrepresentation to imply that if we injure 
a fellow being, we can obtain forgiveness without being 
deeply sensible of our guilt, and without sincere efforts 
to counteract the evils we have wrought. Christ taught 
no such doctrine, neither do we. Christ taught the 
abominableness of iniquity, the blasphemy of wrong 
doing ; and on the other side, the essential and eternal 
beauty of righteousness. And if we trust Him, that is, 
if we receive Him as our prophet, priest, and king, we 
say amen, to all that He is and to all that He proclaims ; 
we accept Him as the pattern of our life and as its in- 
spiration . How can there be such trust without moral- 
ity ? and how can there be morality springing from 
such a source without peace of mind, and hope of ever- 
lasting salvation ? Faith saves, not because there is in 
it intrinsic worth greater than resides in righteousness, 
but because it is itself the source of righteousness, bring- 
ing us into fellowship with One whose presence must 
ever tend to chase away the shadow of sin. We are 
saved, not for faith's sake, nor for our work's sake, but 
for Christ's sake ; by whom we are influenced, through 
the instrumentality of faith, to preserve ourselves blame- 
less in thought and deed unto the end. 

This is the gospel that I preach to you. That its 



I 82 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

truth has been confirmed by its influence on society, 
such impartial writers as Lecky, who, as you know, is 
not favorably disposed to Christianity, concedes ; and 
there are few who would venture the assertion made last 
Sabbath, ''that nations in proportion as they have been 
religious, have gone back to barbarism." The examples 
adduced to maintain this allegation, Spain, Portugal, 
and Italy, have been afflicted with a system that can 
hardly claim very close affinity with primitive Christian- 
it}* But nothing was said of England, Germany, and 
America, and all the philanthropic triumphs of Christian- 
ity in these countries were conveniently passed unnoticed. 
The selection of France to prove the beneficial influence 
of infidelity was far from fortunate ; for to-day, with all 
its material prosperity there is more of unrest, and, per- 
haps, more of unhappiness than elsewhere. The repub- 
lic is, at best, a tyranny, and its moral corruption 
threatens to engulf it. Others have read history as well 
as Col. Ingersoll, and others see, what he can not, that 
wherever the gospel has been preached, and preached 
most freely, the intellectual and moral life of the people 
have advanced. There true freedom has taken root, 
there education has flourished, and there the home has 
developed in sanctity and beauty. France has no home 
life ; France has but a dim apprehension of any other 
evangel than violence ; and if France is ever rescued 
from the power of her bloody traditions, it will only be 
through that gospel which is again being proclaimed in 
her white fields. 

But, however we may read the past, one thing is clear 
from the lecture whose leading thoughts we have con- 
sidered, humanity is left hopeless and helpless by infidel- 



REPLY OF DR. LORIMER. 



183 



ity. If we are in sorrow it has no comfort, if we are in 
sin it has no deliverance, if we are in perplexity it has 
no message, if we are in darkness it has no light. The 
virtue it preaches is without foundation, the heroism it 
inculcates is without inducement, and the immortality it 
whispers is without evidence. Its loftiest sentiments are 
borrowed from the religion it affects to despise ; the 
liberty which it claims to champion, it has sacrificed but 
little to secure , and the sweet charities it commends, it 
has done nothing to establish. The garland of eloquence 
wherewith it clothes itself, is the adornment of a corpse, 
every flower sheaths a Worm in its bosom, and every 
breath of fragrance is mingled with death. Its oratory 
smells of the tomb, and the symbol of its hope is an 
eyeless, tongueless skull, grinning in mocking insolence 
at everything that dignifies and ennobles life. It brings 
no benefaction, it pronounces no benediction, but casts 
its baneful shadow on all that is fair and sacred. From 
its cold lips there comes no grand and rounded full 
"Yea" to match its piercing, blighting and destroying 
"Nay." It is simply a huge negation, seeking with 
one hand to stop the mouth of religion, and with the 
other to write on human aspirations and beliefs a bitter 
and derisive "No." It has no gospel of salvation even 
for this world, but only an evangel of destruction. 

Let us then turn from it, and proclaim Him in whom 
is life, and who came "that we might have life, and 
have it more abundantly. Let us, in realizing the in- 
sufficiency of all other answers, repeat to those who 
ask, ' ' What must we do to be saved ? " " Believe on 
the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved," saved 
from sin, saved from despair, saved from uselessness 
and misery, and saved forever more in the kingdom of 
His glory. 




REV. E. P. GOODWIN, D. D. 



PART IV. 

MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL 

Replies to IngersolV s Lecture 
— on — 
" THOMAS PAYNE." 



DR. GOODWIN'S REPLY. 



THE RENOWNED PASTOR OF OVER A THOUSAND CHURCH 

MEMBERS RISES IN DEFENSE OF THE TRUTH THE 

AX LAID AT THE ROOT OF THE INGERSOLL 
TREE THE SOLEMN ISSUE. 

Teachers of men are like trees. We can no more 
trust the words and the terrorizing of the one than the 
leaves and blossoms of the other. But when fruiting 
time has come we shall have tests that never fail. 
Grapes do not come of thorns, nor figs of thistles. Every 
good tree will have infallible witness in good fruit, and 
every evil tree in evil fruit. Just so of men who set up 
for prophets. When their doctrines have come to fruit- 
age, there will be in the quality of that fruit, according 
as it is good or evil, the infallible test of the quality of 
what has been taught. 

This is our Lord's canon of proving things. And He 

(185) 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



bids us stand in the ways and challenge whatever claims 
authority over our hearts and lives. We are not to 
accept a teacher, because he has the look of an apostle. 
We are not to accept his doctrine, because it charms the 
ear and gives great promise of blessing, We are to de- 
mand as prime conditions of our acceptance a showing 
of fruits ; results wrought, whereby the doctrine which 
appeals to us is unequivocally demonstrated to be that 
which exalts God and blesses men. 

Of course Christ and His teachings must take the 
same test which is applied to other teachers and other 
doctrines. No question is a fairer one with which to 
meet the claims of Christianity than, What fruits has it 
to show ? Have its teachings made men better or 
worse ? Have they tended to emphasize and exalt truth, 
purity, justice, benevolence ; to secure the well-being of 
individuals, communities, nations ; or have they tended 
to beget untruth, impurity, injustice, selfishness, cruelty, 
tyranny, and thus heap upon men increasing mischiefs 
and woes ? And this is the question between Mr. Inger- 
soll and the Ministers and Churches he assails so bitterly 
in his glorification of Thomas Paine. We, of the Min- 
istry and the Churches, stand upon the Bible as the 
divinely-inspired and hence divinely-authoritative Word 
of God. We affirm that this book sets forth the true 
character of God, the aims and methods of His moral 
government, the scheme of His devising, whereby shall 
be secured His own highest honor and the highest well- 
being of His creatures. We affirm that upon men's be- 
lieving upon the crucified Son of God therein set forth 
as the Saviour of men depends their salvation. We 
affirm that only as men accept the doctrines of this book, 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 1 87 

and order their lives thereby, can they attain individually 
to the largest measures of intellectual and moral develop- 
ment ; or, as associated together, enjoy the highest 
social security, prosperity, and happiness ; or as a nation 
make sure of real greatness and lasting glory. 
ingersoll's sad need of spectacles at a much 

earlier period in life what he sees in the 

historic spectrum a remarkable 

phenomenon. 

Mr. Ingersoll denies all this . He declares that 
Christianity is a " superstition, " a bundle of "ancient 
lies;" that the doctrine of Salvation by Faith is "in- 
famous;" that the church is "ignorant, bloody, relent- 
less;" that it "confiscates property," "tortures, burns, 
dooms to perdition," all who are outside of its pale, and 
does it with supreme delight ; that religion "puts fet- 
ters " on man's intellect ; that it is " destructive of hap- 
piness;" a "hydra-headed monster, thrusting its thou- 
sand fangs into the bleeding, quivering hearts of men," 
that it "fills the earth with mourning, heaven with 
hatred, the present with fear, the future with fire and 
despair." And over against this, Mr. Ingersoll sets, as 
the true religion, the grand panacea of all human ills, the 
scheme of infidelity. " Infidelity," he says, " is liberty." 
It is this which "frees men from prison: this which 
civilizes ; this that lights the fires on the altars of reason; 
that fills the world with light ; this that opens dull eyes; 
brings music into the soul ; wipes tears from furrowed 
cheeks ; puts out the fires of civil war ; destroys from 
the earth the dogmas of ignorance, prejudice, power, 
and drives from this beautiful face of the earth the fiend 
of fear." 



1 88 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

This is a clear, sharp issue. Mr. Ingersoll stands be- 
fore our text and says, " Christianity can not take its 
own test. It claims to yield grapes, but when the truth 
is told, it has only tearing, torturing thorns to show. 
It claims to be a gentle, innocent sheep, but it is nothing 
other than a ravenous, blood-thirsty wolf in disguise. 
The only genuine grape-vine, the only true sheep, is the 
doctrine which I teach, which I learned of my master, 
the one great, unequaled teacher of the ages, the apostle 
of liberty, the light and hope of the world — Thomas 
Paine." 

What I propose is to apply this test of the text to both 
these schemes ; to set Christianity and its fruits side by 
side with infidelity and its fruits, and see whether Mr. 
Ingersoll has told us the truth. It does not concern my 
purpose, to speak particularly of Thomas Paine, and I 
shall not stop, therefore, to consider at length Mr. In- 
gersoll's apotheosis of him. He is entitled to his opinion, 
and so are we to ours. But I must confess to have read 
his oration with amazement. I always supposed hither- 
to that there were some other unselfish, pure-minded, 
liberty-loving men in those old times who had some- 
thing to do with originating and carrying to success the 
scheme of American independence. But it seems we 
have all been mistaken, and history has been mistaken, 
and so for a hundred years the country has gone on 
heaping eulogies upon men that never deserved them. 
Somehow, this terrible despot and fiend of Christianity 
has contrived to falsify the records, blind the people, 
and keep hid away in its awful dungeons of disgrace and 
infamy the one purest hero, the one pre-eminent mag- 
nate of that glorious epoch, It does not exactly appear 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 1 89 

how this was done. It does not appear that any other 
patriot-infidel was doomed to like dishonor. Neverthe- 
less, it has come to pass, that as to this man, the "first 
to perceive the destiny of the new world," the man that 
' 1 did more than any other to cause the declaration of 
Independence," the very Achilles of the revolution, 
without whose word and sword, apparently everything 
would have come to naught — the whole nation has for 
a century been reading and re-reading its history, and 
hardly made mention of his name ! What strange, 
what base ingratitude is this ! For statesmen, histo- 
rians, orators, poets, to keep sounding for decade after 
decade the praises of Washington, and Jefferson, and 
Franklin, and the Adamses, and ever so many more, 
and yet never to have lifted one acclaim for the hero 
that overtopped them all ! Evidently, Mr. Ingersoll's 
spectacles should have come into use long years ago. 

Listening to this arraignment of history, one can not 
feel sure that any of its so-called verdicts are to be 
trusted. How do we know that, as a nation, we have 
not been guilt)* of like injustice and tyranny in the judg- 
ments that have been passed on Jefferson Davis and 
Benedict Arnold ? And who shall be quite sure that not 
only they may yet be rescued from the infamy that now 
envelops them, but even Judas Iscariot may not prove 
to have been caluminiated by this relentless t)Tanny of 
a misnamed gospel, and take his place alongside of 
Arnold and Paine among the stars. Here, at least, is a 
new field to which Mr. Ingersoll may acquire laurels. 

As to the claims put forward in behalf of Mr. Paine's 
leadership in securing our national independence, I can 
not refrain from a passing word. There is no proof 



I90 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

whatever that any injustice has ever been done Mr. 
Paine in the estimate of his services by our historians. 

FURTHRR OPTICAL DELUSIONS OF THE ELOQUENT COLONEL 
-WHY PAINE CAME TO AMERICA. 

Mr. Ingersoll has not added a single fact to those well 
known before. No doubt Mr. Paine rendered valuable 
service, especially with his pen, in the interests of free- 
dom ; no doubt he deserved all the encomiums and sub- 
stantial records he received at the hands of State Legis- 
latures and of Congress. So far as I know, no one has 
ever disputed this. But when Mr. Ingersoll attempts to 
go beyond this, and hold up Mr. Paine as the "great 
apostle of liberty," the "first to perceive the destiny of 
the new world, " as "doing more to cause the declara- 
tion of Independence than any other man," and declares 
his pamphlet, entitled "Common Sense," the "first 
argument for separation of the colonies from the Mother 
country — he goes vastly beyond the facts. He may be- 
lieve Mr. Paine entitled to all the credit he claims, but 
he certainly can not prove it. The truth of history is 
not to be overborne by a lawyer's specious plea, nor is 
its voice to be drowned beyond the passing moment, by 
the applause evoked by the wit and eloquence of a gifted 
orator. 

The first significant fact is, that there is no 
proof whatever that Paine came to this country with any 
political purpose. He lost his place as exciseman, ob- 
tained an introduction to Benjamin Franklin, then U. 
S. Minister in England, who had received so many 
applications, that he had written a tract giving informa- 
tion about America — and from him secured a note of in- 
troduction to Franklin's son-in-law, Bache, commend- 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. igt 

ing him as needing employment, and so far as he could 
judge, worthy of confidence. He reached this country 
in December, 1774, and through Mr. Bache's influence, 
obtained employment as the editor of a magazine. And 
this is all there is of his coming. So far as appears, it 
was purely a matter of getting daily bread. 

PAINE AND AMERICAN INDEPENDENCE THE CAUSE OF 

LIBERTY AT WHITE HEAT BEFORE MR. PAINE GETS 
AROUND INTERESTING FACTS. 

In January, 1776, when he had been in the country 
barely a year, he published his pamphlet. Mr. Bancroft 
says he did it at the suggestion of Mr. Franklin, who had 
then returned from England, hopeless of securing any 
possible adjustment of the difficulties between the 
colonies and the home government. The pamphlet was 
timely. It was written in a clear, vigorous, and telling 
style ; took ground boldly in favor of independence, and 
was, without doubt, greatly effective in urging forward 
the cause which it championed. But this is all that can 
be claimed for it . 

Franklin had cherished' and uttered the same views 
for years, and so had Patrick Henry, James Otis, both 
the Adamses, and many others. Indeed, ever since the 
passage of the Stamp Act there had been a growing con- 
viction among nearly all the patriotic men of that day, 
that the separation of the colonies and the establish- 
ment of an independent government was inevitable— a 
mere question of time. And at the date when this 
pamphlet appeared, this conviction was the dominant 
one among a vast majority of the people, and with 
reason. Boston port-bill was a fact, and had stirred the 
blood of all the colonists. Franklin had been insulted 



192 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLLo 

before the king's privy council, and that made' the red 
heat white. More than all, Lexington, and Concord, 
and Bunker-Hill had been fought, and the smell of 
powder was everywhere in the air. The king had refused 
to listen to the second remonstrance of the colonies 
against taxation without representation, had issued his 
proclamation for the suppression of rebellion. John 
Adams' wife, Abigail, hearing that proclamation, stopped 
her spinning wheel, and wrote to her husband : 

"This intelligence will make a plain path for you, 
though a dangerous one. I could not join to-day in the 
petitions of our worthy pastor for a reconciliation be- 
tween our no longer parent but tyrant state, and these 
colonies. Let us separate ! let us renounce them ! and 
let us beseech the Almighty to blast their counsels, and 
bring to naught all their devices." 

This was in August, 1774, six months before Paine's 
pamphlet saw the light ! ! ! 

And Mr. Bancroft says of Mrs. Adams' appeal, "Her 
voice was the voice of New England. " 

Samuel Adams had said, also, in the Massachusetts 
Assembly: ' ■ The declaration of independence and treaties 
with foreign powers are to be expected." 

Jefferson had said — speaking of the Stamp Act and 
kindred legislation — "I will cease to exist before I will 
submit to a connection with England on such terms as 
the British Parliament propose ; and in this I speak the 
sentiment of America." 

And still beyond this, Franklin had introduced into 
the assembly of Pennsylvania his plan for a confedera- 
tion of the colonies. 

This was the state of things when Mr. Paine's utter- 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 1 93 

ances were put forth . They were opportune and helpful. 
But chiefly as inciting to an earlier inauguration of the 
conflict that was sure to come. 

Washington was at the head of the army — Boston in- 
vested with 20,000 men — Norfolk had been burned — the 
whole country was ready to burst into a flame. 

Doubtless to Mr. Paine belongs in part the honor 
snared by many of helping to strike the match which 
kindled the fires of the Revolution. But he no more 
merits all that honor than James Warren or Orispus 
Attucks. The Continent was heaving and the eruption 
was sure to come. Mr. Paine simply helped to break 
the thin crust, and precipitate the outbreak of the 
long-pent fires of the volcano. 

PAINES FRACTIONAL GLORY IN THE FRENCH REPUBLIC. 

Mr. Ingersoll's statement respecting Mr. Paine's part 
in the assembly of the French Republic deserves a 
passing word. His statement is that "Thomas Paine 
had the courage, the goodness, the justice, to vote 
against the death of Louis XVI.," when "all were 
demanding the death of the king," and hence when "so 
to vote was to vote against your own life. " This would 
make it appear that Mr. Paine stood almost, if not 
quite, alone in that assembly ; took upon himself the 
peril of martyrdom for his clemency. But read Lamar- 
tine's history of the Girondists, and see how differently 
a Frenchman loving democracy, and hating kingship 
as ardently as Thomas Paine, puts the matter. Mr. 
Lamartine says, Mr. Paine having received from the 
king 6,000,000 francs for his country, had "neither 
the memory nor the dignity befitting his station," but 
by his paper, read before the convention, ' * heaped a 



i94 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

long series of insults upon a man whose generous assist- 
ance he had formerly solicited, and to whom he owed 
the preservation of his own country." And when the 
question of the death of the king was at last, after a 
full month of debate, brought to a vote — there were 721 
voices uttered from the tribune. Of these 387 were for 
death and 334 for exile. So that, whatever the " cour- 
age, the goodness, the justice, the sublimity of devotion 
to principle, the peril of life," involved in Mr. Paine's 
vote, he had 333 sharers of his heroism and his glory. 

A FAIR TEST, WITH SOME PLAIN PHILOSOPHY. 

But to come now to the purpose in hand and consider 
his arraignment of Christianity . Is it possible to apply 
this test-principle of the text, so that we may know to a 
certainty what the relative claims of the two systems 
asking our acceptance are ? For they have both been 
long enough before the world to produce ample results, 
and results whose quality is ascertainable beyond doubt. 

Let us take first, then, the character of the founder of 
Christianity, and test that, and then the character of 
the teachers of infidelity, and test them. We shall be 
sure to be on the right track in such inquiry. For while 
it does not greatly matter what the character of a man 
may be who gives us a new theory of electricity, or light, 
or anything — his discovery being of equal value whether 
he be honest or dishonest, temperate or intemperate, 
moral or immoral — it does matter what the personal 
character of a teacher of a new scheme of morals is. He 
comes claiming our acceptance of certain doctrines 
which, He says, are vital to our welfare. He declares 
that only as we accept His dogmas can we lead lives of 
highest happiness and usefulness. That everything, in 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 195 

short, that can be called good, is bound up in His teach- 
ings. Naturally, therefore, and of right, we look to 
Him for an illustration of what He teaches. If He 
wants us to be truthful, honest, moral, He must be. 
The moment we fail to find in the teacher the exemplifi- 
cation of the thing taught, that moment the power of his 
teaching is broken. I am speaking of course, of one 
who has a system which he claims to be superior to 
others, and which he insists that men must receive or 
suffer great loss. It is only folly for a known deceiver 
to try and enforce truthfulness, for a known thief to 
teach honesty, or a libertine virtue. We say, instinct- 
ively and scornfully to such — "Physician, heal thy- 
self." 

We have hence the best of rights to test this great 
teacher of Christianity, and to test Him rigidly. We 
have the right to put His life to proof everywhere, and 
see whether it shows a quality accordant with His speech. 
For He claims for His teaching not only supreme author- 
ity, but the authority of truth that does not rest content 
till it has taken possession of a man in the very roots of 
his being, penetrated him through and through, and 
made him so entirely a lover of truth that he will tolerate 
no fellowship with anything else. More than this, His 
standards of morals deal not so much with words and 
deeds, as with their underlying motives. With Him, 
covetousness is not so much looking upon the things of 
others with the eyes of the body as with the eyes of the 
soul. To lust after a woman is as truly adultery, as the 
open violation of the seventh commandment. It is 
murder as truly to have the thought daubed in blood as 
the hands. 



I96 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

Furthermore, they who accept this teacher's doctrine 
must stand ready to surrender everything on the call of 
their master ; to leave home and its treasures ; to take 
oppositions, persecutions, sufferings, death even, and to 
do this without murmuring. And only they who stand 
ready to do this, who covet to have their wills merged 
in their teacher's, who carry in their souls the ideal of a 
perfection as high as God, and who consciously and ab- 
sorbingly^desire and speak the good of men • only these 
can be counted true disciples. 

JESUS CHRIST AND THE TESTIMONY PAINE'S CON- 
FESSION . 

Here now is opportunity indeed for tests. And this 
founder of the new scheme, which He insists on hav- 
ing men receive, must demonstrate in Himself the spirit 
of His own doctrines, must illustrate unequivocally their 
fruits, or be rejected. What now are the facts ? Why, 
clearly this, that He stands there on the track of history 
the exact embodiment of every truth that He uttered. 
The keenest and most relentless criticism has had His 
life as in the focus of its blazing examination for cen- 
turies, has searched that life back and forth through 
every phase of it, from His childhood to the last agony 
on the cross, and yet is compelled to confess that no- 
where is there a day or an hour, a deed or a word, or a 
thought, that does not exactly mirror the teachings of 
His lips. 

More than that, He stands there the only character 
of all the ages absolutely without a spot or blemish, and 
this, as I have said, not as the verdict of partial ad- 
mirers, but of of those who would, many of them, be 
only too glad to prove Him a hypocrite or a cheat. 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 1 97 

Theodore Parker, and he is no enthusiastic devotee 
of Christianity, is compelled to say of Him that "He 
unites in Himself the sublimest precepts and divinest 
practices ; that He rises free from all the prejudices of 
His age, nation or sect, pours out a doctrine beautiful as 
the light, sublime as heaven, true as God. 

Mr. Chubb, a noted English infidel, admits in his 
"True Gospel," "that we have in Christ an example of 
one who was just, honest, upright, sincere, who did no 
wrong, no injury to any man, and in whose mouth was 
no guile." 

Rousseau says : "What sweetness, what purity in 
His manner ! what sublimity in His maxims ! what pro- 
foundness in His discourses ! Where is the man, where 
the philosopher, who could so live and so die without 
weakness and without ostentation ! If the life and death 
of Socrates were those of a Sage, the life and death of 
Jesus Christ were those of a God." 

And Thomas Paine himself is at pains to testify in his 
" Age of Reason," that "nothing that is here said" — in 
his holding up of Christianity to ridicule, 1 1 can apply, 
even with the most distant disrespect, to the real char- 
acter of Jesus Christ. He was a virtuous and an amiable 
man. The morality that He preached and practiced 
was of the most benevolent kind." 

WHAT THE TESTIMONY DEMONSTRATES AND ITS 
SIGNIFICANCE. 

Such confessions as these from the lips of infidels are 
most amazing. They demonstrate that Jesus Christ 
made good His astounding pretensions, that He was 
literally without sin, and had the best of rights to call 
Himself the light of the world. But the significance of 



I98 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

these confessions goes further than this. For this stain- 
less, perfect character is an absolute impossibility, if the 
claims of infidelity are true. Where shall we look for 
the exemplification of a system of morals but to its 
founder ? 

We look to Brigham Young as the prophet and head 
of Mormonism, and we find exactly what we should ex- 
pect from the teachings of that faith ; a polygamist and 
a despiser of all doctrines outside of the book of Mormon. 

We look to Mohammed, and find him exactly what 
we should expect from the Koran, a man who believes 
in sensuality and bloodshed to secure his ends. 

So in the gods of the Romans and Greeks, and Hin- 
doos and Egyptians, we find exactly such gods as we 
should look for from the religions to which they belong 
— gods stamped with deceit, cruelty, blood-thirstiness, 
lust. 

So it should be here, if Christianity is what Mr. In- 
gersoll declares it to be, unloving, tyrannous, bloody, 
delighting in nothing so much as deceits and woes, then 
Jesus Christ should be of a piece with it. Nay, in Him 
all these foul things should be headed up. The stream 
can not rise higher nor be purer than its source. If ly- 
ing, and rapine, and lust, and violence are the law or 
the practice, then infallibly sure are we that some 
Henry VIII., or Philip II., or Caesar, or Borgia, or 
Nero, either makes the laws or wields the scepter. If 
Christianity is a bundle of lies, a code of cruelty, then 
He that originated it stands proved either the prince of 
impostors or the worst of fiends. Whereas, upon the 
testimony of infidels themselves, He is the one in whose 
speech and life there is more of purity, goodnes, heaven, 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 1 99 

than in any other character the world has ever seen. 
He is, in short, the one combined God-man of all 
history. 

Mr. John Stuart Mill, who is an avowed atheist, and 
of course denies the divine character and authority of 
Christianity, declares that it is of no use to say that 
Christ as exhibited in the Gospels, is ''not historical." 
And he asks, "Who among His disciples, or among 
their proselytes, was capable of inventing the sayings 
ascribed to Jesus, or of imagining the life and character 
revealed in the Gospels ? Certainly not the fishermen of 
Galilee ; still less the early Christian writers. And Mr. 
Lecky, who agrees with Mr. Mill in rejecting the divine- 
ness of Christianity, agrees also with him in conceding 
the historical claims of both Christ and His reputed 
doctrines. His language is, " It was reserved for Chris- 
tianity to present to the world an ideal character, which 
through all the changes of eighteen centuries has filled 
the hearts of men with an impassioned love, and has 
shown itself capable of acting on all ages, nations, tem- 
peraments, and conditions ; has not only been the high- 
est pattern of virtue, but the highest incentive to prac- 
tice. * * * * Amid all the sins and failings, amid 
ail the priestcraft, the persecution and fanaticism which 
have defaced the church, it has preserved in the char- 
acter and example of its founder an enduring principle 
of regeneration." Such language from such men is de- 
cisive. It demonstrates that Christ and Christianity 
stand or fall together. That they are as inseparable as 
a stream and its fountain, as essentially one in character 
as the light and the sun. 

But what now has infidelity to set forth over against all 



200 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

this ? If it is, as is claimed by Mr. Ingersoll, the sublime 
and blessed truth which is to banish all evil and fill the 
world with purity and heaven, it will have, of course, 
some grand examples of its superiority to show. There 
must needs be some among the apostles of this highest 
and divinest form of truth before whom the founder of 
this Christian scheme of lies, cruelty, and blood, will 
pale, as the stars before the sun. Who, then, are these 
grand luminaries who are to light our way to this mil- 
lennium of freedom, purity and peace ? There is no 
lack of apostles ; Voltaire, Rousseau, Diderot, Hume, 
Hobbes, Lord Herbert, Bolingbroke, Gibbon, Paine — 
these are representative names, the highest and best 
that infidelity has to offer. 

THE OTHER SIDE— GIBBON, HUME, VOLTAIRE & CO. 

HOW THE APOSTLES OF INFIDELITY LOOK, UNDER 
THE DOCTOR'S ELECTRIC LIGHT. 

Gibbon is one of the fairest, as he is one of the ablest 
of them all ; and he has given us a biographical account 
of himself, and therein, amid all the polish and splendor 
of the rhetoric of which he is such a master, "there is 
not a line or a word that suggests reverence for God ; 
not a word of regard for the welfare of the human race ; 
nothing but the most heartless and sordid selfishness, 
vain glory, and desire for admiration, adulation of the 
g^reat and wealthy, contempt for the poor, and supreme 
devotedness to his own gratification." 

Adam Smith calls Hume a " model man," a man " as 
nearly perfect as the nature of human frailty will permit." 
But David Hume maintained that our own pleasure or 
advantage is the test of what is moral ; that "the lack 
of honesty is of a piece with the lack of strength of 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 201 

body," that "suicide is lawful and commendable," that 
" female infidelity when known is a small thing, when 
unknown, nothing," that adultery must be practiced, if 
men would obtain all the privileges of this life, and that 
if generally practiced it would, in time, cease to be scan- 
dalous, and if practiced frequently and secretly would 
come to be thought no crime at all." 

Lord Herbert taught that the 4 ' indulgence of lust and 
ariger is no more to be blamed than thirst or drowsiness. " 

Mr. Hobbes declared, that "civil law is the only 
foundation of right and wrong ; that where there is no 
law, every man's judgment is the only standard of 
morals ; that every man has a right to all things, and 
may lawfully get them, if he can." 

Lord Bolingbroke held that self-love is the only stan- 
dard of morality, that "the lust of power, avarice, 
sensuality, may be lawfully gratified, if they can be 
safely gratified ; that modesty is inspired by mere pre- 
judice, polygamy a law of nature, adultery no violation 
of morals, and the chief end of man is to gratify the 
appetite of the flesh." And he kept faith with his 
teachings, and led the life of a shameless libertine. 

Voltaire advocated the unlimited gratification of the 
sensual appetites, and was a sensualist of the lowest 
type. He was likewise a blasphemer, a caluminator, a 
liar, and a hypocrite ; a man who all his life taught 
and wrought "all uncleanness with greediness," and 
nevertheless had the amazing good sense to wish that 
he had never been born. 

Rousseau was, by his own confessions, a habitual liar, 
and thief, and debauchee , a man so utterly vile that 
he took advantage of the hospitality of friends to plot 



202 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



their domestic ruin, a man so destitute of natural affec- 
tion that he committed his base-born children to the 
charity of the public that he might be spared the trouble 
and cost of caring for them. To use his own language, 
' ' guilty without remorse, he soon became so without 
measure . " 

As to Thomas Paine, the verdict of history is too well 
settled to be reversed by Mr. Ingersoll's wit, or ridicule, 
or denials. After all allowance that can be made for 
misrepresentation, this remains unquestionably true, on 
the authority of those who claimed to be his friends and 
knew him best, that in his last years he was addicted to 
intemperance, given to violence and abusiveness, had 
disreputable associates, lived with a woman who was not 
his wife and left to her whatever remnant of fortune he 
had. 

THE DIFFERENCE IS AS NIGHT AND DAY. 

These now are the representative names of infidelity, 
the most saintly apostles it has to -offer : Men, the very 
best of whom are characterized either by vanity or self- 
ishness, or pride or envy, while some are given to de- 
ceit, blasphemy, drunkeness, sensuality. Yet these are 
held up as the examples and illustrators of this new and 
better gospel, that is to banish from the world the ''dog- 
mas of ignorance, prejudice and power," "the poisoned 
fables of superstition," and in their stead guarantee to 
us "freedom, truth, goodness, heaven." What say you, 
friends ? Here they are — the representatives of Chris- 
tianity, the advocates of the ignorance, bigotry, despot- 
ism, which is declared to so blight this world — Wesley, 
Whitefield, Luther, Calvin, Anselm, Augustine, John, 
Paul, Jesus Christ. And here, over against them, are 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN 203 

the representatives of infidelity, the advocates of the 
doctrines that are to bring back to the world its lost 
paradise — Bolingbroke, Hobbes, Hume, Voltaire, Rous- 
seau, Thomas Paine. With which class shall we make 
surest of truth, virtue, happiness ? With which will our 
wives and little ones be in the safest keeping ? With 
which the purety of the community, the security of the 
state, the glory of the nation, be most securely guaran- 
teed ? Such questions answer themselves. No amount 
of sophistry, with even Mr. Ingersoll's brilliant rhetoric 
to help it, could make us mistake the night for the day. 
But as well attempt that, as try to make us put infidelity 
in the place of Christianity as the light and hope of the 
world. 

THE DIVINE PHILOSOPHY— THE WAY. 

But let us advance the thought, and ask what are the 
fruits of the teachings of Christ as contrasted with those 
of the apostles of infidelity. In looking for these fruits, 
this remarkable fact appears, that Christ stands every- 
where as the ideal character which those who accept 
His doctrine are pledged to realize so far as lies within 
their power. This is a peculiarity of Christianity. To 
study Aristotle, or Plato, or Bacon, and accept what 
they teach, implies nothing of this. I may receive all 
they have to offer, an yet come into no sort of personal 
relations to either of these. I may even accept such 
teachings as truth, and yet know nothing about their 
personal character. But not so as to Christ. I can not 
take up what He says about God, or sin, or obedience, 
or prayer, and set about carrying out such truths, realiz- 
ing the ends for which they were set forth, and yet 
sustain no personal relations to Him, have no desire to 



204 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

become like Him. That is an impossibility. He and 
His word are indissolubly wedded, are inseparably one. 
To hear that word, from whosesoever lips, is the same 
as hearing Him ; to receive it, is to receive Him, and to 
reject it, is to reject Him. The only possible way of 
accepting His truth, fully and truly believing it, is to 
accept Him, fully believe on and trust in Him. And the 
whole object in His teachings may be summed up in the 
simple idea of bringing men to be like Him. Not to 
have the spirit of Christ, is to be none of His. Not to 
covet to be conformed to His image, not to set that 
clearly before the mind as a constant aim of life, is to 
be proved not a true disciple. This is a fundamental 
principle, a law of Christiany. 

THE TRUTH. 

Hence, the power of Christianity as it relates to men's 
lives. In the nature of the case, in just so far as it gets 
control of men's hearts, it must produce disciples 
stamped by the spirit of its founder. They who receive 
the truth of Christ, will inevitably reveal the character of 
Christ. Paul's eager counting, whereby he " counted 
all things but loss, that he might v/in Christ and be 
found in Him," and his constant exhortations to be- 
lievers to " put on Christ," to be " conformed to Him," 
are the spirit which all true believers feel. In other 
words, Jesus Christ is the one, universal model held 
steadily before the hearts of all who receive His truth. 
And there results just what we should expect — a spiritual 
tranformation is wrought in every heart, whereby it 
takes on more and more of the likeness of Christ. Take 
Peter, for example, a rough, hard, very likely profane, 
fisherman, vehement and impetuous to the point of 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 205 

rashness, and yet cowardly even to falsehood and "blas- 
phemy, to escape being reckoned a friend of his man- 
acled Master. 

But when this gospel of Christ has taken thorough 
possession of him, and the power of it comes to be felt, 
this same man is all inflamed with zeal, reveals a courage 
that does not flinch before thousands of this spiteful 
countrymen, and takes up a life full of ridicule, insults, 
scourges, prisons, and goes steadily on to the sure death 
that waits, only eager to be more and more like Him, 
the unseen, yet inspiring Lord, in whom his faith is 
anchored. So Paul, a scholar, but full of the scholar's 
scorn of the friend of publicans; a Pharisee of the straitest 
sect, and hence stirred with intensest hate toward all 
who forsook the faith of their fathers ; so aflame with 
wrath that he stooped to fill the place of an executioner, 
and breathing forth threatings and slaughter went out, 
even as some fierce inquisitor of Torquemada, glad to 
redden his hands in the blood of men, women, children, 
holding the despised gospel. 

AND THE LIFE. 

But this gospel by and by gets hold of him, and what 
a change ! The lion becomes the lamb. The hate, the 
ferocity, the blood-thirstiness is not only all gone, but a 
baptism of heavenly gentleness and love has come in- 
stead. He casts aside all his high opportunities, turns 
back on the sure prospect of affluence and renown, and 
taking to his heart the very doctrines he despised, puts 
himself on the level of the publicans and harlots who 
have received the new truth, and goes forth to face 
an experience that for thirty-five years was one per- 
petual succession of indignities and suffering which it 



2o6 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

is next to impossible to conceive. And does it with 
a sublime patience, nay, rejoices in his tribulations, 
and glories in his infirmities, because he thereby real- 
izes more fellowship with the Christ of his hope, more 
power to commend Him unto men. 

So always, this spirit which animated Peter and 
Paul animates all His discipels. It is the Spirit of 
Christ, His pity for men, His love, His desire to do men 
good, His longing to clear their hearts and lives of 
everything false, corrupt, mischievous, and thus ennoble 
and bless them — reproducing itself in all who receive 
His truth. Augustine, John Newton, John Bunyan, 
thousands of others, rise up all through the centuries to 
witness what fruits of character transformation this 
Gospel everywhere ensures. No matter of what race, 
or clime, of what condition in life, or what temper- 
ament, or indiosyncrasies, or habits, the one fact that 
inevitably marks the reception of this scheme of Chris- 
tianity, is, that its disciples take on the visage of their 
Lord and Master. And if it could only have its way, 
and men would ever receive into good and honest hearts, 
making it the law of their choosing, loving, doing, it 
would fill the world with the likeness of Jesus the Christ. 
And that, I take it, would end all the debate. 

For our city, filled with men, women, children, all 
bearing His visage, all filled and led of His spirit, all 
using His speach, repeating His life, would be what a 
city of love, and purity, and heavenliness ! And the 
world so rilled would be, how plainly, that old prophetic 
world come true — the wolf dwelling with the lamb, the 
leopard with the kid, the swords beaten into plowshares, 
the spears into pruning hooks, the tears wiped from off 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 20/ 

all faces, sorrow and sighing forever fled away, the light 
of everlasting peace on all the faces, joy of everlasting 
blessednes in all hearts. 

And when to this there is added all the mighty influ- 
ence over men that comes from the conceptions of God 
as Christianity unfold and requires men to accept ; con- 
ceptions of God as infinitely good, and holy, and just, 
and suffering men to set up and live by no standard 
but His own ; conceptions hence which send men out to 
daily duty as under the conscious flash of omniscience, 
and in the conscious fellowship of perfect purity, unself- 
ishness and tone ; conception further of God as ad- 
minister of a moral government pledged, with omnipot- 
ence behind it, to secure the trumph of holiness, and 
the retribution of sin, sin of act, speech or thought ; 
when, I repeat, all these considerations are brought to 
bear upon men's hearts and lives as constant forces, as 
by the scheme of Christianity they are, who can doubt 
what the quality of their fruitage in human conduct 
will be ? As well might we doubt whether the sun will 
scatter darkness where he shines, or evoke life and beauty 
from the seeds embosomed by his warmth. 

THE POTENCY OF INFIDELITY. 

But what has infidelity to set over against these 
forces ? What are the potent influences by which it is 
to surpass in efficiency for good, the example and 
teachings of Christ and His apostles, the law of God and 
its standard, and thus renovate society and clear the 
earth of evil and fill it with blessings ? Why, that there 
is no absolute standard of morals, and that every man 
is to be his own judge of what is right, and seek what 
will minister to his happiness or profit. That we may 



2o8 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



gratify our appetites at pleasure. That modesty is a 
mere prejudice. That to secure the highest good, we 
must lie, and steal and practice adultery. That there 
is, probably, no God, and if there be, He is above tak- 
ing cognizance of the petty matters of this life ; that 
there is no hereafter, or, if there be, there is no punish- 
ment for sin ; that God, if there be a God, wants men 
to despise all creeds, all reputations, all authorities that 
cross their preferences, give themselves to seeking hap- 
piness with utter contempt of rules, and preachers, and 
hell-fire ; live while they live, and let the future take 
care of itself. 

TWO PICTURES. 

These are the two systems which are the claimants 
for our acceptance. Which shall we take for vine, and 
which the thornbush ? Which is the sheep, and which 
the wolf ? Looking at the two classes of teachers as 
now put in contrast, and the spirit and tedency of their 
teachings, can there be any difficulty in making answer ? 
As little as between a royal palm, on the one hand, its 
branches filled with singing birds, groups of parents and 
their children gathered underneath rejoicing in the grate- 
ful shade, the bubbling fountains, the fragrant flowers, 
and the luscious fruit ; and on the other, a baleful upas 
tree, not a bird in its branches, nor a gushing spring, 
nor a flower, nor a living thing beneath, but far and 
near the bones of its victims thickly strewn and the poi- 
son of death tainting all the air. And just as little doubt 
can there be, when we apply this same test of the text 
to the ages and ask for the fruits of these respect- 
ive systems of belief. I commend the inquiry to you . I 
can only at the testimony of history and leave you to 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 20g 

examine it at your leisure. Mr. Ingersoll prefers fear- 
ful charges against Christianity. Wherever he finds a 
witch hung, a philosopher put into prison, or an unbe- 
liever put to death by those who wear the Christian 
name, there he raises the cry of tyranny, and blood- 
thirstiness, and accuses Christianity of pulling the rope, 
turning the key, kindling the fire. I have no defence to 
make for such things. They are sad facts in church 
history, and I condemn them as earnestly as does Mr. 
Ingersoll. 

But admitting all such facts that can be hunted out in 
the sweep of eighteen centuries, the genius of the Gospel, 
the spirit of Christianity is in no respect moved to be 
cruel and tyrannous thereby. As well say that Peter's 
lifting his sword and smiting off the ear of the high 
priest's servant, or the desire of James and John to call 
down fire from heaven on the unfriendly Samaritans, 
was the spirit of Christ and His Gospel. 

CHRISTIANITY NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WICKEDNESS 
OF CHRISTIANS LAWLESSNESS IS NOT THE LAW. 

These things are not the product of Christianity. 
They are in no sense the legitimate fruit of its teachings, 
and in no sense do they truly represent its spirit. They 
are the product of human nature sometimes falsely inter- 
preting, sometimes boldly over-riding the word of God. 

Good meli may be led astray, may be blinded, hurried 
on by passion, and do things which in cooler blood and 
under better light they would be the first to condemn. 
Christianity has never taught, has never approved such 
things. The Roman Catholic Church may have done 
so, and John Calvin, and Cotton Mather, but the Bible 
never. And while we condemn the misdirected zeal of 



2IO 



MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 



r.nese good men, we ought not to forget, as Mr. Inger- 
soil is at pains to, the extenuations to which they are 
justly entitled; the fact, for example, that the highest 
authority in English law, Sir Matthew Hale, held Cotton 
Mather's view about witches and sentenced them to 
death. And the fact, also, that the sentence of Servetus 
was not the act of John Calvin, but of the Swiss magis- 
trate, and their decision to burn him adhered to in spite 
of Calvin's earnest appeal that he should be otherwise 
executed. Nor making the most and worst of such a 
mistake, or crime, if any choose to term it so, ought we 
to be blinded thereby to the splendid services in behalf 
of these very men. There are spots even on the sun, 
but we forget about them in the wealth and blessings of 
his effulgence. 

But whatever may be true of the conduct of particular 
disciples of Christianity, they never constitute the 
standards by which its teachings are to be tested. Such 
conduct throws us back upon the question, Is this what 
the Bible teaches ? That is our statute book, and its 
express doctrines, not men's application of them, are 
what settle its spirit. If good men anywhere in our 
State, angered by the depredation of a gang of horse 
thieves or burglars, organize into a vigilance committee, 
lay hands upon a suspected person, take him from bed 
or from prison and hang him to a limb of the nearest 
tree, we do not arraign the laws of Illinois, nor the people 
of Illinois for the act. We charge the violence, the law- 
lessness, upon the particular wrong-doers engaged. 

So, here, the Bible nowhere teaches cruelty, tyranny; 
nowhere encourages putting men to death because of 
their beliefs, or even their shamelessness in sin. God 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 211 

Aid, indeed, in given instances, take the administration 
of human government into His own hands, and sweep 
the face of the earth clean of its vile inhabitants by the 
deluge ; and blot out Sodom and Gomorrah — the cities 
of the plain, with a fiery storm of retributive wrath. So 
He likewise gave order for the purging of the land of 
promise of the hordes of Canaanitish idolaters whose 
cup of abominations was overfull . And for these things 
God stands ready to make answer to all who arraign 
Him. 

THE GREAT CLOUD OF WITNESSES. 

But He has laid on men no injunctions requiring them 
to take His place and pass upon their fellows in judg- 
ment. Throughout His Book one spirit runs. On the 
authority of the one great expounder of it — the sum of 
all its commands is — supreme love for God, unselfish 
love for man. And this is the spirit which Christianity 
always taught and always exemplified in its true dis- 
ciples. Look at the proof before us to-day. Consider 
these thousands of Churches, their pulpits all aiming to 
exalt this Bible with its law of love, to magnify this 
Christ with His life of devotion to the welfare of men. 
Consider the millions of worshipers, all seeking to know 
God, all accepting His standards of character, all seek- 
ing to possess the spirit and wear the likeness of His son. 
Consider the countless multitudes of children in Sunday 
Schools, all filling the air with the praises of Jesus 
Christ, and all taught, if nothing else, that He is the 
one model they are to imitate and His teachings to 
be the law of their deeds, their words, their 
thoughts. Consider these innumerable Christian news- 
papers, filling the land with the same doctrines, and 



212 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

using their prodigious influence to make them the su- 
preme faith of the nations. Consider the hundreds of 
Christian Colleges and Seminaries, training young men 
and young women for lives of beneficence and usefulness. 
Consider the scores and hundreds of publishing societies, 
all animated with one purpose, and sending forth their 
mighty streams of tracts, books, Bibles, to fill the earth 
with the story of Christ and with the spirit of His life. 
Consider the countless institutions established by Chris- 
tianity, to relieve distress, to provide for the unfortun- 
ate, to administer the gospel of practical beneficence. 
Consider the manifold organizations aimed at spreading 
the gospel among all the debased races of the earth and 
making the victims of superstition with its nameless ter- 
rors know the glad tidings of a salvation that puts an 
end to bloodshed, and cruelties, and woes, fills all hearts 
with love, all homes with peace, all lives with blessing. 
Consider how this spirit of Christianity illustrated in all 
these diverse lines of effort, everywhere carries on its 
banner the doctrine of the universal brotherhood of 
man, recognizes no distinction between the Negro, the 
Indian, the Chinaman, the Hottentot, the Cannibal, but 
seeks to make them all one in the fellowship and liberty 
of Jesus Christ. And consider yet again, that it reqnires, 
as one of its fundamental principles, a condition in fact 
of all true dicipleship, all who receive its truths, shall 
pledge themselves to give, and pray, and toil without 
ceasing, till this gospel has penetrated every jungle, 
climbed every mountain fortress, hunted out every 
cavern, every kraal, every wigwam, every snow-hut, and 
sounded its invitations and promises in the ears of al] 
mankind. 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 213 

Whether all this signifies anything as a power for 
good in the world, judge ye. Mr. Ingersoll seems to 
think it goes for nothing. But against this opinion I 
put that of Mr. Lecky, who in his history of European 
morals, says this — he is speaking of the contrast between 
the influence of Christianity and paganism — - il It was re- 
served for Christianity to present to the world an ideal 
character which through all the changes of eighteen cen- 
turies has been not only the highest pattern of virtue, 
bnt the strongest incentive to its practice, and has exer- 
cised so deep an influence that it may be truly said to 
have done more to regenerate and to soften mankind 
than all the disquisitions of philosophers and all the 
exhortations of mortals." 

THE FRUITS OF INFIDELITY THE BLACKEST PAGE IN 

HUMAN HISTORY THE FRENCH REVOLUTION. 

But when was ever infidelity so engaged ? Where are 
the organizations it has instituted, the missionaries it 
has sent forth, to fill the world with blessings of faith, 
freedom, virtue ? But I forget. Infidelity has such a 
record of organized endeavor to regenerate mankind. 
Turn to the history of the French Revolution and read 
it there. The leaders of that revolution, as you know, 
were the very class whom Mr. Ingersoll glorifies : the 
disciples of Diderot, Voltaire, Rousseau. They were 
avowed atheists or infidels, and Tomas Paine was one of 
the number, sat in their midst, participated in their dis- 
cussions, aided in drawing up the consitution they en- 
acted. What that convention said and did the world 
knows and will never forget. 

They did what Mr. Ingersoll would be glad to have 
the Congress of United States do. They abolished 



214 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

Christianity by vote. They declared there was no God, 
forbade the public instructors to utter His name to their 
children. They struck the Sabbath out of the calendar 
and made the week consist of ten days instead of seven. 
They wrote over the gates of the cemeteeies, "Death is 
an eternal sleep." They tore down the bells from the 
church spires and cast them into cannons. They strip- 
ped the churches of everything used in worship, and 
made bonfires in the streets, and then instituted the 
rights of the old pagan religions, where the altars had 
stood. 

INGERSOLL ISM UNVEILED. 

Not content with this, Chaumette, one of the leaders 
of the convention, appeared one day before that body, 
leading a noted courtesan with a troop of her associates. 
Advancing to the president, he raised her veil, and ex- 
claimed : 

"Mortals! recognize no other divinity than Reason, 
of which I present to you the loveliest and purest Per- 
sonification. " 

Whereupon the president of the convention bowed and 
professed to render devout adorotion. And a few days 
later the same scene was re-enacted in the cathedral of 
Notre Dame, with increased profanations and more out- 
rageous orgies, and was declared the public inauguration 
of the new religion of the cdmmune. And like desecra- 
tions and blasphemies througout all France took the 
place of the old worship. 

Worse than this, all distinctions of right and wrong 
were confounded. The grossest debauchery was inaug- 
urated, the wildest excesses prevailed and were gloried 
in. Contempt for religion and for decency became the 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 215 

test of attachment to the government. The grosser the 
infractions of morals, the greater the so-called victory 
over prejudice, the higher the proof of loyalty to the 
state. To accuse one's father was the best proof of 
citizenship ; to neglect it was denounced as a crime, and 
was punishable with death. Wives were bayoneted for 
the faith of their husbands, and husbands for that of 
their wives. 

One of the chief tools of the commune, Carrier, ruling 
at Nantes, declared that the "intention of the conven- 
tion was to depopulate and burn the country," and he 
was as good as his word . 

He gathered those suspected of disloyality in flocks. 
He shut up 1,500 women and children in one prison 
without beds, without straw, without fire or covering, 
and kept them for two days without food. The only 
escape was for men to surrender their fortunes and wo- 
men their virtue. 

THE PENUMBRA OF HELL. 

He contrived ships with slides in their hulls below the 
water line, loaded these with his prisoners under pre- 
text of transporting them elsewhere, and when the ves- 
sels were in the middle of the Loire, ordered the valves 
opened and the victims plunged into the water, while 
he, surrounded by a troop of prostitutes, looked on and 
gloated over the scene. 

And this is only a type of what occurred elsewhere. 
Proscription followed proscription, tragedy followed 
tragedy, till the whole country was one huge field of ra- 
pine and of blood. 

Mr. Ingersoll admits that 17,000 perished in the City 
of Paris during this combined reign of infidelity and ter- 



2l6 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

ror ; but he forgets to add that throughout France not 
less than 3,000,000 lives were the costly price of estab- 
lishing the new religion. 

There is no disputing these facts, nor the reasons that 
underlay them. This whole terrific record — and history 
knows none that is darker or more damning — was the 
direct and legitimate fruit of the doctrines which Mr. 
Ingersoll lauds as the sublime truth " that is to fill the 
world with peace ! " 

There is no disputing these facts, nor the reason that 
underlay them. This whole terrific record — and history 
knows none that is darker or more damning — was the 
direct and legitimate fruit of the doctrines which Mr. 
Ingersoll lauds as the sublime truth "that is to fill the 
world with peace ! " 

The men who originated and carried out this combined 
scheme of government and religion, were the men with 
whom Thomas Paine sat, and voted, and was in every 
way identified. His faith was their faith. And at his 
door equally with theirs does this series of the most 
fiendish outrages that ever disgraced a people pretending 
to be civilized cry for vengeance. 

THE FINAL PICTURE INGERSOLLISM AN ENDLESS NIGHT 

OF TEARS. 

And what infidelity was then, it is now. And what 
it did then, so far as its assaults upon religion were con- 
cerned, and its overturning of civil order, it would do 
to-day, if it had the power. 

If Mr. Ingersoll could have his way, he would abolish 
God, and the church, and the Christian Sabbath, and 
the Bible, and everything pertaining thereto. He would 
banish Christian newspapers and the colleges, and ben- 



REPLY OF DR. GOODWIN. 217 

evolent societies ; proscribe all oaths in courts of justice; 
expunge the name of God from all statute books, the 
name of Christ from all calendars and text-books ; an- 
nihilate all moral standards ; would, in a word, not only 
quench all prayer and praise and honoring of God, but 
sweep the world clear of everything that bears the name 
or shows the spirit of Christianity. 

And what would he give us for all this ? For our 
Bible, the Age of Reason. For the Sabbath, the beer- 
garden and the theatre. For worship, the rites of pag- 
anism or the adoration of an apotheosized courtesan. 
For the standards of God's law, that which should seem 
right in every man's eyes . For the law-making power, 
the blasphemous horde of the French commune. For 
security, the guillotine dripping with blood at every 
street-corner. ' For truth, candor, love, temperance, 
purity — deceit, treachery, hate, drunkenness, sensuality, 
with all their crimes and shames. In a word, for this is 
the outcome of all such purpose, if the infidelity that 
Mr. Ingersoll glorifies could have its way, it would strike 
the sun from the sky of our Christian civilization, and 
give us instead the lurid light of the reign of terror, only 
it would make it a night with no Napoleon or Chateau- 
briand to break the gloom — a night of tears, and blood 
and woe without an end ! Shall we open our arms to 
welcome this new gospel ? 

tallyrand's advice to ingersoll and his friends. 

During this period of the history of France, one of 
the five Directors in whose hands the government was 
lodged, asked Tallyrand what he thought of Theophilan- 
thropism, the name given the new religion. "I have 
but a single observation to make, " was his reply. ' 'Jesus 



218 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



Christ, to found His religion, suffered Himself to be cru- 
cified, and He rose again. You should try and do as 
much." 

Friends, when this new gospel of infidelity shall fur- 
nish us such proofs of its right to claim our acceptance, 
it will be entitled to a hearing. Until then let us cling 
to the teaching of Him whose works and deeds alike 
attest Him the light and life of the world. 

:o: 

DYING WORDS. 



" Bless you, there is no river here." — Bishop Haven. 

1 ' The best of all is, God is with us. Farewell. " — < 
John Wesley. ■ 

" O, why not now? But Thy will be done; come, 
Lord Jesus." — St. Augustine. 

" Now I go into Paradise." — Jacob Boehmer. 

" Welcome joy." — John Elliot. 

What shall I say ? Christ is altogether lovely ; His 
glorious angels are come for me." — John Bailey. 

"See in what peace a Christian can die." — Joseph 
Addison. 

" Glory ! glory ! glory ! Hallelujah, Jesus reigns ! " — 
Jesse Lee. 

"I am not disappointed." — Bishop Janes. 

w Talk to me of Jesus." — Adam Nightingale. 

" Such singing ! Do you not hear it ? " — John Carey. 



DYING WORDS. 2ig 

"Rest, perfect rest." — Thomas Burrows. 

"All is light." — Theophilus Pugh. 

" Tell my brethren I am on the rock. There is no 
other foundation." — Joseph Hollis. 

"O God of angels and powers, and of all creatures, 
and of all the just that live in Thy sight ; blessed be 
Thou who hast made me worthy to see this day and 
hour ; Thou hast made me a partaker among the holy 
martyrs. O Lord, I adore Thee for all Thy mercies. 
I bless Thee that I glorify Thee through Thy only-be- 
gotten Son, the eternal High Priest, Jesus Christ." — 
Polycarp, at the Stake. 

"I am not afraid to look death in the face. I can 
say, ' Death, where is thy sting ? ' " — John Dodd. 

" If I had strength to hold a pen, I would write how 
easy and delightful it is to die." — Wm. Hunter. 

"If this be dying, it is the easiest thing imaginable." 
— Lady Glenorchy. 

" I welcome death, and calmly pass away." — Arthur 
Murphy. 

"I am now in a state in which nothing in this world 
can disturb more. I am comfortably coming to my 
end. " — Collingwood. 

" I did not suppose it was so sweet to die." — Saurez, 
the Spanish theologian. 

"Let me die in the sounds of delicate music." — Mi- 
rabeau. 

"Kiss me, Hardy. I thank God I have done my 
duty." — Lord Nelson. 




REV. JAMES MACLAUGHLAN, Ph. D. 



REPLY OF REV. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN, Ph. D. 



THE SCOTCHMAN LOOKS THE LAWYER SQUARE IN THE 

FACE — HOW THEY MANAGE WITNESSES INGERSOLL 

AND HIS LAST CLIENT, THOMAS PAINE. 

The aim of a lawyer is to do the best he can for his 
client. Some lawyers are not very scrupulous as to the 
means and methods by which they can rescue a client 
from the due deserts of his crime. A dangerous witness 
they will put out of the way if they can. If they can't 
then they will blacken his character in order to impair 
his testimony. They will puzzle him with an array of 
questions to elicit discrepant statements and to break 
down his evidence. They will suborn liars to prove an 
alibi. They will use every device and trick and scheme 
which legal chicane can invent to invest their client, 
though the most guilty of the guilty, with a robe of in- 
nocence as unsullied as that of an angel. If guilt is too 
apparent to be denied, then emotional insanity is adroitly 
coined, or some uncontrollable mania is put in, as a 
plea, to either free the criminal from responsibility or to 
mitigate his crime. Their oblique contrivances to dis- 
honor truth and defeat justice are not the inventions of 
to-day. They were current in the days of Robert Burns. 
The plowman poet, in his own satirical way, describes 
the lawyers in the other world as suffering in that little 
member, the tongue, by which they have sinned so much 
in this. 

Colonel Bob Ingersoll is a lawyer. His last client is 

(Z2I) 



222 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

Tom Paine, and, if yve believe the advocate, his client 
deserves the glory of being the founder of this great 
republic, and the alone apostle of modern liberty ! 

The Colonel states at the outset as follows : ' 'About 
this man, I intend to tell just as near the truth as I can." 
Now, when speaking about his client, how near the truth 
a lawyer will go is an intricate question. It would not 
be good policy for him to go too near the truth in every 
case ; it might materially change the cause and character 
of the client. 

GETTING AT THE FACTS — INTERESTING INCIDENTS IN 
paine's LIFE. 

That Paine was of humble parentage is true, but in 
this I can not see anything peculiarly meritorious. Many 
who were born in poverty and cradled in hardships be- 
came the benefactors of humanity, the patrons of in- 
dustry, and the champions of liberty . That the young 
Quaker, Paine, had a keen, vigorous intellect, and that 
he received a good elementary education, is also true. 
That he was a staymaker with his father, then a grocer, 
and then an exciseman, is as near the truth as we can 
come. That he lost his place on the excise because he 
started in the tobacco business is about true. Being out 
of work, an acquaintance gave him a letter of introduc- 
tion to Franklin, then in London, who advised him to 
emigrate to America. All this is as near the truth as we 
can get. Paine came to America, as many before him 
did, and many since have done, simply to find a wider 
field for his ambition. This was in 1774, when he was 
in his thirty-eighth year. Paine became editor of the 
Pennsylvania Magazine. 

In January, 1776, at the suggestion of Franklin, Paine 



REPLY OF DR. MACLAUGHLlN. 223 

wrote the pamphlet of ''Common Sense." All true. 
And if his ''Common Sense" was, as the Colonel says, 
" the first argument for separatoen, the first assault on 
the British form of government, the first blow for a re- 
public, and aroused our fathers like a trumpet blast," 
then be it remembered that Paine drew his introductory 
arguments and illustrations, not from the arsenal of in- 
fidelity, but from the arsenal of this old book., the Bible, 
which Colonel Ingersoll vituperously slanders. Paine 
was not an avowed infidel at this time, but a Quaker. 

It was the Quaker Paine, not the infidel Paine, that 
worked for American independence, and we challenge 
the Colonel to show us anything done by Paine in the 
interests of national liberty after he avowed his religious 
or irreligious views in his ' ' Age of Reason. " 

BANCROFT VS. INGERSOLL ADDITIONAL FACTS. 

But was Paine's " Common Sense" the first peal of 
the tocsin of separation and independence ? No. Ten 
years before this, when both Franklin and Paine were 
in England, and strangers to each other, and immedi- 
ately after the news of the passage of the stamp act had 
reached America, a young man, by name, Patrick Henry, 
amid his assembled colonists in Virginia, arose and said : 
" Caesar had his Brutus, Charles I. his Cromwell, and 
George III." — Here he was interrupted by the cry, 
"Treason." Pausing, he added — "may profit by their 
example." This was the key-note of resistance and in- 
dependence. And in spite of the timid, who quaked at 
the utterance, the words of Patrick Henry flowed out- 
ward and onward, swelling many a brave heart with the 
dawning hope of liberty. 

And there is another fact that sadly conflicts with the 



224 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

Colonel's fulsome rhetoric. We give it from the page 
and in the words of Bancroft, where the illustrious his- 
torian describes the early settlers who formed the young 
American colonies, and mentions Presbyterians who had 
come from Ireland and planted themselves in the upland 
region of North Carolina. And in connection with this 
he adds : " We shall find that the first voice publicly 
raised in America to dissolve all connection with Great 
Britain came, not from the Puritans of New England, 
the Dutch of New York, or the planters of Virginia, but 
from Scotch-Irish Presbyterians." Tell it not in Gath. 
The Colonel will call all history a lie and all men liars, 
rather than have his own pet client outstripped in the 
manly race by detestable Christians. He would gladly 
pay, I fancy, $10 more a volume for Bancroft if that 
passage had not been written. 

Now, we have no wish to dwarf the services rendered 
by Paine to the cause of American independence. His 
" Common Sense " was a heavy gun in the field, and the 
writer was rewarded for it by a vote of £^oo by the 
Legislature of Pennsylvania. I need not say that his 
patriotism was so intensely strong that he actually ac- 
cepted the sum. Nor was this all his reward. He was 
appointed clerk to the Committee for Foreign Affairs, an 
office which he was afterward obliged to resign in 1779, 
on account of some breach of trust. It was while in this 
office that he wrote his stirring appeals entitled ' ' The 
Crisis," from which we would not detract an iota. 

In 1780 he obtained the office of Clerk to the Assem- 
bly of Pennsylvania. His friends moved to have him ap- 
pointed historiographer to the United States, but they 
failed. Congress, in 1785, however, voted him $3,000, 



REPLY OF DR. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN. 22$ 

which the distinguished patriot had the generosity to ac- 
cept from the }'oung republic just starting in business. 
The State of New York also gave him 500 acres of land. 
Tom Paine was well rewarded for all his valuable ser- 
vices in the cause of liberty ; and none but a lawyer's 
eye can discover the sacrifices, the self-denials which 
made the poor Quaker emigrant rich at a time while 
thousands of Irish colonists had become poor by laying 
their possessions at the feet of independence. 

If Paine's object was to benefit mankind, as his learned 
counsel says, then it would appear that, while engaged 
in this really patriotic career, he was benefiting him- 
self. 

After a thirteen years' residence in this country Paine 
sailed to France (1787). From France he crossed to 
England. " His rights of Man," in reply to Burke was 
written in England. It was pronounced seditious, and 
the author was threatened with prosecution. Paine's 
well-known republican sentiments had made him popu- 
lar in France. He was elected to represent the Depart- 
ment of Calias in the National Convention, and, escap- 
ing from England, he took his seat in that radical 
assembly in 1792. 

THE REIGN OF TERROR THE GREAT INGERSOLL EPOCH 

VOTING FOR THE KING'S EXECUTION. 

France was now a political volcano. The church to 
which Colonel Ingersoll is proud to belong, and not the 
infamous Kirk of Scotland, was in the ascendency, and, 
oh, how humane and merciful the scepter ! There was 
no John Adams to invoke the blessing of heaven on the 
Republic of France. Neither a God to love nor a devil 
to fear, was the prevailing creed. Reason ruled — a rod 



- 226 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

of iron ? Worse still. Reason's reign was a reign of 
terror. The soldiers of this sweet goddess of Colonel 
Ingersoll had, the power. They were sovereigns, and 
their acts declared that their mistress was the ' ' twin 
sister of the Spanish Inquisition." They became the 
regicide of a monarch more virtuous than his execution- 
ers, and like ferocious tigers, they struck their claws into 
thousands of victims and devoured them without mercy. 
It is but the trick of a lawyer to offset this butchery by a 
reference to the massacre of St. Bartholomew in 1572. 

We want neither the terror of 1793 nor the massacre 
of 1572 ; and neither was inspired by the lessons of our 
.Saviour. They were both monsters of the same family, 
each begotten by the enemy, not the friend of the Bible. 
We do not implicate Paine in these atrocities which 
made even stout hearts shudder in France. We give 
him credit for voting against the execution of Louis. 
But the learned counsel has made out that his client 
stood almost alone in his resistance to the king's death. 
History must be a lie, that Tom Paine may enjoy the 
solitary grandeur of the humane in the midst of the cruel 
in that conventfon. In that assembly there were 721 
suffrages ; of these, 366 — only a bare majority — voted 
for the king's execution ; so that Tom Paine was one of 
355 to share in the courage or humanity of that occasion. 
It was not, after all, a work of devotion such as has no 
parallel in the life of any theologian. The Colonel's 
eloquence on this point reminds us of the old story of 
the mountain being in labor and bringing forth a mouse. 
And this is about the briefest and best critique on the 
entire lecture about Tom Paine. 

That Tom Paine became unpopular with the leaders of 



REPLY OF DR. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN. 22? 

the French revolution because he was not wicked 
enough, is true, and he was thrown into prison ; but this 
happened not at once, but fully a year after the execu- 
tion of the king. He remained in prison nearly two 
years. After his release he published the second part 
of his " Age of Reason." In [802 he left France and 
reached Baltimore. We can not find any trace after 
this in his life of any public or political activities de- 
serving commendation. His influence and reputation 
certainly declined after he avowed his religious senti- 
ment in the ' 'Age of Reason. 

HOW INGERSOLL WASTES HIS POWDER SOME OF HIS 

BLUNDERS PAINE'S MORAL DECLINE. 

The Colonel very adroitly tries to rebut the allega- 
tion that Paine was a drunkard. He refers to his ser- 
vices rendered to American independence, and the re- 
wards he received, and asks could all this have hap- 
pened had Paine been a drunkard. But the Colonel 
has only wasted powder. The allegation that Paine fell 
into habits of dissipation extends only to the last few 
years of his life, and the learned counsel's effort to dis- 
prove this is exceedingly lame . We are not disposed 
either to exaggerate Paine's faults or to detract from his 
merits, but, coming as near as we can, we must gently 
hint that his last years were not the most purely spent 
nor most happy of his life. 

Paine was married twice. His first wife died about a 
year after their marriage. After living about three years 
and a half with his second wife they separated, not by 
divorce, but by mutual consent. He brought the wifa 
of a French bookseller and her two sons to America and 
whatever were his relations to that woman, pure or im- 



228 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



pure, deponent saith not, but she, her husband, and 
children, not the United States nor her war-worn veter- 
ans, became his chief legatees. 

If Colonel Ingersoll fancies that the services of Tom 
Paine in the cause of human rights is the natural outflow 
of infidelity, he blunders egregiously. 

In the first place Tom Paine's infidelity was of a 
milder type than that of his advocate. Tom Paine was 
a respectable deist, and he would have scorned to drop 
from his pen the ribald words which his admirers would 
have employed to caricature the amiable founder ol our 
Christianity. 

In the second place, Colonel Ingersoll can not deny 
that Tom Paine was not the avowed infidel, but the 
Quaker, when he championed the cause of American 
independence against tyranny and impression, and let 
some one show us what sacrifices Tom Paine laid upon 
the altar of humanity or liberty after he avowed his sen- 
timents in the "Age of Reason." That infidels have ren- 
dered valuable services to their country and to the world 
may be true, but to conclude from this that Christianity 
is tyranny outstrips Aristotle. 

CHARITY VS. SLANDER. 

But our objection to the Colonel's lecture and logic 
arises not so much from what he has said about Paine 
as from what he has said about others. 

The Colonel would have every American to caver ail 
the faults of his client with "the divine mantle of char- 
ity." and not ' ' breathe one word against his name. " 
But, alas, his mantle of charity is so beautifully small 
that it can cover but the faults of his own client. The 
Colonel mentions slander as the last weapon left in the 



REPLY OF DR. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN. 229 

arsenal of Jehovah. I am surprised that he went to this 
arsenal to borrow his weapon from Jehovah, as there 
seems to be no neighborly feeling between them. Per- 
haps he scorned to be under any compliment in that 
quarter, and may have found the weapon somewhere 
else. Having found it, ground it, and polished it with a 
keen Damascus edge, armed he comes to Chicago and 
slashes away like a valiant knight of ancient times. 
Slander ! None so expert in the use of this weapon as 
the courageous Colonel. No quarter for the living or 
the dead, the innocent or the guilty. Like Herod's 
sword in Bethlehem, he cuts, carves, and spares none, 
but slays all that he may slay the child Jesus. 

THE SCOTCHHAN DRAWS HIS BIBLE ON THE COLONEL 

A HEAVY SHOT, WHICH HITS BETWEEN THE EYES. 

The Scriptures, too, are assailed by the gallant Col- 
onel in these words: "He (Paine) knew that every 
abuse had been embalmed in Scripture, that every out- 
rage was in partnership with some holy text." The 
Scriptures, then, must be a wonderful license and guide 
to crime. Each criminal in the land should love the 
Bible and carry a copy of the old book under his arm. 
But do they ? Let us see, Colonel Ingersoll has a church 
with a large membership . To what church, religion, 
or superstition do our notorious criminals belong ? I 
am willing to visit, in company with him, the penitenti- 
ary, the jail. I shall take the Bible, he can take his lec- 
ture on Tom Paine; and at the iron door insrde of which 
sit accused crime and guilt I shall present the Bible, and 
he can present his lecture. Which will be accepted and 
read with " infinite gusto" — my Bible, "which embalms 
every crime," "in which outrage finds partnership in 



230 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

some holy text," or his lecture, in which God, Bible, 
and religion have no quarter ? 

A fellow feeling makes us wondrous kind. By their 
fruits ye shall know them. The Bible, this patron of 
crime, has found its way into the Sandwich Islands. 
The Colonel might visit that little dusky kingdom in 
safety to-day. Had he done so with Captain Cook, 
when there was no Bible there, the rotund and rosy 
champion of infidelity would have been a splendid ban- 
quet for the natives. What is Madagascar to-day under 
the influence of the Bible ? Some years ago the Colonel 
might have made his last will and testament before he 
touched its shores ; to-day he could find there a safe re- 
treat in which to rest his travel-worn frame. In the far 
West, where Indians roam in freedom, I fancy that the 
advocate of Tom Paine would spend the night with less 
anxiety in the wigwam where the Bible was read and 
loved by the chief than in the tent of the brave who 
gloried in human scalps rather than in the cross of 
Christ. 

We have no more respect for superstition than Colonel 
Ingersoll has ; we condemn as much as he can all ty- 
ranny, civil and clerical. We confess that in the name 
of religion cruelties have been committed. Blood has 
been shed, which may well shock every chord of the 
human heart, and arouse a shuddering storm of indig- 
nation. But the counterfeit and the false implies the 
genuine and the true ; and in destroying the one it 
would be only foolish and ruinous to destroy the 
other. 

When Christianity started at first on her benevolent 
march, she was the kind, innocent maiden going from 



REPLY OF DR. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN. 23 1 

house to house to dispense her boons with the hand of 
charity. Her enemies could prefer no charges against 
her but that she worshiped one God, loved Jesus Christ 
and lived a good, benevolent and praiseworthy life. So 
far as Christians have departed from this, they have de- 
parted from the lessons and examples of the primitive 
teachers of the Christian faith, and Christianity is no 
more responsible for the corruption and cruelties subse- 
quently introduced and practiced under her name than 
the legislatures of the State of Illinois are for the law 
breakers and crimes that disgrace her history. 
ixgersoll's sophistries. 
The Colonel has employed all the arts of sophistry, 
as well as slander, to undermine Christianity, and upon 
God and the Bible he has poured the fire of wit, sar- 
casm, ridicule, and everything of that kind ; but let 
sober judgment sit down, examine, analyze, and weigh 
the production, and there is not there the earnestness 
and heart of a sincere reformer, but rather the foolery 
and flings and fancies of the circus clown^ whose chief 
object is to start a laugh. The lecturer at times becomes 
a metaphysian, and perhaps his disciples, like those of 
Pythagoras of old, consider his ipse dixit a sufficient 
proof. . But assertion is not enough now. He tells us 
that intellectual liberty as a matter of necessity, for- 
ever destroys the idea that belief is either praise or 
blameworthy, and is wholly inconsistent with every creed 
in Christendom." Again. "No man can control his 
belief." So the Colonel teaches that all who hold a 
Christian creed are intellectual slaves. Now a creed is 
a belief, and if no man can control his belief, then no 
man is intellectually free, not even himself. If, in the 



232 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

exercise of reason, I honestly come to the conclusion 
that the universe is the marvelous product of a master 
mind and an almighty arm, and if I write down my 
creed— I believe in one God, my Creator — am I the in- 
tellectual slave, and Colonel Ingersoll, who denies this, 
the intellectual freeman ? So his logic leads. 

How wonderfully liberal are our modern advocates of 
free thought. They cry charity, when they themselves 
are most uncharitable, and brand all outside their own 
circle as servile fools. We acknowledge, with modesty, 
the compliment. But, while Colonel Ingersoll may say 
that a man is not responsible for his belief, can he deny 
that error in belief may result in disaster and death ? A 
boy, for instance, finds a pistol, and in playful sport 
points the weapon at his little sister. There is an ex- 
plosion, and the red mark on the brow of the prostrate 
child shows that death's message has been delivered. 
Such a thing has happened. It was only an error in be- 
lief, The boy believed that the pistol was not loaded, 
but it was ; the belief was wrong. Engineers believed 
the Tay bridge was all right. So did those in the train 
on that stormy Sunday night. But the sad disaster dis- 
sipated the belief, and ended in wreck. The belief was 
wrong. Pardon us, then, Colonel, for believing in God, 
the gospel, and a future state. If we are wrong, our be- 
lief and religion are no burden to us here, and can not 
hart us hereafter. If you are wrong, your error will 
prove hereafter your greatest pain. 

IS IT TRUE?— PAINE AS A PHILANTHROPIST. 

The Colonel declares that his client was 1 ' the first to 
lift his voice against human slavery." He is admirable 
at assertion. In the very year that Tom Paine came to 



REPLY OF DR. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN. 233 

America, October, 1774, the first American Congress 
passed this resolution : 

' i We will neither import, nor purchase any slaves im- 
ported, after the first day of December next ; after which 
time we will wholly discontinue the slave trade, and 
neither be concerned in it ourselves, nor will we hire our 
vessels nor sell our commodities or manufactures to 
those who are concerned in it." 

Is it likely that the emigrant of a few months' resident 
in this land was the father of that resolution ? That 
slavery still remained as a stain on the escutcheon of this 
republic is true ; and that Christians were arrayed 
against Christians on this subject, is no less true. But, 
let Colonel Ingersoll drop that laugh of disdain. We 
will not only assert, but prove, that Christians were the 
first abolitionists. 

When Christianity lifted her banner, one-half the po- 
pulation of the old Roman Empire were slaves. But as 
that banner advanced in age, respect, influence, and 
power, it dropped the blessing of manumission on the 
heart of the bondman . 

Primitive Christianity, not Tom Paine, was the first 
great abolitionist. And is it true, or not true, that 
Great Britain, professedly Christian, abolished slavery 
in her West Indian Islands ? Is it true, or not true, 
that in doing this she laid on the altar of humanity an 
offering of £20,000,000 ? Is it true, or not true, that 
all this was the result, not of infidel, but of Christian 
voices, such as those of a Clarkson, a Thomson, a Wil- 
berforce, a Cowper, whose pleadings secured this grand- 
est act in the drama of modern events ? How many dol- 
lars did Tom Paine give or lend to the cause of manu- 
mission ? Surely, this philanthropist, before whose lov- 



234 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

ing kindnesses those of a Howard must pale, devoted his 
fortune of $13,000, if he had it, to the good cause of op- 
pressed humanity, especially as he had no heirs to inherit 
it. Alas, we find no such disposition of his property ; 

it falls into the lap of Mme. Bonneville ! 

JOHN CALVIN. 

The Colonel, in the course of his lecture, makes a 
fling at Calvin ; but it was a happy hit in the Music 
Hall. We had thonght that the story of Calvin and 
Servetus had become too hackneyed to start an addi- 
tional laugh. It is well that in Calvin's life his enemies 
find but this one string to play upon. Were it other- 
wise, the music would never cease. But let me tell Mr. 
Ingersoll that if he loves republicanism, he should love 
John Calvin more than he loves Tom Paine. John Cal- 
vin was the master spirit in a republic more than 200 
years older than that of the United States — the first little 
republic of modern times. John Calvin might have 
arisen to the chair of the Roman Pontiff and sat in the 
highest seat in Christendom. But turning his back on 
honors, emoluments, place, and power, almost alone, he 
goes out to battle with the hosts of superstition and ty- 
ranny for mental emancipation and human rights. 

His whole life was one great offering to human free- 
dom. His self-denials, his hair-breadth escapes, pro- 
claim him the honest hero, and. after spending a life of 
toil and danger in molding and guiding and strengthen- 
ing the little Republic of Geneva, he dies, not even with 
$13,000 to leave to the children of another man's wife. 
And in the matter of Servetus, be it known that, while 
Calvin took part in the trial of Servetus for blasphemy, 
he was neither judge nor jury. It was the Senate or 



REPLY OF DR. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN. 235 

Council of Geneva that condemned Servetus, and, al- 
though their sentence was universally approved in those 
days, and Servetus had been burned in effigy by the Ro- 
man Catholic Church after he made his escape from 
prison, still there was one voice in favor of mitigating 
his sentence, and that voice was the voice of John Cal- 
vin . But, as every one who has read the history of 
those times knows, Calvin had his opponents in Geneva. 
The reins of his moral discipline were too tight for some; 
they resisted, and formed the party of the libertines. 
This party, with which Colonel Ingersoll would have na- 
turally stood, was in the ascendancy when Servetus was 
tried and condemned, and hence Calvin's efforts with 
the council to save Servetus from the flames were futile. 
But Calvin's admirers deplore that act, and pronounce 
it the relic of a dark, barbarous age. In the last century 
one of the Genevese said - v Would to God that we 
could extinguish this burning pile with our tears." That 
is the sentiment of the Calvinists now, and when an 
error is deprecated and deplored surely a common char- 
ity should allow its ashes to sleep. 

Colonel Ingersoll's attack on the Kirk of Scotland is 
the most marvelous piece of his lecture. For vituper- 
ation, misrepresentation, and exaggeration it is un- 
paralleled. He caricatures the Kirk as "the full 
sister of the Spanish Inquisition. It waged war upon 
human nature, it was the enemy of happiness, the hater 
of joy, and the despiser of religious liberty ; it taught 
parents to murder their children rather than to allow 
them to propagate error ; if the mother held opinions 
which the infamous Kirk disapproved, her children 
were taken from her arms, her babe from her very bo- 



236 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

som, and she was not allowed to see them or write 
them one word." That is a sample of the valiant Col- 
onel's onslaught on the Kirk. Poor Scotland ! She 
must have suffered a reign of terror. Where were her 
Bruces and Wallaces ? Was there not some stalwart 
Scot to seize the battle-ax and hew down, root and 
branch, this pestilential upas and free the land from a 
monster tyranny worse than an English Edward, or a 
George ? 

CENTRE SHOTS BY A SCOTCH RIFLEMAN. 

But how comes it that the old Kirk became the pa- 
tron of learning and established her parish schools ? 
How comes it that Scotchmen, brought up under the 
shadow of this old Kirk, have become statesmen, sol- 
diers, scholars, scientists, authors, inventors, manufac- 
turers, merchants, and even lawyers, of whom any na- 
tion might be proud ? How is it that, brought up un- 
der the shadow of that infamous Kirk, there is no man 
loves his native hearth or has more patriotic pride than 
a Scotchman ? How is it that on the calendar of crime 
in Great Britain and Ireland the names of Scotchmen 
are fewest in number ? And in the United States let us 
visit penitentiaries and jails. If you find a Scotchman 
behind the bars at all he is one who has turned away 
from the old infamous Kirk to enter the communion of 
Colonel Ingersoll. I can prove this in Chicago to-day. ^ 
How is it that for independence of mind and manly 
self-reliance and business talent and principle and push, 
there is no nation who can furnish the world with better 
men than Auld Scotia, with its infamous Kirk ? If the 
Kirk is the twin sister of the Spanish Inquisition, how is 
it that she can defy a pang of torture or a drop of blood 



REPLY OF DR. JAMES MACLAUGHLIN. 237 

to lift against her the accusing voice of persecution ? 

That a boy named Thomas Arkenhead was hanged in 
Edinburgh about the beginning of the nineteenth century 
for doubting the inspiration of the Bible, if not invented 
for the occasion by the lecturer, is but a pious fraud, 
fabricated in some Jesuitical factory. If the Kirk had 
been given to such cruelty she would have had a more 
worthy victim in Hume, the historian. If the Kirk was 
so intolerant, why did she allow secession from her ranks 
and other religious bodies to be formed and exist in 
peace at her side ? That her manner was somewhat 
stern, her discipline rigid at times, we honestly admit, 
but we tell Col . Ingersoll that the old Kirk has helped 
to make Scotchman a name of respect the world over, 
and some of Tom Paine's admirers would not suffer in 
character by a rigid conformity to her lessons. 

IMPOTENCE OF INFIDELITY. 

But I must come to a close. I do so by saying that 
neither the tirades of Colonel Ingersoll against Christian- 
ity nor the discoveries of science can overthrow our re- 
ligion. The fool may say in his heart there is no God, 
but it is only in the fool's heart that that sentiment is 
written. The geologist may bore to the centre of the 
earth ; he can't find it written on the rocks of by-gone 
generations ; the astronomer may sweep the spacious 
firmament with his telescope, and, after he has exam- 
ined ail from the morning star to the most distant sen- 
tinel of the sky, on the vast star-spangled banner of 
night, he can't find it written there. The chemist may 
analyze matter and reduce it to its primal elements, but 
on any of its atoms he can't find it written there. 

To science, in her numerous walks and works in the 



238 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

field of nature, mind, and morals, we say Godspeed, 
Every achievement she performs, every discovery she 
makes, and all the results of her explorations can not 
overthrow the Bible, but only serve to fill in that wide 
outline which meets the eye on the first page. * 'In the 
beginning God created the heavens and the earth." 
Science can never wipe out that grand piece of informa- 
tion, but science can show us how many, great, and 
marvelous are the works of Him who created the heav- 
ens and the earth and all things therein. 

"The whole hope of human progress is suspended on 
the ever-growing influence of the Bible." — Win. H. 

Seward. 

''The Bible is the only cement of nations, and the 
only cement that can bind religious hearts together." — 
Chevalier Bun sen. 

" Bible Christianity is the companion of liberty in all 
its conflicts, the cradle of its infancy, and the divine 
source of its claims." — De Tocqueville. 

"We are persuaded that there is no book by the 
perusal of which the mind is so much strengthened and 
so much enlarged as it is by the perusal of the Bible." — 
Dr. Melville. 

" If we abide by the principles taught in the Bible, 
our country will go on prospering and to prosper ; but if 
we and our posterity neglect its instructions and author 
ity, no man can tell how sudden a catastrophe may 
overwhelm us, and bury . all our glory in profound 
obscurity. — Daniel Webster. 

' * We account the Scriptures of God to be the most 
sublime philosophy. I find more sure marks of authen- 



MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL, 239 

ticity in the Bible than in any profane history what- 
ever." — Sir Isaac Newton. 

"There never was found in any age of the worM 
either religion or law that did so highly exalt the public 
good as the Bible." — Lord Bacon. 

" I believe in God and adore Him. I have a firm be- 
lief in the history contained in the Old and New Testa- 
ments and in the regeneration of the human race by the 
sacrifice of Jesus Christ. " — Gnizot. 

"The Bible gives strength in conscious weakness, joy 
in the hour of deepest sorrow, and hope triumphant 
when the earth and all it contains is slipping from be- 
neath, and eternity waits for our coming. — President 
Fisher. 

' ' By the study of what other book could children be 
so much humanized ? If Bible reading is not accom- 
panied by constraint and solemnity, I do not believe 
there is any thing in which children take more pleasure." 
— Professor Huxley. 

1 1 Let us cling with a holy zeal to the Bible, and the 
Bible only, as the religion of Protestants. Let us pro- 
claim, with Milton, that neither traditions, nor councils, 
nor canons of visible Church, much less edicts of any 
civil magistrate or civil session, but the Scriptures only, 
can be the final judge or rule." — Judge Joseph Story. 

"In a word, destroy this volume, and you take from 
us at once everything which prevents existence becoming 
of all curses the greatest ; you blot out the sun, dry up 
the ocean, and take away the atmosphere of the moral 
world, and degrade man to a situation from which he 
may look up with envy to that of the brutes that perish." 
Dr y Pay son. 



INGERSOLL AT HIS BROTHER'S GRAVE. 



A MOST EXQUISITE, YET ONE OF THE MOST SAD AND 
MOURNFUL SERMONS. 

The funeral of Hon. Ebon C. Ingersoll, brother of 
Col. Robert G. Ingersoll, of Illinois, took place at his 
residence in Washington, D. C., June 2, 1879. The 
ceremonies were extremely simple, consisting merely of 
viewing the remains by relatives and friends, and a 
funeral oration by Col. Robert G. Ingersoll, brother of 
the deceased. A large number of distinguished gen- 
tlemen were present, including Secretary Sherman, As- 
sistant Secretary Hawley, Senators Blaine, Vorhees, 
Paddock, Allison, Logan, Hon. Thomas Henderson, 
Gov. Pound, Hon. Wm. M. Morrison, Gen. Jeffreys, 
Gen. Williams, Col. James Fishback, and others. The 
pall-bearers were Senators Blaine, Vorhees, David Davis, 
Paddock and Allison, Col. Ward, H. Lamon, Hon. Jere- 
miah W T ilson of Indiana, and Hon. Thomas A. Boyd of 
Illinois . . 

Soon after Mr. Ingersoll began to read his eloquent 
characterization of the dead, his eyes filled with tears. 
He tried to hide them behind his eye-glasses, but he 
could not do it, and finally he bowed his head upon the 
dead man's coffin in uncontrollable grief. It was after 
some delay and the greatest efforts of self-mastery, that 
Col. Ingersoll was able to finish reading his address, 
which was as follows : 

(240) 



242 COLONEL iNGERSOLL's FUNERAL ORATION. 

My Fkiends : — I am going to do that which the dead 
often promised he would do for me. The loved and lov- 
ing brother, husband, father, friend, died where manhood's 
morning almost touches noon, and while the shadows 
still were falling toward the West. He had not passed 
on life's highway the stone that marks the highest point, 
but being weary for a moment he laid down by the way- 
side, and, using his burden for a pillow, fell into that 
dreamless sleep that kisses down his eyelids still. While 
yet in love with life and raptured with the world, he 
passed to silence and pathetic dust. Yet, after all, it 
may be best, just in the happiest, sunniest hour of all 
the voyage, while eager winds are kissing every sail, to 
dash against the unseen rock, and in an instant hear the 
billows roar a sunken ship. For, whether in mid-sea or 
among the breakers of the farther shore, a wreck must 
mark at last the end of each and all . And every life, 
no matter if its every hour is rich with love and every 
moment jeweled with a joy, will, at its close, become a 
tragedy, as sad, and deep, and dark as can be woven of 
the warp and woof of mystery and death. This brave 
and tender man in every storm of life was oak and rock, 
but in the sunshine he was vine and flower. He was the 
friend of all heroic souls. He climbed the heights and 
left all superstitions far below, while on his forhead fell 
the golden dawning of a grander day. He loved the 
beautiful and was with color, form and music touched to 
tears. He sided with the weak, and with a willing hand 
gave alms ; with loyal heart and with the purest hand 
he faithfully discharged all public trusts. He was a 
worshipper of liberty and a friend of the oppressed. A 
thousand times I have heard him quote the words : 



ingersoll's funeral oration. 243 

For justice all place a temple and all season summer." 
He believed that happiness was the only good, reason 
the only torch, justice the only worshipper, humanity 
the only religion, and love the priest. 

He added to the sum of human joy, and were every 
one for whom he did some loving service to bring a blos- 
som to his grave he would sleep to-night beneath a wil- 
derness of flowers. Life is a narrow vale between the 
cold and barren peaks of two eternities. We strive in 
vain to look beyond the hights. We cry aloud, and the 
only answer is the echo of our wailing cry. From the 
voiceless lips of the unreplying dead there comes no 
word ; but in the night of death hope sees a star and 
listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. He who 
sleeps here, when dying, mistaking the aproach of death 
for the return of health, whispered with his latest breath, 
" I am better now. " Let us believe, in spite of doubts 
and dogmas and tears and fears that these dear words 
are true of all the countless dead. And now, to you 
who have been chosen from among the many men he 
loved to do the last sad office for the dead, we give 
his sacred dust. Speech can not contain our love. 
There was — there is — no gentler, stronger, manlier 
man. 



HENRY WARD BEECHER. 



BEECHER'S COMMENTS. 



HENRY WARD BEECHER'S COMMENTS ON MR. INGERSOLL's 
FAITH, AND FUNERAL DISCOURSE. 

"The root element of faith is in the imagination. 
The tendency of our age, or in certain lines of it, is 
a rising tendency among the educated to give to the 
evidence of the physical senses not only greater weight 
than comes with the imagination, but to deny to the 
imagination all use except that of producing pleasure. 
To a certain extent we are indebted for this to the per- 
version of religious views. The ascetic school banished 
the imagination from religion and made it a mere min- 
ion of pleasure and turned the thoughts of men to what 
are called weightier things. We are told in the serious 
words of the ascetic teachers that life is too important 
to trifle away. They have stripped off the wings of the 
imagination to make quills to write their dull treatises 
withal. There is also danger from the scientific or the 
materialistic tendencies of the age, the votaries of which 
hold that all things must be proven by tangible evidence 
— that the soul is but matter. But taking the material- 
istic view that the soul is but matter, it is matter so dif- 
ferent from ordinary matter that it is to be judged by 
entirely different laws. But without taking that ground 
and adhering as I do to the ground that it is a spiritual 
matter, the^ necessity is much stronger for applying the 
true principle in dealing with its consideration. 

■ ' There is a growing tendency towards materialism 
in the German mind, and this has long been the ten- 

(245) 



246 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

dency in the French mind. It has made inroads into 
the sturdy old English mind, and it has with ten thou- 
sand other immigrants that we could have spared come 
across the seas and gained a foothold here. But to 
apply to the imagination the same rules you apply to 
things that have no imagination is impolitic, unphilo- 
sophical and unwise. There are a great many men who 
say with Tyndall : "If you present God as a poem I 
can accept it, but if you present Him as a fact I resist 
it ; I say there is no evidence ; it is not proven. ' There 
are realties which can not be proven. No formula can 
demonstrate the sentiment of honor ; yet honor demon- 
strates itself, and the intellect discerns things by the aid 
of the imagination that it can not discern without it. 
Reasonings are no more than spider- webbing. 

* ' That which comforts must be accepted as true, al- 
though it can not be proven by any direct line of evidence. 
Take, for instance, the pictures of the Virgin Mary 
which are the objects of such veneration to devout Ro- 
man Catholics. They are not really the Virgin Mary ; 
they don't even look like her ; but they are a representa- 
tion of the tenderness of the mother towards the child, 
and that tenderness is a reality. I, too, hang the pic- 
tures in my parlor and in my bedroom, and I, too, am a 
worshipper of the Virgin. I worship the tender, loving 
spirit of God out of which theology has cheated us. 
Put that in theology and you would not want any pic- 
torial illustration. So as to ministering angels ; I 
never thought of an angel except with wings. I never 
saw an angel painted with wings that it did not look 
like an old hen to me. So with ministering angels. 



beecher's comments. 247 

The moment you apply to them all that belongs to them 
that moment you destroy them. 

"A French philosopher once said very truly : 'Every- 
body believes in God until you attempt to prove his 
existence.' Take the existence of the soul in heaven — ■ 
that is a mere question of reason without evidence such 
as belongs to regulated forms of matter — and it is full of 
obscurities. But let it hang in the realm of imagination 
and it is not only the product of the imagination of one 
man, but of all the nations through the growth of time. 
It is the imagination that has been reaped and threshed 
and winnowed and grown into the very bread of life. 
It is not any poem or notion ; it is the work, the final 
work of the imagination of the human race, speaking all 
languages, under all governments ; it is the result to 
which men come — that death doesn't stop human life ; 
it goes on unending. 

i ' Mr. Ingersoll is a man of great merit and power 
and he has made himself perhaps as widely known as 
almost any other man in this generation by his con- 
temning of, I will not say religion, but of those views of 
religion handed down to us by the teachers of Christian- 
ity. He has great power of the imagination — a flaming 
wit — and has said a great many things, not wise, but by 
which wise men may profit. He has uttered a great 
many criticisms on the subject of Christianity which are 
just criticisms, yet taking his views of religion as a whole 
they lack completeness ; it is a special plea, a fault- 
finding plea, which sees only one side. Now, while I 
accord to him the extremest liberty of discussion and 
disclaim any right to interfere with his liberty, we have 
a right to whatever of instruction there may be, and I 



248 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

think he can instruct us by his latest utterance. He has 
lost a brother dearly beloved, a good man who lived 
happily with his family and was respected by the com- 
munity, and at that brother's funeral, Mr. Ingersoll made 
one of the most exquisite, yet one of most sad and mourn- 
ful sermons that I ever read. 

" Was ever anything uttered by the lips of man more 
pathetic ? But we do not only hope, we have the cer- 
tainty — we know that if our earthy tabernacle is lost we 
have a building not made with hands eternal in the 
heavens. To us the sweet voice comes under burdens, 
under sorrows, in pain, in persecution, in the prison 
dungeon — the voice of the spirit and the bride say come 
and the voice of the whole Church of God cries out to us 
'it is real, it is real — come ;' and when this noble 
brother of Mr. Ingersoll felt the touch of death, I don't 
doubt he felt the touch of God the second time, and saw 
in the eternal world things which he had counted but 
shadows here. Even skepticism and that which had 
been provocative of skepticism in others says, when it 
comes to the death of hope : ' In spite of doubts or 
dogmas, let us hope there is a better world." 



' ' We think of the Bible as a structure solid and eter- 
nal."— Dr. Burtol. 

"I know not how the printers have pointed this pas- 
sage, for I keep no Bible." — Thomas Paine criticising 
the Scriptures. 

' ' To see God's own law universally acknowledged as it 
stands in the holy written book ; to see this — or the true 
unwearied aim and struggle toward this — is a thing worth 
living and dying for." — Thomas Carlyle. 



ARNOLD'S COMMENTS. 



hon. isaac n. Arnold's comments on ingersoll's 
funeral oration. 

The sad, pathetic, and almost hopeless cry of Robert 
G. Ingersoll over the grave of his brother has been widely 
read. It is eloquent with feeling, and shows that his 
heart is tender and affectionate ; and one can not but 
sympathize with a grief which is not soothed by any 
hope of a reunion hereafter. He says, speaking of death : 
* ' Whether in mid-sea or among the breakers of the 
farther shore, a wreck must mark at last the end of each 
and all ; and every life . . will at its close become 
a tragedy as sad, and deep, and dark as can be woven of 
the warp and woof of mystery and death. And Life is a 
narrow vale between the cold and barren peaks of two 
eternities. We strive in vain to look beyond the hights. 
We cry aloud, and the only answer is the echo of our 
wailing cry." 

This, then, is the despairing moan of one of the bright- 
est infidels of our country — of one who is doing more to 
destroy faith in God and immortality than any other ! 
How striking the contrast between such a "wreck," as 
Ingersoll calls it, and the joyous, hopeful death of a 
Christian. 

I have lately been reading an account of the last hours 
of Sir Walter Scott. As death approached this great 
and healthy-minded Scotchman, he asked Lockhart to 
read to him. 

(249) 



250 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

• ' What shall I read ? " said Lockhart. 

' ' Need you ask ? " said Sir Walter. ' ' There is but 
one Book." And the words that have comforted the dy- 
ing and soothed the living for eighteen hundred years 
fell gratefully upon his ear : 

"Let not your heart be troubled. In my Father's 
house are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for 
you." 

Lockhart," were the last words of Scott, " Lock- 
I have but a moment to speak to you ; my dear, be a 
good man ; be virtuous, be religious ! Nothing else wi!l 
give you any comfort when you come, to lie here." 

Ingersoll sadly says over the remains of his beloved 
brother, ' ' We cry aloud, and the only answer is the echo 
of our wailing cry;" .and, speaking of his dead brother, 
he says : 1 ' He climbed the heights, and left all supersti- 
tions far below." 

If such are the results of " climbing the hights;" if to 
climb is only to look into the black gulf of despair, to 
hear over the grave only the ' ' echoes of our wailing 
cry," who would not rather stay in the warm valley of 
faith and hope ? 

I would kindly ask Ingeroll, Are not faith and hope 
better than doubt and despair ? And, if so, why make 
it your life's mission to ridicule, satirize, and detroy the 
faith and hope of the thousands who find in their re- 
ligion the only refuge from the sufferings and sorrows of 
this life ? Why labor to make your brother of humanity 
believe that he is but — 

The pilgrim of a day ? 
Spouse of the worm and brother of the clay, 
Frail as the leaf in Autumn's yellow bower, 
Dust in the wind, or dew upon the flower ? 



Arnold's comments. 



251 



A child without a sire, 
Whose mortal life and transitory fire 
Light to the grave his chance-created form, 
As ocean wrecks illuminate the storm. 

And then — 

To-night and silence sink forevermore ! 

If these — 

The pompous teachings ye proclaim, 
Lights of the world and demi-gods of fame, 
The laurel wreath the murderer rears, 
Blood nursed and watered by the widow's tears, 
Seems not so foul, so tainted, and so dread, 
As the daily nightshade round the skeptics head. 

Infidelity is indeed the " deadly nightshade," deadly 
alike to happiness and to virtue. There are exceptions 
like Ingersoll, who have inherited from their Christian 
ancestors natures so generous that their sturdy virtues 
have resisted the influence. 

But every blow this modern apostle of infidelity strikes 
against Christianity is a blow in favor of vice and im- 
morality. To the young man whose faith Ingersoll by 
his wit and eloquence has shaken, I would say, listen to 
his cry of despair over his dead brother, and compare it 
with the Christian's triumphant death and joyous hope, 
and choose the truth. 



" There is but one oook ; bring me the Bible." — Sir 
Walter Scott. 

"That book" (pointing to the Bible,) 4 'is the rock 
upon which our republic rests." — Andrew Jackson. 

"I have but one book (the Bible,) but that is the 
best." — Wm. Collin's Reply to Dr. Johnson. 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE 
BIBLE. 



SCIENTISTS. 

The grand old book of God still stands, and this old 
earth, the more its leaves are turned over and pondered, 
the more it will sustain and illustrate the sacred word. — 
Professor Dana. 

Infidelity has, from time, erected her imposing ram- 
parts, and opened fire upon Christianity from a thousand 
batteries. But the moment the rays of truth were con- 
centrated upon their ramparts they melted away. The 
last clouds of ignorance are passing, and the thunders of 
infidelity are dying upon the ear. The union and har- 
mony of Christianity and science is a sure token that the 
flood of unbelief and ignorance shall never more go over 
the world. — Professor Hitchcock. 

All human discoveries seem to be made only for the 
purpose of confirming, more and more strongly, the 
truths contained in the sacred Scriptures. — Sir John 
Herschel. 

The Bible furnishes the the only fitting vehicle to ex- 
press the thoughts that overwhelm us when contemplat- 
ing the stellar universe. — O. M. Mitchell. 

In my investigation of natural science, I have always 
found that whenever I can meet with anything in the 
Bible, on any subject, it always affords me a fine plat- 
form on which to stand. — Lieutenant Maury. 

(252) 



WHAT D I STINGTISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 253 

If the God of love is most appropriately worshiped in 
the Christian temple, the God of nature may be equally 
honored in the temple of science. Even from its lofty 
minarets, the philosopher may summon the faithful to 
prayer, and the priest and the sage exchange altars with- 
out the compromise of faith or knowledge. — Sir David 
Brewster. 

A nation's intellectual progress has always followed — 
not preceded — some moral impulse. The history of the 
fine arts shows that some form of religion gave them 
their earliest impulse, There has never been a great 
genius but has been inspired in some sense by religion. 
The thoughts of the intellect are lofty in proportion as 
the sentiments of the heart are profound. If we begin 
the attempt to improve men with the intellect we end 
where we begun. Education will not remove corrup- 
tion. It may guide vice as in ancient Rome and Athens, 
but will not uproot it. A godless education has no power 
to purify. Instruction in morality also has failed to 
regenerate. - No man does his duty simply because he 
knows it unless he loves it ; nor are political and social 
changes effective. Social evil has its root in the indi- 
vidual heart, and cannot be removed except by influences 
operating within it. This fountain of man's corruption 
must be purified to correct social vice. — Prof. Seelye. 



STATESMEN. 

So great is my veneration for the Bible, th at the 
earlier my children begin to read it, the more confident 
will be my hopes that they will prove useful citizens to 
their country, and respectable members of society.— 
John Quincy Adams. 



2 54 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

There is a book worth all other books which were ever 
printed. — Patrick Henry. 

The Bible is the best book in the world. — John 
Adams. 

It is impossible to govern the world without God. 
He must be worse than an infidel that lacks faith, and 
more than wicked that has not gratitude enough to 
acknowledge his obligation. — General George Washing- 
ton. 

Pointing to the family Bible on the stand, during his 
last illness, Andrew Jackson said to his friend : 4 'That 
book, sir, is the rock on which our republic rests." 

I deem the present occasion sufficiently important and 
solemn to justify me in expressing to my fellow citizens 
a profound reverence for the Christian religion, and a 
thorough conviction that sound morals, religious liberty, 
and a just sense of religious responsibility, are essentially 
connected with all true and lasting happiness. — General 
Harrison's Inaugural Address. 

As to Jesus of Nazareth, my opinion of whom you par- 
ticularly desire, I think the system of morals, and His 
religion, as He left them to us, is the best the world ever 
saw, or is likely to see. — Benjamin Franklin. 

Do you think that your pen, or the pen of any other 
man, can unchristianize the mass of our citizens ? Or 
have you hopes of corrupting a few of them to assist you 
in so bad a cause ? — Samuel Adams' Letter to Thomas 
Paine. 

Christianity is the only true and perfect religion, and 
that in proportion as mankind adopt its principles and 



What distinguished men say op the bible. 255 

obey its precepts, they will be wise and happy. And a 
better knowledge of this religion is to be acquired by 
reading the Bible than in any other way. — Benjamin 
Bush. 

When that illustrious man, Chief Justice Joy, was dy- 
ing, he was asked if he had any farewell address to leave 
his children; he replied, « 'They have the Bible." 

I always have had, and always shall have, a profound 
regard for Christianity, the religion of my fathers, and 
for its rites, its usages, and observances. — Henry Clay. 

A few days before his death, ' ' the foremost man of 
all his times," drew up and signed this declaration of 
his religious faith : i 'Lord, I believe ; help thou mine 
unbelief. Philosophical argument, especially that drawn 
from the vastness of the universe, in comparison with 
the insignificance of this globe, has sometimes shaken 
my reason for the faith that is in me, but my heart has 
always assured and reassured me that the gospel of 
Jesus Christ must be a divine reality. The Sermon on 
the Mount cannot be a merely human production. This 
belief enters into the very depth of my conscience. " — • 
Daniel Webster. 

4 ' Hold fast to the Bible as the sheet anchor of our 
liberties ; write its precepts on your hearts, and practice 
them in your lives. To the influence of this book we 
are indebted for the progress made in true civilization, 
and to this we must look as our guide in the future. " — 
U. S. Grant. 

Philosophy has sometimes forgotten God ; as great 
people never did. The skepticism of the last century 
could not uproot Christianity, because it lived in the 



256 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

hearts of the millions. Do you think that infidelity is 
spreading ? Christianity never lived in the hearts of so 
many millions as at this moment. The forms under 
which it is professed may decay, for they, like all that is 
the work of man's hands, are subject to the changes and 
chances of mortal being ; but the spirit of truth is in- 
corruptible ; it maybe developed, illustrated and applied; 
it can never die ; it never can decline. No truth can 
perish. No truth can pass away. The flame is undying, 
though generations disappear. Wherever mortal truth 
has started into being humanity claims and guards the 
bequest. Each generation gathers together the imper- 
ishable children of the past, and increases them by the 
new sons of the light, alike radiant with immortality. — 
Bancroft. 



GREAT THINKERS. 

It is a belief in the Bible which has served me as the 
guide of my moral and literary life. — Goethe. 

I account the Scriptures of God to be the most sub- 
lime philosophy. — Sir Isaac Newton. 

To give a man a full knowledge of true morality, I 
should need to send him to no other book than the New 
Testament. — John Locke. 

I know the Bible is inspired, because it finds me at 
greater depths of my being than any other book. — Cole- 
ridge. 

A noble book ! All men's book. It is our first state- 
ment of the never-ending problem of man's destiny and 
God's way with men on earth. — Carlyle. 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 257 

I mast confess the majesty of the Scriptures strikes 
me with astonishment. — Rousseau. 

"There is not a boy nor a girl, all Christendom 
through, but their lot is made better by this great book. 
— Theodore Parker. 

Take the gospel away, and what a mockery is human 
philosophy ! I once met a thoughtful scholar who told 
me that for years he had read every book which assailed 
the religion of Jesus Christ. He said that he should 
have become an infidel if it had not been for three 
things : 

" First, I am a man. I am going somewhere. I am 
to-night a day nearer the grave than last night. I have 
read all that they can tell me. There is not one solitary 
ray of light upon the darkness. They shall not take 
away the only guide and leave me stone blind. 

"Secondly, I had a mother. I saw her go down into 
the dark valley where I am going, and she leaned upon 
an unseen arm as calmly as a child goes to sleep upon 
the breast of a mother, I know that was not a dream. 

"Thirdly," he said with tears in his eyes, "I have 
three motherless daughters. They have no protector 
but myself. I would rather kill them than leave them 
in this sinful world if you could blot out from it all the 
the teachings of the Gospel. " — Bishop Whipple. 

When Daniel Webster was in his best moral state, 
and when he was in the prime of his manhood, he was 
one day dining with a company of literary gentlemen in 
the city of Boston. The company was composed of 
clergymen, lawyers, physicians, statesmen, merchants, 
and almost all classes of literary persons. During the 



258 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

dinner conversation incidentally turned upon the subject 
of Christianity. Mr. Webster, as the occasion was in 
honor of him, was expected to take a leading part in the 
conversation, and he frankly stated as his religious 
sentiment his belief in the divinity of Christ, and his de- 
pendence upon the atonement of the Saviour. A mi- 
nister of very considerable literary reputation sat almost 
opposite him at the table, and he looked at him and 
said : ' ' Mr. Webster, can you comprehend how Jesus 
Christ could be both God and man ? " Mr. Webster, 
with one of those looks which no man can imitate, fixed 
his eyes upon him, and promptly and emphatically said: 
' ' No, sir, I cannot comprehend it ; and I would be 
ashamed to acknowledge Him as my Saviour if I could 
comprehend it. If I could comprehend Him, He could be 
no greater than myself, and such is my conviction of 
accountability to God, such is my sense of sinfulness be- 
fore Him, and such is my knowledge of my incapacity to 
recover myself, that I feel I need a superhuman Saviour." 
— Bishop Janes. 

What can be more foolish than to think that all this 
rare fabric of Heaven and earth could come by chance, 
when all the skill of art is not able to make an oyster ? 
— Jeremy Taylor. 

It would not be worth while to live if we were to die 
entirely. That which alleviates labor and sanctifies toil 
is to have before us the vision of a better world through 
the darkness of this life. That world is to me more real 
than the chimera which we devour, and which we call 
life. It is forever before my eyes. It is the supreme 
certainty of my reason, as it is the supreme consolation 
of my soul. — Victor Hugo. 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 259 

Once, had I been called upon to create the earth, I 
should have done as the many would now. I should have 
laid it out in pleasure grounds, and given man Milton's 
occupation of tending flowers. But I am now satisfied 
with this wild earth, its awful mountains and depths, 
steeps and torrents. I am not sorry to learn that God's 
end is a virtue far higher than I should have prescribed . 
— Channing. 

To do good to men is the great work of life ; to make 
them true Christians is the greatest good we can do 
them. Everv investigation brings us round tothis point. 
Begin here and you are like one who strikes water from 
a rock on the summit of the mountains ; it flows down 
all the intervening tracts to the very base. If we could 
make each man love his neighbor, we should make a 
happy world. The true method is to begin with our- 
selves and to extend the circle around us. It should be 
perpetually in our minds. — J. W. Alexander. 

From philosophy, from poetry and from art, is heard 
the acknowledgment that there is no repose for the ra- 
tional spirit but in moral truth. The testimony that the 
whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain, together, 
is as loud and convincing from the domain of letters, as 
it is from the cursed and thistle-bearing ground. From 
the immortal longing and dissatisfaction of Plato, down 
to the wild and passionate restlessness of Byron and 
Shelley, the evidence is decisive that a spiritual and re- 
ligious element must enter into the education of man in 
order to inward harmony and rest. — Dr. Shedd. 

' ' The mother of a family was married to an infidel, 
who made a jest of religion in the presence of his own 



26o MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

children ; yet she succeeded in bringing them all up in 
the fear of the Lord. I one day asked her how she pre- 
served from the influence of a father whose sentiments 
were so openly opposed to her own. This was her an- 
swer , ' Because to the authority ot a father I did not 
oppose the authority of a mother, but that of God. 
From their earliest years my children have always seen 
the Bible on my table. This holy book has constituted 
the whole of their religious instruction. I was silent that 
I might allow it to speak. Did they propose a question, 
did they commit any fault, did they perform any good 
action, I opened the Bible, and constant reading of the 
Scriptures has alone wrought the prodigy which surprises 
you.'" — Adolphe Monod. 

I preached on Sunday in the parlors at Long Branch. 
The war was over, and Admiral Farragut and his family 
were spending the summer at the Branch. Sitting on 
the portico of the hotel Monday morning, he said to 
me, " Would you like to know how I was enabled to 
serve my country ? It was all owing to a resolution I 
formed when I was ten years of age. My father was sent 
down to New Orleans with the little navy we then had, 
to look after the treason of Burr. I accompanied him 
as cabin-boy. I had some qualities that I thought made 
a man of me. I could swear like an old salt ; could 
drink a stiff glass of grog as if I had doubled Cape Horn, 
and could smoke like a locomotive. I was great at cards 
and fond of gaming in every shape. At the close of the 
dinner one day, my father turned everybody out of the 
cabin, locked the door, and said to me : 

" 'David, what do you mean be ?' 

" ' I mean to follow the sea.' 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 26 1 

" ' Follow the sea ! Yes, be a poor, miserable drun- 
ken sailor before the mast, kicked and cuffed about the 
world, and die in some fever hospital, in a foreign 
clime.' 

" 'No, I said, 'I'll tread the quarter-deck and com- 
mand as you do. ' 

"'No, David; no boy ever trod the quarter-deck 
with such principles as you have, and such habits as you 
exhibit. You'll have to change your whole course of life 
if you ever become a man.' 

' ' My father left me and went on deck. I was stunned 
by the rebuke and overwhelmed with mortification ' A 
poor, miserable, drunken sailor before the mast, kicked 
and cuffed about the world, and to die in some fever 
hospital ! That's my fate, is it ? I'll change my life, 
and change it at once. I will never utter another oath, 
I will never drink another drop of intoxicating liquors, I 
will never gamble. And, as God is my witness, I have 
kept those three vows to this hour. Shortly after, I be- 
came a Christian. That act settled my temporal, as it 
settled my eternal destiny." — Anon. 

Tell the Prince that this (a costly copy of the Bible) 
is the secret of England's greatness. — Queen Victoria. 

I have always said and always will say, that the stu- 
dious perusal of the Sacred Volume will make better 
citizens, better fathers and better husbands. — Thomas 
Jefferson. 

The Bible is equally adapted to the wants and infirm- 
. ities af every human being. No other book ever ad- 
dressed itself so authoritatively and so pathetically to 
the judgment and moral sense of mankind. — Chancellor 
James Kent. 



262 MISAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

Christ proved that He was the Son of the Eternal by 
His disregard of time. All His doctrines signify only, 
and the same thing, eternity. — Napoleon Bonaparte. 

I have read the Bible morning, noon and night, and 
have ever since been the happier and better man for 
such reading. — Edward Burke. 

I do not believe human society, including not merely 
a few persons in any state, but whole masses of man, 
ever has attained, or ever can attain, a high state of in- 
telligence, virtue, security, liberty, or happiness without 
the Holy Scriptures. — William H. Seward. 

" Young man, attend to the voice of one who has pos- 
sessed a certain degree of fame, and who will shortly 
appear before his maker. Read the Bible every day of 
your life." — Dr. Samuel Johnson. 

"The Bible contains a complete series of facts, and 
of historical men to explain time and eternity, such as 
no other religion has to offer. Everything in it is grand 
and worthy of God. The Gospel is more than a book ; 
it is a living thing, active, powerful, overcoming every 
obstacle in its way." — Napoleon Bonaparte. 

"But it is a much more serious ground of offense 
against Voltaire that he intermeddled in religion without 
being himself in any measure religious ; that, in a word, 
he ardently, and with long-continued effort, warred 
against Christianity, without understanding, beyond the 
mere superfices, what Christianity was." — Carlyle's 
Criticism of Voltaire. 

"The Bible is a fountain whose waters feed intellect, 
heart, life, promoting the highest worship as well as the 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 263 

largest humanity. * * * Kingdoms fall, institutions 
perish, civilizations change, human doctrines disappear ; 
but the imperishable truths which pervade and sanctify 
the Bible shall bear it up above the flood of change and 
the deluge of years. It will forever remain." — James 
Freeman Clarke. 

"I have carefully and regularly perused the holy 
Scriptures, and am of the opinion that the volume, in- 
dependently of its divine origin, contains more sublim- 
ity, purer morality, more important history, and finer 
strains, both of poetry and eloquence, than could be 
collected within the same compass from all other books, 
that were ever composed in any age or in any idiom." 
— Sir William Jones. 

" For a wonder, gentlemen, for a wonder, I know no- 
body, either in France or anywhere else, who could 
write and speak with more art and talent. I defy you 
all — as many as are here — to prepare a tale so simple, 
and at the same time so sublime and so touching as the 
tale of the passion and death of Jesus Christ ; which 
produces the same effect, which makes a sensation so 
strong and as generally felt, and whose influence will be 
the same, after so many centuries." — Diderot. 

' ' This book is the mirror of the Divinity, the rightful 
regent of the world. Other books, after shining their 
season, may perish in flames fiercer than those which 
consumed the Alexandrian library ; this, in essence, 
must remain pure as gold and unconsumable as asbestos, 
amid the flames of general conflagration. Other books 
may be forgotten in the universe where suns go down 
and disappear like bubbles in the stream ; this book, 



264 MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 

transferred to a higher clime, shall shine as the bright- 
ness of that eternal firmament, and as those higher 
stars which are forever and forever." — George Gil- 
fillan. 

"To the Bible men will return because they can not 
do without it. Because happiness is our being's end.and 
aim, and happiness belongs to righteousness, and right- 
eousness is revealed in the Bible. For this simple reason 
men will return to the Bible, just as a man who tried to 
give up food, thinking that it was a vain thing and that 
he could do without it, would return to food, or a man 
who tried to give up sleep, thinking it was a vain thing 
and he could do without it, would return to sleep." — 
Matthew Arnold. 

A Bible well worn in that part which contains the Ser- 
man on the Mount is the book which our age most 
needs. There the Will of the Father, those laws 
which save souls or damn them lie in perfect plain- 
ness. No commentary can throw light upon them, no 
science or learning can take their light away. They are 
a part of the universe, only more imperishable than 
the stars. Christ died for man because man would not 
respect these laws of the kingdom. Having died for 
sinners, He now invites them to come into these laws 
of the Father. Do not mistake this invitation. — David 
Swing. 

You never can get at the literal limitation of living 
facts. They disguise themselves by the very strength 
of their life ; get told again and again in different ways 
by all manner of people ; the literalness of them is 
turned topsy-turvy, inside out, over and over again ; 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 265 

then the fools come and read them wrong side upwards 
or else say there was no fact at all. Nothing delights a 
true blockhead so much as to prove a negative — to 
show that everybody has been wrong. Fancy the de- 
licious sensation to an empty-headed creature of fancy- 
ing for a moment that he has emptied everybody else's 
head as well as his own ! nay, that for once, his own 
hollow bottle of a head has had the best of other bottles, 
and has been first empty, — first to know nothing. — 
Ruskin. 

It is not so wretched to be blind as it is not to be 
-capable of enduring blindness. Let me be the most 
feeble creature alive as long as that feebleness serves to 
invigorate the energies of my rational and immortal 
spirit ; so long as in that obscurity in which I am en- 
veloped the light of the divine presence more clearly 
shines ; and indeed, in my blindness I enjoy in no in- 
considerable degree the favor of the Deity, who regards 
me with more tenderness and compassion in proportion 
as I am able to behold nothing but Himself. For the 
divine law shields me not only from injury, but almost 
renders me too sacred to attack, as from the overshadow- 
ing of those heavenly wings which seem to have occa- 
sioned this obscurity. — Milton. 

A prince said to Rabbi Gamaliel : " Your God is a 
thief ; he surprised Adam in his sleep, and stole a rib 
from him." The Rabbi's daughter overheard this speech, 
and whispered a word or two in her father's ear, asking 
his permission to answer this siugular opinion herself. He 
gave his consent . The girl stepped forward, and feign- 
ing terror and dismay, threw her arms aloft in supplica- 
tion, and cried out, " My liege, my liege, justice! re- 



266 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



venge ! " ' ' What has happened ? " asked the prince. 
! ' A wicked theft has taken place, " she replied. ' 'A rob- 
ber has crept secretly into our house, carried away a 
silver goblet, and left a golden one in its stead." ' What 
an upright thief ! " exclaimed the prince. " Would that 
such robberies were of more frequent occurrence !" 1 'Be- 
hold, then, sir, the kind of thief our Creator was ; He 
stole a rib from Adam, and gave him a beautiful wife 
instead." " Well said ! " avowed the prince. — Talmud 
Sanhedrim. 

Once there was a Judge who had a colored man. The 
colored man was very godly, and the Judge used to have 
him to drive him around in his circuit . The Judge used 
often to talk with him, and the colored man would tell 
the Judge about his religious experience, and about his 
battles and conflicts. One day the Judge said to him : 
"Sambo, how is it that you Christians are always talk- 
ing about the conflicts you have with Satan ? I am bet- 
ter off than you are . I don't have any troubles or con- 
flicts, and yet I am an infidel and you are a Christian— 
always in a muss ; — how's that Sambo ?" This floored 
the colored man for awhile. He didn't know how to 
meet the old infidel's argument. So he shook his head 
sorrowfully and said : "I dunno, Massa, I dunno." The 
Judge always carried a gun with him for hunting. Pretty 
soon they came to a lot of ducks. The Judge took his 
gun and blazed at them, and wounded one and killed 
another. The Judge said quickly : ' ' You jump in, 
Sambo, and get that wounded duck before he gets off,'' 
and did not pay any attention to the dead one. In went 
Sambo for the wounded duck, and came out reflecting. 
The colored man then thought he had an illustration. 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 26? 

He said to the Judge : "I hab 'im now, Massa ; I'se 
able to show you how de Christian hab greater conflict 
dan de infidel. Don't you know de moment you wounded 
dat ar duck, how anxious you was to get 'im out, and 
you didn't care for de dead, but jus' lef him alone?" 
"Yes," said the Judge . " Well, " said Sambo, 4 ' ye see 
as how dat are dead duck 's a sure thing. I'se wounded, 
and I tries to get away from de debbil. It takes trouble 
to cotch me. But, Massa, you are a dead duck — dar's 
no squabble for you ; de debbil have you sure ! " So the 
devil has no conflict with the infidel. — D. L. Moody. 

4 1 Talk about the questions of the day, there is but one 
question, and that is the Gospel . It can and will cor- 
rect everything needing correction. All men at the head 
of great movements are Christian men. During the 
many years I was in the Cabinet I was brought into 
association with sixty master minds and all but five of 
them were Christians. My only hope for the world is in 
bringing the human mind into contact with Divine Re- 
velation." — Gladstone's remark to Dr. Talmage at 
Ha war den. 

There are over two hundred passages in the Old Testa- 
ment which prophesied about Christ, and every one of 
them has come true. — D. L. Moody. 

In regard to the Great Book, I have only to say it is 
the best gift which God has given to man. All the good 
from the Saviour of the World is communicated through 
this Book. But for this Book we could not know right 
from wrong. All those things desirable to man are 
contained in it. I return you my sincere thanks for 
this very elegant copy of the Great Book of God which 
you present. — Abraham Lincoln, on receiving a present 
of a Bible. 



268 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 



The Bible is the best book in the world. It contains 
more of my little philosophy than all the libraries I 
have seen. — John Adams. (Second President of the 
United States.) 

The Bible is the only cement of nations, and the only 
cement that can bind religious hearts together. — Che- 
valier Bunsen. 

The Bible is the Word of God — with all the peculi- 
arities of man, and all the authority of God. — Prof. 
Murphy. 

From the time, that, at my mother's feet, or on my 
father's knee, I first learned to lisp verses from the 
sacred writings, they have been my daily study and vig- 
ilant contemplation. If there be anything in my style 
or thoughts to be commended, the credit is due to my 
kind parents in instilling into my mind an early love of 
the Scriptures. — Daniel Webster. 

The same divine hand which lifted up before the eyes 
of Daniel and Isaiah the veil which covered the tableau 
of the time to come, unveiled before the eyes of the 
author of Genesis the earliest ages of the creation. And 
Moses was the prophet of the past, as Daniel and Isaiah 
and many others were the prophets of the future. — Prof. 
Guyot. 

We are persuaded that there is no book by the perusal 
of which the mind is so much strengthened and so much 
enlarged as it is by the perusal of the Bible. — Dr. Mel- 
ville. 

And, finally, I may state, as the conclusion of the 
whole matter, that the Bible contains within itself all 



WHAT DISTINGUISHED MEN SAY OF THE BIBLE. 269 

that, under God, is required to account for and dispose 
of all forms of infidelity, and to turn to the best and 
highest uses all that man can learn of nature. — Chan- 
cellor Dawson. 

"The Lord, by His divine Spirit, has been pleased to 
give me an understanding of what I read therein. " — Em- 
peror Alexander I. 

"We are astonished to find in a lyrical poem of such 
a limited compass the whole universe — -the heavens and 
the earth — sketched with a few bold touches. " — Baron 
Humboldt on 40th Psalm. 

"For more than a thousand years the Bible, collect- 
ively taken, has gone hand in hand with civilization, 
science, law ; in short, mith moral and intellectual cul- 
tivation ; always supporting, and often leading, the way. 
Good and holy men, and the best and wisest of mankind, 
the kingly spirits of history, have borne witness to its 
influences and have declared it to be beyond compare the 
most perfect instrument of humanity." — Samuel Taylor 
Coleridge. 

"The Bible of the Christian is, without exception 
the most remarkable work now in existence. In the 
libraries of the learned are frequently seen books of an 
extraordinary antiquity, and curious and interesting from 
the nature of their contents ; but none approach the 
Bible, taken in its complete sense, in point of age, while 
certainly no production whatever has any pretensions to 
rival it in dignity of composition or the important nature 
of the subject treated of in its pages." — Kitto. 

"The Bible is the book of life, written for the instruc- 
tion and edification of all ages and nations. No man 



270 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

who has felt its divine beauty and power would exchange 
this one volume for all the literature of the world." — Dr. 
Lange. 

' 4 I have now disposed of all my property to my family. 
There is one thing more I wish I could give them, and 
that is, the Christian religion. If they had that, and I 
had not given them one shilling, they would have been 
rich ; and if they had not that, and I had given them 
all the world, they would be poor." — Patrick Henry, 
in his last Will. 

:o: 

DYING WORDS. 



' ' I feel well ; I never felt more so in my life ; I am 
inexpressibly happy." — David Daily. 

' ' Glory to God in the highest, the whole earth shall 
be filled with His glory," — Jesse Appleton. 

" After glories that God has manifested to my soul, 
all is light, light, light — the brightness of His own glory. 
O come, Lord Jesus come; come quickly." — Toplady ; 
Author of ' ' Rock of Ages. " 

' ' See how calm a Christian can die ! " — Addison. 

" Blessed be God, all is well." — Darracott. 

" Never better ; soon home ; only two steps more, 
and I shall reach my Father's home." — Dr. Rowland 
Taylor. 

"Glory to God, I see heaven open before me." — 
Benjamin Abbott. 



DYING WORDS. 27 1 

' ' I have done with darkness forever. " — Thomas 
Scott. 

" Children, as soon as I am released, sing a psalm of 
praise to God." — Mrs. Susanna Wesley. 

" Brethren, sing and pray ; eternity dawns." — Dr. 
Eddy. 

" I am going up, up, up." — R. V. Lawrence. 

"I have got the victory, and Christ is holding out both 
hands to embrace me." — Rutherford. 

' ' Let him fear death who must pass from this death 
to the second death." — Cyprian. 

" I believe, I believe. I am almost well. Lord teach 
us how to die." — Richard Baxter. 

•'We shall meet ere long to sing the new song, and 
remain happy forever in a world without end." — John 
Bunyan. 

" Live in Christ, live in Christ, and the flesh need not 
fear death. " — John Knox. 

4 'Jesus, Jesus, I die, but Thou livest."- — Otterbein. 

"The greatest conflict is over ; all is done. To live 
is Christ, but to die is gain." — J. Harvey. 

*. * My son, you have taken away my religion ; now tell 
me something to comfort me." — The Message of Hume's 
Mother, on her death-bed, to her son. 

Welcome this chain for Christ's sake." — John Huss, 
at the Stake. 

" Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the 
Holy Ghost. "--Bede. 



272 MISTAKES OF I NGERSOLL. 

' ' Into Thy hands I commend my spirit. Thou hast 
redeemed me, O Lord God of truth." — Martin Luther. 

"I want nothing/, I am looking for nothing but 
heaven. " — Melanchthon. 

" Now let Thy servant depart in peace. Suffer me to 
come to Thee. Lord Jesus, receive my spirit." — Bishop 
Jewell. 

"I am found in Him who loved me and gave Himself 
or me, I am swallowed up in God." — Dr. Goodwin, 
(Puritan Divine). 

" Glory to Thee, O God. "—-Gordon Hall. 

' ' The Celestial City is now full in my view. " — Pay- 
son. 



"I am taking a fearful leap in the dark." — Hobbs. 

" I long to die, that I may be in the place of perdi- 
tion, that I may know the worst of it. My damnation 
is sealed. — William Pope. 

' 'Oh, the insufferable pangs of hell." — Sir Francis 
Newport. 

"I must die — abandoned of God and of men." — Vol- 
taire. 



In a recent rehash of an old lecture on Thomas Paine 
we find the following paragraph : " You have burned us 
at the stake ; roasted us upon slow fires ; torn our flesh 
with iron ; you have covered us with chains , treated us 
as outcasts ; you have filled the world with fear ; you 



MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL. 2?3 

have taken our wives and our children from our arms, 
etc., etc. 

We ask in the name of simplest truth and common 
justice who it is that have suffered these things ? The 
answer comes from every page of history, that it is fol- 
lowers of Christ, who have clung to Him through the 
fires of persecution and the floods of misfortune. 

They were believers in the Bible who went to the 
stake ; else, why were Bibles burned with them in the 
flames ? Men do not go to the rack, the stake, or the 
guillotine, rather than renounce their faith, when they 
have no faith to renounce. 

Men and women do not choose to be placed in red- 
hot iron chairs rather than to deny a Lord on whom they 
have never believed. 

Men do not submit to have their tongues cut out, to 
be thrown to wild beasts, or to perish in slow fires 
in preference to recanting from a position they have 
never assumed. 

Cellsus was not crucified ; Parphry was not banished ; 
Julian did not suffer, save at the hands of his own 
conscience ; Voltaire was not thrown into a caldron 
of boiling oil ; Paine was not burned at the stake, and 
modern skeptics are not placed in the stocks or whip- 
ped in the streets. 

It was men, women, yes, and children, who clung 
to the written word when fire and flame and irons and 
lash were the rewards ot their fidelity. They have been 
driven to mountains and caverns, to wander in sheep- 
skins and goatskins — they of whom the world was not 
worthy. — Mrs. H. V. Reed. 



INGERSOLL'S LECTURE 

— ON — 

THE MISTAKES OF MOSES. 



Now and then some one asks me why I am endeavor- 
ing to interfere with the religious faith of others, and 
why I try to take from the world the consolation natur- 
ally arising from a belief in eternal fire. And I answer, 
I want to do what little I can to make my country truly 
free. I want to broaden the intellectual horizon of our 
people. I want it so that we can differ upon all those 
questions, and yet grasp each other's hands in genuine 
friendship. I want in the first place to free the clergy. 
I am a great friend of theirs, but they don't seem to have 
found it out generally. I want it so that every minister 
will be not a parrot, not an owl sitting upon the limb of 
the tree of knowledge and hooting the hoots that have 
been hooted for eighteen hundred years. But I want it 
so that each one can be an investigator, a thinker ; and 
I want to make his congregation grand enough so that 
they will not only allow him to think, but will demand 
that he shall think, and give to them the honest truth of 
his thought. As it is now, ministers are employed like 
attorneys — for the plaintiff or the defendant. If a few 
people know of a young man in the neighborhood maybe 
who has not a good constitutior — he may not be healthy 

275 



276 ingersoll's lectures. 

enough to be wicked — a young man who has shown no 
decided talent — it occurs to them to make him a minister. 
They contribute and send him to some school . If it 
turns out that that young man has more of the man in 
him than they thought, and he changes his opinion, 
every one who contributed will feel himself individually 
swindled — and they will follow that young man to the 
grave with the poisoned shafts of malice and slander. I 
want it so that every one will be free — so that a • pulpit 
will not be a pillory. They have in Massachusetts, at a 
place called Andover, a kind of minister factory ; and 
every professor in that factory takes an oath once in 
every five years — that is as long as an oath will last — • 
that not only has he not during the last five years, but 
so help him God, he will not during the next five years 
intellectually advance ; and probably there is no oath he 
could easier keep. Since the foundation of that institu- 
tion there has not been one case of perjury. They be- 
lieve the same creed they first taught when the founda- 
tion stone was laid, and now when they send out a 
minister they brand him as hardware from Sheffield and 
Birmingham. And every man who knows where he was 
educated knows his creed, knows every argument of his 
creed, every book that he reads, and just what he 
amounts to intellectually, and knows he will shrink and 
shrivel, and become solemnly stupid day after day until 
he meets with death. It is all wrong; it is cruel. 
Those men should be allowed to grow. They should 
have the air of liberty and the sunshine of thought. 

I want to free the schools of our country. I want it 
so that when a professor in a college finds some fact in- 
consistent with Moses, he will not hide the fact. I wish 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 277 

to see an eternal divorce and separation between church 
and schools. The common school is the bread of life ; 
but there should be nothing taught except what some- 
body knows ; and anything else should not be main- 
tained by a system of general taxation. I want its pro- 
fessors so that they will tell everything they find ; that 
they will be free to investigate in every direction, and 
will not be trammeled by the superstitions of our day. 
What has religion to do with facts ? Nothing. Is there 
any such thing as Methodist mathematics, Presbyterian 
botany, Catholic astronomy or Baptist biology ? What 
has any form of superstition or religion to do with a 
fact or with any science ? Nothing but to hinder, de- 
lay or embarrass. I want, then, to free the schools ; 
arid I want to free the politicians, so that a man will 
not have to pretend he is a Methodist, or his wife a 
Baptist, or his grandmother a Catholic ; so that he can 
go through a campaign, and when he gets through 
will find none of the dust of hypocrisy on his knees. 

I want the people splendid enough that when they 
desire men to make laws for them, they will take one 
who knows something, who has brains enough to pro- 
phesy the destiny of the American Republic, no matter 
what his opinions may be upon any religious subject. 
Suppose we are in a storm out at sea, and the billows 
are washing over our ship, and it is necessary that some 
one should reef the topsail, and a man presents himself. 
Would you stop him at the foot of the mast to find out 
his opinion on the five points of Calvinism ? What has 
that to do with it ? Congress has nothing to do with 
baptism or any particular creed, and from what little ex- 
perience I have had in Washington, very little to do with 



278 ingersoll's lectures. 

any kind of religion whatever. Now I hope, this after- 
noon, this magnificent and splendid audience will forget 
that they are Baptists or Methodists, and remember that 
they are men and women. These are the highest titles 
humanity can bear — and every title you add, belittles 
them. Man is the highest ; woman is the highest. Let 
us remember that our views depend largely upon the 
country in which we happen to live. Suppose we were 
born in Turkey most of us would have been Moham- 
medans; and when we read in the book that when Mo- 
hammed visited heaven he became acquainted with an 
angel named Gabriel, who was so broad between his 
eyes that it would take a smart camel three hundred days 
to make the journey, we probably would have believed 
it. If we did not, people would say : 4 'That young man 
is dangerous ; he is trying to tear down the fabric of our 
religion. What do you propose to give us instead of 
that angel ? We cannot afford to trade off an angel of 
that size for nothing." Or if we had been born in India, 
we would have believed in a god with three heads. Now 
we believe in three gods with one head. And so we 
might make a tour of the world and see that every super- 
stition that could be imagined by the brain of man has 
been in some place held to be sacred. 

Now some one says, "The religion of my father and 
mother is good enough for me." Suppose we all said 
that, where would be the progress of the world ? We 
would have the rudest and most barbaric religion — re- 
ligion which no one could believe. I do not believe that 
it is showing real respect to our parents to believe some- 
thing simply because they did. Every good father and 
every good mother wish their children to find out more 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 279 

than they knew ; every good father wants his son to 
overcome some obstacle that he could not grapple with ; 
and if you wish, to reflect credit on your father and 
mother, do it by accomplishing more than they did, be- 
cause you live in a better time . Every nation has had 
what you call a sacred record, and the older the more 
sacred, the more contradictory and the more inspired is 
the record. We, of course, are not an exception, and 
I propose to talk a little about what is called the Penta- 
teuch, a book, or a collection of books, said to have 
bean written by Moses . And right here in the com- 
mencement let me say that Moses never wrote one word 
of the pent^teuch — not one word was written until he 
had been d'*st and ashes for hundreds of years. But as 
the general opinion is that Moses wrote these books, I 
have entitled this lecture "The Mistakes of Moses." 
For the sake of this lecture, we will admit that he wrote 
it Nearly every maker of religion has commenced by 
making the world ; and it is one of the safest things to 
do, because no one can contradict as having been pre- 
sent, and it gives free scope to the imagination. The*se 
books, in times when there was a vast difference be- 
tween the educated and the ignorant, became inspired 
and people bowed down and worshiped them. 

I saw a little while ago a Bible with immense oaken 
covers, with hasps and clasps large enough almost for 
a penitentiary, and I can imagine how that book would 
be regarded by barbarians in Europe when not more 
than one person in a dozen could read and write. In 
imagination I saw it carried into the cathedral, heard 
the chant of the priest, saw the swinging of the censer ; 
and the **moke rising ; and when that Bible was put on 



280 ingersoll's lectures. 

the altar I can imagine the barbarians looking at it and 
wondering what influence that book could have on their 
lives and future. I do not wonder that they imagined 
it was inspired. None of them could write a book, and 
consequently when they saw it they adored it ; they 
were stricken with awe ; and rascals took advantage of 
that awe. 

Now they say that the book is inspired. I do not care 
whether it is or not ; the question is : Is it true ? If it is 
true it don't need to be inspired. Nothing needs inspira- 
tion except a falsehood or a mistake. A fact never went 
into partnership with a miracle. Truth scorns the as- 
sistance of wonders. A fact will fit every other fact in 
the universe, and that is how you can tell whether it is 
or is not a fact. A lie will not fit anything except a lie 
made for the express purpose ; and, finally, some one 
gets tired of lying, and the last lie will not fit the next 
fact, and then there is a chance for inspiration. Right 
then and there a miracle is needed. The real question 
is : In the light of science, in the light of the brain and 
heart of the nineteenth century, is this book true ? The 
gentleman who wrote it begins by telling us that God 
made the universe out of nothing. That I cannot con- 
ceive ; it may be so, but I cannot conceive it. Nothing 
in the light of raw material, is, to my mind, a decided 
and disastrous failure. I cannot imagine of nothing be- 
ing made into something, any more than I can of some- 
thing being changed back into nothing. I cannot con- 
ceive of force aside from matter, because force to be 
force must be active, and unless there is matter there is 
nothing for force to act upon, and consequently it cannot 
be active. So I simply say I cannot comprehend it. I 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 28 1 

cannot believe it. I may roast for this, but it is my 
honest opinion. The next thing he proceeds to tell us is 
that God divided the darkness from the light ; and right 
here let me say when I speak about God I simply mean 
the being described by the Jews. There may be in im- 
mensity a being beneath whose wing the universe exists, 
whose every thought is a glittering star, but I know 
nothing about Him, — not the slightest, — and this after- 
noon I am simply talking about the being described by 
the Jewish people. When I say God, I mean Him. 
Moses describes God dividing the light from the dark- 
ness. I suppose that at that time they must have been 
mixed. You can readily see how light and darkness can 
get mixed. They must have been entities. The reason 
I think so is because in that same book I find that dark- 
ness overspread Egypt so thick that it could be felt, and 
they used to have on exhibition in Rome a bottle of the 
darkness that once overspread Egypt. The gentleman 
who wrote this in imagination saw God dividing light 
from the darkness. I am sure the man who wrote it, 
believed darkness to be an entity, a something, a tang- 
ible thing that can be mixed with light. 

The next thing that he informs us is that God divided 
the waters above the firmament from those below the 
firmament. The man who wrote that believed the fir- 
mament to be a -solid affair. And that is what the gods 
did. You recollect the gods came down and made love 
to the daughters of men — and I never blamed them for 
it. I have never read a description of any heaven I 
would not leave on the same errand. That is where 
the gods lived. There is where they kept the water. It 
was solid. That is the reason the people prayed for 



282 ingersoll's lectures. 

rain. They believed that an angel could take a lever, 
raise a window and let out the desired quantity. I find 
in the Psalms that " He bowed the heavens and came 
down;" and we read that the children of men built a 
tower to reach the heavens and climb into the abode of the 
gods. The man who wrote that believed the firmament 
to be solid. He knew nothing about the laws of evapor- 
ation. He did not know that the sun wooed with amor- 
ous kiss the waves of the sea, and that, disappointed, 
their vaporous sighs changed to tears and fell again as 
rain. The next thing he tells us is that the grass began 
to grow; and the branches of the trees laughed into blos- 
som, and the grass ran up the shoulder of the hills, and 
yet not a solitary ray of light had left the eternal quiver 
of the sun. Not a blade of grass had ever been touched 
by a gleam of light. And I do not think that grass will 
grow to hurt without a gleam of sunshine. I think the 
man who wrote that simply made a mistake, and is ex- 
cusable to a certain degree. The next day he made the 
sun and moon — the sun to rule the day and the moon to 
rule the night. Do you think the man who wrote that 
knew anything about the size of the sun ? I think he 
thought it was about three feet in diameter, because I 
find in some book that the sun was stopped a whole day, 
to give a general named Joshua time to kill a few more 
Amalekites ; and the moon was stopped also. Now it 
seems to me that the sun would give light enough with- 
out stopping the moon ; but as they were in the stop- 
ping business they did it just for devilment. At another 
time, we read, the sun was turned ten degrees backward 
to convince Hezekiah that he was not going to die of a 
boil. How much easier it would have been to cure the 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 283 

boil. The man who wrote that thought the sun was 
two or three feet in diameter, and could be stopped and 
pulled around like the sun and moon in a theatre. Do 
you know that the sun throws out every second of time 
as much heat as could be generated by burning eleven 
thousand millions tons of coal ? I don't believe he knew 
that, or that he knew the motion of the earth. I don't 
believe he knew that it was turning on its axis at the rate 
of a thousand miles an hour, because if he did, he would 
have understood the immensity of heat that would have 
been generated by stopping the world. It has been cal- 
culated by one of the best mathematicians and astron- 
omers that to stop the world would cause as much heat 
as it would take to burn a lump of solid coal three 
times as big as the globe. And yet we find in that book 
that the sun was not only stopped, but turned back ten 
degrees, simply to convince a gentleman that he was not 
going to die of a boil. They will say I will be damned 
if I do not believe that, and I tell them I will if 1 do. 

Then he gives us the history of astronomy, and he 
gives it to us in five words : " He made the stars also." 
He came very near forgetting the stars. Do you believe 
that the man who wrote that knew that there are stars 
as much larger than this earth as this earth is larger 
than the apple which Adam and Eve are said to have 
eaten. Do you believe that he knew that this world is 
bnt a speck in the shining, glittering universe of exist- 
ence ? I would gather from that that he made the stars 
after he got the world done. The telescope, in reading 
the infinite leaves of the heavens, has ascertained that 
light travels at the rate of 192,000 miles per second, and 
it would require millions of years to come from some of 



284 ingersoll's lectures. 

the stars to this earth. Yet the beams of those stars 
mingle in our atmosphere, so that if those distant orbs 
were fashioned when this world began, we mast have 
been whirling in space not six thousand, but many mil- 
lions of years. Do you believe the man who wrote that 
as a history of astronomy really knew that this world 
was but a speck compared with millions of sparkling 
orbs ? I do not. He then proceeds to tell us that God 
made fish and cattle, and that man and woman were 
created male and female. The first account stops at the 
second verse of the second chapter. You see, the Bible 
originally was not divided into chapters ; the first Bible 
that was ever divided into chapters in our language was 
made in the year of grace 1550. The Bible was origin- 
ally written in the Hebrew language, and the Hebrew 
language at that time had no vowels in writing. It was 
written with consonants, and without being divided 
into chapters or into verses, and there was no system 
of punctuation whatever. After you go home to-night 
write an English sentence or two with only consonants 
close together, and you will find that it will take twice 
as much inspiration to read it as it did to write it. When 
the Bible was divided into verses and chapters, the 
divisions were not always correct, and so the division 
between the first and second chapter of Genesis is not 
in the right place. The second account of the crea- 
tion commences at the third verse and it differs from 
the first in two essential points. In the first account 
man is the last made ; in the second man is made be - 
fore the beasts. In the first account, man is made 
male and female"; in the second only a male is made, 
and there is no intention of making a woman whatever. 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 285 

You will find by reading that second chapter that 
God tried to palm off on Adam a beast as his helpmeet. 
Everybody talks about the Bible and nobody reads it ; 
that is the reason it is so generally believed. I am pro- 
bably the only man in the United States who has read 
the Bible through this year. I have wasted that time, 
but I had a purpose in view. Just read it, and you will 
find, about the twenty-third verse, that God caused all 
the animals to walk before Adam in order that he might 
name them. And the animals came like a menagerie into 
town, and as Adam looked at all the crawlers, jumpers 
and creepers, this God stood by to see what he would 
call them. After this procession passed, it was pathe- 
tically remarked, "Yet was there not found any help- 
meet for Adam." Adam didn't see anything that he 
could fancy. And I am glad he didn't. If he had, there 
would not have been a free-thinker in this world ; we 
should have all died orthodox. And finding Adam was 
so particular, God had to make him a helpmeet, and 
having used up the nothing, he was compelled to take 
part of the man to make the woman with, and he took 
from the man a rib. How did he get it ? And then 
imagine a God with a bone in his hand, and about to 
start a woman, trying to make up his mind whether to 
make a blonde or a brunette. 

Right here it is only proper that I should warn you of 
the consequences of laughing at any story in the Bible. 
When you come to die, your laughing at this story will 
be a thorn in your pillow. As you look back upon the 
record of your life, no matter how many men you have 
wrecked and ruined, and no matter how many women 
you have deceived and deserted — all that may be for- 



286 ingersoll's LECTURES. 

given you ; but if you recollect that you have laughed 
at God's book you will see through the shadows of death, 
the leering looks of fiends and the forked tongues of 
devils. Let me show you how it will be . For instance 
it is the day of judgment. When the man is called up 
by the recording secretary, or whoever does the cross- 
examining, he says to his soul : ' ' Where are you from ?" 
"I am from the world." ' 'Yes sir. What kind of a 
man were you V 4 ' Well, I don't like to talk about my- 
self." " But you have to. What kind of a man were 
you ? " Well, I was a good fellow ; I loved my wife, I 
loved my children. My home was my heaven ; my fire- 
side was my paradise, and to sit there and see the lights 
and shadows falling on the faces of those I love, that to 
me was a perpetual joy. I never gave one of them a 
solitary moment of pain. I don't owe a dollar in the 
world and I left enough to pay my funeral expenses and 
keep the wolf of want from the door of the house I 
loved. That is the kind of a man I am." "Did you 
belong to any church ? " I did not. They were too 
narrow for me. They were always expecting to be happy 
simply because somebody else was to be damned." 
* ' Well, did you believe that rib story ? " ' ' What rib 
story ? Do, you mean that Adam and Eve business ? 
No, I did not. To tell you the God's truth, that was a 
little more than I could swallow." "To hell with him. 
Next. Where are you from ? " ' ' I'm from the world, 
too." "Do you belong to any church?" "Yes, sir, 
and to the Young Men's Christian Association. " ' ' What 
is your business?" "Cashier in a bank." "Did you 
ever run off with any money ? " "I don't like to tell, 
sir." "Well, you have to." " Yes, sir ; I did. " "What 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 28; 

kind of a bank did you have?" "A savings bank." 
' ' How much did you run off with ? " ' ' One hundred 
thousand dollars." " Did you take anything else along 
with you ? " " Yes sir. " < < What ? " " I took my 
neighbor's wife." " Did you have a wife and children 
of your own?" "Yes, sir." ' 'And you deserted 
them?" "Oh, yes; but such was my confidence in 
God that I believed he would take care of them." "Have 
you heard of them since ? " " No, sir." " Did you be- 
lieve that rib story ? " " Ah, bless your soul, yes ! I 
believe all of it, sir ; I often used to be sorry that there 
were not harder stories yet in the Bible, so that I could 
show what my faith could do." " You believed it, did 
you?" "Yes, with all my heart." " Give him a 
harp ." 

I simply wanted to show you how important it is to 
believe these stories. Of all the authors in the world 
God hates a critic the worst. Having got this woman 
done he brought her to the man, and they started house- 
keeping, and a few minutes afterward a snake came 
through a crack in the fence and commenced to talk 
with her on the subject of fruit. She was not acquainted 
in the neighborhood, and she did not know whether 
snakes talked* or not, or whether they knew anything 
about the apples or not. Well, she was misled, and the 
husband ate some of those apples and laid it all on his 
wife ; and there is where the mistake was made. God 
ought to have rubbed him out at once. He might have 
known that no good could come of starting the world 
with a man like that. They were turned out. Then 
the trouble commenced, and people got worse and worse. 
God, you must recollect, was holding the reins of gov- 



288 ingersoll's lectures. 

ernment, but He did nothing for them. He allowed 
them to live six hundred and sixty-nine years without 
knowing their A. B. C. He never started a school, 
not even a Sunday school. He didn't even keep His 
own boys at home. And the world got worse every 
day, and finally he concluded to drown them. Yet 
that same God has the impudence to tell me how to 
raise my own children. What would you think of a 
neighbor, who had just killed his babes giving you his 
views on domestic economy ? God found that he could 
do nothing with them and He said : "I will drown 
them all except a few." And he picked out a fellow 
by the name of Noah, that had been a bachelor for five 
hundred years. If I had to drown anybody, I would 
have drowned him. I believe that Noah had then been 
married something like one hundred years. God told 
him to build a boat, and he built one five hundred feet 
long, eighty or ninety feet broad and fifty-five feet high, 
with one door shutting on the outside, and one window 
twenty-two inches square. If Noah had any hobby in 
the world it was ventilation. Then into this ark he put a 
certain number of all the animals in the world. Natur- 
alists have ascertained that at that time there were at 
least eleven hundred thousand insects necessary to go 
into the ark, about forty thousand mammalia, sixteen 
hundred reptiles, to say nothing of the mastodon, the 
elephant and the animalculse, of which thousands live 
upon a single leaf and which cannot be seen by the 
naked eye. Noah had no microscope, and yet he had to 
pick them out by pairs . You have no idea the trouble 
that man had. Some say that the flood was not uni- 
versal, that it was partial. Why then did God say : 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 289 

" I will destroy every living thing beneath the heavens." 
If it was partial why did Noah save the birds ? An or- 
dinary bird, tending strictly to business, can beat a par- 
tial flood. Why did he put the birds in there — the 
eagles, the vultures, the condors — if it was only a par- 
tial flood ? And how did he get them in there ? Were 
they inspired to go there, or did he drive them up ? Did 
the polar bear leave his home of ice and start for the 
tropic inquiring for Noah ; or could the kangaroo come 
from Australia unless he was inspired, or somebody was 
behind him ? Then there are animals on this hemisphere 
not on that. How did he get them across ? And there 
are some animals which would be very unpleasant in an 
ark unless the ventilation was very perfect. 

When he got the animals in the ark, God shut the 
door and Noah pulled down the window. And then it 
began to rain, and it kept on raining until the water 
went twenty nine feet over the highest mountain. Chim- 
borazo, then as now, lifted its head above the clouds, 
and then as now, there sat the condor. And yet the 
waters rose and rose over every mountain in the world 
— twenty-nine feet above the highest peaks, covered 
with snow and ice. How deep were these waters ? About 
five and a half miles. How long did it rain ? Forty days. 
How much did it have to rain a day ? About eight hun- 
dred feet. How is that for dampness ? No wonder they 
said the windows of the heavens were open. If I had 
been there I would have said the whole side of the house 
was out. How long were they in this ark ? A year and 
ten days, floating around with no rudder, no sail, nobody 
on the outside at all . The window was shut, and there 
was no door, except the one that shut on the outside. 



290 ingersoll's lectures. 

Who ran this ark — who took care of it ? Finally it came 
down on Mount Ararat, a peak seventeen thousand feet 
above the level of the sea, with about three thousand 
feet of snow, and it stopped there simply to give the 
animals from the tropics a chance. Then Noah opened 
the window and got a breath of fresh air, and let out all 
the animals ; and then Noah took a drink, and God 
made a bargain with him that He would not drown us 
any more, and He put a rainbow in the clouds and said : 
* ' When I see that I will recollect that I have promised 
not to drown you." Because if it was not for that He 
is apt to drown us at any moment. Now can anybody 
believe that that is the origin of the rainbow ? Are you 
not all familiar with the natural causes which bring those 
beautiful arches before our eyes ? Then the people 
started out again, and they were as bad as before. Here 
let me ask why God did not make Noah in the first 
place ? He knew He would have to drown Adam and 
Eve and all his family. Then another thing, why did 
He want to drown the animals ? What had they done ? 
What crime had they committed ? It is very hard to 
answer these questions — that is, for a man who has only 
been born once. After a while they tried to build a 
tower to get into heaven, and the gods heard about it 
and said : " Let's go down and see what man is up to," 
They came, and found things a great deal worse than 
they thought, and thereupon He confounded the language 
to prevent them succeeding, so that the fellow up above 
could not shout down 4 'mortar " or " brick" to the one 
below, and they had to give it up. Is it possible that 
any one believes that that is the reason why we have the 
variety of languages in the world ? Do you know that 



MISTAKES OF MOSES . 29 1 

language is born of human experience, and is a physical 
science ? Do you know that every word has been sug- 
gested in some way by the feelings or observations of 
man — that there are words as tender as the dawn, as 
serene as the stars, and others as wild as the beasts ? 
Do you know that language is dying and being born con- 
tinually — that every language has its cemetery and its 
cradle, its bud and blossom, and withered leaf ? Man has 
loved, enjoyed and suffered, and language is simply the 
expression he gives those experiences. 

Then the world began to divide, and the Jewish nation 
was started. Now I want to say that at one time your 
ancestors, like mine, were barbarians. If the Jewish, 
people had to write these books now they would be civil- 
ized books, and I do not hold them responsible for what 
their ancestors did. We find the Jewish people first in 
Canaan, and there were seventy of them, counting Joseph 
and his children already in Egypt. They lived two hun- 
dred and fifteen years, and they then went down into 
Egypt and stayed there two hundred and fifteen years ; 
they were four hundred and thirty years in Canaan and 
Egypt . How many did they have when they went to 
Egypt ? Seventy. How many were they at the end of 
two hundred and fifteen years ? Three millions. That 
is a good many. We had at the time of the Revolution 
in this country three millions of people. Since that time 
there have been four doubles, until we have forty-eight 
millions to-day. How many would the Jews number at 
the same ratioin twohundred and fifteen years ? Call it 
^ight doubles and we have forty thousand. But instead 
of forty thousand they had three millions. How do I 
know they had three millions ? Because they had six 



292 ingersoll's lectures. 

hundred thousand men of war. For every honest voter 
in the State of Illinois there will be five other people, 
and there are always more voters than men of war. They 
must have had at the lowest possible estimate three mil- 
lions of people. Is that true ? Is there a minister in 
the city of Chicago that will testify to his own idiocy by 
claiming that they could have increased to three millions 
by that time ? If there is, let Him say so. Do not let 
him talk about the civilizing influence of a lie. 

When they got into the desert they took a census to 
see how many first-born children there were. They 
found they had twenty-thousand two hundred and seven- 
ty-three first-born males. It is reasonable to suppose 
there was about the same number of first-born girls, or 
forty-five thousand first-born children, There must have 
been about as many mothers as first-born children. Di- 
viding three millions by forty-five thousand mothers, and 
you will find that the women in Israel had to have on 
the average sixty-eight children apiece. Some stories 
are too thin. This is too thick. Now, we know that 
among three million people there will be about three hun- 
dred births a day ; and according to the Old Testament, 
whenever a child was born the mother had to make a 
sacrifice — a sin-offering for the crime of having been a 
mother. If there is in this universe anything that is in- 
finitely pure, it is a mother with her child in her arms. 
Every woman had to have a sacrifice of a couple of 
pigeons, and the priests had to eat those pigeons in the 
most holy place. At that time there were at least three 
hundred births a day, and the priests had to cook and eat 
these pigeons in the most holy place ; and at that time 
there were only three priests. Two hundred birds apiece 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 293 

per day! I look upon them as the champion bird-eaters 
of the world. 

Then where were these Jews ? They were upon the 
desert of Sinai ; and Sahara compared to that is a gar- 
den. Imagine an ocean of lava, torn by storm and vexed 
by tempest, suddenly gazed at by a Gorgon and changed 
to stone. Such was the desert of Sinai. The whole 
supplies of the world could not maintain three millions 
of people on the desert of Sinai for forty years. It would 
cost one hundred thousand millions of dollars, and would 
bankrupt Christendom. And yet there they were with 
flocks and herds — so many that they sacrificed over one 
hundred and fifty thousand first-born lambs at one time. 
It would require millions of acres to support these flocks, 
and yet there was no blade of grass, and there is no ac- 
count of it raining baled hay. They sacrificed one hun- 
dred and fifty thousand lambs, and the blood had all to 
be sprinkled on the altar within two hours, and there 
were only three priests. They would have to sprinkle 
the blood of twelve hundred and fifty lambs per minute. 
Then all the people gathered in front of the tabernacle 
eighteen feet deep . Three millions of people would 
make a column six miles long. Some reverend gen- 
tlemen say they were ninety feet deep. Well, that 
would make a column of over a mile. 

Where were these people going ? They were going to 
the Holy Land. How large was it ? Twelve thousand 
square miles — one-fifth the size of Illinois — a frightful 
country, covered with rocks and desolation. There never 
was a land agent in the city of Chicago that would not 
have blushed with shame to have described that land as 
flowing with milk and honey. Do you believe that God 



294 ingersoll's lectures. 

Almighty ever went into partnership with hornets ? Is it 
necessary unto salvation ? God said to the Jews : "I 
will send hornets before you, to drive out the Canaan- 
ites." How would a hornet know a Canaanite ? Is it 
possible that God inspired the hornets — that he granted 
letters of marque and reprisal to hornets ? I am willing 
to admit that nothing in the world would be better cal- 
culated to make a man leave his native country than a 
few hornets attending strictly to business. God said 
"Kill the Canaanites slowly. " Why? " Lest the beasts 
of the field increase upon you." How many Jews were 
there ? Three millions. Going to a country, how 
large ? Twelve thousand square miles. But were there 
nations already in this Holy Land ? Yes, there were 
seven nations "mightier than the Jews." Say there 
would be twenty-one millions when they got there, or 
twenty-four millions with themselves. Yet they were 
told to kill them slowly, lest the beasts of the field in- 
crease upon them. Is there a man in Chicago that be- 
lieves that ! Then what does he teach it to little chil- 
dren for ? Let him tell the truth. 

So the same God went into partnership with snakes. 
The children of Israel lived on manna — one account says 
all the time, and another only a little while. That is 
the reason there is a chance for commentaries, and you 
can exercise faith. If the book was reasonable every- 
body could get to heaven in a moment. But whenever 
it looks as if it could not be that way and you believe, 
you are almost a saint, and when you know it is not 
that way and believe, you are a saint. He fed them on 
manna. New manna is very peculiar stuff. It would 
melt in the sun, and yet they used to cook it by seeth- 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 295 

ing and baking. I would as soon think of frying snow 
and boiling icicles. But this manna had other peculiar 
qualities. It shrank to an omer, no matter how much 
they gathered, and swelled up to an omer, no matter 
how little they gathered. What a magnificent thing 
manna would be for the currency, shrinking and swel- 
ling according to the volume of business ! There was not 
a change in the bill of fare for forty years, and they 
knew that God could just as well give them three square 
meals a day. They remembered about the cucumbers, 
and the melons, and the leeks and the onions of Egypt, 
and they said : " Our souls abhorreth this light bread.'' 
Then this God got mad — you know cooks are always 
touchy — and thereupon He sent snakes to bite the men, 
women and children. He also sent them quails in wrath 
and anger, and while they had the flesh between their 
teeth, he struck thousands of them dead. He always 
acted in that way, all of a sudden. People had no chance 
to explain — no chance to move for a new trial — nothing. 
I want to know if it is reasonable He should kill people 
for asking for one change of diet in forty years. Suppose 
you had been boarding" with an old lady for forty years, 
and she never had a solitary thing on her table but hash, 
and one morning you said : " My soul abhoreth hash.' 
What would you say if she let a basketful of rattlesnakes 
upon you ? Now is it possible for people to believe this? 
The Bible says their clothes did nojt wax old, they did 
not get shiny at the knees or elbows ; and their shoes 
did not wear out. They grew right along with them. 
The little boy starting out with his first pants grew up 
and his pants grew with him. Some commentators have 
insisted that angels attended to their wardrobes. I never 



296 ingersoll's lectures. 

could believe it. Just think of one angel hunting an- 
other and saying : ' ' There goes another button." I can- 
not believe it. 

There must be a mistake somewhere or somehow. Do 
you believe the real God — if there is one — ever killed a 
man for making hair-oil ? And yet you find in the Pen- 
tateuch that God gave Moses a recipe for making hair- 
oil to grease Aaron's beard ; and said if anybody made 
the same hair-oil he should be killed. And He gave him 
a formula for making ointment, and He said if anybody 
made ointment like that he should be killed. I think 
that is carrying patent-laws to excess. There must be 
some mistake about it. I cannot imagine the infinite 
Creator of all the shining worlds giving a recipe for hair- 
oil. Do you believe that the real God came down to 
Mount Sinai with a lot of patterns for making a taber- 
nacle — patterns for tongs, for snuffers, and such things ? 
Do you believe that God came down on that mountain 
and told Moses how to cut a coat, and how it should 
be trimmed ? What would an infinite God care on 
which side he cut the breast, what color the fringe was, 
or how the buttons were placed ? Do you believe God 
told Moses to make curtains of fine linen ? Where did 
they get their flax in the desert ? How did they weave 
it ? Did He tell him to make things of gold, silver and 
precious stones, when they hadn't them ? Is it possible 
that God told them not to eat any fruit until after the 
fourth year of planting the trees ? You see all these 
things were written hundreds of years afterwards, and 
the priests, in order to collect the tithes, dated the laws 
back. They did not say, " This is our law," but "Thus 
said God to Moses in the wilderness, " Now, can you 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 2Q7 

believe that ? Imagine a scene : The eternal God tells 
Moses : " Here is the way I want you to consecrate my 
priests. Catch a sheep and cut his throat." I never 
could understand why God wanted a sheep killed just 
because a man had done a mean trick ; perhaps it was 
because his priests were fond of mutton. He tells Moses 
further to take some of the blood and put it on his right 
thumb, a little on his right ear, and a little on his right 
big toe ? Do you believe God ever gave such instruc- 
tions for the consecration of His priests ? If you should 
see the South Sea Islanders going through such a per- 
formance you could not keep your face straight. And 
will you tell me that it had to be done in order to con- 
secrate a man to the service of the infinite God ? Sup- 
posing the blood got on the left toe ? 

Then we find in this book how God went to work to 
make the Egyptians let the Israelites go. Suppose we 
wish to make a treaty with the mikado of Japan, and 
Mr. Hayes sent a commissioner there ; and suppose he 
should employ Hermann, the wonderful German, to go 
along with him ; and when they came in the presence 
of the mikado Herman threw down an umbrella, which 
changed into a turtle, and the commissioner said : "This 
is my certificate." . You would say the country is dis- 
graced. You would say the president of a republic like 
this disgraces himself with jugglery. Yet we are told 
God sent Moses and Aaron before Pharaoh, and when 
they got there Moses threw down a stick which turned 
into a snake. That God is a juggler — he is the infinite 
prestidigitator. Is that possible ? W as that really a 
snake, or was it the appearance of a snake ? If it was 
the appearance of a snake, it was a fraud. Then the 



298 ingersoll's lectures. 

necromancers of Egypt were sent for, and they threw 
down sticks, which turned into snakes, but those were 
not so large as Moses' snakes, which swallowed them. I 
maintain that it is just as hard to make small snakes as 
it is to make large ones ; the only difference is that to 
make large snakes either larger sticks or more practice 
is required. 

Do you believe that God rained hail on innocent cattle, 
killing them in the highways and in the field ? Why 
should he inflict punishment on cattle for something 
their owners had done ? I could never have any respect 
for a God that would so inflict pain upon a brute beast 
simply on account of the crime of its owner. Is it pos- 
sible that God worked miracles to convince Pharaoh 
that slavery was wrong ? Why did he not tell Pharaoh 
that any nation founded on slavery could not stand ? 
Why did he not tell him, " Your government is founded 
on slavery, and it will go down, and the sands of the 
desert will hide from the view of man your temples, your 
altars, and your fanes ? " Why did he not speak about 
the infamy of slavery ? Because he believed in the in- 
famy of slavery himself. Can we believe that God will 
allow a man to give his wife the right of divorcement and 
make the mother of his children a wanderer and a 
vagrant. There is not one word about woman in the 
Old Testament except the word of shame and humilia- 
tion. The God of the Bible does not think woman is as 
good as man. She never was worth mentioning. It did 
not take the pains to recount the death of the mother of 
us all. I have no respect for any book that does not 
treat woman as the equal of man. And if there is any 
God in this universe who thinks more of me than he 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 299 

thinks of my wife, he is not well acquainted with both of 
us . And yet they say that that was done on account of 
the hardness of their hearts ; and that was done in a com- 
munity where the law was so fierce that it stoned a man 
to death for picking up sticks on Sunday. Would it not 
have been better to stone to death every man who abused 
his wife and allowed them to pick up sticks on account of 
the hardness of their hearts ? If God wanted to take 
those Jews from Egypt to the land of Canaan, why didn't 
He do it instantly ? If He was going to do a miracle why 
didn't He do one worth talking about ? 

After God had killed all the first-born in Egypt, after 
He had killed all the cattle, still Egypt could raise an 
army that could put to flight six hundred thousand men. 
And because this God overwhelmed the Egyptian army, 
he bragged about it for a thousand years, repeatedly cal- 
ling the attention of the Jews to the fact that he over- 
threw Pharaoh and his hosts. Did he help much with 
their six hundred thousand men ? We find by the records 
of the day that the Egyptian standing army at that time 
was never more than one hundred thousand men. Must 
we believe all these stories in order to get to Heaven 
when we die ? Must we judge of a man's character by 
the number of stories he believes ? Are we to get to 
Heaven by creed or by deed ? That is the question. 
Shall we reason, or shall we simply believe ? Ah, but 
they say the Bible is not inspired about those little 
things. The Bible says the rabbit and the hare chew 
\he cud . But they do not. They have a tremulous 
motion of the lip. But the Being that made them says 
they chew the cud. The Bible, therefore, is not inspired 
in natural history. Is it inspired in its astrology ? No. 



300 ingersoll's lectures. 

Well, what is it inspired in ? In its law ? Thousands 
of people say that if it had not been for the ten com- 
mandments we would not have known any better 
than to rob and steal. Suppose a man planted an acre 
of potatoes, hoed them all summer, and dug them in the 
fall ; and suppose a man had sat upon the fence all the 
time and watched him ? do you believe it would be neces- 
sary for that man to read the ten commandments to find 
out who, in his judgment had a right to take those po- 
tatoes ? All laws against larceny have been made by in- 
dustry to protect the fruits of its labor. Why is there 
a law against murder ? Simply because a large majority 
of people object to being murdered. That is all. And 
all these laws were in force thousands of years before 
that time. 

One of the commandments said they should not make 
any graven images, and that was the death of art in 
Palestine. No sculptor has ever enriched stone with the 
divine forms of beauty in that country ; and any com- 
mandment that is the death of art is not a good com- 
mandment. But they say the Bible is morally inspired; 
and they tell me there is no civilization without this 
Bible. Then God knows that just as well as you do. 
God always knew it, and if you can't civilize a nation 
without a Bible, why didn't God give every nation just 
one Bible to start with ? Why did God allow hundreds 
of thousands and billions of billions to go down to hell 
just for the lack of a Bible ? They say that it is morally 
inspired. Well, let us examine it. I want to be fair 
about this thing, because I am willing to stake my salva- 
tion or damnation upon this question — whether the Bible 
is true or not . I say it is not ; and upon that I am wil- 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 301 

ling to wager my soul . Is there a woman here who be- 
lieves in the institution of polygamy ? Is there a man 
here who believes in that infamy ? You say : " No, we 
do not." Then you are better than your God was four 
thousand years ago. Four thousand years ago he be- 
lieved in it, taught it and upheld it . I pronounce it and 
denounce it the infamy of infamies. It robs our language 
of every sweet and tender word in it. It takes the fire- 
side away forever. It takes the meaning out of the 
words father, mother, sister, brother, and turns the 
temple of love into a vile den where crawl the slimy 
snakes of lust and hatred . I was in Utah a little while 
ago, and was on the mountain where God used to talk 
to Brigham Young. He never said anything to me. I 
said that it was just as reasonable that God in the nine- 
teenth century should talk to a polygamist in Utah as it 
was that four thousand years ago, on Mount Sinai, he 
talked to Moses upon that hellish and damnable 
question. 

I have no love for any God who believes in polygamy. 
There is no heaven on this earth save where the one 
woman loves the one man and the one man loves the one 
woman. I guess it is not inspired on the poligamy ques- 
tion. May be it is inspired about religious liberty. God 
says if anybody differs with you about religion, "kill 
him. " He told His peculiar people, ' ' If any one teaches 
a different religion ; kill him ! " He did not say, "Try 
and convince him that he is wrong," but "kill him!" 
He did not say, < " I am in the miracle business, and I 
will convince him," but "kill him." He said to every 
husband, " If your wife, that you love as you love your 
own soul, says, 1 let us go and worship other gods,' then 



302 ingersoll's lectures. 

'Thy hand shall be first upon her and she shall be stoned 
with stones until she dies.'" Well, now, I hate a God 
of that kind, and I cannot think of being nearer heaven 
than to be away from Him. A God tells a man to kill 
his wife simply because she differs with him on religion ! 
If the real God were to tell me to kill my wife, I would 
not do it. If you had lived in Palestine at that time, 
and your wife— the mother of your children — had woke 
up at night and said : " I am tired of Jehovah. He is 
always turning up that board-bill. He is always telling 
about whipping the Egyptians. He is always killing 
somebody. I am tired of Him. Let us worship the sun. 
The sun has clothed the world in beauty ; it has covered 
the earth with green and flowers ; by its divine light I 
first saw your face ; its light has enabled me to look into 
the eyes of my beautiful babe . Let us worship the sun, 
father and mother of light and love and joy." Then 
what would it be your duty to do — kill her ? Do you 
believe any real God ever did that ? Your hand should 
be first upon her, and when you took up some ragged 
rock and hurled it against the white bosom filled with 
love for you, and saw running away the red current of 
her sweet life, then you would look up to heaven and 
receive the congratulations of the infinite fiend whose 
commandments you had to obey. I guess the Bible was 
not inspired about religious liberty. Let me ask you 
right here : Suppose, as a matter of fact, God gave those 
laws to the Jews and told them "whenever a man 
preaches a different religion, kill him," and suppose that 
afterwards the same God took upon Himself flesh, and 
came to the world and taught and preached a different 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 303 

religion, and the Jews crucified Him — did He not reap 
exactly what He sowed ? 

May be this book is inspired about war. God told 
the Israelites to overrun that country, and kill every 
man, woman and child for defending their native land. 
Kill the old men ? Yes. Kill the women ? Certainly. 
And the little dimpled babes in the cradle, that smile 
and coo in the face of murder — dash out their brains ; 
that is the will of God. Will you tell me that any God 
ever commanded such infamy ? Kill the men and the 
women, and the young men and the babes! "What 
shall we do with the maidens ? " Give them to therabbel 
murderers ! " Do you believe that God ever allowed the 
roses of love and the violets of modesty that shed their 
perfume in the heart of a maiden to be trampled beneath 
the brutal feet of lust ? If there is any God, I pray Him 
to write in the book of eternal remembrance opposite to 
my name, that I denied that lie. 

Whenever a woman reads a Bible and comes to that 
passage, she ought to throw the book from her in con- 
tempt and scorn. Do you tell me that any decent god 
would do that ? What would the devil have done under 
the same circumstances ? Just think of it , and yet that 
is the God that we want to get into the Constitution. 
That is the God we teach our children about so that 
they will be sweet and tender, amiable and kind ! That 
monster — that fiend — I guess the Bible is not inspired 
about religious liberty, nor about war. 

Then, if it is not inspired about these things, may be 
it is inspired about slavery. God tells the Jews to buy 
up the children of the heathen round about and they 
snould be servants for them . What is a " servant ? " 



304 ingersoll's lectures. 

If they struck a "servant" and he died immediately, 
punishment was to follow ; but if the injured man should 
linger a while, there was no punishment, because the 
servant represented their money ! Do you believe that it 
is right — that God made one man to work for another 
and to receive pay in rations ? Do you believe God said 
that a whip on the naked back was the legal tender for 
labor performed ? Is it possible that the real God ever 
gave such infamous, blood-thirsty laws ? What more does 
He say ? When the time of a married slave expired, he 
could not take his wife and children with him. Then if 
the slave did not wish to desert his family, he had his 
ears pierced with an awj, and became his master's pro- 
perty forever. Do you believe that God ever turned the 
dimpled cheeks of little children into iron chains to hold 
a man in slavery ? Do you know that a God like that 
would not make a respectable devil ? I want none of his 
mercy. I want no part and no lot in the heaven of such 
a God. I will go to perdition, where there is human 
sympathy. The only voice we have ever had from either 
of those other worlds came from hell. There was a rich 
man who prayed his brothers to attend to Lazarus so 
that they might " not come to this place." That is the 
only instance, so far as we know, of souls across the 
river having any sympathy. And I would rather be in 
hell, asking for water, than in heaven denying that pe- 
tition. Well, what is this book inspired about ? Where 
does the inspiration come from ? Why was it that so 
many animals were killed ? It was simply to make atone- 
ment for man — that is all. They killed something that 
had not committed a crime, in order that the one who 
had committed the crime might be acquitted. Based 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 305 

upon that idea is the atonement of the Christian religion. 
That is the reason I attack this book — because it is the 
basis of another infamy, viz : that one man can be good 
for another, or that one man can sin for another. I deny 
it. You have got to be good for yourself ; you have got 
to sin for yourself. The trouble about the atonement 
is, that it saves the wrong man. For instance, I kill 
some one. He is a good man. He loves his wife and 
children and tries to make them happy ; but he is not a 
Christian, and he goes to hell. Just as soon as I am 
convicted and cannot get a pardon I get religion, and I 
go to heaven. The hand of mercy cannot reach down 
through the shadows of hell to my victim. 

There is no atonement for the saint — only for the sin- 
ner and the criminal. The atonement saves the wrong 
man. I have said that I would never make a lecture at 
all without attacking this doctrine. I did not care what 
I started out on. I was always going to attack this 
doctrine. And in my conclusion I want to draw you a 
few pictures of the Christian heaven. But before I do 
that I want to say the rest I have to say about Moses. 
I want you to understand that the Bible was never 
printed until 1488. I want you to know that up to that 
time it was in manuscript, in possession of those who 
could change it if they wished ; and they did change it, 
because no two ever agreed. Much of it was in the 
waste basket of credulity, in the open mouth of tradi- 
tion, and in the dull ear of memory. I want you also to 
know that the Jews themselves never agreed as to what 
books were inspired, and that there were a lot of books 
written that were not incorporated in the Old Testament. 
I want you to know that two or three years before Christ, 



306 ingersoll's lectures. 

the Hebrew manuscript was translated into Greek, and 
that the original from which the translation was made, 
has never been seen since. Some Latin Bibles were 
found in Africa but no two agreed ; and then they trans- 
lated the Septuagint into the languages of Europe, and 
no two agreed. Henry VIII. took a little time between 
murdering his wives to see that the Word of God was 
translated correctly. You must recollect that we are 
indebted to murderers for our Bibles and our creeds. 
Constantine, who helped on the good work in its early 
stage, murdered his wife and child, mingling their blood 
with the blood of the Saviour. 

The Bible that Henry VIII. got up did not suit, and 
then his daughter, the murderess of Mary, Queen of 
Scots, got up another edition, which also did not suit ; 
and finally, that philosophical idiot, King James, pre- 
pared the edition which we now have. There are at 
least one hundred thousand errors in the Old Testament, 
but everybody sees that it is not enough to invalidate its 
claim to infallibility. But these errors are gradually 
being fixed, and hereafter the prophet will be fed by 
Arabs instead of "ravens." and Samson's three hundred 
foxes will be three hurfclred "sheaves" already bound, 
which were fired and thrown into the standing wheat. I 
want you all to know that there was no contemporaneous 
literature at the time the Bible was composed, and that 
the Jews were infinitely ignorant in their day and genera- 
tion — that they were isolated by bigotry and wickedness 
from the rest of the world. I want you to know that 
there are fourteen hundred millions of people in the 
world ; and that with all the talk and work of the soci- 
eties, only one hundred and twenty millions have got 



Mistakes of Moses. 307 

Bibles. I want you to understand that not one person 
in one hundred in this world ever read the Bible, 
and no two ever understood it alike who did read it, and 
that no one person probably ever understood it aright. 
I want you to understand that where this Bible has been, 
man has hated his brother — there have been dungeons, 
racks, thumbscrews, and the sword. I want you to 
know that the cross has been in partnership with the 
sword, and that the religion of Jesus Christ was estab- 
lished by murderers, tyrants and hypocrites. I want you 
to know that the church carried the black flag. Then 
talk about the civilizing influence of this religion ! 

Now, I want to give an idea or two* in regard to the 
Christian's heaven. Of all the selfish things in this 
world, it is one man wanting to get to heaven, caring 
nothing what becomes of the rest of mankind. "If I 
can only get my little soul in." I have always noticed 
that the people who have the smallest souls make the 
most fuss about getting them saved. Here is what we 
are taught by the church to-day. We are taught by 
it that fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters can all 
be happy in heaven, no matter who may be in hell ; that 
che husband can be happy there with the wife that would 
have died for him at any moment of his life, in hell. But 
they say, " We don't believe in fire. What we believe 
in now is remorse." What will you have remorse for? 
For the mean things you have done when you are in 
hell ? Will you have any remorse for the mean things 
you have done when you are in heaven ? Or will you be 
so good then that you won't care how you used to be ? 
Don't you see what an infinitely mean belief that is ? I 
tell you to-day that, no matter in what heaven you may 



3>o8 ingersoll's lectures. 

be, no matter in what star you are spending the su Ti- 
mer, if you meet another man whom you have wronged 
you will drop a little behind in the tune. And, no matter 
in what part of hell you are, and you meet some one 
whom you have succored, whose nakedness you have 
clothed, and whose famine you have fed, the fire will 
cool up a little. According to this Christian doctrine, 
when you are in heaven you won't care how mean you 
were once. What must be the social condition of a gen- 
tleman in heaven who will admit that he never would 
have been there if he had not got scared ? What 
must be the social position of an angel who will always 
admit that if another had not pitied him he ought to 
have been damned ? Is it a compliment to an infinite 
God to say that every being He ever made deserved to 
be damned the minute He got him done, and that He will 
damn everybody He has not had a chance to make over. 
Is it possible that somebody else can be good for me, and 
that this doctrine of the atonement is the only anchor 
for the human soul ? 

For instance : here is a man seventy years of age, who 
has been a splendid fellow and lived according to the 
laws of nature, He has got about him splendid chil- 
dren, whom he has loved and cared for with all his heart. 
But he did not happen to believe in this Bible ; he did 
not believe in the Pentateuch. He did not believe that 
because some children made fun of a gentleman who 
was short of hair, God sent two bears and tore the little 
darlings to pieces. He had a tender heart, and he thought 
about the mothers who would take the pieces, the bloody 
fragments of the children, and press them to their bosom 
in a frenzy of grief ; he thought about their wails and 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 309 

lamentations, and could not believe that God was such 
an infinite monster. That was all he thought, but he 
went to HelL Then, there is another man who made a 
hell on earth for his wife, who had to be taken to the 
insane asylum, and his children were driven from home 
and were wanderers and vagrants in the world. But 
just between the last sin and the last breath, this fellow 
got religion, and he never did another thing except to 
take his medicine. He never did a solitary human being 
a favor, and he died and went to heaven. Don't you 
think he would be astonished to see that other man in 
hell, and say to himself, "Is it possible that such a 
splendid character should bear such fruit, and that all 
my rascality at last has brought me next to God ? " 

Or, let us put another case. You were once alone in 
the desert — no provisions, no water, no hope. Just 
when your life was at its lowest ebb a man appeared, 
gave you water and food and brought you safely out. 
How you would bless that man. Time rolls on. You 
die and go to heaven ; and one day you see through the 
black night of hell, the friend who saved your life, beg- 
ging for a drop of water to cool his parched lips. He 
cries to you, " Remember what I did in the desert — give 
me to drink." How mean, how contemptible you woiild 
feel to see his suffering and be unable to relieve him. 
But this is the Christian heaven. We sit by the fireside 
and see the flames and the sparks fly up the chimney — 
everybody happy, and the cold wind and sleet are beat- 
ing on the window, and out on the doorstep is a mother 
with a child on her breast freezing. How happy it 
makes a fireside, that beautiful contrast. And we say, 
*■ Qod is good," and there we sit, and she sits and 



310 ingersoll's lectures. 

moans, not one night but forever. Or we are sitting at 
the table with our wives and children, everybody eating, 
happy and delighted; and Famine comes and pushes out 
its shriveled palms, and, with hungry eyes, implores us 
for a crust. How that would increase the appetite ! And 
yet that is the Christian heaven. Don't you see that 
these infamous doctrines petrify the human heart? And 
I would have everyone who hears me, swear that he will 
never contribute another dollar to build another church 
in which is taught such infamous lies. I want 
everyone of you to say, that you never will, direct- 
ly or indirectly, give a dollar to any man to preach that 
falsehood. It has done harm enough. It has covered 
the world with blood. It has filled the asylums for the 
insane. It has cast a shadow in the heart, in the sun- 
light of every good and tender man and woman. I say 
let us rid the heavens of this monster, and write upon 
the dome " Liberty, love and law." 

No matter what may come to me or what may 
come to you, let us do exactly what we be- 
lieve to be right, and let us give the exact 
thought in our brains. Rather than have this Christian- 
ity true, I would rather all the gods would destroy them- 
selves this morning. I would rather the whole universe 
would go to nothing, if such a thing were possible, this 
instant. Rather than have the glittering dome of plea- 
sure reared on the eternal abyss of pain, I would see 
the utter and eternal destruction of this universe. I 
would rather see the shining fabric of our universe 
crumble to unmeaning chaos, and take itself where obli- 
vion broods and memory forgets. I would rather the 
blind Samson of some imprisoned force, released by 



MISTAKES OF MOSES. 3 1 1 

thoughtless chance, should so rack and strain this world 
that man in stress and straint, in astonishment and fear, 
should suddenly fall back to savagery and barbarity. I 
would rather that this thrilled and thrilling globe, shorn 
of all life, should in its cycles rub the wheel, the parent 
star, on which the light should fall as fruitlessly as falls 
the gaze of love on death, than to have this infamous 
doctrine of eternal punishment true ; rather than have 
this infamous selfishness of a heaven for a few and a hell 
for the many established as the word of God ! 

One world at a time is my doctrine. Let us make 
some one happy here. Happiness is the interest that a 
decent action draws, and the more decent actions you 
do, the larger your income will be. Let every man try 
to make his wife happy, his children happy. Let every 
man try to make every day a joy, and God cannot afford 
to damn such a man. I cannot help God ; I cannot in- 
jure God. I can help people ; I can injure people. 
Consequently humanity is the only real religion. 

I cannot better close this lecture than by quoting four 
lines from Robert Burns : 

"To make a happy fireside clime 

To weans and wife — 
That's the true pathos and sublime 
Of human life." 



INGERSOLLS LECTURE 

ON 

SKULLS, 

AND HIS 

REPLIES TO PROF. SWING, DR. COLLYER, 
AND OTHER CRITICS . 



REPRINTED FROM ' ' THE CHICAGO TIMES." 



Ladies a^d Gentlemen : — Man advances just in the 
proportion that he mingles his thoughts with his labor — 
just in the proportion that he takes advantage of the 
forces of nature ; just in proportion as he loses supersti- 
tion and gains confidence in himself. Man advances as 
he ceases to fear the gods and learns to love his fellow- 
men. It is all, in my judgment, a question of intellec- 
tual development. Tell me the religion of any man and 
I will tell you the degree he marks on the intellectual 
thermometer of the world. It is a simple question of 
brain. Those among us who are the nearest barbarism 
have a barbarian religion. Those who are nearest civil- 
ization have the least superstition. It is, I say, a simple 
question of brain, and I want, in the first place, to lay 
the foundation to prove that assertion. 

A little while ago I saw models of nearly everything 
that man has made. I saw models of all the water 

312 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 3 I 3 

craft, from the rude dug-out in which floated a naked 
ravage — one of our ancestors — a naked savage, with teeth 
twice as long as his forehead was high, with a spoonful 
of brains in the back of his orthodox head — I saw models 
of all the water craft of the world, from that dug-out up 
to a man-of-war that carries a hundred guns and miles 
of canvas ; from that dug-out to the steamship that turns 
its brave prow from the port of New York with a com- 
pass like a conscience, crossing three thousand miles of 
billows without missing a throb or beat of its mighty iron 
heart from shore to shore. And I saw at the same time 
the paintings of the world, from the rude daub of yellow 
mud to the landscapes that enrich palaces and adorn 
houses of what were once called the common people. I 
saw also their sculpture, from the rude god with four 
legs, a half dozen arms, several noses, and two or three 
rows of ears, and one little, contemptible, brainless 
head, up to the figures of to-day, — to the marbles that 
genius has clad in such a personality that it seems al- 
most impudent to touch them without an introduc- 
tion. I saw their books — books written upon the skins 
of wild beasts — upon shoulder-blades of sheep — books 
written upon leaves, upon bark, up to the splendid 
volumes that enrich the libraries of our day. When p 
speak of libraries I think of the remark of Plato : "A 
house that has a library in it has a soul." 

I saw at the same time the offensive weapons that 
man has made, from a club, such as was grasped by 
that same savage when he crawled from his den in the 
ground and hunted a snake for his dinner ; from that 
club to the boomerang, to the sword, to the cross- 
bow, to the blunderbuss, to the flint-lock, to the cap- 



314 INGERSOLLS LECTURES. 

lock, to the needle-gun, up to a cannon cast by Krupp, 
capable of hurling a ball weighing two thousand pounds 
through eighteen inches of solid steel. I saw too, the 
armor from the shell of a turtle that one of our brave 
ancestors lashed upon his breast w 7 hen he went to fight 
for his country , the skin of a porcupine, dried with 
the quills on, which this same savage pulled over his 
orthodox head, up to the shirts of mail that were worn 
in the middle ages, that laughed at the edge of the 
sword and defied the point of the spear ; up to a mo- 
nitor clad in complete steel. And I say orthodox not 
only in the matter of religion, but in everything. Who- 
ever has quit growing, he is orthodox, whether in art, 
politics, religion, philosophy — no matter what. Who- 
ever thinks he has found it all out he is orthodox. 
Orthodoxy is that which rots, and heresy is that which 
grows forever. Orthodoxy is the night of the past, full 
of the darkness of superstition, and heresy is the eternal 
coming day, the light of which strikes the grand fore- 
heads of the intellectual pioneers of the world. I saw 
their implements of agriculture, from the plow made of 
a crooked stick, attached to the horn of an ox by some 
twisted straw, with which our ancestors scraped the 
earth, and from that to the agricultural implements of 
this generation, that make it possible for a man to cul- 
tivate the soil without being an ignoramus. 

In the old time there was but one crop ; and when 
the rain did not come in answer to the prayer of 
hypocrites a famine came and people fell upon their 
knees. At that time they were full of superstition. They 
were frightened all the time for fear that some god would 
be enraged at his poor, hapless, feeble and starving chil- 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 315 

dren. But now, instead of depending upon one crop 
they have several, and if there is not rain enough for 
one there may be enough for another. And if the frosts 
kill all, we have railroads and steamships enough to 
bring what we need from some other part of the world. 
Since man has found out something about agriculture, 
the gods^have retired from the business of producing 
famines. 

I saw at the same time their musical instruments, 
from the tom-tom — that is, a hoop with a couple of 
strings of raw-hide drawn across it — from that tom-tom, 
up to the instruments we have to-day, that make the 
common air blossom with melody, and I said to myself 
there is a regular advancement. I saw at the same time 
a row of human skulls, from the lowest skull that has 
been found, t'he Neanderthal skull — skulls from Central 
Africa, skulls from the bushmen of Australia — skulls from 
the farthest isles of the Pacific Sea—up to the best skulls 
of the last generation — and I noticed that there was the 
same difference between those skulls that there was be- 
tween the products of those skulls, and I said to myself : 
"After all, it is a simple question of intellectual devel- 
opment." There was the same difference between those 
skulls, the lowest and highest skulls, that there was be- 
tween the dug-out and the man-of-war and the steam- 
ship, between the club and the Krupp gun, between the 
yellow daub and the landscape, between the tom-tom 
and an opera by Verdi . The first and lowest skull in 
this row was the den in which crawled the base and 
meaner instincts of mankind, and the last was a temple 
in which dwelt joy, liberty and love. And I said to my- 
self, it is all a question of intellectual development. 



3 1 6 ingersoll's lectures. 

Man has advanced just as he has mingled his thought 
with his labor. As he has grown he has taken advantage 
of the forces of nature ; first of the moving wind, then 
of the falling water and finally of steam. From one 
step to another he has obtained better houses, better 
clothes, and better books, and he has done it by holding 
out every incentive to the ingenius to produce them. 
The world has said, give us better clubs and guns and 
cannons with which to kill our fellow Christians . And 
whoever will give us better weapons and better music, 
and better houses to live in, we will robe him in wealth 
crown him in honor, and render his name deathless. 
Every incentive was held out to every human 
being to improve these things, and that is the 
reason we have advanced in all mechanical arts. But 
that gentleman in the dug-out not only had his ideas 
about politics, mechanics, and agriculture ; he had his 
ideas also about religion. His idea about politics was 
"Might makes right." It will be thousands of years, 
may be, before mankind will believe in the saying that 
'•right makes might." He had his religion. That low 
skull was a devil factory. He believed in Hell, and the 
belief was a consolation to him. He could see the waves 
of God's wrath dashing against the rocks of dark damna- 
tion. He could see tossing in the white-caps the faces 
of women, and stretching above the crests the dimpled 
hands of children ; and he regarded these things as the 
justice and mercy of God. And all to-day who believe 
in this eternal punishment are the barbarians of the 
nineteenth century. That man believed in a devil, that 
had a long tail terminating with a fiery dart ; that had 
wings like a bat — a devil that had a cheerful habit of 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 3 I 7 

breathing brimstone, that had a cloven foot, such as 
some orthodox clergymen seem to think I have. And 
there has not been a patentable improvement made upon 
that devil in all the years since. The moment you drive 
the devil out of theology, there is nothing left worth 
speaking of. The moment they drop the devil, away 
goes atonement . The moment they kill the devil, their 
whole scheme of salvation has lost all of its interest for 
mankind. You must keep the devil and you must keep 
Hell. You must keep the devil, because with no devil 
no priest is necessary. Now, all I ask is this — the same 
privilege to improve upon his religion as upon his dug- 
out, and that is**what I am going to do, the best I can. 
No matter what church you belong to, or what church 
belongs to us. Let us be honor bright and fair. 

I want to ask you : Suppose the king, if there was 
one, and the priest if there was one at that time, had 
told these gentlemen in the dug-out : "That dug-out is 
the best boat that can be built by man ; the pattern of 
that came from on high, from the great God of storm 
and flood, and any man who says he can improve it by 
putting a stick in the middle of it and a rag on the stick, 
is an infidel, and shall be burned at the stake ;" what, 
in your judgment — honor bright — would have been 
the effect upon the circumnavigation of the globe ? 
Suppose the king, if there was one, and the priest, if 
there was one — and I presume there was a priest, be- 
cause it was a very ignorant age — suppose the king and 
priest had said : "The tom-tom is the most beautiful 
instrument of music of which any man can conceive ; 
that is the kind of music they have in Heaven ; an angel 
sitting upon the edge of a glorified cloud, golden in the 



3l8 INGERSOLLS LECTURES. 

setting sun, playing upon that tom-tom, became so en- 
raptured, so entranced with her own music, that in a 
kind of ecstasy she dropped it — that is how we obtained 
it ; and any man who says it can be improved by put- 
ting a back and front to it, and four strings, and a 
bridge, and getting a bow of hair with rosin, is a blas- 
pheming wretch, and shall die the death," — I ask you, 
what effect would that have had upon music ? If that 
course had been pursued, would the human ears, in your 
judgment, ever have been enriched with the divine sym- 
phonies of Beethoven ? Suppose the king, if there was 
one, and the priest, had said : "That crooked stick is 
the best plow that can be invented , the pattern of that 
plow was given to a pious farmer in an exceedingly holy 
dream, and that twisted straw is the ne plus ultra of 
all twisted things, and any man who says he can make 
an improvement upon that plow, is an atheist ;" what, 
in your judgment, would have been the effect upon the 
science of agriculture ? 

Now, all I ask is the same privilege to improve upon 
his religion as upon his mechanical arts. Why don't 
we go back to that period to get the telegraph ? Because 
they were barbarians. And shall we go to barbarians to 
get our religion ? What is religion ? Religion simply em- 
braces the duty of man to man. Religion is simply the 
science of human duty and the duty of man to man — 
that is what it is . It is the highest science of all. And 
all other sciences are as nothing, except as they contri- 
bute to the happiness of man. The science of religion 
is the highest of all, embracing all others . And shall 
we go to the barbarians to learn the science of sciences ? 
The nineteenth century knows more about religion than 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 319 

all the centuries dead. There is more- real charity in 
the world to-day than ever before. There is more 
thought to-day than ever before. Woman is glorified 
to-day as she never was before in the history of the 
world. There are more happy families now than ever 
before — more children treated as though they were ten- 
der blossoms than as though they were brutes than in 
any other time or nation. Religion is simply the duty 
a man owes to man ; and when you fall upon your 
knees and pray for something you know not of, you 
neither benefit the one you pray for nor yourself. One 
ounce of restitution is worth a million of repentances 
anywhere, and a man will get along faster by helping 
himself a minute than by praying ten years for somebody 
to help him. Suppose you were coming along the street, 
and found a party of men and women on their knees 
praying to a bank, and you asked them, " Have any 
of you borrowed any money of this bank?" "No, but 
our fathers, they, too, prayed to this bank," " Did 
they ever get any ?" ' ' No, not that we ever heard 
of." I would tell them to get up. It is easier to earn 
it, and it is far more manly. 

Our fathers in the "good old times,"— and the best 
that I can say of the "good old times" is that they are 
gone, and the best I can say of the good old people that 
lived in them is that they are gone, too — believed that 
you made a man think your way by force. Well, you 
can't do it. There is a splendid something in man that 
says : "I won't ; I won't be driven ! " But our fathers 
thought men could be driven. They tried it in the 
"good old times." I used to read about the manner in 
which the early Christians made converts- - how they im> 



320 ingersoll's lectures. 

pressed upon the world the idea that God loved them. 
I have read it, but it didn't burn into my soul. I didn't 
think much about it — I heard so much about being fried 
forever in Hell that it didn't seem so bad to burn a few 
minutes. I love liberty and I hate all persecutions in 
the name of God. I never appreciated the infamies that 
have been committed in the name of religion until I saw 
the iron arguments that Christians used. I saw, tor in- 
stance, the thumb-screw, two little innocent looking 
pieces of iron, armed with some little protuberances on 
the inner side to keep it from slipping down, and through 
each end a screw, and when some man had made some 
trifling remark, for instance, that he never believed that 
God made a fish swallow a man to keep him from drown- 
ing, or something like that, or, for instance, that he 
didn't believe in baptism. You know that is very wrong. 
You can see for yourself the justice of damning a man 
if his parents happened to baptise him in the wrong 
way — God cannot afford to break a rule or two to save 
all the men in the world. I happened to be in the com- 
pany of some Baptist ministers once — you may wonder 
how I happened to be in such company as that — and one 
of them asked me what I thought about baptism. Well, 
I told them I hadn't thought much about it — that 
I had never sat up nights on that question. I said : 
" Baptism — with soap — is a good institution." Now, 
when some man had said some trifling thing like that, 
they put this thumb-screw on him, and in the name of 
universal benevolence and for the love of God — man has 
never persecuted man for the love of man ; man has 
never persecuted another for the love of charity — it is 
always for the love of something he calls God, and every 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 32 1 

mans idea of God is his own idea. If there is an in- 
finite God, and there may be — I don't know — there may 
be a million for all I know — I hope there is more than 
one — one seems so lonesome. They kept turning this 
down, and when ihis was done, most men would say : 
" I will recant." I think, I would. There is not much 
of the martyr about me. I would have told them : 
"Now you write it down, and I will sign it. You may 
have one God or a million, one Hell or a million. You 
stop that — I am tired." 

Do you know, sometimes I have thought that all the 
hypocrites in the world are not worth one drop of honest 
blood . I am sorry that any good man ever died for re- 
ligion. I would rather let them advance a little easier. 
It is too bad to see a good man sacrificed for a lot of 
wild beasts and cattle. But there is now and then a 
man who would not swerve the breadth of a hair. There 
was now and then a sublime heart willing to die for an 
intellectual conviction, and had it not been for these 
men we would have been wild beasts and savages to- 
day. There were some men who would not take it back, 
and had it not been for a few such brave, heroic souls 
in every age we would have been cannibals, with pic- 
tures of wild beasts tattooed upon our breasts, dancing 
around some dried-snake fetish. And so they turned it. 
down to the last thread of agony, and threw the victim 
into some dungeon, where, in the throbbing silence and 
darkness, he might suffer the agonies of the fabled 
damned. This was done in the name of love, in the 
name of mercy, in the name of the compassionate Christ. 
And the men that did it are the men that made our 
Bible for us. 



322 1NGERSOLL S LECTURES. 

1 saw, too, at the same time, the collar of torture. 
Imagine a circle of iron, and on the inside a hundred 
points almost as sharp as needles . This argument was 
fastened about the throat of the sufferer. Then he could 
not walk nor sit down, nor stir without the neck being 
punctured by these points. In a little while the throat 
would begin to swell, and suffocation would end the 
agonies of that man. This man, it may be, had com- 
mitted the crime of saying, with tears upon his cheeks, 
"I do not believe that God, the father of us all, will 
damn to erternal perdition any of the children of men." 
And that was done to convince the world that God so 
loved the world that He died for us. That was in order 
that people might hear the glad tidings of great joy to 
all people. 

I saw another instrument, called the scavenger's 
daughter. Imagine a pair of shears with handles, not 
only where they now are, but at the points as well and 
just above the pivot that unites the blades a circle of 
iron. In the upper handles the hands would be placed ; 
in the lower, the feet ; and through the iron ring, at the 
centre, the head of the victim would be forced, and in 
that position the man would be thrown upon the earth, 
and the strain upon the muscle would produce such 
agony that insanity took pity. And this was done to 
keep people from going to Hell — to convince that man 
that he had made a mistake in his logic — and it was 
done, too, by Protestants — Protestants that persecuted 
to the extent of their power, and that is as much as 
Catholicism ever did. They would persecute now if 
they had the power. There is not a man in this vast 
audience who will say that the church should have tern- 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 323 

poral power. There is not one of you but what believes 
in the eternal divorce of church and state. Is it pos- 
sible that the only people who are fit to go to heaven 
are the only people not fit to rule mankind ? 

I saw at the same time the rack. This was a box 
like the bed of a wagon, with a windlass at each end, 
and ratchets to prevent slipping. Over each windlass 
went chains, and when some man had, for instance, de- 
nied the doctrine of the trinity, a doctrine it is necessary 
to believe in order to get to Heaven — but, thank the 
Lord, you don't have to understand it. This man 
merely denied that three times one was one, or maybe 
he denied that there was ever any Son in the world ex- 
actly as old as his father, or that there ever was a boy 
eternally older than his mother — then they put that man 
on the rack. Nobody had ever been persecuted for 
calling God bad — it has always been for calling him 
good. When I stand here to say that, if there is a Hell, 
God is a fiend, they say that is very bad. They say I 
am trying to tear down the institutions of public virtue. 
But let me tell you one thing : there is no reformation 
in fear — you can scare a man so that he won't 
do it sometimes, but I will swear you can't 
scare him so bad that he won't want to do 
it. Then they put this man on the rack and priests 
began turning these levers, and kept turning until the 
ankles, the hips, the shoulders, the elbows, the wrists, 
and all the joints of the victim were dislocated, and he 
was wet with agony, and standing by was a physician to 
feel his pulse. What for ? To save his life ? Yes. In 
mercy? No. But in order that they might have the 
pleasure of racking him once mere. And this was the 



324 ingersoll's lectures. 

Christian spirit. This was done in the name of civiliza- 
tion, in the name of religion, and all these wretches who 
did it died in peace. There is not an orthodox preacher 
in the city that has not a respect for every one of them.. 
As, for instance, for John Calvin, who was a murderer 
and nothing but a murderer, who would have disgraced 
an ordinary gallows by being hanged upon it. These 
men when they came to die were not frightened. God 
did not send any devils into their death-rooms to make 
mouths at them. He reserved them for Voltaire, who 
brought religious liberty to France. He reserved them 
for Thomas Paine, who did more for liberty than all the 
churches. But all the inquisitors died with the white 
hands of peace folded over the breast of piety. And 
when they died, the room was filled with the rustle of 
the wings of angels, waiting to bear the wretches to 
Heaven . 

When I read these frightful books it seems to me 
sometimes as though I had suffered all these things my- 
self. It seems sometimes as though I had stood upon 
the shore of exile, and gazed with tearful eyes toward 
home and native land ; it seems to me as though I had 
been staked out upon the sands of the sea, and drowned 
by the inexorable, advancing tide ; as though my nails 
had been torn from my hands, and into the bleeding 
quick needles had been thrust ; as though my feet had 
been crushed in iron boots ; as though I had been 
chained in the cell of Inquisition, and listened with dy- 
ing ears for the coming footsteps of release ; as though 
I had stood upon the scaffold and saw the glittering axe 
fall upon me ; as though I had been upon the rack and 
had seen, bending above me, the white faces of hypo- 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 325 

crite priests ; as though I had been taken from my fire- 
side, from my wife and children, taken to the public 
square, chained ; as though fagots had been piled about 
me ; as though the frames had climbed around my limbs 
and scorched my eyes to blindness, and as though my 
ashes had been scattered to the four winds by all the 
countless hands of hate. And, while I so feel, I swear 
that while I live I will do what little I can to augment 
the liberties of man, woman and child. I denounce 
slavery and superstition everywhere. I believe in liberty, 
and happiness, and love, and joy in this world. I am 
amazed that any man ever had the impudence to try and 
do another man's thinking. I have just as good a right 
to talk theology as a minister. If they all agreed I 
might admit it was a science, but as all disagree, and 
the more they study the wider they get apart, I may 
be permitted to suggest, it is not a science. When no 
two will tell you the road to Heaven, — that is, giving 
you the same route — and if you would inquire of them 
all, you would just give up trying to go there, and 
say : " I may as well stay where I am, and let the Lord 
come to me." 

Do you know that this world has not been fit for 
a lady and gentleman to live in for twenty-five years, 
just on account of slavery. It was not until the year 
1808 that Great Britain abolished the slave trade, and 
up to that time her judges, her priests occupying her 
pulpits, the members of the royal family, owned stock 
in the slave ships, and luxuriated upon the profits of 
piracy and murder. It was not until the same year that 
the United States of America abolished the slave trade 
between this and other countries, but carefully preserved 



326 ingersoll's lectures. 

it as between the states. It was not until the 28th day of 
August, 1833, that Great Britain abolished human slav- 
ery in her colonies ; and it was not until the 1st day of 
January, 1863, that Abraham Lincoln, sustained by the 
sublime and heroic North, rendered our flag pure as the 
sky in which it floats. Abraham Lincoln was, in my 
judgment, in many respects, the grandest man ever 
president of the United States, Upon his monument 
these words should be written : 1 ' Here sleeps the only 
man in the history of the world, who, having been 
clothed with almost absolute power, never abused it, 
except upon the side of mercy." 

For two hundred years the Christians of the United 
States deliberately turned the cross of Christ into a 
whipping-post. Christians bred hounds to catch other 
Christians. Let me show you what the Bible has done 
for mankind : " Servants, be obedient to your masters." 
The only word coming from that sweet Heaven was, 
" Servants, obey your masters." Frederick Douglas told 
me that he had lectured upon the subject of freedom 
twenty years before he was permitted to set his foot in 
a church. I tell you the world has not been fit to live 
in for twenty-five years. Then all the people used to 
cringe and crawl to preachers. Mr. Buckle, in his 
history of civilization, shows that men were even struck 
dead for speaking impolitely to a priest . God would 
not stand it. See how they used to crawl before car- 
dinals, bishops and popes. It is not so now. Before 
wealth they bowed to the very earth, and in the pre- 
sence of titles they became abject. All this is slowly, 
but surely changing. We no longer bow to men simply 
because they are rich. Our fathers worshiped the 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 327 

golden calf. The worst you can say of an American 
now is, he worships the gold of the calf. Even the 
calf is beginning to see i-his distinction . 

The time will come when no matter how much money 
a man has, he will not be respected unless he is using it 
for the benefit of his fellow-men. It will soon be here. 
It no longer satisfies the ambition of a great man to be 
king or emperor. The last Napoleon was not satisfied 
with being the emperor of the French. He was not 
satisfied with having a circlet of gold about his head. 
He wanted some evidence that he had something of 
value within his head. So he wrote the life of Julius 
Caesar, that he might become a member of the French 
academy. The emperors, the kings, the popes, no longer 
tower above their fellows. Compare, for instance, 
King William and Helmholtz. The king is one of the 
anointed by the Most High, as they claim — one upon 
whose head has been poured the divine petroleum of 
authority. Compare this king with Helmholtz, who 
towers an intellectual Colossus above the crowned medi- 
ocrity. Compare George Eliot with Queen Victoria. 
The queen is clothed in garments given her by blind 
fortune and unreasoning chance, while George Eliot 
wears robes of glory woven in the loom of her own ge- 
nius. And so it is the world over. The time is coming 
when a man will be rated at his real worth, and that by 
his brain and heart . We care nothing now about an 
officer unless he fills his place. No matter if he is pre- 
sident, if he rattles in the place nobody cares anything 
about him. I might give you an instance in point, but 
I won't . The world is getting better and grander and 
nobler every day. 



328 INGERSOLL'S LECTURES. 

Now, if men have been slaves, if they have crawled in 
the dust before one another, what shall I say of women ? 
They have been the slaves of men. It took thousands 
of ages to bring women from abject slavery up to the 
divine height of marriage. I believe in marriage. If 
there is any Heaven upon earth, it is in the family by 
the fireside, and the family is a unit of government. 
Without the family relation is tender, pure and true, 
civilization is impossible. Ladies, the ornaments you 
wear upon your persons to-night are but the souvenirs 
of your mother's bondage. The chains around your 
necks, and the bracelets clasped upon your white arms 
by the thrilled hand of love, have been changed by the 
wand of civilization from iron to shining, glittering gold. 
Nearly every civilization in this world accounts for the 
devilment in it by the crimes of woman. They say wo- 
man brought all the trouble into the world. I don't care 
if she did. I would rather live in a world full of trouble 
with the women I love, than to live in Heaven with no- 
body but men. I read in a book an account of the crea- 
tion of the world. The book I have taken pains to say 
was not written by any God. And why do I say so ? 
Because I can write a far better book myself. Because 
it is full of barbarism. Several ministers in this city 
have undertaken to answer me — notably those who don't 
believe the Bible themselves. I want to ask these men 
one thing. I want them to be fair. 

Every minister in the City of Chicago that answers 
me, and those who have answered me had better answer 
me again — I want them to say, and without any sort of 
evasion — without resorting to any pious tricks — I want 
them to say whether they believe that the Eternal God 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 329 

of this universe ever upheld the crime of polygamy. Say 
it square and fair. Don't begin to talk about that being 
a peculiar time, and that God was easy on the prejudices 
of those old fellows . I want them to answer that ques- 
tion and to answer it squarely, which they haven't done. 
Did this God, which you pretend to worship, ever sanc- 
tion the institution of human slavery? Now, answer 
fair. Don't slide around it. Don't begin and answer 
what a bad man I am, nor what a good man Moses 
was. Stick to the text. Do you believe in a God that 
allowed a man to be sold from his children ? Do you 
worship such an infinite monster? And if you do, tell 
your congregation whether you are not ashamed to ad- 
mit it. Let every minister who answers me again tell 
whether he believes God cammanded his general to kill 
the little dimpled babe in the cradle. Let him answer 
it. Don't say that those were very bad times. Tell 
whether He did it or not, and then your people will 
know whether to hate that God or not. Be honest. 
Tell them whether that God in war captured young 
maidens and turned them over to the soldiers ; and 
then ask the wives and sweet girls of your congrega- 
tion to get down on their knees and worship the infinite 
fiend that did that thing. Answer ! It is your God I 
am talking about, and if that is what God did, please tell 
your congregation what, under the same circumstances, 
the devil would have done. Don't tell your people that 
is a poem. Don't tell your people that is pictorial. 
That won't do . Tell your people whether it is true or 
false. That is what I want you to do. 

In this book I read about God's making the world 
and one man , That is all He intended to make. The 



33° ingersoll's lectures. 

making of woman was a second thought, though I am 
willing to admit that as a rule second thoughts are best. 
This God made a man and put him in a public park. In 
a little while He noticed that the man got lonesome ; 
then He found He had made a mistake, and that He 
would have to make somebody to keep him company. 
But having used up all the nothing He originally used in 
making the world and one man, He had to take a part 
of a man to start a woman with. So He causes sleep to 
fall on this man — now understand me, I do not say this 
story is true. After the sleep had fallen on this man the 
Supreme Being took a rib, or, as the French would call 
it, a cutlet, out of him, and from that He made a wo- 
man ; and I am willing to swear, taking into account 
the amount and quality of the raw material used, this 
was the most magnificent job ever accomplished in this 
world. Well, after He got the woman done she was 
brought to the man, not to see how she liked him, but 
to see how he liked her. He liked her and they started 
housekeeping, and they were told of certain things they 
might do and of one thing they could not do — and of 
course they did it. I would have done it in fifteen min- 
utes, . I know it. There wouldn't have been an apple 
on that tree half an hour from date, and the limbs would 
have been full of clubs. And then they were turned out 
of the park and extra policemen were put on to keep 
them from getting back. And then trouble commenced 
and we have been at it ever since. Nearly all the re- 
ligions of this world account for the existence of evil by 
such a story as that. 

Well, I read in another book what appeared to be an 
account oi the same transaction. It was written about 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 331 

four thousand years before the other. All commentators 
agree that the one that was written last was the original, 
and the one that was wrkten first was copied from the 
one that was written last. But I would advise you all 
not to allow your creed to be disturbed by a little matter 
of four or five thousand years. It is a great deal better 
to be mistaken in dates than to go to the devil. In this 
other account the Supreme Brahma made up his mind 
to make the world and a man and woman. He made 
the world, and he made the man and then the woman, 
and put them on the Island of Ceylon. According to 
the account it was the most beautiful island of which 
man can conceive. Such birds, such songs, such flowers, 
and such verdure ! And the branches of the trees were 
so arranged that when the wind swept through them 
every tree was a thousand iEolian harps. Brahma, when 
he put them there, said : " Let them have a period of 
courtship, for it is my desire and will that true love 
should forever precede marriage." When I read that, it 
was so much more beautiful and lofty than the other, 
that I said to myself : "If either one of these stories 
ever turns out to be true, I hope it will be this one." 

Then they had their courtship, with the nightingale 
singing and the stars shining and the flowers blooming, 
and they fell in love. Imagine that courtship ! No pro- 
spective fathers or mothers-in-law ; no prying and gos- 
siping neighbors ; nobody to say, " Young man, how do 
you expect to support her?" Nothing of that kind, nothing 
but the nightingale singing its song of joy and pain, as 
though the thorn already touched its heart. They were 
married by the Supreme Brahma, and he said to them, 
"Remain here; you must never leave this island." 



33 2 ingersoll's lectures. 

Well, after a little while the man — and his name was 
Adami, and the woman's name was Heva — said to Heva: 
" I believe I'll look about a little." He wanted to go 
West. He went to the western extremity of the island 
where there there was a little narrow neck of land con- 
necting it with the mainland, and the devil, who is 
always playing pranks with us, produced a mirage, and 
when he looked over to the mainland, such hills and 
vales, such dells and dales, such mountains crowned 
with snow, such cataracts clad in bows of glory did he 
see there, that he went back and told Heva : "The 
country over there is a thousand times better than this, 
let us migrate." She, like every other woman that ever 
lived, said : "Let well enough alone ; we have all we 
want; let us stay here. " But he said : " No, let us go;" 
so she followed him, and when they came to this nar- 
row neck of land, he took her on his back like a gen- 
tleman, and carried her over. But the moment they got 
over, they heard a crash, and, looking back, discovered 
that this narrow neck of land had fallen into the sea. 
The mirage had disappeared, and there was naught but 
rocks and sand, and the Supreme Brahma cursed them 
both to the lowest Hell. 

Then it was that the man spoke — and I have liked 
him ever since for it — "Curse me, but curse not her ; it 
was not her fault, it was mine." That's the kind of a 
man to start a world with. The Supreme Brahma said: 
"I will save her but not thee." And she spoke out of 
her fullness of love, out of a heart in which there was 
love enough to make all her daughters rich in 
holy affection, and said : "If thou wilt not spare him. 
spare neither me ; I do not wish to live without him, I 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 333 

love him." Then the Supreme Brahma said — and I have 
liked him ever since I rekd it — "I will spare you both, 
and watch over you and your children forever." Honor 
bright, is that not the better and grander story ? 

And in that same book I find this : " Man is strength, 
woman is beauty ; man is courage, woman is love. 
When the one man loves the one woman, and the one 
woman loves the one man, the very angels leave Heaven, 
and come and sit in that house, and sing for joy." 
In the same book this: i 'Blessed is that man, and 
beloved of all the gods, who is afraid of no man, and 
of whom no man is afraid." Magnificent character ! 
A missionary certainly ought to talk to that man. And 
I find this: "Never will I accept private, individual 
salvation, but rather will I stay and work, strive and 
suffer, until every soul from every star has been brought 
home to God." Compare that with the Christian that 
expects to go to Heaven while the world is rolling over 
Niagara to an eternal and unending Hell. So I say 
that religion lays all the crime and troubles of this 
world at the beautiful feet of woman, And then the 
church has .the impudence to say that it has exalted 
women. I believe that marriage is a perfect partner- 
ship ; that woman has every right that man has — and 
one more — the right to be protected. Above all men 
in the world I hate a stingy man— a man that will 
make his wife beg for money. ' ' What did you do with 
the dollar I gave you last week ? " ' ' And what are you 
going to do with this ? " It is vile. No gentleman will 
ever be satisfied with the love of a beggar and a slave- — 
no gentleman will ever be satisfied except with the love 
of an equal. What kind of children does a man expect 



334 ingersoll's lectures. 

to have with a beggar for their mother ? A mail can not 
be so poor but that he can be generous, and if you only 
have one dollar in the word and you have got to spend it, 
spend it like a lord — spend it as though it were a dry 
leaf, and you the owner of unbounded forests — spend it 
as though you had a wilderness of your own. That's 
the way to spend it. 

I had rather be a beggar and spend my last dollar like 
a king, than be a king and spend my money like a beg- 
gar. If it has got to go, let it go. And this is my ad- 
vice to the poor. For you can never be so poor that 
whatever you do you can't do in a grand and manly way. 
I hate a cross man. What right has a man to assassinate 
the joy of life ? When you go home you ought to go 
like a ray of light — so that it will, even in the night, 
burst out of the doors and windows and illuminate the 
darkness. Some men think their mighty brains have 
been in a turmoil ; they have been thinking about who 
will be Alderman from the Fifth Ward ; they have been 
thinking about politics, great and mighty questions have 
been engaging their minds, they have bought calico at 
five cents or six, and want to sell it for seven. Think of 
the intellectual strain that must have been upon that 
man, and when he gets home everybody else in the house 
must look out for his comfort. A woman who has only 
taken care of five or six children, and one or two of 
them sick, has been nursing them and singing to them, 
and trying to make one yard of cloth do the work of 
two, she, of course, is fresh and fine and ready to wait 
upon this gentleman — the head of the family — the 
boss ! 

I was reading the other day of an apparatus invented 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 33 J 

for the ejectment of gentlemen who subsist upon free 
lunches. It is so arranged that when the fellow gets 
both hands into the victuals, a large hand descends upon 
him, jams his hat over his eyes — he is seized, turned to- 
ward the door, and just in the nick of time an immense 
boot comes from the other side, kicks him in italics, 
sends him out over the side-walk and lands him rolling 
in the gutter. I never hear of such a man — a boss — 
that I don't feel as though that machine ought to be 
brought into requisition for his benefit. 

Love is the only thing that will pay ten per cent of 
interest on the outlay. Love is the only thing in which 
the height of extravagance is the last degree of economy. 
It is the only thing, 1 tell you. Joy is wealth. Love is 
the legal tender of the soul — and you need not be rich 
to be happy. We have all been raised on success in this 
country. Always been talked with about being success- 
ful, and have never thought ourselves very rich unless 
we were the possessors of some magnificent mansion, and 
unless our names have been between the putrid lips of 
rumor we could not be happy. Every little boy is striv- 
ing to be this and be that. I tell you the happy man is 
the successful man. The man that has won the love of 
one good woman is a successful man. The man that has 
been the emperor of one good heart, and that heart em- 
braced all his, has been a success. If another has been 
the emperor of the round world and has never loved and 
been loved, his life is a failure. It won't do. Let us 
teach our children the other way, that the happy man is 
the successful man, and he who is a happy man is the one 
who always tries to make some one else happy. 

The man who marries a woman to make her happy ; 



336 ingersoll's lectures. 

that marries her as much for her own sake as for his 
own ; not the man that thinks his wife is his property, 
who thinks that the title to her belongs to him — that the 
woman is the property of the man ; wretches who get 
mad at their wives and then shoot them down in the 
street because they think the woman is their property. 
I tell you it is not necessary to be rich and great and 
powerful to be happy. 

A little while ago I stood by the grave of the old Na- 
poleon — a magnificent tomb of gilt and gold, fit almost 
for a dead deity — and gazed upon the sarcophagus of 
black Egyptian marble, where rest at last the ashes of 
the restless man. I leaned over the balustrade and 
thought about the career of the greatest soldier of the 
modern world. I saw him walk upon the banks of the 
Seine, contemplating suicide — [ saw him at Toulon — I 
saw him putting down the mob in the streets of Paris — 
I saw him at the head of the army of Italy — I saw him 
crossing the bridge of Lodi with the tri-color in his hand 
— I saw him in Egypt in the shadows of the pyramids — 
I saw him conquer the Alps and mingle the eagles of 
France with the eagles of the crags. I saw him at Ma- 
rengo — at Ulm and Austerlitz. I saw him in Russia, 
where the infantry of the snow and the cavalry of the 
wild blast scattered his legions like Winter's withered 
leaves. I saw him at Leipzig in defeat and disaster — ■ 
driven by a million bayonets back upon Paris — clutched 
like a wild beast — banished to Elba. I saw him escape 
and retake an empire by the force of his genius. I saw 
him upon the frightful field of Waterloo, where chance 
and fate combined to wreck the fortunes of their former 
king. And I saw him at St. Helena, with his hands 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 337 

crossed behind him, gazing out upon the sad and solemn 
sea. I thought of the orphans and widows he had made 
— of the tears that had been shed for his glory, and 
of the only woman who ever loved him, pushed from 
his heart by the cold hand of ambition. And I said 
I would rather have been a French peasant and worn 
wooden shoes. I would rather have lived in a hut 
with a vine growing over the door, and the grapes 
growing purple in the kisses of the Autumn sun ; I 
would rather have been that poor peasant with my lov- 
ing wife by my side, knitting as the day died out of the 
sky, with my children upon my knees and their arms 
about me ; I would rather have been that man and gone 
down to the tongueless silence of the dreamless dust 
than to have been that imperial impersonation of force 
and murder, known as Napoleon the Great. It is not 
necessary to be rich in order to be happy. It is only 
necessary to be in love. Thousands of men go to col- 
lege and get a certificate that they have an education, 
and that certificate is in Latin and they stop studying, 
and in two years, to save their life, they couldn't read 
the certificate they got. 

It is mostly so in marrying. They stop courting when 
they get married. They think, we have won her and 
that is enough. Ah ! the difference before and after ! 
How well they look ! How bright their eyes ! How light 
their steps, and how full they were of generosity and 
laughter ! I tell you a man should consider himself in 
good luck if a woman loves him when he is doing his 
level best ! Good luck ! Good luck ! And another thing 
that is the cause of much trouble is that people don't 
count fairly. They do what they call putting their best 



33$ ingersoll's lectures. 

foot forward. That means lying a little. I say put your 
worst foot forward. If you have got any faults admit 
them. If you drink say so and quit it. If you chew and 
smoke and swear, say so. If some of your kindred are 
not very good people, say so. If you have had two or 
three that died on the gallows, or that ought to have 
died there, say so. Tell all your faults and if after she 
knows your faults she says she will have you, you have 
got the dead wood on that woman forever. I claim 
that there should be perfect equality in the home, and I 
can not think of anything nearer Heaven than a home 
where there is true republicanism and true democracy 
at the fireside. All are equal. 

And then, do you know, I like to think that love is 
eternal ; that if you really love the woman, for her sake, 
you will love her no matter what she may do ; that if 
she really loves you. for your sake, the same ; that love 
does not look at alterations, through the wrinkles of time, 
through the mask of years — if you really love her you 
will always see the face you loved and won. And I like 
to think of it. If a man loves a woman she does not 
ever grow old to him. And the woman who really 
loves a man does not see that he is growing 
older. He is not decrepit to her. He is not 
tremulous. He is not old. He is not bowed. She 
always sees the same gallant fellow that won her hand 
and heart. I like to think of it in that way, and as 
Shakespeare says : 1 1 Let Time reach with his sickle as 
far as ever he can ; although he can reach ruddy cheeks 
and ripe lips, and flashing eyes, he can not quite reach 
love." I like to think of it. We will go down the hill 
of life together, and enter the shadow one with the other, 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 339 

and as we go down we may hear the rippie of the laugh- 
ter of our grandchildren, and the birds, and spring, and 
youth, and love will sing once more upon the leafless 
branches of the tree of age, I love to think of it in that 
way — absolute equals, happy, happy, and free, all our 
own. 

But some people say : "Would you allow a woman 
to vote ?" Yes, if she wants to ; that is her business, 
not mine. If a woman wants to vote, I am too much of 
a gentleman to say she shall not. But, they say, wo- 
man has not sense enough to vote. It don't take much. 
But it seems to me there are some questions, as for in- 
stance, the question of peace or war, that a woman 
should be allowed to vote upon. A woman that has 
sons to be offered on the altar of that Moloch, it seems 
to me that such a woman should have as much right to 
vote upon the question of peace and war as some thrice- 
besotted sot that reels to the ballot box and deposits his 
vote for war. But if women have been slaves, what 
shall we say of the little children, born in the sub-cellars ; 
children of poverty, children of crime, children of wealth, 
children that are afraid when they hear their names pro- 
nounced by the lips of their mother, children that cower 
in fear when they hear the footsteps of their brutal 
father, the flotsam and jetsam upon the rude sea of life, 
my heart goes out to them one and all. 

Children have all the rights that we have and one 
more, and that is to be protected. Treat your children 
in that way. Suppose your child tells a lie. Don't pre- 
tend that the whole world is going into bankruptcy. 
Don't pretend that that is the first lie ever told. Tell 
them, like an honest man, that you have told hundreds 



340 ingersoll's lectures. 

of lies yourself, and tell the dear little darling that it is 
not the best way ; that it soils the soul. Think of the 
man that deals in stocks whipping his children for put- 
ting false rumors afloat ! Think of an orthodox minister 
whipping his own flesh and blood, for not telling all it 
thinks ! Think of that ! Think of a lawyer for beating 
his child for avoiding the truth ! when the old man makes 
about half his living that way. A lie is born of weakness 
on one side and tyranny on the other. That is what it 
is. Think of a great big man coming at a little bit of a 
child with a club in his hand ! What is the little dar- 
ling to do ? Lie, of course. I think that mother Nature 
put that ingenuity into the mind of the child, when 
attacked by a parent, to throw up a little breastwork in 
the shape of a lie to defend itself. When a great general 
wins a battle by what they call strategy, we build monu- 
ments to him. What is strategy ? Lies. Suppose a 
man as much larger than we are as we are larger than a 
child five years of age, should come at us with a liberty 
pole in his hand, and in tones of thunder want to 
know "who broke that plate," there isn't one of us, not 
excepting myself, that wouldn't swear that we never had 
seen that plate in our lives, or that it was cracked when 
we got it. 

Another good way to make children tell the truth is to 
tell it yourself. Keep your word with your child the 
same as you would with your banker. If you tell a child 
you will do anything, either do it or give the child the 
reason why. Truth is born of confidence. It comes 
from the lips of love and liberty. I was over in Michigan 
the other day. There was a boy over there at Grand 
Rapids about five or six years old, a nice, smart boy, as 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 341 

you will see from the remark he made — what you might 
call a nineteenth century boy. His father and mother 
had promised to take him out riding. They had pro- 
mised to take him out riding for about three weeks, and 
they would slip off and go without him. Well, after 
while that got kind of played out with the little boy, and 
the day before I was there they played the trick on him 
again. They went out and got the carriage, and went 
away, and as they rode away from the front of the house, 
he happened to be standing there with his nurse, and he 
saw them. The whole thing flashed on him in a mo- 
ment. He took in the situation, and turned to his nurse 
and said, pointing to his father and mother: " There 

go the two d 1 liars in the State of Michigan ! " 

When you go home fill the house with joy, so that the 
light of it will stream out the windows and doors, and 
illuminate even the darkness. It is just as easy that 
way as any in the world. 

I want to tell you to-night that you can not get the 
robe of hypocrisy on you so thick that the sharp eye of 
childhood will not see through every veil, and if you pre- 
tend to your children that you are the best man that 
ever lived — the bravest man that ever lived — they will 
find you out every time. They will not have the same 
opinion of father when they grow up that they used to 
have. They will have to be in mighty bad luck if they 
ever do meaner things than you have done. When your 
child confesses to you that it has committed a fault, 
take that child in your arms, and let it feel your heart 
beat against its heart, and raise your children in the sun- 
light of love, and they will be sunbeams to you along the 
pathway of life. Abolish the club and the whip from 



34 2 ingersoll's lectures. 

the house, because, if the civilized use a whip, the ig- 
norant and the brutal will use a club, and they will use 
it because you use the whip. 

Every little while some door is thrown open in some 
orphan asylum, and there we see the bleeding back of a 
child whipped beneath the roof that was raised by love . 
It is infamous, and a man that can't raise a child with- 
out the whip ought not to have a child. If there is one 
of you here that ever expect to whip your child again, 
let me ask you something. Have your photograph taken 
at the time and let it show your face red with vulgar 
anger, and the face of the little one with eyes swimming 
in tears, and the little chin dimpled with fear, looking 
like a piece of water struck by a sudden cold wind. If 
that little child should die, I can not think of a sweeter 
way to spend an Autumn afternoon than to take that 
photograph and go to the cemetery, when the maples 
are clad in tender gold, and when little scarlet run- 
ners are coming from the sad heart of the earth, and sit 
down upon that mound, and look upon that photograph, 
and think of the flesh, now dust, that you beat. Just 
think of it. I could not bear to die in the arms of a 
child that I had whipped. I could not bear to feel upon 
my lips, when they were withered beneath the touch of 
death, the kiss of one that I had struck. Some Chris- 
tians act as though they really thought that when 
Christ said, ''Suffer little children to come unto me, "He 
had a rawhide under His coat . They act as though they 
really thought that He made that remark simply to get 
the children within striking distance . 

I have known Christians to turn their children from 
their doors, especially a daughter, and then get down on 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 343 

their knees and pray to God to watch over then and help 
them. I will never ask God to help my children unless 
I am doing my level best in that same wretched line. I 
will tell you what I say to my girls : ' ' Go where you will; 
do what crime you may ; fall to what depth of degrada- 
tion you may ; in all the storms and winds and earth- 
quakes of life, no matter what you do, you never can 
commit any crime that will shut my door, my arms or 
my heart to you. As long as I live you have one sincere 
friend." Call me an atheist ; call me an infidel because 
I hate the God of the Jew — which I do. I intend so to 
live that when I die my children can come to my grave 
and truthfully say : ' ' He who sleeps here never gave us 
one moment of pain." 

When I was a boy there was one day in each week 
too good for a child to be happy in. In these good old 
times Sunday commenced when the sun went down on 
Saturday night and closed when the sun went down on 
Sunday night. We commenced Saturday to get a good 
ready. And when the sun went down Saturday night 
there was a gloom deeper than midnight that fell upon 
the house. You could not crack hickory nuts then. 
And if you were caught chewing gum, it was only an- 
other evidence of the total depravity of the human heart. 
Well, after a while we got to bed sadly and sorrowfully 
after having heard Heaven thanked that we were not all 
in Hell. And I sometimes used to wonder how the mercy 
of God lasted as long as it did, because I recollected 
that on several occasions I had not been at school, when 
I was supposed to be there. Why I was not burned to 
a crisp was a mystery to me. The next morning we got 
ready for church — all solemn, and when we got there 



344 ingersoll's lectures. 

the minister was up in the pulpit, about twenty feet 
high, and he commenced at Genesis about 4 'The fall 
of man," and he went on to about -twenty thirdly; then 
he struck the second application, and when he struck 
the application I knew he was about half way through. 
And then he went on to show the scheme how the Lord 
was satisfied by punishing the wrong man. Nobody but 
a God would have thought of that ingenious way. Well, 
when he got through that, then came the catechism — the 
chief end of man. Then my turn came, and we sat 
along on a little bench where our feet came within about 
fifteen inches of the floor, and the dear old minister used 
to ask us : 

' ' Boys, do you know that you ought to be in Hell ? ' 
And we answered up as cheerfully as could be ex- 
pected under the circumstances • 
4 'Yes, sir." 

' ' Well, boys, do you know that you would go to Hell 
if you died in your sins ?" 
And we said : ' ' Yes, sir. " 
And then came the great test : 

' ' Boys " — I can't get the tone, you know. And do 
you know that is how the preachers get the bronchitis. 
You never heard of an auctioneer getting the bronchitis, 
nor the second mate on a steamboat — never. What 
gives it to the minister is talking solemnly when they 
don't feel that way, and it has the same influence upon 
the organs of speech that it would have upon the cords 
of the calves of your legs to walk on your tip-toes, and 
so I call bronchitis " parsonitis." And if the ministers 
would all tell exactly what they think they would all get 



SKULLS AND REPLIES, 345 

well, but keeping back a part of the truth is what gives 
them bronchitis. 1 

Well the old man — the dear old minister — used to try 
and show us how long we would be in Hell if we would 
only locate there. But to finish the other. The grand 
test question was : 

"Boys, if it was God's will that you should go to Hell, 
would you be willing to go ?" 

And every little liar said : 

" Yes, sir." 

Then, in order to tell how long we would stay there, 
he used to say : 

"Suppose once in a billion ages a bird should come 
from a far distant clime and carry off in its bill one little 
grain of sand, the time would finally come when the last 
grain of sand would be carried away. Do you under- 
stand ? 

"Yes, sir." 

" Boys, by that time it would not be sun-up in Hell." 

Where did that doctrine of Hell come from ? I will 
tell you ; from that fellow in the dug-out. Where did 
he get it ? It was a a souvenir from the wild beasts. 
Yes, I tell you he got it from the wild beasts, from the 
glittering eye of the serpent, from the coiling, twisting 
snakes with their fangs mouths ; and it came from the 
bark, growl and howl of wild beasts ; it was born of a 
laugh of the hyena and got it from the depraved chatter 
of malicious apes. And I depise it with every drop of 
my blood and defy it. If there is any God in this uni- 
verse who will damn his children for an expression of an 
honest thought I wish to go to Hell. I would rather go 
there than go to heaven and keep the company of a God 



34-6 INGERSOLLS LECTURES. 

that would thus damn his children. Oh ! it is an in- 
famous doctrine to teach that to little children, to put 
a shadow in the heart of a child to fill the insane asylums 
with that miserable, infamous lie. I see now and then a 
little girl — a dear little darling, with a face like the light, 
and eyes of joy, a human blossom, and I think, "is it 
possible that little girl will ever grow up to be a Presby- 
terian ? " Is it possible, my goodness, that that flower 
will finally believe in the five points of Calvinism or in 
the eternal damnation of man ? " Is it possible that that 
little fairy will finally believe that she could be happy in 
Heaven with her baby in Hell ? Think of it ! Think 
of it ! And that is the Christian religion ! 

We cry out against the Indian mother that throws her 
child into the Ganges to be devoured by the alligator or 
crocrodile, but that is joy in comparison with the Chris- 
tian mother's hope, that she may be in salvation while 
her brave boy is in Hell. 

I tell you I want to kick the doctrine about Hell — I 
want to kick it out every time I go by it. I want to get 
Americans in this country placed so they will be ashamed 
to preach it . I want to get the congregations so that 
they won't listen to it. We cannot divide the world off 
into saints and sinners in that way. There is a little 
girl, fair as a flower, and she grows up until she is 
twelve, thirteen, or fourteen years old. Are you going to 
damn her in the fifteenth, sixteenth or seventeenth year, 
when the arrow from Cupid's bow touches her heart and 
she is glorified — are you going to damn her now ? She 
marries and loves, and holds in her arms a beautiful 
child ? Are you going to damn her now ? When are you 
going to damn her ? Because she has listened to some 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 347 

Methodist minister and after all that flood of light failed 
to believe ? Are you going to damn her then ? T tell you 
God can not afford to damn such a woman. 

A woman in the State of Indiana forty or fifty years 
ago who carded the wool and made rolls and spun them, 
and made the cloth and cut out the clothes for the chil- 
dren, and nursed them, and sat up with them nights and 
gave them medicine, and held them in her arms and 
wept over them — cried for joy and wept for fear, and 
finally raised ten or eleven good men and women with 
the ruddy glow of health upon their cheeks, and she 
would have died for any one of them any moment of her 
life, and finally she, bowed with age and bent with care 
and labor, dies, and at the moment the magical touch 
of death is upon her face, she looks as though she never 
had had a care, and her children burying her cover 
her face with tears . Do you tell me God can afford 
to damn that kind of a woman ? One such act of in- 
justice would turn Heaven itself into Hell. If there is 
any God, sitting above him in infinite serenity we have 
the figure of justice. Even a God must do justice; 
even a God must worship justice ; and any form of su- 
perstition that destroys justice is infamous ! Just think 
of teaching that doctrine to little children ! A little 
child would go out into the garden, and there would be 
a little tree laden wifh blossoms, and the little fellow 
would lean against it, and there would be a bird on one 
of the boughs, singing and swinging, and thinking about 
four little speckled eggs, warmed by the breast 
of its mate — and singing and swinging, and the music in 
in happy waves rippling out of the tiny throat, and the 
flowers blossoming, the air filled with perfume, and the 



348 ingersoll's lectures. 

great white clouds floating in the sky, and the little boy 
would lean up against the tree and think about 
Hell and the worm that never dies. Oh ! the idea there 
can be any day too good for a child to be happy in! 

Well, after we got over the catechism, then came 
the sermon in the afternoon, and it was exactly like the 
one in the forenoon, except the other end to. Then we 
started for home — a solemn march — ' ' not a soldier dis- 
charged his farewell shot " — and when we got home, if 
we had been really good boys, we used to be taken up to 
the cemetery to cheer us up, and it always did cheer me, 
those sunken graves, those leaning stones, those gloomy 
epitaphs covered with the moss of years always cheered 
me. When I looked at them I said : "Well, this kind 
of thing can't last always." Then we came back home, 
and we had books to read which were very eloquent and 
amusing. We had Josephus, and the "History of the 
Waldenses," and (i Fox's Book of Martyrs," Baxter's 
"Saint's Rest," and " Jenkyn on the Atonement." I 
used to read Jenkjn with with a good deal of pleasure, 
and I often thought that the atonement would have to 
be very broad in its provisions to cover the case of a 
man that would write such a book for boys. Then I 
would look to see how the sun was getting on, and some- 
times I thought it had stuck from pure cussedness. 
Then I would go back and try Jenkyn's again. Well, 
but it had to go down, and when the last rim of light 
sank below the horizon, off would go our hats and we 
would give three cheers for liberty once again. 

I tell you, don't make slaves of your children on Sun- 
day. 

The idea that there is any God that hates to hear a 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 349 

child laugh ! Let your children play games on Sunday. 
Here is a poor man that hasn't money enough to go to a 
big church and he has too much independence to go to a 
little church that the big church built for charity. He 
don't want to slide into Heaven that way. I tell you 
don't come to church, but go to the woods and take your 
family and a lunch with you, and sit down upon the old 
log and let the children gather flowers and hear the leaves 
whispering poems like memories of long ago, and when 
the sun is about going down, kissing the summits of far 
hills, go home with your hearts filled with throbs of joy. 
There is more recreation and joy in that than going to a 
dry goods box with a steeple on top of it and hearing a 
man tell you that your chances are about ninety-nine to 
one for being eternally damned. Let us make this Sun- 
day a day of splendid pleasure, not to excess, but to every- 
thing that makes man purer and grander and nobler. I 
would like to see now something like this : Instead of so 
many churches, a vast cathedral that would hold twenty 
or thirty thousands of people, and I would like to see an 
opera produced in it that would make the souls of men 
have higher and grander and nobler aims. I would like 
to see the walls covered with pictures and the niches 
rich with statuary ; I would like to see something put 
there that you could use in this world now, and I do not 
believe in sacrificing the present to the future ; I do not 
believe in drinking skimmed milk here with the promise 
of butter beyond the clouds. Space or time can not be 
holy any more than a vacuum can be pious. Not a bit, 
not a bit ; and no day can be so holy but what the laugh 
of a child will make it holier still. 

Strike with hand of fire, on, weird musician, thy harp, 



3^0 iNGERSOLL's LECTURES, 

strung with Apollo's golden hair ! Fill the vast cathedral 
aisles with symphonies sweet and dim, deft toucher of 
the organ's keys ; blow, bugler, blow until thy silver 
notes do touch and kiss the moonlit waves, and charm 
the lovers wandering 'mid the vine-clad hills. But know 
your sweetest strains are discords all compared with 
childhood's happy laugh — the laugh that fills the eyes 
with light and every heart with joy ! O, rippling river 
of laughter, thou art the blessed boundary line between 
the beasts and men, and every wayward wave of thine 
doth drown some fretful fiend of care. O Laughter, 
rose lipped daughter of Joy, there are dimples enough in 
thy cheeks to catch and hold and glorify all the tears of 
grief. 

Don't plant your children in long, straight rows like 
posts. Let them have light and air and let them grow 
beautiful as palms. When I was a little boy children 
went to bed when they were not sleepy, and always 
got up when they were. I would like to see that 
changed, but they say we are too poor, some of us, to 
do it. Well, all right. It is as easy to wake a child 
with a kiss as with a blow ; with kindness as with curse. 
And, another thing ; let the children eat what they 
want to. Let them commence at whichever end of the 
dinner they desire. That is my doctrine. They know 
what they want much better than you do. Nature is a 
great deal smarter than you ever were. 

All the advance that has been made in tbe science 
of medicine, has been made by the recklessness of pa- 
tients. I can recollect when they wouldn't give a man 
water in a fever — not a drop. Now and then some 
fellow would get so thirsty he would say : "Well, I'll 



skulls And replies. 3$i 

die any way, so I'll drink it," and thereupon he would 
drink a gallon of water, and thereupon he would burst 
into a generous perspiration, and get well — and the 
next morning when the doctor would come to see him 
they would tell him about the man drinking the water, 
and he would say : 
"How much ?" 

"Well, he swallowed two pitchers full." 

"Is he alive ?" 

"Yes." 

So they would go into the room and the doctor would 
feel his pulse and ask him : 

" Did you drink two pitchers of water ? 
"Yes." 

"My God ! what a constitution you have got." 

I tell you there is something splendid in man that 
will not always mind. Why, if we had done as the 
kings told us five hundred years ago, we would all have 
been slaves. If we had done as the priests told us we 
would all have been idiots. If we had done as the doc- 
tors told us we would all have been dead. We have 
been saved by disobedience. We have been saved by 
tnat splendid thing called independence, and I want to 
see more of it, day after day, and I want to see children 
raised so they will have it. That is my doctrine. Give 
the children a chance. Be perfectly honor bright with 
them, and they will be your friends when you are old. 
Don't try to teach them something they can never learn. 
Don't insist upon their pursuing some calling they have 
no sort of faculty for. Don't make that poor girl play 
ten years on a piano when she has no ear for music, 
and when she has practiced until she can play "Bona- 



35 2 ingersoll's lectures. 

parte crossing the Alps," and you can't tell after she has 
played it whether Bonaparte ever got across or not. Men 
are oaks, women are vines, children are flowers, and if 
there is any Heaven in this world, it is in the family. 
It is where the wife loves the husband, and the husband 
loves the wife, and where the dimpled arms of children 
are about the necks of both. That is Heaven, if there is 
any — and I do not want any better Heaven in another 
world than that, and if in another world I can not live 
with the ones I loved here, then I would rather not be 
there. I would rather resign. 

Well, my friends, I have some excuses to make for 
the race to which I belong. In the first place, this 
world is not very well adapted to raising good men 
and good women. It is three times better adapted to 
the cultivation of fish than of people. There is one 
little narrow belt running zigzag around the world, in 
which men and women of genius can be raised, and 
that is all. It is with man as it is with vegetation. 
In the valley you find the oak and elm tossing their 
branches defiantly to the storm, and as you advance 
up the mountain side the hemlock, the pine, the birch, 
the spruce, the fir, and finally you come to little dwarfed 
trees, that look like other trees seen through a telescope 
reversed — every limb twisted as through pain — getting a 
scantysubsistancefrom the miserly crevices of the rocks. 
You go on and on, until at last the highest crag is 
freckled with a kind of moss, and vegetation ends. You 
might as well try to raise oaks and elms where the mos- 
ses grow, as to raise great men and women where their 
surroundings are unfavorable. You must have the proper 
climate and soil. 



SKULLS AND REPLIES, 353 

There never has been a man or woman of genius from 
the southern hemisphere, because the Lord didn't allow 
the right climate to fall upon the land. It falls upon 
the water. There never was much civilization except 
where there has been snow, and ordinarily decent Win- 
ter. You can't have civilization without it. Where man 
needs no bedclothes but clouds, revolution is the normal 
condition of such a people. It is the Winter that gives 
us the home ; it is the Winter that gives us the fireside 
and the family relation and all the beautiful flowers of 
love that adorn that relation. Civilization, liberty, 
justice, charity and intellectual advancement are all flow- 
ers that bloom in the drifted snow. You can't have them 
anywhere else, und that is the reason we of the north 
are civilized, and that is the reason that civilization has 
always been with Winter. That is the reason that phil- 
osophy has been here, and, in spite of all our supersti- 
tions, we have advanced beyond some of the other races, 
because we have had this assistance of nature, that drove 
us into the family relation, that made us prudent ; that 
made us lay up at one time for another season of the 
year. So there is one excuse I have tor my race. 

I have got another. I think we came from the lower 
animals. I am not dead sure of it, but think so. When 
I first read about it I didn't like it. My heart was filled 
with sympathy for those people who have nothing to be 
proud of except ancestors. I thought how terrible it will be 
upon the nobility of the old world. Think of their being 
forced to trace their ancestry back to the Duke Orang- 
Outang or to the Princess Chimpanzee. After thinking 
it all over I came to the conclusion that I liked that doc- 
trine. I became convinced in spite of myself. I read 



354 ingersoll's lectures. 

about rudimentary bones and musles. I was told that 
everybody had rudimentary muscles extending from the 
ear into the cheek. I asked ; " What are they ? " I was 
told : ' ' They are the remains of muscles ; that they be- 
came rudimentary from the lack of use." They went 
into bankruptcy. They are the muscles with which your 
ancestors used to flap their ears. Well, at first, I was 
greatly astonished, and afterward I was more astonished 
to find they had become rudimentary. How can you 
account for John Calvin unless we came up from the 
lower animals ? How could you account for a man that 
would use the extremes of torture unless you admit that 
there is in uian the elements of a snake, of a vulture, a 
hyena, and a jackal ? How can you account for the re- 
ligious creeds of to-day ? How can you account for that 
infamous doctrine of Hell, except with an animal origin? 
How can you account for your conception of a God that 
would sell women and babes into slavery ? 

Well, I thought that thing over and I began to like it 
after a while, and I said : " It is not so much difference 
who my father was as who his son is." And I fianally 
said I would rather belong to a race that commenced 
with the skulless vertebrates in the dim Laurentian seas, 
that wriggled without knowing why they wriggled, swim- 
ming without knowing where they were going, that come 
along up by degrees through millions of ages, through all 
that crawls, and swims, and floats, and runs, and growls, 
and barks, and howls, until it struck this fellow in the 
dug-out. And then that fellow in the dug-out getting a 
little grander, and each one below calling every one 
above him a heretic, calling every one who had made a 
little advance an infidel or an atheist, and finally the 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 355 

heads getting a little higher and looming up a little 
grander and more splendidly, and finally produced Shak- 
speare, who harvested all the field of dramatic thought 
and from whose day until now there have been none but 
gleaners of chaff and straw. Shakspeare was an intel- 
lectual ocean whose waves touched all the shores of hu- 
man thought, within which were all the tides and cur- 
rents and pulses upon which lay all the lights and shad- 
ows, and over which brooded all the calms, and swept 
all the storms and tempests of which the soul is capable. 
I would rather belong to that race that commenced with 
that skulless vertebrate ; that produced Shakspeare, a 
race that has before it an infinite future, with the angel 
of progress leaning from the far horizon, beckoning men 
forward and upward forever. I would rather belong to 
that race than to have descended from a perfect pair 
upon which the Lord has lost money every moment from 
that day to this. 

Now, my crime has been this : I have insisted that 
the Bible is not the word of God. I have insisted that 
we should not whip our children. I have insisted that 
we should treat our wives as loving equals. I have de- 
nied that God — if there is any God — ever upheld poly- 
gamy and slavery. I have denied that that God ever 
told his generals to kill innocent babes and tear and rip 
open women with the sword of war. I have denied that 
and for that I have been assailed by the clergy of the 
United States. They tell me I have misquoted ; and I 
owe it to you, and maybe I owe it to myself, to read one 
or two words to you upon this subject. In order to do 
that I shall have to put on my glasses ; and that brings 
me back to where I started — that man has advanced just 



356 ingersoll's lectures. 

in proportion as his thought has mingled with his labor. 
If man's eyes hadn't failed he would never have made 
any spectacles, he would never have had the telescope, 
and he would never have been able to read the leaves of 
Heaven. 



COL. INGERSOLL'S REPLY TO DR. COLLYER. 



Now, they tell me — and there are several gentlemen 
who have spoken on this subject — the Rev. Mr. Collyer, 
a gentleman standiug as high as anybody, and I have 
nothing to say against him — because I denounced God 
who upheld murder, and slavery and polygamy, he said 
that what I said was slang. I would like to have it 
compared with any sermon that ever issued from the 
lips of that gentleman. And before he gets through he 
admits that the Old Testament is a rotten tree that will 
soon fall into the earth and act as a fertilizer for his 
doctrine. 

Is it honest in that man to assail my motive ? Let him 
answer my argument ! Is it honest and fair in him to 
say I am doing a certain thing because it is popular ? 
Has it got to this, that, in this Christian country, where 
they have preached every day hundreds and thousands 
of sermons — has it goMo this that infidelity is so popular 
in the United States ? 

If it has, [ take courage. And I not only see the dawn 
of a brighter day, but the day is here. Think of it ! A 
minister tells me in this year of grace, 1879, that a man 
is an infidel simply that he may be popular. I am glad 
of it. Simply that he may make money. Is it possible 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 357 

that we can make more money tearing up churches than 
in building them up ? Is it possible that we can make 
more money denouncing the God of slavery than we can 
praising the God that took liberty f. om man ? If so, I 
am glad. 

I call publicly upon Robert Collyer — a man for whom 
I have great respect — I call publicly upon Robert Collyer 
to state to the people of this city whether he believes the 
Old Testament was inspired. I call upon him to state 
whether he believes that God ever upheld these institu- 
tions ; whether God was a polygamist ; whether he be- 
lieves that God commanded Moses or Joshua or any one 
else to slay little children in the cradle. Do yon believe 
that Robert Collyer would obey such an order ? Do you 
believe that he would rush to the cradle and drive the 
knife of theological hatred to the tender heart of a dim- 
pled child ? And yet when I denounce a God that will 
give such a hellish order, he says it is slang, 

I want him to answer ; and when he answers he will 
say he does not believe the Bible is inspired. That is 
what he will say, and he holds these old worthies in the 
same contempt that I do. Suppose he should act like 
Abraham. Suppose he should send some woman out 
into the wilderness with his child in her arms to starve, 
would he think that mankind ought to hold up his name 
forever, for reverence. 

Robert Collyer says that we should read and scan every 
word of the Old Testament with reverence ; that we 
should take this book up with reverential hands. I deny 
it. We should read it as we do every other book, and 
everything good in it, keep it ; and everything that shocks 



358 ingersoll's lectures. 

the brain and shocks the heart, throw it away. Let us 
be honest. 

ingersoll's reply to prof, swing. 
Prof. Swing has made a few remarks on this subject, 
and I say the spirit he has exhibited has been as gentle 
and as sweet as the perfume of a flower. He was too 
good a man to stay in the Presbyterian church. He was 
a rose among thistles. He was a dove among vultures 
— and they hunted him out, and I am glad he came out. 
- 1 tell all the churches to drive all such men out, and 
when he comes I want him to state just what he thinks. 
I want him to tell the people of Chicago whether he be- 
lieves the Bible is inspired in any sense except that in 
which Shakspeare was inspired. Honor bright, I tell 
you that all the sweet and beautiful things in the Bible 
would not make one play of Shakspeare; all the philo- 
sophy in the world would not make one scene in Ham- 
let; all the beauties of the Bible would not make one 
scene in the Midsummer Night's Dream ; all the beauti- 
ful things about woman in the Bible would not begin to 
create such a character as Perditu or Imogene or Mi- 
randa. Not one. 

I want him to tell whether he believes the Bible was 
inspired in any other way than Shakspeare was inspired. 
I want him to pick out something as beautiful and tender 
as Burns' poem to Mary in Heaven. I want him to tell 
whether he believes the story about the bears eating up 
children ; whether that is inspired. 1 want him to tell 
whether he considers that a poem or not. I want to 
know if the same God made those bears that devoured 
the children because they laughed at an old man out of 
hair. I want to know if the same God that did that is 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 359 

the same God who said, ' ' Suffer little children to come 
unto me, for such is the kingdom of Heaven." I want 
him to answer it. and answer it fairly. That is all I ask. 
I want just the fair thing. 

Now, sometimes Mr. Swing talks as though he believed 
the Bible, and then he talks to me as though he didn't 
believe the Bible. The day he made this sermon I 
think he did, just a little, believe it. He is like the man 
that passed a ten dollar counterfeit bill. He was arrested 
and his father went to see him and said, "John, how 
could you commit such a crime ? How could you bring 
my gray hairs in sorrow to the grave ? " ' ' Well, " he 
says, "father, I'll tell you. I got this bill and some 
days I thought it was bad and some days I thought it 
was good, and one day when I thought it was good I 
passed it." 

I want it distinctly understood that I have the greatest 
respect for Prof. Swing, but I want him to tell whether 
the 1 09th psalm is inspired. I want him to tell whether 
the passages I shall afterward read in this book are in- 
spired. That is what I want. 

INGERSOLL'S REPLY TO BROOKE HERFORD, D. D. 

Then there is another gentleman here. His name is 
Herford. He says it is not fair to apply the test of 
truth to the Bible — I don't think it is myself. He says 
although Moses upheld slavery, that he improved it . 
They were not quite so bad as they were before, and 
Heaven justified slavery at that time. Do you believe 
that God ever turned the arms of children into chains of 
slavery ? Do you believe that God ever said to a man : 
' ' You can't have your wife unless you will be a slave ? 
You can not have your children unless you will lose your 



360 ingeksoll's lectures. 

liberty ; and unless you are willing to throw them from 
your heart forever, you can not be free ? I want Mr. 
Herford to state whether he loves such a God. Be honor 
bright about it. Don't begin to talk about civilization. 
Or what the church has done or will do. Just walk right 
up to the rack and say whether you love and worship a 
God that established slavery. Honest ! And love and 
worship a God that would allow a little babe to be torn 
from the breast of its mother and sold into slavery. Now 
tell it fair, Mr. Herford, I want you to tell the ladies in 
your congregation that you believe in a God that allowed 
women to be given to the soldiers. Tell them that, and 
then if you say it was not the God of Moses, then don't 
praise Moses any more. Don't do it. Answer these 
questions. 

INGERSOLL GATLING GUN TURNED ON DR. RYDER. 

Then here is another gentleman, Mr. Ryder, the Rev. 
Mr. Ryder, and he says that Calvinism is rejected by a 
majority of Christendom. He is mistaken. There is 
what they call the Evangelical Alliance. They met in 
this country in 1875 or 1876, and there were present re- 
presentatives of all the evangelical churches in the world, 
and they adopted a creed, and that creed is that man is 
totally depraved. That creed is that there is an eternal, 
universal Hell, and that every man that does not believe 
in a certain way is bound to be damned forever, and 
that there is only one way to be saved, and that is by 
faith, and by faith alone ; and they would not allow any- 
body to be represented there that did not believe that, 
and they would not allow a Unitarian there, and would 
not have allowed Dr. Ryder there, because he takes 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 36 1 

away from the Christian world the consolation naturally 
arising from the belief in Hell. 

Dr. Ryder is mistaken. All the orthodox religion of 
the day is Calvinism. It believes in the fall of man. It 
believes in the atonement. It believes in the eternity of 
Hell, and it believes in salvation by faith ; that is to say, 
by credulity. 

That is what they believe, and he is mistaken ; and I 
want to tell Dr. Kyder to-day, if there is a God, and He 
wrote the Old Testament, there is a Hell. The God 
that wrote the Old Testament will have a Hell. And I 
want to tell Dr. Ryder another thing, that the Bible 
teaches an eternity of punishment. I want to tell him 
that the Bible upholds the doctrine of Hell. I want to 
tell Him that if there is no Hell, somebody ought to have 
said so, and Jesus Christ should not have said : "I will 
at the last day say : ' Depart from me, ye cursed, into 
everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.' " 
If there was not such a place, Christ would not have 
said : " Depart from me, ye cursed, and these shall go 
hence into everlasting fire. " And if you, Dr. Ryder, are 
depending for salvation on the God that wrote the Old 
Testament, you will inevitably be eternally damned. 

There is no hope for you. It is just as bad to deny 
Hell as it is to deny Heaven. It is just as much blas- 
phemy to deny the devil as to deny God, according to 
the orthodox creed. He admits that the Jews were poly- 
gamists, but, he says, how was it they finally quit it ? 1 
can tell you — the soil was so poor they couldn't afford it. 
Prof. Swing says the Bible is a poem. Dr. Ryder says 
it is a picture. The Garden of Eden is pictorial ; a pic- 
torial snake and a pictorial woman, I suppose, and a 



362 INGERSOLLS LECTURES. 

pictorial man, and maybe it was a pictorial sin. And 
only a pictorial atonement. 

ingersoll's reply to rabbi bien. 

Then there is another gentleman, and he a rabbi, a 
Rabbi Bien, or Bean, or-whatever his name is, and he 
comes to the defense of the Great Law-giver. There 
was another rabbi who attacked me in Cincinnati, and I 
couldn't help but think of the old saying that a man got 
off when he said the tallest man he ever knew, his name 
was Short. And the fattest man he ever saw, his name 
was Lean. And it is only necessary for me to add that 
this rabbi in Cincinnati was Wise. 

The rabbi here, I will not answer him, and I will tell 
you why. Because he has taken himself outside of all 
the limits of a gentleman ; because he has taken it upon 
himself to traduce American women in language the 
beastliest I ever read ; and any man who says that the 
American women are not just as good women as any God 
can make and pick his mud to-day, is an unappreciative 
barbarian . 

I will let him alone because he denounced all the men 
in this country, all the members of Congress, all the 
members of the Senate, and all the judges upon the 
Bench ; in his lecture he denounced them as thieves and 
robbers. That won't do. I want to remind him that 
in this country the Jews were first admitted to the pri- 
vileges of citizens ; that in this country they were first 
given all their rights, and I am as much in favor of their 
having their rights as I am in favor of having my own. 
But when a rabbi so far forgets himself as to traduce the 
women and men of this country, I pronounce him a vul- 
gar falsifier, and let him alone. 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 363 

Strange, that nearly every man that has answered me, 
has answered me mostly on the same side. Strange, 
that nearly every man that thought himself called upon 
to defend the Bible was one who did not believe in it 
himself. Isn't it strange ? They are like some suspected 
people, always anxious to show their marriage certificate. 
They want at least to convince the world that they are 
not as bad as I am. 

Now, I want to read you just one or two things, and 
then I am going to let you go. I want to see if I have 
said such awful things, and whether I have got any scrip- 
ture to stand by me. I will read only two or three 
verses. Does the Bible teach man to enslave his brother ? 
If it does, it is not the word of God, unless God is a 
slaveholder. 

''Moreover, all the children of the strangers that do 
sojourn among you. of them shall ye buy of their families 
which are with you, which they beget in your land, and 
they shall be your possession. Ye shall take them as an 
inheritance for your children after you to inherit them. 
They shall be your bondsmen forever." — (Old Test- 
ament.) 

Upon the limbs of unborn babes this fiendish God put 
the chains of slavery. I hate him. 

**. Both thy bondmen and bondwomen shall be of the 
heathen round about thee and them shall ye buy, bond- 
men and bondwomen." 

Now let us read what the New Testament has. I 
could read a great deal more, but that is enough. 

"Servants, be obedient to them that are your mas- 
ters, according to the flesh in fear and trembling, in 
singleness of your heart, as unto Christ." 



364 ingersoll's lectures. 

This is putting the dirty thief that steals your labor 
on an equality with God. 

" Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; 
not only to the good and gentle but also to the fro- 
ward. " 

"For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience 
toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully. " 

The idea of a man on account of conscience toward 
God stealing another man, or allowing him nothing but 
lashes on his back as legal-tender for labor per- 
formed, j 

" Let as many servants as are under the yoke count 
their own masters worthy of all honor, that the name 
of God and His doctrine be not blasphemed." 

How can you blaspheme the name of God by assert- 
ing your independence ? How can you blaspheme the 
name of a God by striking fetters from the limbs of men? 
I wish some of your ministers would tell you that. "And 
they that have believing masters let them not despise 
them." That is to say. a good Christian could own 
another believer in Jesus Christ ; could own a woman 
and her children, and could sell the child away from 
its mother. That is a sweet belief. O, hypocrisy ! 

' ' Let them not despise them because they are brethren, 
but rather do them service because they are faithful and 
beloved, partakers of the benefit. " 

Oh, what slush ! Here is what they will tell the poor 
slave, so that he will serve the man that stole his wife 
and children from him : 

"For we brought nothing into this world, and it is 
certain we can carry nothing out. Having food and rai- 
ment let us be therewith content." 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 365 

Don't you think that it would do just as well to preach 
that to the thieving .man as to the suffering slave ? I 
think so. Then this same Bible teaches witchcraft, that 
spirits go into the bodies of the man, and pigs , and 
that God himself made a trade with the devil, and the 
devil traded him off — a man for a certain number of 
swine, and the devil lost money because the hogs ran 
right down into the sea. He got a corner on that 
deal. 

Now let us see how they believed in the rights of 
children : 

"If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son which 
will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his 
mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will 
not harken unto them, then shall his father and his 
mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the 
elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place. And 
they shall say unto the elders of his city, This, our son, 
is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice, he 
is a glutton and a drunkard, And all the men of this 
city shall stone him with stones, that he die, so shalt 
thou put evil away." 

That is a very good way to raise children. Here is 
the story of Jephthah. He went off and he asked the 
Lord to let him whip some people, and he told the Lord 
if He would let him whip them, he would sacrifice to the 
Lord the first thing that met him on his return ; and the 
first thing that met him was his own beautiful daughter, 
and he sacrified her. Is there a sadder story in all 
history than that ? What do you think of a man that 
would sacrifice his own daughter ? What do you think 
of a God that would receive that sacrifice ? Now, then, 



366 



ingersoll's lectures. 



they come to women in this blessed gospel, and let US 
see what the gospel says about women. Then you ought 
all to go to church, girls, next Sunday and hear it. ' ' Let 
the woman learn in silence with all subjection; but I 
suffer not a woman to teach nor to usurp authority over 
the man; but to be in silence for Adam was formed first, 
not Eve." 

Don't you see? 

"And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being 
deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she 
shall be saved in child-bearing if they continue in faith 
and charity and holiness with sobriety." (That is Mr. 
Timothy.) "But I would have you know that the head 
of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the 
man, and the head of Christ is God." 

I suppose that every old maid is acephalous. 

" For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, for- 
asmuch as he is the image and glory of God; but the 
woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of 
the woman, but woman of the man. Neither was the 
man created for the woman, but the woman for the man." 
* 4 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husband as 
unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife 
even as Christ is the head of the Church." 

Do you hear that? You didn't know how much we 
were above you. When you go back to the old testa- 
ment, to the great law-giver, you find that the woman 
has to ask forgiveness for having borne a child. If it 
was a boy, thirty-three days she was unclean; if it was 
a girl, sixty-six. Nice laws! Good laws! If there is a 
pure thing in this world, if there is a picture of per- 
fect purity, it is a mother with her child in her arms. 
Yes, I think more of a good woman and a child than 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 



367 



I do of all the gods I have ever heard these people tell 
about. Just think of this: 

"When thou goest forth to war against thine ene- 
mies, and the Lord thy God hath delivered them into 
thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, and seest 
among the captives a beautiful woman and hast a de- 
sire unto her that thou wouldst have her to thy wife, 
then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she 
shall shave her head, and pare her nails." 

Wherefore, ye must needs be subject not only for 
wrath but for conscience sake. "For this cause 
pay you tribute also, for they are God's ministers." 

I despise this wretched doctrine. Wherever the sword 
of rebellion is drawn in favor of the right, I am a rebel. 
I suppose Alexander, czar of Russia, was put there by 
the order of God, was he? I am sorry he was not re- 
moved by the nihilist that shot at him the other day. 

I tell you, in a country like that, where there are hun- 
dreds of girls not 16 years of age prisoners in Siberia, 
simply for giving their ideas about liberty, and we tele- 
graphed to that country, congratulating that wretch that 
he was not killed, my heart goes into the prison, my 
heart goes with the poor girl working as a miner in the 
mines, crawling on her hands and knees getting the pre- 
cious ore out of the mines, and my sympathies go with 
her, and my sympathies cluster around the point of the 
dagger. 

Does the bible describe a god of mercy? Let me read 
you a verse or two: 

" I will make mine arrows drunk with blood, and my 
sword shall devour flesh." ' 'Thy foot may be dipped in 
the blood of thine enemies, and the tongue of thy dogs in 
the same." 



368 



ingersoll's lectures. 



"And the Lord thy God will put out those nations be- 
fore thee by little and little; thou mayest not consume 
them at once, lest the beasts of the field increase upon 
thee. 

" But the Lord thy God shall deliver them unto thee, 
and shall destroy them with a mighty destruction, until 
they be destroyed. 

" And he shall deliver their kings into thine hand, and 
thou shalt destroy their name from under heaven; there 
shall no man be able to stand before thee, until thou 
have destroyed them." 

I can see what he had her nails pared for. Does the 
bible teach polygamy? 

The Rev. Dr. Newman, consul general to all the 
world — had a discussion with Elder Heber of Kimball, or 
some such wretch in Utah — whether the bible sustains 
polygamy, and the Mormons have printed that discussion 
as a campaign document. Read the order of Moses in 
the 31st chapter of Numbers. A great many chapters I 
dare not read to you. They are too filthy. I leave all 
that to the clergy. Read the 31st chapter of Exodus, 
the 3 1st chapter of Deuteronomy, the life of Abraham, 
and the life of David, and the life of Solomon, and then 
tell me that the bible does not uphold polygamy and con- 
cubinage! 

Let them answer. Then I said that the bible upheld 
tyranny. Let me read you a little: " Let every soul be 
subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power 
but of God. The powers that be are ordained of God." 

George III was king by the grace of God, and when 
our fathers rose in rebellion, according to this doctrine, 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 369 

they rose against the power of God ; and if they did they 
were successful. 

And so it goes on, telling of all the cities that were 
destroyed, and of the great-hearted men, that they 
dashed their brains out, and all the little babes, and all 
the sweet women that they killed and plundered — all 
in the name of a most merciful God. Well, think of 
it ! The Old Testament is filled with anathemas, and 
with curses, and with words of revenge, and jealousy, 
and hatred, and meanness, and brutality. 

Have I read enough to show that what I said is so ? 
I think I have. I wish I had time to read to you 
further of what the dear old fathers of the church said 
about woman — wait a minute, and I will read you a 
little. We have got them running. 

St. Augustine in his 226. book says : 44 A woman ought 
to serve her husband as unto God, affirming that wo- 
man ought to be braced and bridled betimes, if she 
aspire to any dominion, alleging that dangerous and 
perilous it is to suffer her to precede, although it be in 
temporal and corporeal things. How can woman be in 
the image of God, seeing she is subject to man, and hath 
no authority to teach, neither to be a witness, neither to 
judge, much less to rule or bear the rod of empire." 

Oh, he is a good one. These are the very words of 
Augustine . Let me read some more. 4 4 Woman shall 
be subject unto man as unto Christ." That is St. Aug- 
ustine, and this sentence of Augustine ought to be noted 
of all women, for in it he plainly affirms that women are 
all the more subject to man. And now, St. Ambrose, 
he is a good boy. 4 4 Adam was deceived by Eve — called 
Heva — and not Heva by Adam, and therefore just it is 



37° ingersoll's lectures. 

that woman receive and acknowledge him for governor 
whom she called sin, lest that again she slip and fall 
with womanly facility." Don't yon see that woman has 
sinned once, and man never ? If you give woman an 
opportunity, she will sin again, whereas if you give it to 
man, who never, never betrayed his trust in the world, 
nothing bad can happen. "Let women be subject to 
their own husbands as unto the Lord, for man is the 
head of woman, and Christ is the head of the congrega- 
tion." They are all real good men, all of them. ' * It is 
not permitted to woman to speak ; let her be in silence; 
as the law said : unto thy husband shalt thou ever be, 
and he shall bear dominion over thee." 

So St. Chrysostom. He is another good man. "Wo- 
man," he says, ' ' was put under the power of man, and 
man was pronounced lord over her ; that she should obey 
man, that the head should not follow the feet. False 
priests do commonly deceive women, because they are 
easily persuaded to any opinion, especially if it be again 
given, and because they lack prudence and right reason 
to judge the things that be spoken ; which should not 
be "the nature of those that are appointed to govern 
others . For they should be constant, stable, prudent, 
and doing everything with discretion aud reason, which 
virtues woman can not have in equality with man." 

I tell you women are more prudent than men. I tell 
you, as a rule, women are more ^truthful than men. I 
tell you that women are more faithful than men — ten 
times as faithful as man. I never saw a man pursue his 
wife into the very ditch and dust of degradation and take 
her in his arms. I never saw a man stand at the shore 
where she had been morally wrecked, waiting for the 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 3? I 

Waves to bring back even her corpse to his arms ; but I 
have seen woman do it. I have seen woman with her 
white arms lift man from the mire of degradation, and 
hold him to her bosom as though he were an angel. 

And these men thought woman not fit to be held as 
pure in the sight of God as man . I never saw a man 
that pretended that he didn't love a woman ; that pre- 
tended that he loved God better than he did a woman, 
that he didn't look hateful to me, hateful and unclean. 
I could read you twenty others, but I havn't time to do 
it . They are all to the same effect exactly. They hate 
woman, and say man is as much above her as God is 
above man. I am a believer in absolute equality. I am 
a believer in absolute liberty between man and wife. I 
believe in liberty, and I say, " Oh, liberty, float not for- 
ever in the far horizon — remain not forever in the dream 
of the enthusiast, the philanthropist and poet ; but come 
and make thy home among the children of men." 

I know not what discoveries, what inventions, what 
thoughts may leap from the brain of the world. I know 
not what garments of glory may be woven by the years 
to come. I can not dream of the victories to be won 
upon the field of thought ; but I do know that, coming 
down the infinite sea of the future, there will never touch 
this 4 'bank and shoal of time" a richer gift, a rarer 
blessing than liberty for man, woman and child. 

I never addressed a more magnificent audience in my 
life, and I thank you, I thank you a thousand times 
over. 

ingeksoll's catechism and bible class. 
Nothing is more gratifying than to see ideas that were 
received with scorn, flourishing in the sunshine of ap- 



372 ingersoll's lectures. , 

proval. Only a few weeks ago I stated that the Bible 
was not inspired ; that Moses was mistaken, that the 
" flood" was a foolish myth ; that the Tower of Babel 
existed only in credulity ; that God did not create the 
universe from nothing, that He did not start the first 
woman with a rib ; that He never upheld slavery ; that 
He was not a polygamist ; that He did not kill people 
for making hair- oil , that He did not order His Generals 
to kill the dimpled babes ; that He did not allow the 
roses of love and the violets of modesty to be trodden 
under the brutal feet of lust ; that the Hebrew language 
was written without vowels ; that the Bible was com- 
posed of many books written by unknown men ; that all 
translations differed from each other, and that this book 
had filled the world with agony and crime. 

At that time I had not the remotest idea that the most 
learned clergymen in Chicago would substantially agree 
with me — in public. I have read the replies of the Rev. 
Robert Collyer, Dr. Thomas, Rabbi Kohler, Rev. Brooke 
Herford, Prof. Swing, and Dr. Ryder, and will now ask 
them a few questions, answering them in their own 
words : 

First, Rev. Robert Collyer: Question. What is 
your opinion of the Bible ? Answer. "It is a splendid 
book. It makes the noblest type of Catholics and the 
meanest bigots. Through this book men give their 
hearts for good to God, or for evil to the Devil. The 
best argument for the intrinsic greatness of the book is 
that it can touch such wide extremes, and seem to main- 
tain us in the most unparalleled cruelty, as well as the 
most tender mercy ; that it can inspire purity like that 
of the great saints and afford arguments in favor of poly- 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 373 

gamy. The Bible is the text book of ironclad Calvinism 
and sunny Universalism. It makes the Quaker quiet 
and the Millerite crazy. It inspired the Union soldier 
to live and grandly die for the right, and Stonewall 
Jackson to live nobly and die grandly for the wrong." 

Q. But, Mr. Collyer, do you really think that a book 
with as many passages in favor of wrong as right, is in- 
spired ? A. " I look upon the Old Testament as a rot- 
ting tree. When it falls it will fertilize a bank of 
violets." 

Q. Do you believe that God upheld slavery and poly- 
gamy ? Do you believe that He ordered the killing of 
babes and the violation of maidens? A. * i There is 
three-fold inspiration in the Bible, the first peerless and 
perfect, the Word of God toman; the secoud simply 
and purely human, and then below this again, there is 
an inspiration born of an evil heart, ruthless and savage 
there and then as anything well can be. A three-fold 
inspiration, of Heaven first, then of the Earth, and then 
of Hell, all in the same book, all sometimes in the same 
chapter, and then, besides, a great many things that 
need no inspiration." 

Q. Then, after all, you do not pretend that the 
Scriptures are really inspired? A. 4 'The Scriptures 
make no such claim for themselves as the Church makes 
for them. They leave me free to say this is false, or 
this is true . The truth even within the Bible dies and 
lives, makes on this side and loses on that." 

Q. What do you say to the last verse in the Bible, 
where a curse is threatened to any man who takes from 
or adds to the book ? A. ' ' I have but one answer to 
this question, and it is : Let who will have written this, 



374 ingersoll's lectures. 

I can not for an instant believe that it was written by a 
divine inspiration. Such dogmas and threats as these 
are not of God, but of man, and not of any man of a 
free spirit and heart eager for the truth, but a narrow 
man who would cripple and confine the human soul in 
its quest after the whole truth of God, and back those 
who have done the shameful things in the name of the 
Most High." 

Q. Do you not regard such talk as 11 slang ? " 

(Supposed) Answer, If an infidel had said that the 
writer of Revelations was narrow and bigoted, I might 
have denounced his discourse as 4 'slang," but I think 
that Unitarian ministers can do so with the greatest pro- 
priety. 

Q. Do you believe in the stories of the Bible, about 
Jael, and the sun standing still, and the walls falling at 
the blowing of horns ? A. * ' They may be legends, 
myths, poems, or what they will, but they are not the 
Word of God. So I say again, it was not the God and 
Father of us all who inspired the woman to drive that 
nail crashing through the king's temple after she had 
given him that bowl of milk and bid him sleep in safety, 
but a very mean Devil of hatred and revenge that I 
should hardly expect to find in a squaw on the plains. 
It was not the ram's horns and the shouting before which 
the walls fell flat. If they went down at all, it was 
through good solid pounding. And not for an instant 
did the steady sun stand still or let his planet stand still 
while barbarian fought barbarian. He kept just the time 
then he keeps now. They might believe it who made 
the record. I do not. And since the whole Christian 
world might believe it, still we do not who gather in this 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 2)7 S 

church. A free and reasonable mind stands right in our 
way. Newton might believe it as a Christian and disbe- 
lieve it as a philosopher. We stand then with the phi- 
losopher against the Christian, for we must believe what 
is true to us in the last test, and these things are not 
true." 

Second, Rev. Dr. Thomas. Question. What is your 
opinion of the Old Testament ? Answer. "My opinion is 
that it is not one book, but many — thirty-nine books 
bound up in one. The date and authorship of most of 
these books are wholly unknown. The Hebrews wrote 
without vowels and without dividing the letters into syl- 
ables, words or sentences. The books were gathered up 
by Ezra. At that time only two of the Jewish tribes 
remained. All progress had ceased. In gathering up the 
sacred book, copyists exercised great liberty in making 
changes and additions." 

Q. Yes, we know all that, but is the Old Testament 
inspired? A. "There may be the inspiration of art, 
of poetry, or oratory ; of patriotism — and there are such 
inspirations. There are moments when great truths and 
principles come to men. They seek the man and not 
the man them." 

Q. Yes, we will admit that, but is the Bible inspired ? 
A. " But still I know of no way to convince any one of 
spirit and inspiration and God only as His reason may 
take hold of these things." 

Q. Do you think the Old Testament true ? A. "The 
story of Eden may be an allegory ; the history of the 
children of Israel may have mistakes." 

Q. Must inspiration claim infallibility ? A. " It is a 
mistake to say that if you believe one part of the Bible 



376 ingersoll's lectures. 

you must believe all. Some of the thirty-nine books 
may be inspired, others not ; or there may be degrees of 
inspiration. " 

Q. Do you believe that God commanded the soldiers 
to kill the children and the married women and save for 
themselves the maidens, as recorded in Numbers 31:2 ? 
Do you believe that God upheld slavery ? Do you believe 
that God upheld polygamy ? A. ' ' The Bible may be 
wrong in some statements. God and right can not be 
wrong. We must not exalt the Bible above God. It 
may be that we have claimed too much for the Bible, 
and thereby given not a little occasion for such men 
as Mr. Ingersoll to appear at the other extreme, denying 
too much." 

Q. What then shall be done ? A. 4 'We must take 
a middle ground. It is not necessary to believe that the 
bears devoured the forty-two children, nor that Jonah 
was swallowed by the whale." 

Third, Rev. Dr. Kohler. Question. What is your 
opinion about the Old Testament ? Answer. ' ' I will 
not make futile attempts of artificially interpreting the 
letter of the Bible so as to make it reflect the philosoph- 
ical, moral and scientific views of our time. The Bible 
is a sacred record of humanity's childhood." 

Q. Are you an orthodox Christian ? A. "No. Or- 
thodoxy, with its .face turned backward to a ruined 
temple or a dead Messiah, is fast becoming like Lot's 
wife, a pillar of salt." 

Q. Do you really believe the Old Testament was in- 
spired ? A. "I greatly acknowledge our indebtedness 
to men like Voltaire and Thomas Paine, whose bold de- 
nial and cutting wit were so instrumental in bringing 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 377 

about this glorious era of freedom, so congenial and 
blissful, particularly to the long-abused Jewish race. 

Q. Do you believe in the inspiration of the Bible ? 
A. " Of course there is a destructive ax needed to strike 
down the old building in order to make room for the 
grander new. The divine origin claimed by the Hebrews 
for their national literature was claimed by a!l nations 
for their old records and laws as preserved by the priest- 
hood. As Moses- the Hebrew law giver, is represented 
as having received the law from God on the holy moun- 
tains, so is Zoroaster, the Persian, Manu, the Hindoo, 
Minos, the Cretan, Lycurgus, the Spartan, and Numa, 
the Roman." 

Q. Do you believe all the stories in the Bible ? A. 
' ' All that can and must be said against them is that they 
have been too long retained around the arms and limbs 
of grown-up manhood to check the spiritual progress of 
religion ; that by Jewish ritualism and Christian dog- 
matism they became fetters unto the soul, turning the 
light of heaven into a misty haze to blind the eye, and 
even into a Hell fire of fanaticism to consume souls." 

Q. Is the Bible inspired ? A. True, the Bible is 
not free from errors, nor is any work of man and time, 
It abounds in childish views and offensive matters. I 
trust it will, in a time not far off, be presented for com- 
mon use in families, schools, synagogues and churches, 
in a refined shape, cleansed from all dross and chaff, and 
stumbling-blocks on which the scoffer delights to dwell." 

Fourth, Rev. Mr. Herford. Question. Is the 
Bible true ? Answer. " Ingersoll is very fond of say- 
ing ' The question is not, is the Bible inspired, but is it 
true ? ' That sounds very plausible, but you know as 



37§ ingersoll's lectures. 

applied to any ancient book it is simply nonsense. " 

Q. Do you think the stories in the Bible exaggerated? 
A. I dare say the numbers are immensely exaggerated." 

Q. Do you think that God upheld polygamy ? A. 
"The truth of which simply is, that four thousand years 
ago polygamy existed among the Jews, as everywhere 
else on earth then, and even their prophets did not come 
to the idea of its being wrong. But what is there to be 
indignant about in that ? " 

Q. And so you really wonder why any man should be 
indignant at the idea that God upheld and sanctioned 
that beastliness called polygamy ? A. " What is there 
to be indignant about in that ? " 

Fifth, Prof. Swing. Question. What is your idea 
of the Bible ? Answer. " I think it a poem." 

Sixth, Rev. Dr. Ryder. Question. And what is 
your idea of the sacred Scriptures? Answer. "Like 
other nations, the Hebrews had their patriotic, descrip- 
tive, didactic and lyrical poems in the same varieties as 
other nations ; but with them, unlike other nations, 
whatever may be the form of their poetry, it always 
possesses the characteristic of religion." 

Q. I suppose you fully appreciate the religious char- 
acteristics of the Song of Solomon ? No answer. 

Q. Does the Bible uphold polygamy? A. "The 
law of Moses did not forbid it, but contained many pro- 
visions against its worst abuses, and such as were in- 
tended to restrict it within narrow limits." 

Q. So you think God corrected some of the worst 
abuses of polygamy, but preserved the institution it- 
self ? 

I might question many others, but have concluded not 



SKULLS AND REPLIES. 379 

to consider those as members of my Bible class who deal 
in calumnies and epithets. From the so- called ' 'replies" 
of such ministers it appears that, while Christianity 
changes the heart, it does not improve the manners, and 
one can get into Heaven in the next world without hav- 
ing been a gentleman in this. 

It is difficult for me to express the deep and thrilling 
satisfaction I have experienced in reading the admissions 
of the clergy of Chicago. Surely the battle of intel- 
lectual liberty is almost won when ministers admit that 
the Bible is filled with ignorant and cruel mistakes ; that 
each man has the right to think for himself, and that it 
is not necessary to believe the Scriptures in order to be 
saved. 

From the bottom of my heart I congratulate my pu- 
pils on the advance they have made, and hope soon to 
meet them on the serene heights of perfect freedom. 



INGERSOLL'S NEW DEPARTURE. 



HIS LECTURE ENTITLED 

"WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE 
SAVED?" 



DELIVERED IN MCVICKER's THEATRE, CHICAGO, 
SEPT. 19, l88o. 



[From the Chicago Times. Verbatim Report.] 

Ladies and Gentlemen : — Fear is the dungeon of 
the mind, and superstition is a dagger with which hypoc- 
risy assassinates the soul. Courage is liberty. I am in 
favor of absolute freedom of thought. In the realm of 
the mind every one is monarch. Every one is robed, 
sceptered, and crowned, and every one wears the purple 
of authority. I belong to the republic of intellectual 
liberty, and only those are good citizens of that republic 
who depend upon reason and upon persuasion, and only 
those are traitors who resort to brute force . 

Now, I beg of you all to forget just for a few moments 
that you are Methodists, or Baptists, or Catholics, or 
Presbyterians, and let us for an hour or two remember 
only that we are men and women. And allow me to say 
' 1 man " and ' ' woman " are the highest titles that can be 
bestowed upon humanity. "Man" and "woman." And 

380 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED? 38 1 

let us if possible banish all fear from the mind. Do not 
imagine that there is some being in the infinite expanse 
who is not willing that every man and woman should 
think for himself and herself. Do not imagine that there 
is any being who would give to his children the holy 
torch of reason and then damn them for following where 
the holy light led. Let us have courage. 

Priests have invented a crime called "blasphemy," 
and behind that crime hypocrisy has crouched for thou- 
* sands of years. There is but one blasphemy, and that 
is injustice. There is but one worship, and that is 
justice ! 

You need not fear the anger of a God whom you can- 
not injure. Rather fear to injure your fellow-men. Do 
not be afraid of a crime you cannot commit. Rather be 
afraid of the one that you may commit. 

There was a Jewish gentleman went into a restau- 
rant to get his dinner, and the devil of temptation 
whispered in his ear : "Eat some bacon." 

He knew if there was anything in the universe cal- 
culated to excite the wrath of the Infinite Being, who 
made every shining star, it was to see a gentleman 
eating bacon. He knew it, and He knew the Infinite 
Being was looking, and that he was the Infinite Eaves- 
dropper of the universe. But his appetite got the bet- 
ter of his conscience, as it often has with us all, and 
he ate that bacon. He knew it was wrong. When he 
went into that restaurant the weather was delightful, 
the sky was as blue as June, aud when he came out 
the sky was covered with angry clouds, the lightning 
leaping from one to the other, and the earth shaking 
beneath the voice of the thunder. He went back int 



3^2 INGERSOLLS LECTURES. 

that restaurant with a face as white as milk, and he 
said to one of the keepers : 

' ' My God, did you ever hear such a fuss about a 
little piece of bacon ? " 

As long as we harbor such opinions of Infinity ; as long 
as we imagine the heavens to be filled with such tyranny, 
so long the sons of men will be cringing, intellectual 
cowards. Let us think, and let ^ us honestly express 
our thought. 

Do not imagine for a moment that I think people 
who disagree with me are bad people. I admit, and I 
cheerfully admit, that a very large proportion of man- 
kind and a very large majority, a vast number, are 
reasonably honest. I believe that most Christians be- 
lieve what they teach ; that most ministers are endeav- 
oring to make this world better. I do not pretend to be 
better than they are. It is an intellectual question. 
It is a question, first, of intellectual liberty, and after 
that, a question to be settled at the bar of human reason. 
I do not pretend to be better than they are. Probably 
I am a good deal worse than many of them, but that is 
not the question. The question is : "Bad as I am, 
have I a right to think?" And I think I have, for two 
reasons. 

First, I can't help it. And secondly, I like it. The 
whole question is right at a pomt. If I have not a right 
to express my thoughts, who has ? 

"Oh," they say, "we will allow you, we will not burn 

you." 

' ' All right ; why won't you burn me ? " 
" Because we think a decent man will allow others to 
think and express his thought." 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED? 383 

"Then the reason you do not persecute rne for my 
thought is that you believe it would be infamous in 
you ! " 

« 1 Yes. " 

1 ' And yet you worship a God who will, as you de- 
clare, punish me forever." 

The next question then is : Can I commit a sin against 
God by thinking ? If God did not intend I should think, 
why did He give me a "thinker." Now, then, we have 
got what they call the Christian system of religion, and 
thousands of people wonder how I can be wicked enough 
to attack that system. 

There are many good things about it, and I shall never 
attack anything that I believe to be good ! I shall never 
fear to attack anything I honestly believe to be wrong ! 
We have, I say, what they call the Christian religion, 
and, I find, just in proportion that nations have been 
religious, just in the proportion they have gone back to 
barbarism. I find that Spain, Portugal, Italy are the 
three worst nations in Europe ; I find that the nation 
nearest infidel is the most prosperous — France. 

And so I say there can be no danger in the exercise 
of absolute intellectual freedom. I find among ourselves 
the men who think at least as good as those who do 
not. We have, I say, a Christian system, and that 
system is founded upon what they are pleased to call 
the ' ' New Testament. " Who wrote the New Test- 
ament ? I don't know. Who does know ? Nobody ! 

We have found some fifty-two manuscripts containing 
portions of the New Testament, Some of those manu- 
scripts leave out five or six books — many of them. 
Others more ; others less. No two of these manu- 



384 ingersoll's lectures. 

scripts agree. Nobody knows who wrote these manu- 
scripts. They are all written in Greek ; the disciples 
of Christ knew only Hebrew. Nobody ever saw, so far 
as we know, one of the original Hebrew manuscripts. 
Nobody ever saw anybody who had seen anybody who 
had heard of anybody that had seen anybody that had 
ever seen one of the original Hebrew manuscripts. No 
doubt the clergy of your city have told you these facts 
thousands of times, and they will be obliged to me for 
having repeated them once more. These manuscripts 
are written in what are called capital Greek letters. 
They are called Uncial characters ; and the New Testa- 
ment was not divided into chapters and verses, even, 
until the year of grace 1 5 5 1 . Recollect it. 

In the original the manuscripts and gospels are signed 
by nobody. The epistles are addressed to nobody ; and 
they are signed by the same person. All the addresses, 
all the pretended earmarks showing to whom they are 
written and by whom they are written are simply inter- 
polations, and everybody who has studied the subject 
knows it. 

It is further admitted that even these manuscripts have 
not been properly translated, and they have a syndicate 
now making a new translation ; and I suppose that I 
cannot tell whether I really believe the Testament or not 
until I see that new translation. 

You must remember, also, one other thing. Christ 
never wrote a solitary word of the New Testament — not 
one word. There is an account that He once stooped 
and wrote something in the sand, but that has not been 
preserved. He never told anybody to write a word. 
He never said : ' ' Matthew, remember this. Mark, 



WHAT SHALL WK DO TO BE SAVED? 385 

don't forget to put that down. Luke, be sure that in 
your gospel you have this. John, don't forget it." Not 
one word. And it has always seemed to me that a Be- 
ing coming from another world, with a message of infin- 
ite importance to mankind, should at least have verified 
that message by his own signature. 

Why was nothing written ? I will tell you. In my 
judgment they expected the end of the world in a very 
few days. That generation was not to pass away until 
the heavens should be rolled up as a scroll, and until the 
earth should melt with fervent heat. That was their 
belief. They believed that the world was to be de- 
stroyed, and that there was to be another coming, and 
that the saints were then to govern the world. And 
they even went so far among the Apostles, as we fre- 
quently do now before election, as to divide out the 
offices in advance. This Testament was not written for 
hundreds of years after the Apostles were dust. These 
facts lived in the open mouth of credulity. They were in 
the wastebaskets of forgetfulness. They depended upon 
the inaccuracy of legend, and for centuries these doc- 
trines and stories were blown about by the inconstant 
winds. And, finally, when reduced to writing, some 
gentleman would write by the side of the passage his 
idea of it, and the next copyist would put that in as a 
part of the text. And, finally, when it was made, and 
the Church got in trouble, and wanted a passage to help 
it out, one was interpolated to order. So that now it is 
among the easiest things in the world to pick out at least 
one hundred interpolations in the Testament. And I 
will pick some of them out before I get through. 

And let me say here, once for all, that for the man 



386 INGERSOLLS LECTURES. 

Christ I have infinite respect Let me say, once for 
all, that the place where man has died for man is holy 
ground ; and let me say, once for all, to that great and 
serene man I gladly pay the homage of my admiration 
and my tears. He was a reformer in His day. He was 
an infidel in His time. He was regarded as a blasphemer, 
and His life was destroyed by hypocrites, who have, in 
all ages, done what they could to trample freedom out 
of the human mind. Had I lived at that time I would 
have been His friend, and should He come again He 
would not find a better friend than I will be. 

That is for the man. For the theological creation I 
have a different feeling. If He was, in fact, God, He 
knew that there was no such thing as death. He knew 
that what we call death was but the eternal opening of 
the golden gates of everlasting joy ; and it took no hero- 
ism to face a death that was simply eternal life. 

But when a man, when a poor boy sixteen years of 
age, goes upon the field of battle to keep his flag in 
heaven, not knowing but that death ends all — not know- 
ing but that, when the shadows creep over him. the dark- 
ness will be eternal — there is heroism. 

And so for the man who, in the darkness, said : "My 
God, why hast Thou forsaken Me ? " — for that man I 
have nothing but respect, admiration, and love. 

A while ago I made up my mind to find out what was 
necessary for me to do in order to be saved. If I have 
got a soul, I want it saved. I do not wish to lose any- 
thing that is of value. For thousands of years the world 
has been asking that question : "What shall we do to 
be saved ? " 

Saved from poverty ? No. Saved from crime ? No. 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 387 

Tyranny ? No. But ' ' What shall we do to be saved 
from the eternal wrath of the God who made us all ? " 

If God made us, He will not destroy us. Infinite 
wisdom never made a poor investment. And upon all 
the works of an infinite God, a dividend must finally be 
declared. The pulpit has cast a shadow over even 
the cradle. The doctrine of endless punishment has 
covered the cheeks of this world with tears. I despise 
it, and I defy it. 

I made up my mind, I say, to see what I had to do in 
order to save my soul according to the Testament, and 
thereupon I read it. I read the gospel, Matthew, Mark, 
Luke, and John. But I found that the Church had been 
deceiving me. I found that the clergy did not under- 
stand their own book. I found that they had been building 
upon passages that had been interpolated. I found that 
they had been building upon passages that were entirely 
untrue. And I will tell you why I think so. 

The first of these gospels was written by St. Matthew, 
according to the claim. Of course he never wrote a 
word of it. Never saw it. Never heard of it. But, 
for the purpose of this lecture, I will admit that he wrote 
it. I will admit that he was with Christ for three years; 
that he heard much of His conversation during that time, 
and that he became impregnated with the doctrines, or 
dogmas, and the ideas of Jesus Christ. 

Now let us see what Matthew says we must do in order 
to be saved. And I take it that, if this be true, Mat- 
thew is as good an authority as any minister in the 
world. 

The first thing I find upon the subject of salvation is 
in the fifth chapter of Matthew, and is embraced in what 



3^8 ingersoll's lectures. 

is commonly known as the sermon on the Mount. . It is 
as follows : 

" Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the king- 
dom of heaven." Good ! 

" Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain 
mercy." Good ! Whether they belonged to any church 
or not ; whether they believed the Bible or not. 

"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain 
mercy . " Good ! 

' ' Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. 
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the 
children of God. Blessed are they which are persecuted 
for righteousness' sake," (that's me, little) "for theirs is 
the Kingdom of Heaven." 

" In the same sermon he says : " Think not that J am 
come to destroy the law or the prophets. I am not 
come to destroy, but to fulfill." And then he makes use 
of this remarkable language, almost as applicable to-day 
as it was then : " For I say unto you that except your 
righteousness shall exceed the righteousness of the 
Scribes and Pharisees ye shall in no wise enter the king- 
dom of Heaven." Good ! 

In the sixth chapter I find the following, and it comes 
directly after the prayer known as the Lord's prayer : 
"For if you forgive men their trespasses your Heavenly 
Father will also forgive you ; but if ye forgive not men 
their trespasses neither will your Father forgive your 
trespasses." I accept the conditions. There is an offer; 
I accept it. If you will forgive men that trespass against 
you, God will forgive your trespasses against Him. I 
accept, and I never will ask any God to treat me any 
better than I treat my fellow-men. There is a square 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 389 

promise. There is a contract. If you will forgive 
others, God will forgive you. And it does not say you 
must believe in the Old Testament, nor be baptized, nor 
join the Church, nor keep Sunday. It simply says, if 
you forgive others God will forgive you ; and it must 
be true. No God could afford to damn a forgiving man. 
(A voice : ' ' Will He forgive Democrats ? ") Oh, cer- 
tainly. Let me say right here that I know lots of Dem- 
ocrats, great, broad, whole-souled, clever men , and I 
love them. And the only bad thing about them is that 
they vote the Democratic ticket. And I know lots of 
Republicans so mean and narrow that the only decent 
thing about them is that they vote the Republican 
ticket. 

Now let me make myself plain upon that subject, per- 
fectly plain. For instance, I hate Presbyterianism, but 
I know hundreds of splendid Presbyterians. Understand 
me. I hate Methodism, and yet I know hundreds of 
splendid Methodists. I dislike a certain set of principles 
called Democracy, and yet I know thousands of Dem- 
ocrats that I respect and like . I like a certain set of 
principles — that is, most of them, — called Republicanism, 
and yet I know lots of Republicans that are a disgrace 
to those principles. 

I do not war against men. I do not war against per- 
sons. I war against certain doctrines that I believe to 
be wrong. And I give to every other human being every 
right that I claim for myself. Of course I did not intend 
to-day to tell what we must do in the election for the 
purpose of being saved. 

The next thing that I find is in the seventh chapter 
and the second verse : " For with what judgment ye 



39° ingersoll's lectures. 

judge, ye shall be judged ; and with what measure ye 
mete, it shall be measured to you again." Good ! That 
suits me ! 

And in the twelfth chapter of Matthew : " For who- 
soever shall do the will of my Father that is in Heaven, 
the same is my brother and sister and mother. For the 
Son of Man shall come in the glory of His Father with 
His angels, and then He shall reward every man accord- 
ing — " To the church he belongs to ? No. To the 
manner in which he was baptized ? No. According to 
his creed ? No. ' ' Then he shall reward every man 
according to his works. " Good ! I subscribe to that 
doctrine. 

And in the sixteenth chapter : "And Jesus called a 
little child to Him and stood him in the midst, and said: 
' Verily, I say unto you, except ye become converted, 
and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the 
Kingdom of Heaven.' " [ do not wonder that a reformer 
in His day that met the Scribes and Pharisees and hypo- 
crites, I do not wonder that at last He turned to children 
and said : "Except ye become as little children," I do 
not wonder. And yet, see what children the children of 
God have been. What an interesting dimpled darling 
John Calvin was. Think of .that prattling babe known 
as Jonathan Edwards ! Think of the infants that founded 
the Inquisition, that invented instruments of torture to 
tear human flesh. They were the ones who had become 
as little children. 

So I And in the nineteenth chapter: "And behold, 
one came and said unto Him: "Good master, what 
good thing shall I do in order to inherit eternal life ?' 
And He said unto him, ' why callest thou Me good ? 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVE1D ? 39 1 

There is none good but one, and that is God, but if thou 
will enter into eternal life, keep the commandments, 
and he said unto Him, 4 Which ? " 

Now, there is a pretty fair issue. Here is a child of 
God asking God what is necessary for him to do in order 
to inherit eternal life. And God says to him : Keep the 
commandments. And the child said to the Almighty : 
% " Which ? " Now if there ever had been an opportunity 
given to the Almighty to furnish a gentleman with an 
inquiring mind with the necessary information upon that 
subject, here was the opportunity. " He said unto Him, 
which?" And Jesus said: "Thou shalt do no mur- 
der ; thou shalt not commit adultery ; thou shalt not 
steal ; thou shalt not bear false witness ; honor thy 
father and mother ; and, thou shalt love thy neighbor 
as thyself." He did not say to him: "You must be- 
lieve in Me — that I am the only begotten Son of the 
living God." He did not say: "You must be born 
again." He did not say: "You must believe the 
Bible." He did not say: "You must remember the 
Sabbath day, to keep it holy." He simply said: 
"Thou shalt do no murder. Thou shalt not commit 
adultery. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt not bear 
false witness. Honor thy father and thy mother ; and, 
thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." And there- 
upon the young man, who I think was a little "fresh," 
and probably mistaken, said unto Him: "All these 
things have I kept from my youth up." I don't be- 
lieve that. 

Now comes in an interpolation. In the old times 
when the Church got a little scarce for money, they al- 
ways put in a passage praising poverty. So they had 



59 2 ingersoll's lectures. 

this young man ask : ' ' What lack I yet ? " And Jesus 
said unto him : " If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell 
that thou hast and give it to the poor, and thou shalt 
have treasures in heaven. " The Church has always been 
willing to swap off treasures in heaven for cash down. 

And when the next verse was written the Church 
must have been nearly dead-broke. ' ' And again I say 
unto you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye 
of a needle than for a rich man to enter into the king- 
dom of God. " Did you ever know a wealthy disciple to 
unload on account of that verse ? 

And then comes another verse, which I believe is an 
interpolation : ' ' And every one that has forsaken houses, 
or brethren or sisters, or father or mother, or wife or 
children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an 
hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life." Christ 
never said it. Never. " Whosoever shall forsake father 
and mother." Why He said to this man who asked 
him : ' ' What shall I do to inherit eternal life ? " among 
other things, He said: ' 'Honor thy father and thy 
mother." Ard we turn over the page and He says: 
4 ' If you will desert your father and your mother you 
shall have everlasting life. " It won't do. If you desert 
your wife and your little children, or your lands — the 
idea of putting a house and lot on equality with wife 
and children. Think of that ! I do not accept the 
terms. I will never desert the one I love for the pro- 
mise of any God. 

It is far more important that we shall love our wives 
than that we shall love God. And I will t ull you why 
You cannot help Him. You can help her. You can fill 
her life with the perfume of perpetual joy. It is far 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 393 

more important that you love your children than that 
you love Jesus Christ. And why ? If He is God you 
cannot help Him, but you can plant a little flower of 
happiness in every footstep of the child, from the cradle 
until you die in that child's arms. Let me tell you to- 
day, it is far more important to build a home than to 
erect a church. The holiest temple beneath the stars is 
a home that love has built. And the holiest altar in 
all the wide world is the fireside around which gather 
father and mother and children. 

There was a time when people believed that infamy. 
There was a time when they did desert fathers and 
mothers, and wives and children. St. Augustine says to 
the devotee : " Fly to the desert, and though your wife 
put her arms around your neck, tear her hands away ; 
she is a temptation of the devil. Though your fathe* 
and mother throw their bodies athwart your threshold, 
step ever them ; and though your children pursue and 
with weeping eyes beseech you to return, listen not. It 
is the temptation of the evil one. Fly to the desert and 
save your soul." Think of such a soul being worth sav- 
ing. While I live I propose to stand by the folks. 

Here there is another condition of salvation . I find 
it in the 25th chapter : "Then shall the King say unto 
them on His right hand, Come, ye blessed of my father, 
inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the founda- 
tion of the world. For I was a hungered and ye gave Me 
meat ; I was thirsty and ye gave Me drink ; I was a 
stranger and ye took Me in ; naked and ye clothed Me ; 
and I was sick and ye visited Me ; and I was in prison, 
and ye came unto me. " Good ! And I tell you to-night 
that God will not punish with eternal thirst the man who 



394 ingersoll's lectures. 

has put the cup of cold water to the lips of his neighbor. 
God will not allow to live in eternal nakedness of pain 
the man who has clothed others. 

For instance,, here is a shipwreck, and here is some 
brave sailor stands aside and allows a woman whom he 
never saw before to take his place in the boat, and he 
stands there, grand and serene as the wide sea, and he 
goes down. Do you tell me there is any God who will 
push the life-boat from the shore of eternal life, when 
that man wishes to step in ? Do you tell me that God 
can be unpitying to the pitiful, that He can be unforgiv- 
ing to the forgiving ? I deny it ; and from the asper- 
sions of the pulpit I seek to rescue the reputation of the 
Deity. 

Now, I have read you everything in Matthew on the 
subject of salvation. That is all there is. Not one 
word about believing anything. It is the gospel of deed, 
the gospel of charity, the gospel of self-denial ; and if 
only that gospel had been preached, persecution never 
would have shed one drop of blood. Not one. 

Now, according to the testimony, Matthew was well 
acquainted with Christ. According to the testimony, he 
had been with Him, and His companion for years, and 
if it was necessary to believe anything in order to get to 
heaven, Matthew should have told us. But he forgot 
it . Or he didn't believe it. Or he never heard of it. 
You can take your choice. 

The next is Mark. Now let us see what he says. And 
for the purpose of this lecture it is sufficient for me to 
say that Mark agrees, substantially, with Matthew, that 
God will be merciful to the merciful ; that He will be 
kind to the kind ; that He will pity the pitying. And it 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 395 

is precisely, or substantially, the same as Matthew until 
I come to the 16th verse of the 16th chapter, and then 
I strike an interpolation, put in by hypocrisy, put in by 
priests, who longed to grasp with bloody hands the 
sceptre of universal authority. 

Let me read it to you. And it is the most infamous 
passage in the Bible. Christ never said it. No sensible 
man ever said it. " And He said unto them " — that is, 
unto His disciples — lt Go ye into all the world and preach 
the gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is 
baptized shall be saved, and he that believeth not shall 
be damned." 

Now, I propose to prove to you that that is an inter- 
polation. Now how will I do it ? In the first place, not 
one word is said about belief in Matthew. In the next 
place, not one word is said about belief in Mark, until I 
come to that verse. And when is that said to have been 
spoken ? According to Mark, it is a part of the last con- 
versation of Jesus Christ — just before, according to the 
account, He ascended bodily before their eyes. If there 
ever was any important thing happened in this world, 
that is one of them. If there was any conversation 
that people would be apt to recollect, it would be the 
last conversation with God before He rose through the 
air and seated Himself upon the throne of the Infinite. 
We have in this Testament five accounts of the last 
conversation happening between Jesus Christ and His 
apostles. Matthew gives it. And yet Matthew does not 
state that in that conversation He said: "Whoso be- 
lieveth and is baptized shall be saved, and whoso be- 
lieveth not shall be damned." And if He did say those 
words, they were the most important that ever fell from 



396 ingersoll's lectures. 

His lips. Matthew did not hear it, or did not believe 
it, or forgot it. 

Then I turn to Luke, and he gives an account of this 
same last conversation, and not one word does he say 
upon that subject. Now it is the most important thing, 
if Christ said it, that He ever said. 

Then I turn to John, and he gives an account of the 
last conversation, but not one solitary word on the sub- 
ject of belief or unbelief. Not one solitary word on the 
subject of damnation. Not one. 

Then I turn to the first chapter of the Acts, and there 
I find an account of the last conversation ; and in 
that conversation there is not one word upon this sub- 
ject. Now, I say, that demonstrates that the passage 
in Mark is an interpolation. 

What other reason have I got ? That there is not 
one particle of sense in it. Why ? No man can con- 
trol his belief. You hear evidence for and against, and 
the integrity of the soul stands at the scales and tells 
which side rises and which side falls. You cannot be- 
lieve as you wish. You must believe as you must. And 
He might as well have said : " Go into all the world and 
preach the gospel, and whosoever has red hair shall be 
be saved, and whosoever hath not shall be damned." 

I have another reason. I am much obliged to the 
gentleman who interpolated these passages. I am much 
obliged to him that he put in some more — two more. 
Now hear : 

' ' And these signs shall follow them that believe. " 
Good. 

" In My name shall they cast out devils. The} 7 shall 
speak with new tongues, and they shall take up serpents 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED? 397 

and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them. 
They shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall re- 
cover." 

Bring on your believer! Let him cast out a devil. I 
do not claim a large one. Just a " little one for a cent." 
Let him take up serpents. "And if he drink any deadly 
thing it shall not hurt him." Let me mix up a dose for 
the theological believer, and if it does not hurt him I'll 
join a church. 44 O, but," they say "those things only 
lasted through that apostolic age." Let us see. " Go 
ye into all the world and preach the gospel to every 
creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be 
saved, but he that believeth not shall be damned. And 
these signs shall follow them that believe." 

How long? I think at least until they had gone into 
all the world. Certainly these signs should follow until 
all the world had been visited. And yet if that declara- 
tion was in the mouth of Christ, he then knew that one- 
half of the world was unknown and that he would be 
dead 1,492 years before his disciples would know that 
there was another world. And yet he said, " Go into 
all the world and preach the gospel," and he knew then 
that it would be 1,492 years before anybody went. Well, 
if it was worth while to have signs follow believers in the 
old world, surely it was worth while to have signs follow 
believers in the new world. And the very reason that 
signs should follow would be to convince the unbeliever, 
and there are as many unbelievers now as ever, and the 
signs are as necessary to-day as they ever were. I would 
like a few myself. 

This frightful declaration, 44 He that believeth and is 
baptized shall be saved, but he that believeth not shall 
be damned," has filled the world with agony and crime. 



398 



ingersoll's lectures. 



Every letter of this passage has been sword and fagot; 
every word has been dungeon and chain. 

That passage made the sword of persecution drip with 
innocent blood for ten centuries. That passage made 
the horizon of a thousand years lurid with the flames of 
fagots. That passage contradicts the sermon on the 
mount. That passage travesties the Lord's prayer. That 
passage turns the splendid religion of deed and duty into 
the superstition of creed and cruelty. I deny it. It is 
infamous. Christ never said it! Now I come to Luke, 
and it is sufficient to say that Luke substantially agrees 
with Matthew and with Mark. Substantially agrees, as 
the evidence is read. I like it. 

"Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is 
merciful." Good! 

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged. Condemn 
not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive and ye shall 
be forgiven." Good! 

"Give, and it shall be given unto you, good measure, 
pressed down, and shaken together, and running over." 
' Good! I like it. 

' ' For with the same measure that ye mete withal, it 
shall be measured to you again." 

He agrees substantially with Mark; he agrees substan- 
tially with Matthew; and I come at last to the nineteenth 
chapter. 

"And Zaccheus stood and said unto the Lord, Behold, 
Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor, and if I 
have taken anything from any man by false accusation, 
I restore him four-fold." And Jesus said unto him, "This 
day is salvation come to this house." 

That is good doctrine. He didn't ask Zaccheus what 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 399 

he believed. He didn't ask him, " Do you believe in 
the Bible ? Do you believe in the five points ? Have you 
ever been baptized — sprinkled ? Oh ! immersed. ' ' Half 
of my goods I give to the poor, and if I have taken any- 
thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him 
four-fold." ' ' And Christ said, 'This day is salvation 
come to this house.' " Good ! 

I read also in Luke that Christ when upon the cross 
forgave His murderers, and that is considered the shining 
gem in the crown of His mercy — that He forgave His 
murderers. That He forgave the men who drove the 
nails in His hands, in His feet, that plunged a spear in 
His side ; the soldier that in the hour of death offered 
Him in mockery the bitterness to drink ; that He for- 
gave them all freely, and that yet, although He would 
forgive them, He will in the nineteenth century damn to 
eternal fire an honest man for the expression of his 
honest thoughts. That won't do. I find too, in Luke, 
an account of two thieves that were crucified at the same 
time. The other gospels speak of them. One says they 
both railed upon Him. Another says nothing about it . 
In Luke we are told that one did, but one of the thieves 
looked and pitied Christ, and Christ said to that thief : 

" This day shalt thou meet me in Paradise." 

Why did He say that ? Because the thief pitied Him. 
And God cannot afford to trample beneath the feet of 
His infinite wrath the smallest blossom of pity that ever 
shed its perfume in the human heart J 

Who was this thief ? To what church did he belong ? 
I don't know. The fact that he was a thief throws no 
light on that question . Who was he ? What did he 
believe ? I don't know. Did he believe in the Old 



400 ingersoll's lectures. 

Testament ? In the miracles ? I don't know. Did he 
believe that Christ was God ? I don't know. Why, 
then, was the promise made to him that he should meet 
Christ in Paradise. Simply because he pitied innocence 
suffering on the cross. 

God cannot afford to damn any man that is capable 
of pitying anybody. 

And now we come to John, and that is where the 
trouble commences. The other gospels teach that God 
will be merciful to the merciful, forgiving to the forgiv- 
ng, kind to the kind, loving to the loving, just to the 
just, merciful to the good. 

N 3W we come to John, and here is another doctrine. 
And allow me to say that John was not written until 
centuries after the others. This, the Church got up : . 

" And Jesus answered and said unto him : ' Further- 
more I say unto thee that except a man be born again he 
cannot see the ' Kingdom of God. ' " 

Why didn't He tell Matthew that ? Why didn't He 
tell Luke that ? Why didn't He tell Mark that ? They 
never heard of it, or forgot it, or they didn't believe it. 

" Except a man be born of water and of the Spirit he 
cannot enter into the Kingdom of God." Why? 

" That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that 
which is born of the spirit is spirit. Marvel not that I 
said unto thee, 'ye must be born again.' That which is 
born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the 
spirit is spirit," — and He might have added that which 
is born of water is water. 

" Marvel not that I say unto thee, 'ye must be born 
again.'" And then the reason is given, and I admit I 
r^d not understand it myself until I read the reason, and 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED? 40I 

when you read the reason, you will understand it as well 
as I do ; and here it is : ' ' The wind bloweth where it 
listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, and canst 
not tell whence it cometh and whither it goeth." So 
I find in the book of John the idea of the real presence. 

So I find in the book of John, that in order to be 
saved we must eat of the flesh and we must drink of the 
blood of Jesus Christ, and if that gospel is true, the 
Catholic Church is right. But it is not true. I cannot 
believe it, and yet for all that it may be true. But I 
don't believe it. Neither do I believe there is any God 
in the universe who will damn a man simply for ex- 
pressing his belief. 

4 4 Why, " they say to me, 44 suppose all this should 
turn out to be true, and you should come to the day of 
judgment and find all these things to be true. What 
would you do then ? " I would walk up like a man, and 
say, 4 ' I was mistaken. " 

4 * And suppose God was about to pass judgment on 
you, what would you say ? " I would say to Him, ' ' Do 
unto others as you would that others should do unto 
you. " Why not ? 

I am told that I must render good for evil. I am told 
that if smitten on one cheek I must turn the other. I 
am told that I must overcome evil with good. I am told 
that I must love my enemies ; and will it do for this God 
who tells me, 4 4 Love my enemies," to say, 44 1 will 
damn mine. No, it will not do ; it will not do. 

In the book of John all this doctrine of regeneration ; 
all this doctrine that it is necessary to believe on the 
Lord Jesus Christ ; all the doctrine that salvation de- 



402 ingersohl's lectures. 

pends upon belief — in this book of John all these doc- 
trines find their warrant ; "nowhere else. 

Read these three gospels and then read John, and you 
will agree with me that the gospels that teach ' ' We 
must be kind, we must be merciful, we must be forgiv- 
ing, and thereupon that God will forgive us," is true, 
and then say whether or no that doctrine is not better 
than the doctrine that somebody else can be good for 
you, that somebody else can be bad for you, and that 
the only way to get to heaven is to believe something 
that you do not understand. 

Now upon these gospels that I have read the churches 
rest ; and out of those things that I have read they have 
made their creeds. And the first Church to make a 
creed, so far as I know, was the Catholic. I take it 
that is the first Church that had any power. That is 
the Church t,hat has preserved all these miracles for us. 
That is the Church that preserved the manuscripts for 
us. That is the Church whose word we have to take. 
That Church is the first witness that Protestantism 
brought to the bar of history to prove miracles that 
took place eighteen hundred years ago ; and while the 
witness is there Protestantism takes pains to say : 
"You can't believe one word that witness says, 
now. " 

That Church is the only one that keeps up a con- 
stant communication with heaven through the instru- 
mentality of a large number of decayed saints. That 
Church is an agent of God on earth. That Church has 
a person who stands in the place of Deity ; and that 
Church, according to their doctrine, is infallible. That 
Church has persecuted to the exact extent of her power 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 403 

■ — and always will. In Spain that Church stands erect, 
and that Church is arrogant. In the United States that 
Church crawls. But the object in both countries is the 
same, and that is the destruction of intellectual liberty. 
That Church teaches us that we can make God happy 
by being miserable ourselves. That Church teaches 
you that a nun is holier in the sight of God than a lov- 
ing mother with a child in her thrilled and thrilling 
arms. That Church teaches you that a priest is better 
than a father. That Church teaches you that celibacy 
is better than that passion of love that has made every- 
thing of beauty in this world. That Church tells the 
girl of 16 or 18 years of age, with eyes like dew and 
light — that girl with the red of health in the white of 
her beautiful cheeks — tells that girl, ' ' Put on the veil 
woven of death and night, kneel upon stones, and you 
will please God." 

I tell you that, by law, no girl should be allowed to 
take the veil, and renounce the beauties of the world, 
until she was at least 25 years of age. Wait until she 
knows what she wants. 

I am opposed to allowing these spider-like priests 
weaving webs to catch the flies of youth ; and there 
ought to be a law appointing commissioners to visit such 
places twice a year, and release every person who ex- 
presses a desire to be released. I don't believe in keep- 
ing penitentaries for God. No doubt they are honest 
about it. That is not the question. 

Now this Church, after a few centuries of thought, 
made a creed, and that creed is the foundation of or- 
thodox religion. Let me read it to you : 

44 Whosoever will be saved, before all things it is nec- 



404 ingersoll's lectures. 

essary that he hold the Catholic faith ; which faith, 
except every one do keep entire and inviolate, without 
doubt, he shall everlastingly perish." Now the faith is 
this: "That we worship one God in trinity, and 
trinity in unity." 

Of course you understand how that's done, and there's 
no need of my explaining it. " Neither confounding the 
persons nor dividing the substance." 

You see what a predicament that would leave the Deity 
in if you divided the substance. 

For one is the person uf the Father, another of the 
Son, and another of the Holy Ghost ; but the Godhead 
of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost is 
all one " — you know what I mean by Godhead. 4 4 In 
glory equal, and in majesty co-eternal. Such as the 
Father is, such is the Son, such is the Holy Ghost. The 
Father is uncreated, the Son uncreated, the Holy Ghost 
uncreated. The Father incomprehensible, the Son in- 
comprehensible, the Holy Ghost incomprehensible." 
And that is the reason we know so much about the 
thing. "The Father is eternal, the Son eternal, the 
Holy Ghost eternal," and yet there are not three eter- 
nals, only one eternal, as also there are not three un- 
created, nor three incomprehensibles, only one un- 
created, one incomprehensible. 

"In like manner, the Father is almighty, the Son 
almighty, the Holy Ghost almighty." Yet there are not 
three almighties, only one Almighty. So the Father is 
God, the Son God, the Holy Ghost God, and yet not 
three Gods ; and so likewise, the Father is Lord, the 
Son is Lord, the Holy Ghost is Lord, yet there are not 
three Lords, for as we are compelled by the Christian 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 405 

truth to acknowledge every person by himself to be God 
and Lord, so we are all forbidden by the Catholic religion 
to say there are three Gods, or three Lords. ''The 
Father is made of no one, not created or begotten. The 
The Son is from the Father alone, not made, nor cre- 
ated, or begotten. The Holy Ghost is from the Father 
and the Son, not made nor begotten, but proceeded — " 

You know what proceeding is. 

So there is one Father, not three Fathers." Why 
should there be three Fathers, and only one Son ? 

"One Son, and not three Sons ; one Holy Ghost, not 
three Holy Ghosts ; and in this Trinity there is nothing 
before or afterward, nothing greater or less, but the 
whole three persons are co-eternal with one another, and 
co-equal, so that in all things the unity is to be wor- 
shiped in Trinity, and the Trinity is to be worshiped in 
unity, and therefore we will believe. Those who will be 
saved must thus think of the Trinity. Furthermore, it 
is necessary to everlasting salvation that he also believe 
rightly the incarnation of our Lord Jesus Christ. Now 
the right of this thing is this : That we believe and con- 
fess that our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God, is both 
God and man. He is God of the substance of His Father 
begotten before the world was. That was a good while 
before His mother lived. 

"And He is man of the substance of His mother, born 
in this world, perfect God and perfect man, and the 
rational soul in human flesh subsisting equal to the Father 
according to His Godhead, but less than the Father, ac- 
cording to His manhood, who being both God and man 
is not two but one — one not by conversion of God into 
flesh but by the taking of the manhood into God," 



406 ingersoll's lectures. 

You see that it is a great deal easier than the other. 
"One altogether, not by a confusion of substance, but 
by unity of person, for as the rational soul and flesh is 
one man, so God the man, is one Christ, who suffered for 
our salvation, descended into hell, rose again the third 
day from the dead, ascended into heaven, and He sitteth 
at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty, and He 
shall come to judge the living and the dead." 

In order to be saved it is necessary to believe this. 
What a blessing that we do not have to understand it. 
And in order to compel the human intellect to get upon 
its knees before that infinite absurdity, thousands and 
millions have suffered agonies ; thousands and millions 
have perished in dungeons and in fire ; and if all the 
bones of all the victims of the Catholic Church could be 
gathered together, a monument higher than all the py- 
ramids would rise in our presence, and the eyes even of 
priests would be suffused with tears. 

That Church covered Europe with cathedrals and 
dungeons. That Church robbed men of the jewel of the 
soul. That Church had ignorance upon its knees. That 
Church went into partnership with the tyrants of the 
throne, and between these two vultures, the altar and 
the throne, the heart of man was devoured. 

Of course I have met, and cheerfully admit that there 
is thousands of good Catholics ; but Catholicism is con- 
trary to human liberty, Catholicism bases salvation upon 
belief. Catholicism teaches man to trample his reason 
under foot. And for that reason, it is wrong. 

Now, the next Church that comes along in the way 
that I wish to speak of is the Episcopalian. That was 
founded by Henry VIII. , now in heaven, He cast off 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 407 

Queen Catherine and Catholicism together. And he 
accepted Episcopalianism and Annie Boleyn at the same 
time. That Church, if it had a few more ceremonies, 
would be Catholic. If it had a few less, nothing. We 
have an Episcopalian Church in this country, and it has 
all the imperfection of a poor relation. It is always 
boasting of a rich relative. In England the creed is made 
by law, the same as we pass statutes here. And when 
a gentleman dies in England, in order to determine 
whether he shall be saved or not, it is necessary for the 
power of heaven to read the acts of Parliament. It be- 
comes a question of law, and sometimes a man is damned 
on a very nice point. Lost on demurrer. 

A few years ago, a gentleman by the name of Seabury, 
Samuel Seabury, was sent over to England to get some 
apostolic succession. We hadn't a drop in the house. 
It was necessary for the bishops of the English church 
to put their hands upon his head. They refused ; there 
was no act of Parliament justifying it. He had then to 
go to the Scotch Bishops ; and, had the Scotch Bishops 
refused, we never would have had any apostolic succes- 
sion in the new world. And God would have been 
driven out of half the world ; and the true church never 
could have been founded. But the Scotch Bishops put 
their hands on his head, and now we have an unbroken 
succession of heads and hands from St. Paul to the last 
bishop. 

In this country the Episcopal Church has done some 
good, and I want to thank that Church. Having, on an 
average, less religion than the others, on an average you 
have done more good to mankind. You preserved some 
of the humanities. You did not hate music-; you did 



408 ingersoll's lectures. 

not absolutely despise painting, and you did not alto- 
gether abhor architecture, and you finally admitted that 
it was no worse to keep time with your feet than with 
your hands. And some went so far as to say that people 
could play cards, and God would overlook it, or would 
look the other way. For all these things accept my 
thanks. 

When I was a boy, the other Churches looked upon 
dancing as probably the mysterious sin against the Holy 
Ghost ; and they used to teach that when four boys got 
in a hay-mow, playing seven-up, that the Eternal God 
stood whetting the sword of His eternal wrath waiting 
to strike them down to the lowest hell . And so that 
Church has done some good. 

After a while, in England, a couple of gentlemen, or a 
couple of men by the name of Wesley and Whitfield, 
said : " If everybody is going to hell, nearly, somebody 
ought to mention it. The Episcopal clergy said : ' 'Keep 
still; don't tear your gown." Wesley and Whitfield 
said : "This frightful truth ought to be proclaimed from 
the housetops at every opportunity, from the highway of 
every occasion." They were good, honest men. They 
believed their doctrine. And they said : "If there is a 
hell, and a Niagara of souls pouring over an eternal pre- 
cipice of ignorance, somebody ought to say something." 
They were right ; somebody ought, if such thing was 
true. Wesley was a believer in the Bible. He believed 
in the actual presence of the Almighty. God used to do 
miracles for him ; used to put off a rain several days to 
give his meeting a chance ; used to cure his horse of 
lameness ; used to cure Mr. Wesley's headaches. 

And Mr. Wesley also believed in the actual existence 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 409 

of the devil . He believed that devils had possession of 
people. He talked to the devil when he was in folks, 
and the devil told him that he was going to leave ; and 
that he was going into another person ; that he would 
be there at a certain time ; and Wesley went to that 
other person, and there the devil was, prompt to the 
minute. He regarded every conversion as an absolute 
warfare between God and this devil for the possession of 
that human soul. Honest, no doubt. Mr. Wesley did 
not believe in human liberty. Honest, no doubt. Was 
opposed to the liberty of the colonies. Honestly so. 
Mr. Wesley preached a sermon entitled, "The Cause 
and Cure of Earthquakes," in which he took the ground 
that earthquakes were caused by sin ; and the only way 
to stop them was to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ . 
No doubt an honest man. 

Wesley and Whitfield fell out on the question of pre- 
destination. Wesley insisted that God invited everybody 
to the feast. Whitfield said He did not invite those He 
knew would not come. Wesley said He did. Whit- 
field said: " Well, He didn't put plates for them, any- 
way." Wesley said He did. So that, when they were 
in hell, he could show them that there was a seat left 
for them. And that Church that they founded is still 
active. And probably no Church in the world has done 
so much preaching for as little money as the Methodists. 
Whitfield believed in slavery and advocated the slave 
trade. And it was of Whitfield that Whittier made the 
two lines : 

He bade the slave ships speed from coast to coast, 

Fanned by the wings of the Holy Ghost . 

We have lately had a meeting of the Methodists, and 



410 ingersoll's lectures. 

I find, by their statistics, that they believe they have 
converted 130,000 folks in a year. That, in order to do 
this, they have 26,000 preachers, 226,000 Sunday-school 
scholars, and about $100,000,000 invested in church 
property. I find, in looking over the history of the 
world, that there are 40,000,000 or 50, 000, 000 of people 
born a year, and if they are saved at the rate of 130,000 
a year, about how long will it take that doctrine to save 
this world ? Good, honest people ; they are mistaken. 

In old times they were very simple. Churches used 
to be like barns. They used to have them divided — 
men on that side, and women on this. A little bar- 
barous. We have advanced since then, and we now 
find as a fact, demonstrated by experience, that a man 
sitting by the woman he loves can thank God as heartily 
as though sitting between two men that he has never 
been introduced to. 

There is another thing these Methodists should re- 
member, and that is, that the Episcopalians were the 
greatest enemies they ever had. And they should re- 
member that the Free-Thinkers have always treated them 
kindly and well. 

There is one thing about the Methodist Church in the 
North that I like. But I find that it is not Methodism 
that does that. I find that the Methodist Church in the 
South is as much opposed to liberty as the Methodist 
Church North is in favor of liberty. So it is not Meth- 
odism that is in favor of liberty or slavery. They differ a 
little in their creed from the rest. They do not believe 
that God does everything. They believe that He does 
His part, and that you must do the rest, and that getting 
to heaven is a partnership business, 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED? 4II 

The next church is the Presbyterians — in my judgment 
the worst of all, as far as creed is concerned. This 
Church was founded by John Calvin, a murderer ! John 
Calvin, having power in Geneva, inaugurated human 
torture. Voltaire abolished torture in France. The 
man who abolished torture, if the Christian religion be 
true, God is now torturing in hell ; and the man who 
inaugurated torture, is now a glorified angel in heaven. 
It won't do. 

John Knox started this doctrine in Scotland, and there 
is this peculiarity about Presbyterianism, it grows best 
where the soil is poorest. I read the other day an ac- 
count of a meeting between John Knox and John Calvin. 
Imagine a dialogue between a pestilence and a famine ! 
Imagine a conversation between a block and an ax ! As 
I read their conversation it seemed to me as though John 
Knox and John Calvin were made for each other ; that 
they fitted each other like the upper and lower jaws of a 
wild beast. They believed happiness was a crime ; they 
looked upon laughter as blasphemy, and they did all 
they could to destroy every human feeling, and to fill the 
mind with the infinite gloom of predestination and eter- 
nal damnation. They taught the doctrine that God had 
a right to damn us because He made us. That is just 
the reason that He has not a right to damn us. There 
is some dust . Unconsciouse dust ! What right has God 
to change that unconscious dust into a human being, 
when He knows that human being will sin; and He knows 
that human being will suffer eternal agony ? Why not 
leave him in the unconscious dust ? What right has an 
infinite God to add to the sum of human agony ? Sup- 
pose I knew that I could change that piece of furniture 



412 ingersoll's lectures. 

into a living, sentient human being, and I knew that that 
being would suffer untold agony forever. If I did it, I 
would be a fiend. I would leave that being in the un- 
conscious dust. And yet we are told that we must be- 
lieve such a doctrine, or we are to be eternally damned ! 
It won't do. 

In 1839 there was a division in this Church, and they 
had a lawsuit to see which was the Church of God. And 
they tried it by a judge and jury, and the jury decided 
that the new school was the Church of God, and then 
they got a new trial, and the next jury decided that the 
old school was the Church of God, and that settled it. 
That Church teaches that infinite innocence was sacri- 
ficed for me ! I don't want it ! I don't wish to go to 
heaven unless I can settle by the books, and go there 
because I ought to go there. I have said, and I say 
again, I don't want to be a charity angel. I have no 
ambition to become a winged pauper of the skies. 

The other day a young gentleman, a Presbyterian, 
who had just been converted, came to me and gave me 
a tract and he told me he was perfectly happy. Ugh ! 
Says I : " Do you think a great many people are going 
to hell?" "Oh, yes." "And you are perfectly happy?" 
•' Well, he didn't know as he was quite." "Wouldn't 
you be happier if they were all going to heaven ? " " O, 
yes." " Well, then you are not perfectly happy ?" "No, 
he didn't think he was." Says I : " When you get to 
heaven, then you would be perfectly happy ? " "Oh, 
yes." "Now, when we are only going to hell, you are 
not quite happy! has- V when we are in hell, and you in 
heaven, then- , • drowr .,~_; ctly happy? You won't 
be as decent ^' 1 m get to be an angel as you are 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 413 

now, will you?" " Well," he said, "that was not ex- 
actly it." Said I : " Suppose your mother were in hell, 
would you be happy in heaven then ?" "Well," he says, 
" I suppose God would know the best place for mother." 
And I thought to myself, then, if I was a woman, I 
would like to have five or six boys like that. 

It will not do. Heaven is where are those we love, 
and those who love us. And I wish to go to no world 
unless I can be accompanied by those who love me here. 
Talk about the consolations of this infamous doctrine. 
The consolations of a dcctrine that makes a father say, 
" I can be happy with my daughter in hell "; that makes 
a mother say, ' ' I can be happy with my generous, brave 
boy in hell "; that makes a boy say, "I can enjoy the 
glory of heaven with the woman who bore me, the woman 
who would have died for me, in eternal agony." And 
they call that tidings of great joy. 

I have not time to speak of the Baptists, — that Jeremy 
Taylor said were as much to be rooted out as anything 
that is the greatest pest and nuisance on the earth. Nor 
of the Quakers, the best of all, and abused by all. I can 
not forget that George Fox, in the year of grace 1640, was 
put in the pillory and whipped from town to town, 
scarred, put in a dungeon, beaten, trampled upon, and 
what for ? Simply because he preached the doctrine : 
" Thou shalt not resist evil with evil. Thou shalt love 
thy enemies." Think what the Church must have been 
that day to scar the flesh of that loving man ! Just think 
of it/? I say I have not time to speak of all these sects. 
And of the varieties of Presbyterian ^ Campbellites. 
The people who think the" - - Y i-h ers ; ~der lO go up. 
There are hundreds and hundreds - piec .se sects, all 



414 ingersoll's lectures. 

founded upon this creed that I read, differing simply in 
degree. Ah ! but they say to me : " You are fighting 
something that is dead. Nobody believes this, now." 
The preachers do not believe what they preach in the 
pulpit . The people in the pews do not believe what 
they hear preached. And they say to me : "You are 
fighting something that is dead. This is all a form, we 
do not believe a solitary creed in it. We sign it and 
swear that we believe it, but we don't . And none of us 
do. And all the ministers they say in private, admit 
that they do not believe it, not quite." I don't know 
whether this is so or not. I take it that they believe 
what they preach. I take it that when they meet and 
solemnly agree to a creed, I take it they are honest and 
solemnly believe in that creed . 

The Evangelical Alliance, made up of all orthodox 
denominations of the world, met only a few years ago> 
and here is their creed : They believe in the divine in- 
spiration, authority, and sufficiency of the Holy Scrip- 
tures ; the right and duty of private judgment in the in- 
terpretation of Holy Scriptures, but if you interpret 
wrong you are damned . They believe in the unity of 
the Godhead and the trinity of the persons therein. 
They believe in the utter depravity of human nature. 
There can be no more infamous doctrine than that . 
They look upon a little child as a lump of depravity. I 
look upon it as a bud of humanity, that will, under pro- 
per circumstances, blossom into rich and glorious life. 

Total depravity of human nature ! Here is a woman 
whose husband has 1 .been lost at sea ; the news comes 
that fh£ has beerl drown etl by the ever-hungry-waves, 
and she waits. There is something in her heart that 



WHAT SHALL W£ DO TO BE SAVED? 41$ 

tells her he is alive. And she waits. And years after- 
wards as she looks down toward the little gate, she sees 
him ; he has been given back by the sea, and she 
rushes to his arms and covers his face with kisses, and 
with tears. And if that infamous doctrine is true, every 
tear is a crime, and every kiss a blasphemy. It won't 
do. According to that doctrine, if a man steals and re- 
pents, and takes back the property, the repentance and 
the taking back of the property are two other crimes if 
he is totally depraved. Jt is an infamy. What else do 
they believe ? " The justification of a sinner by faith 
alone," without works, just faith. Believing something 
that you don't understand. Of course God cannot afford 
to reward a man for believing anything that is reason- 
able. God rewards only for believing something that is 
unreasonable, if you believe something that you know is 
not so . What else ? They believe in the eternal 
blessedness of the righteous, and in the eternal punish- 
ment of the wicked. Tidings of great joy ! They are 
so good that they will not associate with Universalists . 
They will not associate with Unitarians. They will not 
associate with scientists. They will only associate with 
those who believed that God so loved the world that He 
made up his mind to damn the most of us . 

Then they say to me : ' ( What do you propose ? You 
have torn this down ; what do you propose to give in 
the place of it ? " I have not torn the good down. I 
have only endeavored to trample out the ignorant, cruel 
fires of hell. I do not tear away the passage, ' ' God 
will be merciful to the merciful. " I do not destroy the 
promise, ' ' If you will forgive others, God will forgive 
you." I would not for anything blot out the faintest 



4i 6 ingersoll's lectures. 

stars that shine in the horizon of human despair, nor in 
the horizon of human hope ; but I will do what I can to 
get that infinite shadow out of the heart of man. 

" What do you propose to put in place of this ? " 

"Well, in the first place, I propose good fellowship — 
good friends all ground. No matter what we believe, 
shake hands and let it go. That is your opinion. This 
is mine : ' ' Let us be friends. " Science makes friends ; 
religion — superstition — makes enemies. They say, ' 'Be- 
lief is important." I say, no, good actions are import- 
ant. Judge by deed, not by creed, good fellowship. We 
have had too many of these solemn people . Whenever 
I see an exceedingly solemn man, I know he is an ex- 
ceedingly stupid man. No man of any humor ever 
founded any religion — never. Humor sees both sides, 
while reason is the holy light ; humor carries the lantern 
and the man with a keen sense of humor is preserved 
from the solemn stupidities of superstition. I like a 
man who has got good feeling for everybody — good fel- 
lowship. One man said to another : 

' ' Will you take a glass of wine ? " 

" I don't drink." 

' ' Will you smoke a cigar ? " 

' ' I don't smoke. " 

" Maybe you will chew something ?" 

" I don't chew." 

" Let us eat some hay." 

" I tell you I don't eat hay." 

" Well, then, good-bye ; for you are no company for 
man or beast." 

I believe in the gospel of cheerfulness, the gospel of 
£ood nature, the gospel of good health. Let us pay 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED? 417 

some attention to our bodies. Take care of our bodies, 
and our souls will take care of themselves. Good health ! 
And I believe that the time will come when the public 
thought will be so great and grand that it will be looked 
upon as infamous to perpetuate disease. I believe the 
time will come when man will not fill the future with 
consumption and insanity. I believe the time will come 
when we study ourselves, and understand the laws of 
health, that we will say, ' 'We are under obligation to 
put the flags' of health in the cheeks of our children." 
Even if I got to heaven, and had a harp, I would hate 
to look back upon my children and grandchildren, and 
see them diseased, deformed, crazed, all suffering the 
penalties of crimes I had committed. 

I, then, believe in the gospel of good health, and I 
believe in a gospel of good living. You can not make 
any God happy by fasting. Let us have good food, and 
let us have it well cooked — and it is a thousand times 
better to know how to cook it than it is to understand 
any theology in the world . I believe in the gospel of 
good clothes ; I believe in the gospel of good houses ; in 
the gospel of water and soap . I believe in the gospel 
of intelligence, in the gospel of education. The school- 
house is my cathedral. The universe is my Bible. 
I believe in that gospel of justice that we must reap 
what we /sow. 

I do not believe in forgiveness. If I rob Mr. Smith 
and God forgives me, how does that help Smith ? If 
I, by slander, cover some poor girl with the leprosy 
of some imputed crime, and she withers away like a 
blighted flower, and afterward I get forgiveness, how 
does that help her ? If there is another world we 



41 8 ingersoll's lectures. 

have got to settle. No bankrupt court there. Pay 
down. The Christians say, that among the ancient 
Jews, if you committed a crime you had to kill a sheep, 
now they say, • 'Charge it." 4 'Put it upon the slate." 
It won't do, for every crime you commit you must 
answer to yourself and to the one you injure. And it 
you have ever clothed another with unhappines, as 
with a garment of pain, you will never be quite as 
happy as though you hadn't done that thing. No 
forgiveness. Eternal, inexorable, everlasting justice. 
That is what I believe in . And if it goes hard with 
me, I will stand it, and I will stick to my logic and I 
will bear it like a man. 

And I believe, too, in the gospel of liberty, in giving 
to others what we claim for ourselves. I believe there 
is room everywhere for thought, and the more liberty 
you give away the more you will have . In liberty, ex 
travagance is economy. Let us be just. Let us be 
generous to each other. 

I believe in the gospel of intelligence. That is the 
only lever capable of raising mankind. Intelligence 
must be the saviour of this world. Humanity is the 
grand religion, and no God can put another in hell in 
another world who has made a little heaven in this. 
God cannot make a man miserable if that man has 
made somebody else happy. God cannot hate anybody 
who is capable of loving anybody. 

So I believe in this great gospel of generosity. 

"Ah ! but," they say, "it won't do. You must be- 
lieve." I say no. My gospel of health will bring life. 
My gospel of intelligence, my gospel of good living, my 
gospel of good-fellowship will cover the world with happy 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED? 4 1 9 

homes . My doctrine will put carpets upon your floors, 
piciures upon your walls . My doctrine will put books 
upon your shelves, ideas in your minds. My doctrine 
will rid the world of the abnormal monsters born of the 
ignorance of superstition. My doctrine will give us 
health, wealth, and happiness . That is what I want . 
That is what I believe in. Give us intelligence. In a 
little while a man may find that he cannot steal without 
robbing himself. He will find that he cannot murder 
without assassinating his own joy . He will find that 
every crime is a mistake. He will find that only 
that man carries the cross who does wrong, and 
that the man who does right the cross turns to wings 
upon his shoulders that will bear him upwards forever. 
He will find that intelligent self-love embraces within 
its mighty arms all the human race . 

" Oh," but they say to me, "you take away immor- 
tality." I do not. If we are immortal, it is a fact in 
nature, and we are not indebted to priests for it, nor to 
Bibles for it, and it cannot be destroyed by unbelief. 

As long as we love we will hope to live, and when 
the one dies that we love, we will say: "Oh, that we 
could meet again ! " And whether we do or not, it will 
not be the wo/k of theology . It will be a fact in na- 
ture. I would not for my life destroy one star of human 
hope ; but I want it so that when a poor woman rocks 
the cradle, and sings a lullaby to the dimpled darling, 
that she will not be compelled to believe that, ninety- 
nine chances in a hundred, she is raising kindling-wood 
for hell. One world at a time — that is my doctrine. 

It is said in the Testament, " Sufficient unto the day 
is the evil thereof ;" and I say, sufficient unto each 



420 ingersoll's lectures. 

world is the evil thereof. And suppose, after all, that 
death does end all, next to eternal joy, next to being 
forever with those we love and those who have loved us, 
next to that is to be wrapt in the dreamless drapery of 
eternal peace. 

Next to eternal life is eternal death. Upon the shad- 
owy shore of death the sea of trouble casts no wave. 
Eyes that have been curtained by the everlasting dark 
will never know again the touch of tears. Lips that 
have been touched by eternal silence will never utter an- 
other word of grief. Hearts of dust do not break ; the 
dead do not weep. And I had rather think of those I 
have loved, and those I have lost, as having returned, 
as having become a part of the elemental wealth of the 
world — I would rather think of them as unconscious 
dust- — I would rather think of them as gurgling in the 
stream, floating in the clouds, bursting in the foam of 
light upon the shores of worlds — I would rather think of 
them as the inanimate and eternally unconscious, than 
to have even a suspicion that their naked souls had been 
clutched by an orthodox God. 

But for me, I will leave the dead where nature leaves 
them. And whatever flower of hope springs up in my 
heart I will cherish ; but I can not believe that there is 
any being in this universe who has created a human 
soul for eternal pain. And I would rather that every 
God would destroy himself ; I would rather that we all 
should go to eternal chaos, to black and starless night, 
than that just one soul should suffer eternal agony. I 
have made up my mind that if there is a God, he will 
be merciful to the merciful. Upon that rock I stand. 
That he will forgive the forgiving. Upon that rock I 



WHAT SHALL WE DO TO BE SAVED ? 42 1 

stand. That every man should be true to himself, and 
that there is no world, no star, in which honesty is a 
crime. And upon that rock I stand. The honest man, 
the good, kind, sweet woman, the happy child, has no- 
thing to fear, neither in this world, nor the world to 
come. And upon that rock I stand. 

- :o: — — - 

INGERSOLL'S ANSWER TO PROF. SWING, DR. 
THOMAS, AND OTHERS. 



After looking over the replies made to his new lecture, 
Col. Ingersoll was asked by a Tribune reporter what he 
thought of them. He replied as follows : 

' ' I think they dodge the point. The real point is 
this : If salvation by faith is the real doctrine of Chris- 
tianity, I asked on Sunday before last, and I still ask, 
why didn't Matthew tell it ? I still insist that Mark 
should have remembered it, and I shall always believe 
that Luke ought, at least, to have noticed it. I was 
endeavoring to show that modern Christianity has for its 
basis an interpolation. I think I showed it. The only 
gospel on the orthodox side is that of John, and that was 
certainly not written, or did not appear in its present 
form, until long after the others were written. I know 
very well that the Catholic Church claimed during the 
Dark Ages, and still claims, that references had been 
made to the gospels by persons living in the first, second 
and third centuries ; but I believe such manuscripts were 
manufactured by the Catholic Church. For many years 
in Europe there was not one person in 20,000 who could 



422 ingersoll's answer 

read and write. During that time the Church had in its 
keeping the literature of our world. They interpolated 
as they pleased. They created. They destroyed. In 
other words, they did whatever in their opinion was nec- 
essary to substantiate the faith. The gentlemen who 
saw fit to reply did not answer the question, and I again 
call upon the clergy to explain to the people why, if 
salvation depended upon belief in the Lord Jesus Christ, 
Matthew did not mention it. Some one has said that 
Christ didn't make known this doctrine of salvation by 
belief or faith until after His resurrection. Certainly 
none of the gospels were written until after His resur- 
rection ; and if He made that doctrine known after His 
resurrection, and before His ascension, it should have 
been in Matthew, Mark, and Luke, as well as John. 

The replies of the clergy show that they have not in- 
vestigated the subject ; that they are not well acquainted 
with the New Testament. In other words, they have 
not read it except with the regulation theological bias. 
There is one thing I wish to correct here. In an editorial 
in the Tribune it was stated that I had admitted that 
'Christ was beyond and above Buddha, Zoroaster, Con- 
fucius, and others. I didn't say so. Another point was 
made against me, and those who made it seemed to 
think it was a good one. In my lecture I asked why it 
was that the Disciples of Christ wrote in Greek, where- 
as, in fact, they understood only Hebrew. It is now 
claimed that Greek was the language of Jerusalem at 
that time ; that Hebrew had fallen into disuse ; that no 
one understood it except the literati and the highly edu- 
cated. If I fell into an error upon this point it was be- 
cause I relied upon the New Testament. I find in the 



TO PROF. SWING, DR. THOMAS, AND OTHERS. 423 

twenty-first chapter of the Acts an account of Paul hav- 
ing been mobbed in the city of Jerusalem ; that he was 
protected by a Chief Captain and some soldiers ; that, 
when upon the stairs of the castle to which he was being 
taken for protection, he obtained leave from the Captain 
to speak unto the people. In the fortieth verse of that 
chapter I find the following : 

" And when he had given him license, Paul stood on 
the stairs and beckoned with the hand unto the people ; 
and when there was made a great silence he spake unto 
them in the Hebrew tongue, saying — " 

And then follows the speech of Paul, wherein he gives 
an account of his conversion. It seems a little curious 
to me that Paul for the purpose of quieting the mob, 
would speak to that mob in an unknown language. If 
I were mobbed in the city of Chicago, and wished to de- 
fend myself with an explanation, I certainly would not 
make that explanationin Chocktaw, even if I under- 
stood that tongue. My present opinion is that I would 
speak in English ; and the reason I would speak in En- 
glish is, because that language is generally understood in 
this city . And so I conclude from the account in the 
twenty-first chapter of the Acts that " Hebrew was the 
language of Jerusalem at that time, or that Paul would 
not have addressed the mob in that tongue." 

1 i Did you read Mr. Courtney's answer ? " 

' ' I read what Mr. Courtney read from others, and 
think some of his quotations very good ; and have no 
doubt that the authors will feel complimented by being 
quoted." 

' ' But what about there being ' belief ' in Mat- 
thew ? " 



424 ingersoll's answer 

4 ' Mr. Courtney says that certain people were cured of 
diseases on account of faith. Admitting that mumps, 
measles, and whooping-cough could be cured in that 
way, there is not even a suggestion that salvation de- 
pended upon a like faith. I think he can hardly afford 
to rely upon the miracles of the New Testament to prove 
his doctrine. There is one instance in which a miracle 
was performed by Christ without His knowledge. And 
I hardly think that even Mr. Courtney would insist that 
any faith could have been great enough for that. The 
fact is, I believe that all these miracles were ascribed to 
Christ long after His death, and that Christ never, at 
any time or place, pretended to have any supernatural 
power whatever. Neither do I believe that He claimed 
any supernatural origin. He claimed simply to be a 
man — no less, no more. I don't believe Mr. Courtney 
is satisfied with his own reply." 

"And now as to Prof. Swing ? " 

"Mr. Swing has been out of the orthodox church so 
long that he seems to have forgotten the reasons for 
which he left it . I don't believe there is an orthodox 
minister in the city of Chicago who will agree with Mr. 
Swing that salvation by faith is no longer preached. 
Prof. Swing seems to think it of no importance who 
wrote the Gospel of St. Matthew. In this I agree with 
him. Judging from what he said, there is hardly dif- 
ference enough of opinion between us to justify a reply 
on his part. He, however, makes one mistake. I did 
not in the lecture say one word about tearing churches 
down . I have no objection to people building all the 
churches they wish. While I admit that it is a pretty 
sight to see children on a morning in June going through 



TO PROF. SWING, DR. THOMAS, AND OTHERS. 425 

the fields to the country church, I still insist that the 
beauty of that sight doesn't answer the question how 
it is that Matthew forgot to say anything about salva- 
tion through Christ. Prof. Swing is a man of poetic 
temperament ; but this is not a poetic question." 

"How did the card of Dr. Thomas strike you?" 

"I think the reply of Dr. Thomas in the best pos- 
sible spirit. I regard him to day as the best intel- 
lect in the Methodist denomination . He seems to 
have what is generally understood as a Christian spirit. 
He has always treated me with perfect fairness, and I 
should have said long ago many grateful things, had I 
not feared I might hurt with his own people. He seems 
to be by nature a perfectly fair man ; and I know of no 
man in the United States for whom I have a profounder 
respect . Of course I don't agree with Mr. Thomas. 
I think in many things he is mistaken. But I believe 
him to be perfectly sincere. There is one trouble 
about him, — he is growing ; and this fact will no doubt 
give great trouble to many of his brethren. Certain 
Methodist hazelbrush feel a little uneasy in the shadow 
of his oak . 

" Are you going to make a formal reply to their ser- 
mons ? " 

"Not unless something better is done than has been. 
Of course I don't know what another Sabbath may bring 
forth . I am waiting. But of one thing I feel perfectly 
assured ; that no man in the United States, or in the 
world, can account for the fact, if we are to be saved 
only by faith in Christ, that Matthew forgot it, that 
Luke said nothing about it, and that Mark never men- 
tioned it except in two passages written by another per- 



426 ingersoll's answer. 

son. Until that is answered, as one grave-digger says 
to the other in "Hamlet," I shall say: 'Ay, tell me 
that and unyoke." In the meantime, I wish to keep on 
the best terms with all parties concerned. I cannot see 
why my forgiving spirit fails to gain their sincere 
praise. " 



/ 



INGERSOLL'S LECTURE 

ON 

THOMAS PAINE. 



DELIVERED IN CENTRAL MUSIC HALL, CHICAGO, 
JANUARY 29, l88o. 



(From fhe Chicago Times, Verbatim Report.) 

Ladies and Gentlemen : — It so happened that the 
first speech — the very first public speech I ever made — 
I took occasion to defend the memory of Thomas 
Paine. 

I did it because I had read a little something of the 
history of my country. I did it because I felt indebted 
to him for the liberty I then enjoyed — and whatever re- 
ligion may be true, ingratitude is the blackest of crimes. 
And whether there is any God or not, in every star that 
shines, gratitude is a virtue. 

The man who will tell the truth about the dead is a 
good man, and for one, about this man, I intend to tell 
just as near the truth as I can. 

Most history consists in giving the details of things 
that never happened — most biography is usually the lie 

(429) 



43o Ingersoll's lectures. 

coming from the mouth of flattery, or the slander com- 
ing from the lips of malice, and whoever attacks the re- 
ligion of a country will, in his turn, be attacked. Who- 
ever attacks a superstition will find that superstition de- 
fended by all the meanness of ingenuity. Whoever 
attacks a superstition will find that there is still one 
weapon left in the arsenal of Jehovah — slander. 

I was reading, yesterday, a poem called the "Light 
of Asia," and I read in that how a Boodh seeing a tigress 
perishing of thirst, with her mouth upon the dry stone 
of a stream, with her two cubs sucking at her dry and 
empty dugs, this Boodh took pity upon this wild and 
famishing beast, and, throwing from himself the yellow 
robe of his order, and stepping naked before this tigress, 
said; "Here is meat for you and your cubs." In one 
moment the crooked daggers of her claws ran riot in his 
flesh, and in another he was devoured. Such, during 
nearly all the history of this world, has been the history 
of every man who has stood in front of superstition. 

Thomas Paine, as has been so eloquently said by the 
gentleman who introduced me, was a friend of man, and 
whoever is a friend of man is also a friend of God — if 
there is one. But God has had many friends who were 
the enemies of their fellow-men. There is but one test 
by which to measure any man who has lived. Did he 
leave this world better than he found it ? Did he leave 
in this world more liberty ? Did he leave in this world 
more goodness, more humanity, than when he was born? 
That is the test. And whatever may have been the 
faults of Thomas Paine, no American who appreciates 
liberty, no American who believes in true democracy 
and pure republicanism, should ever breathe one word 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 43 t 

against his name. Every American, with the divine 
mantle of charity, should cover all his faults, and with a 
never-tiring tongue should recount his virtues. 

He was a common man. He did not belong to the 
aristocracy. Upon the head of his father God had never 
poured the divine petroleum of authority. He had not 
the misfortune to belong to the upper classes. He had 
the fortune to be born among the poor and to feel against 
his great heart the throb of the toiling and suffering 
masses. Neither was it his misfortune to have been 
educated at Oxford. What little sense he had was not 
squeezed out at Westminster. He got his education 
from books. He got his education from contact with 
fellow-men, and he thought ; and a man is worth just 
what nature impresses upon him./ A man standing by 
the sea, or in a forest, or looking at a flower, or hearing 
a poem, or looking in the eyes of the woman he loves, 
receives all that he is capable of receiving — and if he is 
a great man the impression is great, and he uses it for 
the purpose of benefiting his fellow-man. 

Thomas Paine was not rich , he was poor, and his 
father before him was poor, and he was raised a sail- 
maker, a very lowly profession, and yet that man be- 
came one of the main-stays of liberty in this world. At 
one time he was an excise man, like Burns. Burns was 
once — speak it softly — a gauger — and yet he wrote 
poems that will wet the cheek of humanity with tears 
as long as the world travels in its orb around the sun. 

Poverty was his brother, necessity his master. He 
had more brains than books ; more courage than po- 
liteness ; more strength than polish . He had no ven- 
eration for old mistakes, no admiration for ancient 



43 2 ingersoll's lectures. 

lies. He loved the truth for truth's sake and for man's 
sake. He saw oppression on every hand, injustice 
everywhere, hypocricy at the altar, venality on the 
bench, tyranny on the throne, and with a splendid 
courage he espoused the cause of the weak against the 
strong, of the enslaved many against the titled few. 

In England he was nothing. He belonged to the 
lower classes — that is, the useful people. England de- 
pended for her prosperity upon her mechanics and her 
thinkers, her sailors and her workers, and they are the 
only men in Europe who are not gentlemen. The only 
obstacles in the way of progress in Europe were the 
nobility and the priests, and they are the only gen- 
tlemen. 

This, and his native genius, constituted his entire 
capital, and he needed no more. He found the col- 
onies clamoring for justice ; whining about their griev- 
ances ; upon their knees at the foot of the throne, im- 
ploring that mixture of idiocy and insanity, George III., 
by the grace of God, for a restoration of their ancient 
privileges. They were not endeavoring to become free 
men, but were trying to soften the heart of their master. 
They were perfectly willing to make brick if Pharaoh 
would furnish the straw. The colonists wished for, 
hoped for, and prayed for reconciliation. They did not 
dream of independence. 

Paine gave to the world his "Common Sense." It 
was the first argument for separation ; the first assault 
upon the British form of government ; the first blow for 
a republic, and it aroused our fathers like a trumpet's 
blast. He was the first to perceive the destiny of the 
new world. No other pamphlet ever accomplished such 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 433 

wonderful results. It was filled with arguments, reasons, 
persuasions, and unanswerable logic. It opened a new 
world. It filled the present with hope and the future 
with honor. Everywhere the people responded, and in 
a few months the Continental Congress declared the 
colonies free and independent states. A new nation was 
born. 

It is simple justice to say that Paine did more to cause 
the Declaration of Independence than any other man. 
Neither should it be forgotten that his attacks upon 
Great Britain were also attacks upon monarchy, and 
while he convinced the people that the colonies ought to 
separate from the mother country, he also proved to 
them that a free government is the best that can be in- 
stituted among men. 

In my judgment Thomas Paine was the best political 
writer that ever lived. 4 ' What he wrote was pure na- 
ture, and his soul and his pen ever went together. " 
Ceremony, pageantry, and all the paraphernalia of power 
had no effect upon him. He examined into the why 
and wherefore of things. He was perfectly radical in 
his mode of thought. Nothing short of the bed-rock 
satisfied him. His enthusiasm for what he believed to 
be right knew no bounds. During all the dark scenes 
of the revolution never for a moment did he despair. 
Year after year his brave words were ringing through 
the land, and by the bivouac fires the weary soldiers 
read the inspiring words of " Common Sence," filled 
with ideas sharper than their swords, and consecrated 
themselves anew to the cause of freedom. 

Paine was not content with having aroused the spirit 
of independence, but he gave every energy of his soul to 



434 ingersoll's 'lectures. 

keep that spirit alive. He was with the army. He 
shared its defeats, its dangers, and its glory. When the 
situation became desperate, when gloom settled upon 
all, he gave them the ' ' Crisis. " It was a cloud by day 
and a pillar of fire by night, leading the way to freedom, 
honor, and glory. He shouted to them ' ' These are the 
times that try men's souls." The summer soldier and 
the sunshine patriot, will, in this crisis, shrink from the 
service of his country ; but he that stands it now de- 
serves the love and thanks of man and woman. 

To those who wished to put the war off to some future 
day, with a lofty and touching spirit of self-sacrifice, he 
said : "Every generous parent should say : , If there 
must be war, let it be in my day, that my child may 
have peace.' " To the cry that Americans were rebels, 
he replied : 4 ' He that rebels against reason is a real 
rebel ; but he that in defense of reason rebels against 
tyranny, has a better title to ' Defender of the Faith ' 
than George III." 

Some said it was to the interest of the colonies to be 
free. Paine answered this by saying : 4 'To know 
whether it be the interest of the continent to be inde- 
pendent, we need ask only this simple, easy question : 
4 Is it the interest of man to be a boy all his life ? ' " 
He found many who would listen to nothing, and to 
them he said : "That to argue with a man who has re- 
nounced his reason is like giving medicine to the dead." 
This sentiment ought to adorn the walls of every ortho- 
dox church. 

There is a world of political wisdom in this : "En- 
gland lost her liberty in a long chain of right reasoning 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 435 

from Wrong principles;" and there is real discrimination 
in saying: 4 'The Greeks and Romans were strongly 
possessed of the spirit of liberty, but not the principles, 
for at the time they were determined not to be slaves 
themselves, they employed their power to enslave the 
rest of mankind." 

In his letter to the British people, in which he tried 
to convince them that war was not to their interest, 
occurs the following passage brimful of common sense : 
" War never can be the interest of a trading nation any 
more than quarreling can be profitable to a man in bus- 
iness. But to make war with those who trade with us 
is like setting a bull-dog upon a, customer at the shop 
door." 

The writings of Paine fairly glitter with simple, com- 
pact, logical statements that carry conviction to the 
dullest and most prejudicial. He had the happiest pos- 
sible way of putting the case, in asking questions in such 
a way that they answer themselves, and in stating his 
premises so clearly that the deduction could not be 
avoided. 

Day and night he labored for America. Month after 
month, year after year, he gave himself to the great 
cause, until there was " a government of the people and 
for the people," and until the banner of the stars floated 
over a continent redeemed and consecrated to the hap- 
piness of mankind. 

At the close of the Revolution no one stood higher in 
America than Thomas Paine. The best, the wisest, 
the most patriotic were his friends and admirers ; and 
had he been thinking only of his own good he might 



436 ingersoll's lectures. 

have rested from his toils and spent the remainder of 
his life in comfort and in ease. He could have been 
what the world is pleased to call respectable." He 
could have died surrounded by clergymen, warriors, and 
statesmen, and at his death there would have been an 
imposing funeral, miles of carriages, civic societies, 
salvos of artillery, a Nation in mourning, and, above all, 
a splendid monument covered with lies. He choose 
rather to benefit mankind. At that time the seeds sown 
by the great infidels were beginning to bear fruit in 
France . The eighteenth century was crowning its gray 
hairs with the wreath of progress. 

On every hand science was bearing testimony against 
the church. Voltaire had filled Europe with light ; 
D'Holbach was giving to the elite of Paris the prin- 
ciples contained in his "System of Nature." The 
encyclopaedists had attacked superstition with informa- 
tion for the masses. The foundation of things began 
to be examined. A few had the courage to keep their 
shoes on and let the bush burn. Miracles began to 
get scarce. Everywhere the people began to inquire. 
America had set an example to the world. The word 
liberty was in the mouths of men, and they began to 
wipe the dust from their superstitious knees. The 
dawn of a new day had appeared. 

Thomas Paine went to France. Into the new move- 
ment he threw all his energies. His fame had gone 
before him, and he was welcomed as a friend of the 
human race and as a champion of free government. 

He had never relinquished his intention of pointing 
out to his countrymen the defects, absurdities, and 
abuse of the English government. For this purpose 



ON THOMAS PAINE. ' 437 

he composed and published his greatest political work, 
"The Rights of Man." This work should be read by 
every man and woman . It is concise, accurate, rational, 
convincing, and unanswerable. It shows great thought, 
an intimate knowledge of the various forms of govern- 
ment, deep insight into the very springs of human action, 
and a courage that compels respect and admiration. 
The most difficult political problems are solved in a 
few sentences. The venerable arguments in favor of 
wrong are refuted with a question — answered with a 
word. For forcible illustration, apt comparison, ac- 
curacy and clearness of statement, and absolute thor- 
oughness, it has never been excelled . 

The fears of the administration were aroused, and 
Paine was prosecuted for libel, and found guilty ; and 
yet there is not a sentiment in the entire work that 
will not challenge the admiration of every civilized man. 
It is a magazine of political wisdom, an arsenal of 
ideas, and an honor not only to Thomas Paine, but to 
nature itself. It conld have been written only by the 
man who had the generosity, the exalted patriotism, 
the goodness to say : ' ' The world is my country, and 
to do good my religion. " 

There is in all the utterances of the world no grander, 
no sublimer sentiment. There is no creed that can 
be compared with it for a moment. It should be 
wrought in gold, adorned with jewels, and impressed 
upon every human heart : ' ' The world is my country, 
and to do good my religion." 

In 1792, Paine was elected by the department of 
Calais as their representative in the National Assembly . 
So great was his popularity in France, that he was 



43 s c ingersoll's lectures. 

selected about the same time by the people of no less 
than four departments. 

Upon taking his place in the assembly, he was ap- 
pointed as one of a committee to draft a constitution 
for France. Had the French people taken the advice 
of Thomas Paine, there would have been no ' ' reign of 
terror." The streets of Paris would not have been 
filled with blood in that reign of terror. There were 
killed in the City of Paris not less, I think, than seven- 
teen thousand people — and on one night, in the mas- 
sacre of St. Bartholomew, there were killed, by assas- 
sination, over sixty thousand souls — men, women, and 
children. The revolution would have been the grandest 
success of the world. The truth is that Paine was too 
conservative to suit the leaders of the French revolution. 
They, to a great extent, were carried away by hatred 
and a desire to destroy. They had suffered so long, 
they had borne so much, that it was impossible for them 
to be moderate in the hour of victory. 

Besides all this, the French people had been so robbed 
by the government, so degraded by the church, that they 
were not fit material with which to construct a republic. 
Many of the leaders longed to establish a beneficent and 
just government, but the people asked for revenge. 
Paine was filled with a real love for mankind. His phil- 
anthropy was boundless. He wished to destroy monar- 
chy — not the monarch. He voted for the destruction 
of tyranny, and against the death of the tyrant. He 
wished to establish a government on a new basis — one 
that would forget the past ; one that would give privileges 
to none, and protection to all. 

In the assembly, where all were demanding the execu- 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 439 

tion of the king, — where to differ with the majority was 
to be suspected, and where to be suspected was almost 
certain death — Thomas Paine had the courage, 
the goodness, and the justice to vote against 
death. To vote against the execution of the king 
was a vote against his own life. This was the 
sublimity of devotion to principle. For this he was 
arrested, imprisoned, and doomed to death. There is 
not a theologian who has ever maligned Thomas Paine 
that has the courage to do this thing. When Louis 
Capet was on trial for his life before the French conven- 
tion, Thomas Paine had the courage to speak and vote 
against the sentence of death. In his speech I find the 
following splendid sentiments : 

My contempt and hatred for monarchical governments 
are sufficiently well known, and my compassion for the 
unfortunate, friends or enemies, is equally profound. 

I have voted to put Louis Capet upon trial, because 
it was necessary to prove to the world the perfidy, the 
corruption, and the horror of the monarchical system. 

To follow the trade of a king des'troys all morality, 
just as the trade of a jailer deadens all sensibility. 

Make a man a king to-day and to-morrow he will be a 
brigand. 

Had Louis Capet been a farmer, he might have been 
held in esteem by his neighbors, and his wickedness re- 
sults from his position rather than from his nature. 

Let the French nation purge its territory of kings 
without soiling itself with their impure blood. 

Let the United States be the asylum of Louis Capet, 
where, in spite of the overshadowing miseries and crimes 
of a royal life, he will learn by the continual contempla- 



44° ingersoll's lectures. 

tion of the general prosperity that the true system of 
government is not that of kings, but of the people. 

I am an enemy of kings, but I can not forget that they 
belong to the human race. 

It is always delightful to pursue that course where 
policy and humanity are united. 

As France has been the first of all the nations of 
Europe to destroy royalty, let it be the first to abolish 
the penalty of death. 

As a true republican, I consider kings as more the ob- 
jects of contempt than of vengeance." 

Search the records of the world and you will find but 
few sublimer acts than that of Thomas Paine voting 
against the king's death. He, the hater of despotism, 
the abhorrer of monarchy, the champion of the rights of 
man, the republican, accepting death to save the life 
of a deposed tyrant — of a throneless king ! This was 
the last grand act of his political life — the sublime con- 
clusion of his political career. 

All his life he had been the disinterested friend of 
man. He had labored not for money, not for fame, 
but for the general good. He had aspired to no office. 
He had no recognition of his services, but had ever 
been content to labor as a common soldier in the army 
of progress, confining his efforts to no country, looking 
upon the world as his field of action. Filled with a 
genuine love for the right, he found himself imprisoned 
by the very people he had striven to save. 

Had his enemies succeeded in bringing him to the block, 
he would have escaped the calumnies and the hatred of 
the Christian world. And let me tell you how near 
they came getting him to the block. He was in prison, 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 44 1 

there was a door to his cell — it had two doors, a door 
that opened in and an iron door that opened out. It 
was a dark passage, and whenever they concluded to 
cut a man's head off the next day, an agent went along 
and made a chalk mark upon the door where the poor 
prisoner was bound. Mr. Barlow, the American minister, 
happened to be with him and the outer door was shut, 
that is, open against the wall, and the inner door was shut, 
and when the man came along whose business it was to 
mark the door for death, he marked this door where 
Thomas Paine was, but he marked the door that was 
against the wall, so when it was shut the mark was in- 
side, and the messenger of death passed by on the next 
day. If that had happened in favor of /some Methodist 
preacher, they would have clearly seen, not simply the 
hand of God, but both hands. In this country, at least, 
he would have ranked with the proudest names. On 
the anniversary of the Declaration, his name would have 
been apon the lips of all orators, and his memory in the 
hearts of all the people. 

Thomas Paine had not finished his career. He had 
spent his life thus far in destroying the power of kings, 
and now turned his attention to the priests. He knew 
that every abuse had been embalmed in scripture— that 
every outrage was in partnership with some holy text. 
He knew that the throne skulked behind the altar, and 
both behind a pretended revelation of God. By this 
time he had found that it was of little use to free the 
body and leave the mind in chains. He had explored 
the foundations of despotism, and had found them in- 
finitely rotten . He had dug under the throne, and it 
occurred to him that he would take a look behind the 



44 2 ingersoll's lectures. 

altar. The result af this investigation was given to the 
world in the ''Age of Reason." From the moment of 
its publication he became infamous. He Was calumni- 
ated beyond measure. To slander him was to secure 
the thanks of the church. All his services were instantly 
forgotten, disparaged, or denied. He was shunned as 
though he had been a pestilence . Most of his old friends 
forsook him, He was regarded as a moral plague, and 
at the bare mention of his name the bloody hands of 
the church were raised in horror. He was denounced 
as the most despiceable of men. 

Not content with following him to his grave, they pur- 
sued him after death with redoubled fury, and recounted 
with infinite gusto and satisfaction the supposed horrors 
of his death-bed : gloried in the fact that he was forlorn 
and friendless, and gloated like fiends over what they 
supposed to be the agonizing remorse of his lonely 
death. 

It is wonderful that all his services are thus forgotten. 
It is amazing that one kind word did not fall from some 
pulpit ; that some one did not accord to him, at least — 
honesty. Strange that in the general denunciation some 
one did not remember his labor for liberty, his devotion 
to principle, his zeal for the rights of his fellow-men. 
He had, by brave and splendid effort, associated his 
name with the cause of progress. He had made it im- 
possible to write the history of political freedom with 
his name left out . He was one of the creators of light ; 
one of the heralds of the dawn. He hated tyranny in 
the name of kings, and in the name of God, with every 
drop of his noble blood. He believed in liberty and 
justice, and in the sacred doctrine of human equality. 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 443 

Under these divine banners he fought the battle of his 
life. In both worlds he offered his blood for the good of 
man. In the wilderness of America, in the French 
assembly, in the sombre cell waiting for death, he was 
the same unflinching, unwavering friend of his race ; 
the same undaunted champion of universal freedom. 
And for this he has been hated ; for this the church has 
violated even his grave. 

This is enough to make one believe that nothing is 
more natural than for men to devour their benefactors. 
The people in all ages have crucified and glorified. 
Whoever lifts his voice against abuses, whoever arraigns 
the past at the bar of the present, whoever asks the 
king to show his commission, or question the authority 
of the priest, will be denounced as the enemy of man 
and God. In all ages reason has been regarded as the 
enemy of religion. Nothing has been considered so 
pleasing to the Deity as a total denial of the authority 
"of your own mind. Self-reliance has been thought 
deadly sin ; and the idea of living and dying without 
the aid and consolation of superstition has always horri- 
fied the church. By some unaccountable infatuation, 
belief has been and still is considered of immense im- 
portance. All religions have been based upon the idea 
that God will forever reward the true believer, and 
eternally damn the man who doubts or denies. Belief 
is regarded as the one essential thing. To practice 
justice, to love mercy, is not euough ; you must believe 
in some incomprehensible creed. You must say : 
"Once one is three, and three times one is one." 
The man who practiced every virtue, but failed to 
believe, was execrated . Nothing so outrages the feel- 



444 ingersoll's lectures. 

ings of the church as a moral unbeliever, nothing so 
horrible as a charitable atheist. 

When Paine was born the world was religious, the 
pulpit was the real throne, and the churches were mak- 
ing every effort to crush out of the brain the idea that 
it had the right to think. He again made up his mind 
to sacrifice himself. He commenced with the assertion. 
''That any system of religion that had anything in it 
that shocks the mind of a child can not be a true sys- 
tem." What a beautiful, what a tender sentiment ! No 
wonder the church began to hate him. He believed in 
one God, and no more. After his life he hoped for hap- 
piness. He believed that true religion consisted in do- 
ing justice, loving mercy ; in endeavoring to make our 
fellow- creatures happy, and in offering to God the fruit 
of the heart. He denied the inspiration of the scriptures. 
This was his crime. 

He contended that it is a contradiction in terms to 
call anything a revelation that comes to us at second- 
hand, either verbally or in writing. He asserted that 
revelation is necessarily limited to the first communica- 
tion, and that after that it is only an account of some- 
thing which another person says was a revelation to him. 
We have only his word for it, as it was never made to 
us. This argument never had been, and probably never 
will be answered. He denied the divine origin of Christ 
and showed conclusively that the pretended prophecies 
of the Old Testament had no reference to Him whatever. 
And yet he believed that Christ was a virtuous and ami- 
able man ; -that the morality He taught and practiced 
was of the most benevolent and elevate'd character, and 
that it had not been exceeded by any. Upon this point 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 445 

he entertained the same sentiments now held by the 
Unitarians, and in fact by all the most enlightened 
Christians. 

In his time the church believed and taught that every 
word in the Bible was absolutely true. Since his day it 
has been proven false in its cosmogony, false in its 
astronomy, false in its chronology and geology, false in 
its history, so far as the Old Testament is concerned, 
false in almost everything. There are but few, if any, 
scientific men, who apprehend that the Bible is literally 
true. Who on earth at this day would pretend to settle 
any scientific question by a text from the Bible ? The 
old belief is confined to the ignorant and zealous. The 
church itself will before long be driven to occupy the po- 
sition of Thomas Paine. The best minds of the ortho- 
dox world, to-day, are endeavoring to prove the exist- 
ence of a personal Deity. All other questions occupy a 
minor place. You are no longer asked to swallow the 
Bible whole, whale, Jonah and all ; you are simply re- 
quired to believe in God and pay your pew-rent. 

There is not now an enlightened minister in the world 
who will seriously contend that Sampson's strength was 
in his hair, or that the necromaneers of Egypt could turn 
water into blood, and pieces of wood into serpents. 
These follies have passed away, and the only reason 
that the religious world can now have for disliking Paine, 
is that they have been forced to adopt so many of his 
opinions. 

Paine thought the barbarites of the Old Testament in- 
consistent with what he deemed the real character of 
God. He believed the murder, massacre, and indis- 



44^ XNGERSOLl's LECTURES. 

criminate slaughter had never been commanded by the 
Deity. He regarded much of the Bible as childish, un- 
important and foolish. The scientific world entertains 
the same opinion. Paine attacked the Bible precisely 
in the same spirit in which he had attacked the preten- 
sions of the kings. He used the same weapons. All 
the pomp in the world could not make him cower. His 
reason knew no " Holy of Holies," except the abode of 
truth. The sciences were then in their infancy. The 
attention of the really learned had not been directed to 
an impartial examination of our pretended revelation. 
It was accepted by most as a matter of course. 

The church was all-powerful, and no one else, unless 
thoroughly imbued with the spirit of self-sacrifice, 
thought for a moment of disputing the fundamental 
doctrines of Christianity. The infamous doctrine that 
salvation depends upon belief, upon a mere intellectual 
conviction, was then believed and preached. To doubt 
was to secure the damnation of your soul. This absurd 
and devilish doctrine shocked the common sense of 
Thomas Paine, and he denounced it with the fervor of 
honest indignation. This doctrine, although infinitely 
ridiculous, has been nearly universal, and has been as 
hurtful as senseless. For the overthrow of this infamous 
tenet, Paine exerted all his strength. He left few ar- 
guments to be used by those who should come after him, 
and he used none that have been refuted. 

The combined wisdom and genius of all mankind can 
not possibly conceive of an argument against liberty of 
thought. Neither can they show why anyone should be 
punished, either in this world or another, for acting 
honestly in accordance with reason ; and yet a doctrine 



ON THOMAS- PAINE. 447 

with every possible argument against it has been, and 
still is, believed and defended by the entire orthodox 
world. Can it be possible that we have been endowed 
with reason simply that our souls may be caught in its 
toils and snares, that we may be led by its false and 
delusive glare out of the narrow path that leads to joy 
into the broad way of everlasting death ? Is it possible 
that we have been given reason simply that we may 
through faith ignore its deductions and avoid its conclu- 
sions ? Ought the sailor to throw away his compass and 
depend entirely upon the fog ? If reason is not to be de- 
pended upon in matters of religion, that is to say, in re- 
spect to our duties to the Deity, why should it be relied 
upon in matters respecting the rights of our fellows ? 
Why should we throw away the law given to Moses by 
God Himself, and have the audacity to make some of 
our own ? How dare we drown the thunders of Sinai 
by calling the ayes and naes in a petty legislature ? If 
reason can determine what is merciful, what is just, the 
duties of man to man, what more do we want either in 
time or eternity ? 

Down, forever down, with any religion that requires 
upon its ignorant altar its sacrifice of the goddess Reason; 
that compels her to abdicate forever the shining throne 
of the sonl, strips from her form the imperial purple, 
snatches from her hand the sceptre of thought and makes 
her the bond- woman of senseless faith. 

If a man should tell you he had the most beautiful 
painting in the world, and after taking you where it was 
should insist upon having your eyes shut, you would 
likely suspect either that he had no painting or 
that it was some pitiful daub. Should he tell you thai 



44-8 INGERSOLLS LECTURES. 

he was a most excellent performer on the 'viblin, 
and yet refused to play unless your ears were stopped, 
you would think, to say the least of it, that he had an 
odd way of convincing you of his musical ability. But 
would this conduct be any more wonderful than that of 
a religionist who asks that before examining his creed 
you will have the kindness to throw away your reason ? 
The first gentleman says : "Keep your eyes shut ; my 
picture will bear everything but being seen. Keep your 
ears stopped ; my music objects to nothing but being 
heard." The last says : " Away with your reason ; my 
religion dreads nothing but being understood. " 

So far as I am concerned, I most cheerfully admit that 
most Christians are honest and most ministers sincere. 
We do not attack them ; we attack their creed. We 
accord to them the same rights that we ask for ourselves. 
We believe that their doctrines are hurtful, and I am go- 
ing to do what I can against them. We believe that the 
frightful text, ' ' He that believes shall be saved, and he 
that believeth not shall be damned," has covered the 
earth with blood. You might as well say that all that 
have red hair shall be damned. It has filled the heart 
with arrogance, cruelty, and murder. It has caused the 
religious wars ; bound hundreds of thousands to the 
stake ; founded inquisitions ; filled dungeons ; invented 
instruments of torture ; taught the mother to hate her 
child ; imprisoned the mind ; filled the world with ig- 
norance ; persecuted the lovers of wisdom ; built the 
monasteries and convents ; made happiness a crime, in- 
vestigation a sin, and self-reliance a blasphemy. It has 
poisoned the springs of learning ; misdirected the ener- 
gies of the world ; filled all countries with want ; housed 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 449 

the people in hovels ; fed them with famine ; and but 
for the efforts of a few brave infidels, it would have taken 
the world back to the midnight of barbarism, and left 
the heavens without a star. 

The maligners of Paine say that he had no right to 
attack this doctrine, because he was unacquainted with 
the dead languages, and, for this reason, it was a piece 
of pure impudence to investigate the scriptures. 

Is it necessary to understand Hebrew in order to know 
that cruelty is not a virtue, that murder is inconsistent 
with infinite goodness, and that eternal punishment can 
be inflicted upon man only by an eternal fiend ? Is it 
really essential to conjugate the Greek verbs before you 
can make up your mind as to the probability of dead 
people getting out of their graves ? Must one be versed 
in Latin before he is entitled to express his opinion as 
to the genuiness of a pretended revelation from God ? 
Common sense belongs exclusively to no tongue. Logic 
is not confirmed to, nor has it been buried with, the 
dead languages. Paine attacked the Bible as it is trans- 
lated. If the translation is wrong, let its defenders cor- 
rect it . 

The Christianity of Paine's day is not the Christianity 
of our time. There has been a great improvement since 
then. It is better now because there is less of it. One 
hundred and fifty years ago the foremost preachers of 
our time — that gentleman who preaches in this mag- 
nificent hall — would have perished at the stake. Lord, 
Lord, how John Calvin would have liked to have roasted 
this man, and the perfume of his burning flesh would 
have filled heaven with joy. A Universalist would have 



45° ingersoll's lectures. 

been torn to pieces in England, Scotland, and America. 
Unitarians would have found themselves in the stocks, 
pelted by the rabble with dead cats, after which their 
ears would have been cut off, their tongues bored, and 
their foreheads branded . Less than one hundred and 
fifty years ago the following law was in force in Mary- 
land : 

" Be it enacted by the right honorable, the lord pro- 
prietor, by and with the advice and consent of his 
lordship's governor, and the upper and lower houses 
of the assembly, and the authority of the same : 
That if any person shall hereafter, within this pro- 
vince, willingly, maliciously, and advisedly, by writing 
or speaking, blaspheme or curse God, or deny our 
Saviour, Jesus Christ, to be the son of God, or shall 
deny the Holy Trinity, the Father, Son, and the Holy 
Ghost, . or the God-head of any of the three persons, 
or the unity of the God-head, or shall utter any pro- 
fane words concerning the Holy Trinity, or the persons 
thereof - and shall therefore be convicted by verdict, 
shall, for the first offense, be bored through the tongue, 
and fined £20, to be levied on his body. As for the sec- 
ond offense, the offender shall be stigmatized by burning 
in the forehead the letter B, and fined £40. And that 
for the third offense, the offender shall suffer death with- 
out the benefit of clergy. 

The strange thing about this law is, that it has never 
been repealed, and was in force in the District of Col- 
umbia up to 1875. Laws like this were in force in most 
of the colonies and in all countries where the church 
had power. 

In the Old Testament the death penalty was attached 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 45 I 

to hundreds of offenses. It has been the same in all 
Christian countries. To-day, in civilized governments, 
the death penalty is attached only to murder and 
treason ; and in some it has been entirely abolished. 
What a commentary upon the divine systems of the 
world ! 

In the days of Thomas Paine the church was ignor- 
ant, bloody, and relentless. In Scotland the ' ' kirk " 
was at the summit of its power. It was a full sister of 
the Spanish Inquisition. It waged war upon human 
nature. It was the enemy of happiness, the hater of joy, 
and the despiser of liberty . It taught /parents to mur- 
der their children rather than to allow them to propagate 
error. If the mother held opinions of which the in- 
famous « ' kirk" disapproved, her children were taken 
from her arms, her babe from her very bosom, and she 
was not allowed to see them, or write them a word. It 
would not allow shipwrecked sailors to be rescued from 
drowning on Sunday. 

Oh, you have no idea what a muss it kicks up in 
heaven to have anybody swim on Sunday. It fills all 
the wheeling worlds with sadness to see a boy in a boat, 
and the attention of the recording secretary is called to 
it. In a voice of thunder they say, " Upset him ! " It 
sought to annihilate pleasure, to pollute the heart by 
filling it with religious cruelty and gloom, and to change 
mankind into a vast horde of pious, heartless fiends. 
One of the most famous Scotch divines said : ' 'The kirk 
holds that religious toleration is not far from blasphemy." 
And this same Scotch kirk denounced, beyond measure, 
the man who had the moral grandeur to say, ' 'The world 
is my country, and to do good my religion . " And this 



45 2 ingersoll's lectures. 

same kirk abhorred the man who said, " Any system of 
religion that shocks the mind of a child can not be a true 
system . " 

At that time nothing so delighted the church as the 
beauties of endless torment, and listening to the weak 
wailing of damned infants struggling in the slimy coils 
and poison folds of the worm that never dies. 

About the beginning of the nineteenth century a boy 
by the name of Thomas Aikenhead was indicted and 
tried at Edinburgh for having denied the inspiration of 
the scriptures, and for having, on several occasions, 
when cold, wished himself in hell that he might get 
warm. Notwithstanding the poor boy recanted and 
begged for mercy, he was found guilty and hanged. His 
body was thrown in a hole at the foot of the scaffold 
and covered with stones, and though his mother came 
with her face covered with tears, begging for the corpse, 
she was denied and driven away in the name of charity. 
That is religion, and in the velvet of their politeness 
there lurks the claws of the tiger. Just give them the 
power and see how quick 1 would leave this part of the 
country. They know I am going to be burned forever ; 
they know I am going to hell, but that don't satisfy 
them. They want to give me a little foretaste here. 

Prosecutions and executions like these were common 
in every Christian country, and all of them based upon 
the belief that an intellectnal conviction is a crime. No 
wonder the church hated and traduced the author of the 
"Age of Reason." England was filled with Puritan 
gloom and Episcopal ceremony. The ideas of crazy 
fanatics and extravagant poets were taken as sober facts. 
Milton had clothed Christianity in the soiled and faded 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 453 

finery of the gods — had added to the story of Christ the 
fables of mythology. He gave to the Protestant church 
the most outrageously material ideas of the Deity. He 
turned all the angels into soldiers — made heaven a 
battle-field, put Christ in uniform, and described God as 
a militia-general. His works were considered by the Pro- 
testants nearly as sacred as the Bible itself, and the 
imagination of the people was thoroughly polluted by 
the horrible imagery, the sublime absurdity of the blind 
Milton. 

Heaven and hell were realities — the judgment-day 
was expected — books of accounts would be opened. 
Every man would hear the charges agafnst him read. 
God was supposed to sit upon a golden throne, sur- 
rounded by the tallest angels, with harps in their hands 
and crowns on their heads. The goats would be thrust 
into eternal fire on the left, while the orthodox sheep, 
on the right, were to gambol on sunny slopes forever 
and ever. So all the priests were willing to save the 
sheep for half the wool. 

The nation was profoundly ignorant, and consequent- 
ly extremely religious, so far as belief was concerned. 

In Europe liberty was lying chained up in the inqui- 
sition, her white bosom stained with blood. In the 
new world the Puritans had been hanging and burning 
in the name of God, and selling white Quaker children 
into slavery in the name of Christ, who said, ' ' Suffer 
little children to come unto Me." 

Under such conditions progress was impossible. Some 
one had to lead the way. The church is and always has 
been, incapable of a forward movement. Religion al- 



454 ingersoll's lectures. 

ways looks back. The church has already reduced 
Spain to a guitar, Italy to a hand-organ, and Ireland to 
exile. 

Some one, not connected with the church, had to 
attack the monster that was eating out the heart of the 
world, Some one had to sacrifice himself for the good 
of all. The people were in the most abject slavery ; 
their manhood had been taken from them by pomp, by 
pageantry, and power. 

Progress is born of doubt and inquiry. The church 
never doubts — never inquires. To doubt is heresy — to 
inquire is to admit that you do not know — the church 
does neither. 

More than a century ago Catholicism, wrapped in 
robes red with the innocent blood of millions, holding in 
her frantic clutch crowns and scepters, honors and gold, 
the keys of heaven and hell, tramping beneath her feet 
the liberties of nations, in the proud movement of almost 
universal dominion, felt within her heartless breast the 
deadly dagger of Voltaire. From that blow the church 
can never recover. Livid with hatred she launched her 
eternal anathema at the great destroyer, and ignorant 
Protestants have echoed the curse of Rome. 

In our country the church was all-powerful, and, al- 
though divided into many sects, would instantly unite 
to repel a common foe. Paine did for Protestantism 
what Voltaire did for Catholicism. Paine struck the first 
blow. 

The "Age of Reason" did more to undermine the 
power of the Protestant church than all other books 
then known. It furnished an immense amount of food 
for thought. It was written for the average mind, and 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 455 

is a straightforward, honest investigation of the Bible, 
and of the Christian System. 

Paine did not falter from the first page to the last. 
He gives you his candid thought, and candid thoughts 
are always valuable. 

The " Age of Reason " has liberalized us all. It put 
arguments in the mouths of the people ; it put the church 
on the defensive, it enabled somebody in every village 
to corner the parson ; it made the world wiser and the 
church better ; it took power from the pulpit and divided 
it among the pews. 

Just in proportion that the human race has advanced, 
the church has lost its power. There is no exception 
to this rule. No nation ever materially advanced that 
held strictly to the religion of its founders. No nation 
ever gave itself wholly to the control of the church with- 
out losing its power, its honor, and existence. 

Every church pretends to have found the exact truth. 
This is the end of progress. Why pursue that which 
you have ? Why investigate when you know. 

Every creed is a rock in running water ; humanity 
sweeps by it. Every creed cries to the universe, 
4 'Halt !" A creed is the ignorant past bullying the en- 
lightened present. 

The ignorant are not satisfied with what can be de- 
monstrated. Science is too slow for them, and so they 
invent creeds. They demand completeness. A sublime 
segment, a grand fragment, are of no value to them. 
They demand the complete circle — the entire structure. 

In music they want a melody with a recurring accent 
at measured periods. In religion they insist upon im- 
mediate answers to the questions of creation and destiny. 



456 ingersoll's lectures. 

The alpha and omega of all things must be in the alpha- 
bet of their superstition. A religion that can not an- 
swer every question, and guess every conundrum, is in 
their estimation, worse than worthless. They desire a 
kind of theological dictionary — a religious ready reck- 
oner, together with guide- boards at all crossings and 
turns. They mistake impudence for authority, solemn- 
ity for wisdom, and pathos for inspiration. The begin- 
ning and the end are what they demand. The grand 
flight of the eagle is nothing to them. They want the 
nest in which he was hatched, and especially the dry 
limb upon which he roosts. Anything that can be 
learned is hardly worth knowing. The present is con- 
sidered of no value in itself. Happiness must not be 
expected this side of the clouds, and can only be attained 
by self-denial and faith ; not self-denial for the good of 
others, but for the salvation of your own sweet self. 

Paine denied the authority of Bibles and creeds ; this 
was his crime, and for this the world shut the door in 
his face and emptied its slops upon him from the win- 
dows. 

I challenge the world to show that Thomas Paine ever 
wrote one line, one word in favor of tyranny — in favor 
of immorality ; one line, one word against what he be- 
lieved to be for the highest and best interest of mankind; 
one line, one word against justice, charity, or liberty, 
and yet he has been pursued as though he had 
been a fiend from hell. His memory had been 
execrated as though he had murdered some 
Uriah for his wife ; driven some Hagar into the 
desert to starve with his child upon her bosom ; defiled 
his own daughters ; ripped open with the sword the 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 457 

sweet bodies of loving and innocent women ; advised 
one brother to assassinate another ; kept a harem with 
seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines, or 
had persecuted Christians even unto strange cities. 

The church has pursued Paine to deter others. The 
church used painting, music, and architecture simply to 
degrade mankind. But there are men that nothing can 
awe. There have been at all times brave spirits that 
dared even the gods. Some proud head has always been 
above the waves. Old Diogenes, with his mantle upon 
him, stiff and trembling with age, caught a small animal 
bred upon people, went into the Pantheon, the temple 
of the gods, and took the animal upon his thumb nail, 
and, pressing it with the other, "he sacrificed Diogenes 
to all the gods. " Just as good as anything ! In every 
age some Diogenes has sacrificed to all the gods. True 
genius never cowers, and there is always some Samson 
feeling for the pillars of authority. 

Cathedrals and domes, and chimes and chants, tem- 
ples frescoed and grained and carved, and gilded with 
gold, altars and tapers, and paintings of virgin and babe, 
censer and chalice, chasuble, paten and alb, organs, and 
anthems and incense rising to the winged and blest, 
maniple, anice and stole, crosses and crosiers, tiaras, 
and crowns, mitres and missals and masses, rosaries, 
relics and robes, martyrs and saints, and windows stained 
as with the blood of Christ, never, never for one moment 
awed the brave, proud spirit of the infidel. He knew 
that all the pomp and glitter had been purchased with 
liberty, that priceless jewel of the soul. In looking at 
the cathedral he remembered the dungeon. The music 
of the organ was not loud enough to drown the clank of 



45 8 ingersoll's lectures. 

fetters . He could not forget that the taper had lighted 
the fagot. He knew that the cross adorned the hilt of 
the sword, and so where others worshiped, he wept and 
scorned. He knew that across the open Bible lay the 
sword of war, and so where others worshiped he looked 
with scorn and wept. And so it has been through all 
the ages gone. 

The doubter, the investigator, the infidel, have been 
the saviors of liberty. The truth is beginning to be re- 
alized, and the truly intellectual are honoring the brave 
thinker of the past. But the church is as unforgiving as 
ever, and still wanders why any infidel should be wicked 
enough to attempt to destroy her power. I will tell the 
church why I hate it. 

You have imprisoned the human mind ; you have been 
the enemy of liberty ; you have burned us at the stake, 
roasted us before slow fires, torn our flesh with irons ; 
you have covered us with chains, treated us as outcasts ; 
you have filled the world with fear ; you have taken our 
wives and children from our arms ; you have confiscated 
our property ; you have denied us the right to testify in 
courts of justice ; you have branded us with infamy ; 
you have torn out our tongues ; you have refused us 
burial. In the name of your religion you have robbed 
us of every right ; and after having inflicted upon us 
every evil that can be inflicted in this world, you have 
fallen upon your knees, and with clasped hands implored 
your God to finish the holy work in hell. 

Can you wonder that we hate your doctrines ; that 
we despise your creeds ; that we feel proud to know 
that we are beyond your power ; that we are free in 
spite of you ; that we can express our honest thought. 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



459 



tnd that the whole world is gradually rising into the I lessed light? Can 
you wonder that we point with pride to the fact that ii fidelity has ever 
been found battling for the rights of man, for the liberty of conscience, 
and for the happiness of all ? Can you wonder tiiat we are proud to 
know that we have always been disciples of reason and soldiers of free- 
dom ; that we have denounced tyranny and superstition, and have kept 
our hands unstained with human blood ? 

I desy that religion is the end or object of this life. When it is so 
considered it becomes destructive of happiness. The real end of life is 
happiness. It becomes a hydra-headed monster, reaching in terrible 
coils from the heavens, and thrusting its thousand fangs into the bleed- 
ing, quivering hearts of men. It devours their substance, builds pal- 
aces for God (who dwells not in temples made with hands), and allows 
His children to die in huts and hovels. It fills the earth with mourning^ 
heaven with hatred, the present with fear, and all the future with fir* 
and despair. Virtue is a subordination of the passion of the intellect. 
It is to act in accordance with your highest convictions. It does not 
consist in believing, but in doing. This is the sublime truth that the 
infidels in all ages have uttered. They have handed the torch from one 
to the other through all the years that have fled. Upon the altar of 
reason they have kept the sacred fire, and through the long midnight of 
faith they fed the divine flame. Infidelity is liberty; all superstition is 
slavery. In every creed man is the slave of God, woman is the slave of 
man, and the sweet children are the slaves of all. We do not want 
creeds; we want some knowledge. We want happiness. And yet we 
are told by the church that we have accomplished no hing; that we are 
dimply destroyers ; that we tear down without building again. 

Is it nothing to free the mind ? Is it nothing to civilize mankind ? Is 
it nothing to fill the world with light, with discovery, with science ? Is 
it nothing to dignify man and exalt the intellect ? Is it nothing to grope 
your way into the dreary prisons, the damp and dropping dungeons, the 
dark and silent cells of superstition, whe: e the souls of men are chained 
to floors of stone; to greet them like a ray of light, like the song of a 
bird, the murmur of a stream, to see the dull eyes open and grow slowly 
bright; to feel yourself grasped by the shrunken and unused hands, and 
hear yourself thanked by a strange and hollow voice? Is it nothing to 
conduct these souls gradually into the blessed light of day — to let them 
eee again the happy fields the sweet, green earth, and hear the everlast- 
ing music of the waves ? Is it nothing to make men wipe the dust from 
their swollen knees, the tears from their blanched and furrowed cheeks? 
Is it a small thing to reave the heavens of an insatiate monster and writ*- 



460 



ingersoll's lectures. 



upon the eternal dome, glittering with stars, the grand word liberty ? Is 
it a small thing to quench the thirst of hell with the holy tears of piety, 
break all the chains, put out the fires of civil war, stay the sword of the 
fanatic, and tear the bloody hands of the church from the white throat 
of progress ? Is it a small thing to make men truly free, to destroy the 
dogmas of ignorance, prejudice, and power, the poisoned fables of 
superstition, and drive from the beautiful face of the earth the fiend of 
fear? 

It does seem as though the most zealous Christians must at times en- 
tertain some doubt as to the divine origin of his religion. For eighteen 
hundred years the doctrine has been preached. For more than a thou- 
sand years the church had, to a great extent, the control of the civilized 
world, and what has been the result ? Are the Christian nations patterns 
of charity and forbearance ? On th'i contrary, their principal business 
is to destroy each other. More than five millions of Christians are 
trained and educated and drilled to murder their fellow-Christians. 
Every nation is groaning under a vast debt incurred in carrying on war 
against other Christians, or defending itself from Christian assault. The 
world is covered with forts to protect Christians from Christians, and 
wery sea is covered with iron monsters ready t) blow Christian brains 
nto eternal froth. Millions upon millions are annually expended in the 
effort to construct still more deadly and terrible engines of death. In- 
dustry is crippled, honest toil is robbed, and even beggary is taxed to 
iefray the expenses of Christian murder. There must be some othei 
*ay to reform this world. We have tried creed and dogma and fable, 
and they have failed — and they have failed in all the nations dead. 

Nothing but education — scientific education — can benefit mankind. 
We must find out the laws of nature and conform to them. We need 
free bodies and free minds, free labor and free thought, chainless hands 
and fetterless brains. Free labor will give us wealth. Free thought will 
give us truth. We need men with moral courage to speak and write 
their real thoughts, and to stand by their convictions, even to the very 
death. We need have no fear of being too radical. The future will 
verify all grand and brave predictions. Paine was splendidly in advance 
of his time, but he was orthodox compared to the infidels of to day. 

Science, the great iconoclast, has been very busy since 1809, and by 
the highway of progress are the broken images of the past. On every 
hand the people advance. The vicar of God has been pushed from the 
throne of the Caesars, and upon the roofs of the Eternal city falls once 
more the shadow of the eagle. All has been accomplished by the heroic 
few. The men of science have explored heaven and earth, and with in- 



ON THOMAS PAINS. 



461 



finite patience have furnished the facts. The brave thinkers have aided 
them. The gloomy caverns of superstition have been transformed into 
temples of thought, and the demons of the past are the angels of to- 
day. 

Science took a handful of sand, constructed a telescope, and with it 
explored the starry depths of heaven. Science wrested from the gods 
their thunderbolts; and now. the electric spark freighted with thought 
and love, flashes under all the waves of the sra. Science took a tear 
from the cheek of unpaid labor, converted it into steam, and created a 
giant that turns with tireless .arm the countless wheels of toil. 

Thomas Paine was one of the intellectual heroes, one of the meu to 
whom we arc indebted. His name is associated forever with the great 
republic. He lived a long, laborious, and useful life. The world is 
better for his having lived. For the sake of truth he accepted hatred and 
reproach for his portion. He ate the bitter bread of neglect and sorrow. 
His friends were untrue to him because he was true to himself and true 
to them. He lost the respect of what is called society, but kept his 
own. His life is what the world calls failure, and what history calls 
success. 

If to love your fellow-men more than self is goodness, Thomas Paine 
was good. If to be in advance of your time, to be a pioneer in the 
direction of right, is greatness, Thomas Paine was great. If to avow 
your principles and discharge your duty in the presence of de ith is 
heroic, Thomas Paine was a hero. 

At the age of 73, death touched his tired heart. He died in the land 
his genius defended, under the flag he gave to the skies. Slander can 
not touch him now; hatred can not reach him more. He sleeps in the 
sanctuary of the tomb, beneath the quiet of the star.-*. A few more years, 
a few more brave men, a few more rays of light, and mankind will ven- 
erate the memory of him who said: 

Any system of religion that shocks the m nd of a child can not be a 
true system. The world is my country, and to do good my religion. 

The next question is: Did Thomas Paine recant? Mr. Paine had 
prophesied that fanatics would crawl and cringe around him during his 
last moments. He believed that they would put a lie in the mouth of 
death. When the shadow of the coming dissolution was upon him, two 
clergymen, Messrs. Milledollar and Cunningham, called to annoy the 
dying man. Mr. Cunningham had the politeness to say: "You have 
now a full view of death ; you can not live long ; whoever does not believe 
in the Lord Jesus Christ, will assuredly be damned." Mr. Paine replied : 
" Let me have none of your popish stuff. Get away with you. Good 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



463 



morning." On another occasion a Methodist minister obtruded himself. 
Mr. Willet Hicks was present. The minister declared to Mr. Paine that 
"unless he repented of his unbelief he would be damned." Paine, 
although at the door of death, rose in his bed and indignantly requested 
the clergyman to leave the room. On another occasion, two brothers by 
the name of Pigott sought to convert him. He was displeased, and re- 
quested their departure. Afterward, Thomas Nixon and Capt. Daniel 
Pelton visited him for the express purpose of ascertaining whether he 
had, in any manner, changed his religious opinions. They were assured 
by the dying man that he still held the principles he had expressed in 
his writings. 

Afterward, these gentlemen, hearing that William Cobbet was about 
to write a life of Paine, sent him the following note: I must tell you 
now that it is of great importance to find out whether Paine recanted* 
If he recanted, then the Bible is true— you can rest assured that a spring 
of water gushed out of a dead dry bone. If Paine recanted, there is not 
the slightest doubt about that donkey making that speech to Mr. Baalam 
— not the slightest— and if Paine did not recant, then the whole thing is 
a mistake. I want to show that Thomas Paine died as he has lived, a 
friend of man and without superstition, and if you will stay here I will 
do it. 

New York, April 24, 1818.— Sir: Having been informed that you 
have a desigu to write a history of the life and writings of Thomas Paine, 
if you have been furn shed with materials in respect to his religious 
opinions, or rather of his recantation of his former opinions before hia 
de th, all you have heard of his recanting is false. Being aware that 
such reports would be raised after his death by fanatics who infested his 
house at the time it was expected he would die, we, the subscribers, in- 
timate acquaintances of Thomas Paine since the year 1776, went to his 
house. He was sitting up in a chair, and apparently in full vigor and 
use of all his mental faculties We interrogated him upon his religious 
opinions, and if he had changed his mind, or repented of anything he 
had said or wrote on that subject. He answered, "Not at all," and 
appeared rather offended at our supposition that any change should take 
place in his mind. We took down in writing the questions put to him 
and his answers thereto, before a number of persons then in his room, 
among whom were his doctor, Mrs. Bonneville, etc. This paper is mis- 
laid and can not be found at present, but the above is the substance, 
which can be attested by many living witnesses. Thomas Nixon, 

Daniel Pelton. 

Mr. Jarvis, the artist, saw Mr. Paine one or two days before his death. 
To Mr. Jarvis he expressed his belief in his written opinions upon the 
subject of religion. B. F. Haskin, an attorney of the City of New York, 
also visited him, and inquired as t > his reluious opinions. Paine was 
then upon the threshold of death, but he did not tremble, he was not a 



464 



ingersoll's lectures. 



coward. He expressed his firm and unshaken belief in the religion 
ideas he had given to the world. 

Dr. Manly was with him when he spoke his last words. Dr. Manly 
asked the dying man, and Dr. Manly was a Christian, if he did not wish 
to believe that Jesus was the Son of God, and the dying philosopher 
answered; " I have no wish to believe on that subject." Amasa Woods, 
worth sat up with Thomas Paine the night before his death. In 1839 
Gilbert Vale, hearing that Woodsworth was living in or near Boston, 
visited him for the purpose of getting his statement, and the statement 
was published in The Beacon of June 5, 1839, and here it is: 

We have just returned from Boston. One object ,f our visit to that 
city was to see Mr. Amasa Woodsworth, an engineer, now retired in a 
handsome cottage and garden at East Cambridge, Boston. This gentle 
man owned the house occupied by Paine at his death, while he lived 
next door. As an act of kindness, Mr. Woodsworth visited Mr. Paine 
every day for six weeks before his death. lie frequently sat up with him 
and did so on the last two nights of his life. He was always there with 
Dr. Manly, the physician, and assisted in removing Mr. Paine while his 
bed was prepared. He was present when Dr. Manly asked Mr. Paine if 
he wished to believe that Jesus Christ was the Son of God. He says that 
lying on his back he used some action ami with much emphasis replied; 
"I have no wish to believe on that subject.'' He lived some time after 
this, but was not known to speak, for he died tranquilly. He accounts 
for the insinuating style of Dr. Manly's letter by stating that that gentle- 
man, just after it-; publication, joined a church. He informs us that he 
has openly proved the doctor for the falsity contained in the spirit of 
that letter, boldly declaring before Dr. Manly, who is still living, that 
nothing which he saw justified the insinuations. Mr. Woodsworth 
assures us that he neither heard nor saw anything to justify the belief of 
any mental change in the opinions of Mr. Paine previous to his death; 
but that being very ill and in pain, chiefly arising from the skin being 
removed in some parts by long lying, he was genendly too uneasy to 
enjoy conversation on abstract subjects. This, then, is the best evidence 
that can be procured on this subject, and we publish it while the contra- 
vening parties are yet alive, and with the authority of Mr. Woodsworth, 

Gilbert Vai e. 

A few weeks ago I received the following letter, which confirms the 
statement of Mr. Vale: 

Near Stockton, Cal., Greenwood Cottage, July 9, 1877. — Col. 
Ingersoll: In 1842 I talked with a gentleman in Boston. I have 
forgotten his name; but he was then an engineer of the Charleston 
navy yard. I am thus particular so that you can find his name on the 
books. He told me that he nursed Thomas Paine in his last illness and 
closed his eyes when dead. I asked him if he recanted and called upon 
God to save him. He replied: u No; he died as he had taught He 
had a sore upon his side, and when we turned him it was very painful, 
and he would cry out, 1 O God!' or something like that." "BuV'said 
the narrator, "that was nothing, for he believed in a G >d." I told him 
Vhat I had often heard it asserted from the pulpit that Mr. Paine hi- d 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



465 



recanted in his last moment. The gentleman said that it was not true, 
and he appeared to be anjntelligent, truthful man. With respect, I 
remain, etc., Philip Graves, M. D. 

The next witness is Willet Hicks, a Quaker preacher. He says that 
during the last illness of Mr. Paine he visited him almost daily, and that 
Paine died firmly convinced of the truth of the religious opinions that 
he had given to his fellow-men. It was to this same Willet Hicks that 
Paine applied for permission to be buried in the cemetery of the 
Quakers. Permission was refused. This refusal settles the question of 
recantation. If he had recanted, of course there would have been no 
objection to his body being buried by the side of the best hypocrites in 
the earth. If Paine recanted, why should he be denied " a little earth 
for charity ?" Had he recanted, it would have been regarded as a vast 
and splendid triumph for the gospel. It would, with much nnise and 
pomp and ostentation, have been heralded about the world. 

Here is another letter : 

Peoria, 111., Oct. 8, 1877.— Robert G. Ingersoll. — Esteemed Friend: 
My parents were Friends (Quakers). My father died when I was very 
young. The elderly and middle-aged Friends visited at my mother's 
house. We lived in the City of New York. Among the number I dis- 
tinctly remember Elias Hicks, Willet Hicks, and a Mr. Day, who 

was a bookseller in Pearl St. There were many others whose names I 
do not now remember. The subject of the recantation of Thomas 
Paine of his views about the Bible in his last illness, or any other time, 
was discussed by them in my presence at different times. I learned 
from them that some of them" had attended upon Thomas Paine in his 
last sickness, and ministered to his wants up to the time of his death. 
And upon the question of whether he did recant there was but one ex- 
pression. They all said that he did not recant in any manner. I often 
heard them say they wished he had recanted. In fact, according tot hem, 
the nearer he approached death the more positive he appeared to be in 
his convictions. These conversations were from 1820 to 1822. I was at 
that time from ten to twelve years old, but these conversations impressed 
themselves upon me because many thoughtless people then blamed the 
society of Friends for their kindness to that " arch-infidel," Thomas 
Paine. Truly yours, A. C. Hankenson. 

A few days ago I received the following : 

Albany, N. Y., Sept. 27, 1877. — Dear Sir : it is over twenty years 
ago that, professionally, I made the acquaintance of John Hogeboom, 
a justice of the peace of the County Rensselaer, New York. He was 
then over seventy years of age, and had the reputation of being a man 
of candor and integrity. He was a great admirer of Paine. He told 
me he was personally acquainted with him, and used to see him fre- 
quently during the last years of his life in the City of New York, where 
Hogeboom then resided. I asked him if there was any truth in the 
charge that Paine was in the habit of getting drunk. He said that it 
was utterly false; that he never heard of such a thins? during the life- 
time of Mr. Paine, and did not believe anyone else did. I asked him 



466 



ingersoll's lectures. 



about the recantation of his religious opinions on his deathbed, and the 
revolting deathbed scenes that the world heard so much about. He said 
thee was no truth in them; that he had received his information from 
persons who attended Paine in his last illness, and that he passed 
peacefully, as we may say, in the sunshine of a great soul. Yours 
*ruly, W. J. Hilton. 

The witnesses by whom I substantiate the fact that Thomas Paine 
did not recant, and that he died holding the religious opinions he had 
published are: 

1. Thomas Nixon, Capt. Daniel Pelton, B. F. Haskin. These gentle- 
men visited him during his last illness for the purpose of ascertaining 
whether he had, in any respect, changed his views upon religion. He 
told them that he had not. 

2. James Chectham. This man was the most malicious enemy Mr. 
Paine had, and yet he admits that " Thomas Paine died placidly, and 
almost without a struggle." — Life of Thomas Paine, by James Cheetham. 

3. The ministers, Miliedollar and Cunningham. These gentleman 
told Mr. Paine that if he died without believing in the Lord Jesus 
Christ, he would be damned, and Paine replied : " Let me have none ol 
/our popish stuff. Good morning." — Sherwin's Life of Paine, page 220. 

4. Mrs. Hedden. She told these same preachers, when they attempted 
to obtrude themselves upon Mr. Paine again, that the attempt to convert 
Mr. Paine was* useless ; " that if God did not change his mind, no human 
power could." 

5. Andrew A. Dean. This man lived upon Paine's farm, at New 
Rochelle, and corresponded with him upon religious subjects. — Paine'$ 
Theological Works, Page 308. 

6. Mr. Jarvis, the artist with whom Paine lived. He gives an ac- 
count of an old lady coming to Paine, and telling him that God 
Almighty had sent her to tell him that unless he repented and believed 
in the blessed Saviour he would be damned. Paine replied that God 
would not send such a foolish old waman with such an impertinent 
message — Clio Rickman's Life of Paine. 

7. William Carver, with whom Paine boarded. Mr. Carver said again 
and again that Paine did not recant. He knew him well, any had every 
opportunity of knowing. — Life of Paine, by Vale. 

8. Dr. Manly, who attended him in his last sickness, and to whom 
Paine spoke his last words. Dr. Manly asked him Jif he did not wish 
to believe in Jesus Christ, and he replied: " I have no wish to believe 
on that subject." 

9. Willct Hicks and Elias Hicks, who were with him frequently dur- 
ing his last sickness, and both of whom tried to persuade him to recant. 



Otf THOMAS PAItfE. 



467 



According to their testimony Mr. Paine died as be lived — a believer in 
God and a friend to man. Willet Hicks was offered money to say 
something false against Paine. He was even offered money to remain 
silent, and allow others to slander the dead. Mr. Hicks, speaking of 
Thomas Paine, said : " He was a good man. Thomas Paine was [an 
honest man. 1 ' 

10. Amasa Woodsworth, who was with him every day for some six 
weeks immediately preceding his death, and sat up with him the last two 
nights of his life. This man declares that Paine did not recant, and 
that he died tranquilly. The evidence of Mr. Woodsworth is conclu- 
sive. 

11. Thomas Paine himself. The will of Mr. Paine, written by him- 
self, commences as follows: "The last will and testament of me, the 
subscriber, Thomas Paine, reposing coofideuce in my Creator, God, and' 
in no other being, for I know of no other, nor believe in any other," and 
closes with these words: " I have lived an honest and useful life to man- 
kind. My time ha3 been spent in doing good, and I die in perfect com- 
posure and resignation to the will of my Creator, God." 

12. If Thomas Paine recanted, why do you pursue him ? If he recanted 
he died in your belief. For what reason, then, do you denounce his death 
as cowardly? If upon his death-bed he renounced the opinions he had 
published, the business of defaming him should be done by infidels, 
not by Christians. I ask Christians if it is honest to throw away the 
testimony of his friends, the evidence of fair and honorable men, and 
take the putrid words of avowed and malignant enemies? When 
Thomas Paine was dying he was infested by fanatics, by the snaky 
spies of bigotry. In the shadows of death were the unclean birds of 
prey waiting to tear, with beak and claw, the corpse of him who wrote 
the "Rights of Man," and there lurking and crouching in the darkness, 
were the jakals and hyenas of superstition, ready to violate his grave. 
These birds of prey — these unclean beasts — are the witnesses produced 
and relied upon to malign the memory of Thomas Paine. One by one 
the instruments of torture have been wrenched from the cruel clutch of 
the church, until within the armory of orthodoxy there remains but one 
weapon —Slander. 

Against the witnesses that I have produced there can be brought just 
two— Mary Roscoe and Mary Hinsdale. The first is referred to in the 
memoir of Stephen Grellet. She had once been a servant in his house. 
Grellet tells what happened between this girl and Paine. According to 
this account, Paine asked her if she had ever read any of his writings, 
and on being told that she had read very little of them, he inquired 



468 



ingersoll's lectures. 



what she thought of them, adding that from such an one as she he 
expected a correct answer. 

Let us examine this falsehood. Why would Paine expect a correct 
answer about his writings from one who read very little of them ? Does 
not such a statement devour itself? This young lady fu, ther said that 
the " Age of Reason " was put in her hands, and that the more she read 
in it, the more dark and distressed she felt, and that she threw the book 
into the fire. Whereupon Mr. Paine remarked: " I wish all had done 
as you did, for if the devil ever had any agency in any w r ork, he had in 
my writing that book." 

The next is Mary Hinsdale. She was a servant in the family of Wil- 
let Hicks. The church is always proving something by a nurse. She, 
like Mary Roscoe, was sent to carry some delicacy to Mr. Paine. To 
this young lady Paine, according to his account, said precisely the same 
that he did to Mary Roscoe, and she said the same thing to Mr. Paine. 

My own opinion is that Mary Roscoe and Maiy Hinsdale are one and 
the same person, or the same story has been, by mistake, put in the 
mouths of both. It is not possible that the identical conversation 
should have taken place between Paine and Mary Roscoe and between 
him and Mary Hinsdale. Mary Hinsdale lived with Willct Hicks, and 
he pronounced her story a pious fraud and fabrication. 

Another thing about this witness. A woman by the name of Mary 
Lockwood, a Hicksite Quaker, died. Mary Hinsdale met her brother 
about that time and told him that his sister had recanted, and wanted 
her to say so at her funeral. This turned out to be a lie. 

It has been claimed that Mary Hinsdale made her statement to Charles 
Collins. Long after the alleged occurrence Gilbert Vale, one of the 
biographers of Paine, had a conversation with Collins concerning Mary 
Hinsdale. Yale asked him what he thought of her. He replied that 
some of the Friends believed that she used opiates, and that they did 
not give credit to her statements. He also said that, he believed what 
the Friends said, but thought that when a young w oman she might have 
told the truth. 

In 1818 William Cobbett came to New York. He began collecting 
material for a life of Thomas Paine. In this way he became acquainted 
with Mary Hinsdale and Charles Collins. Mr. Cobbett gave a full 
account of what happened in a letter addressed to The Norwich Mercury 
in 1819. From this account it seems that Charles Colli? s told Cobbett 
that Paine had recanted. Cobbett called for the testimony, and told 
Mr. Collins that [he must give time, place, and circums'ances. He 
finally brought a statement that he stated had been made by Mary 
Hinsdale. Armed with this document, Cobbett, in October of that 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



¥>9 



year, called upon the said Mary Hinsdale, at No. 10 Anthony Street, 
New York, and showed her the statement. Upon being questioned by 
Mr. Cobbett she said that it was so long ago that she could not speak 
positively to any part of the matter; that she would not say that any 
part of the paper was true; that she had never seen the 
paper, and that she had never given Charles Collins authority 
to say anything about the matter in her name. And so in the 
month of October, in the year of grace 1818, in the mist of fog and for. 
getfulness, disappeared forever one Mary Hinsdale, the last and only 
witness against the intellectual honesty of Thomas Paine. 

A letter was written to the editor of The New York World by the 
Rev. A. W. Cornell, in which he says : 

Sir: I see by your paper that Bob Ingersoll discredits Mary Hins- 
dale's story of the scenes which occurred at the death bed of Thomas 
Paine. No one who knew that good old lady would for one moment 
doubt her veracity, or question her testimony. Both she and her hus- 
band were Quaker preachers, and well known and respected inhabitants 
of New York City. 

Ingersoll is right in his conjecture that Mary Roscoe and Mary Hins- 
dale were the same person. Her maiden mame was Roscoe and she 
married Henry Hinsdale. My mother was a Roscoe, a niece of Mary 
Roscoe, and lived with her for some time. 

Rev. A. W. Cornell, Harpersville, N. Y. 

The editor of the New York Observer took up the challenge that I had 
thrown down. I offered $1 000 in gold to any minister who would 
prove, or to any person who would prove that Thomas Paine recanted 
in his last hours. The New York Observer accepted the wager, and then 
told a falsehood about it. But I kept after the gentlemen until I forced 
them, in their paper, published on the 1st of November, 1877, to print 
these words : 

We have never stated in any form, nor have we ever supposed, that 
Paine actually renounced his infidelity. The accounts agree in stating 
that he died a blaspheming infidel. 

This, I hope, for all coming time will refute the slanders of the 
churches yet to be. 

The next charge they make is that Thomas Paine died in destitution 
and want. That, of course, would show that he was wrong. They 
boast that the founder of their religion had not whereon to lay his 
head, but when they found a man who stood for the rights of man, 
when they say that he did, that is an evidence that this doctrine was a 
lie. Won't do! Did Thomas Paine die in destitution and want? The 
charge has been made over and over again that Thomas Paine died in 
want and destitution ; that he was an abandoned pauper— an outcast, 
without friends and without monev. ^Ms charge is just as false as the 
10 



470 



ingersoll's lectures. 



rest. Upon his return to this country, in 1802, he was worth $30,000, 
according to his own statement, made at that time in the following let- 
ter, and addressed to Clio Rickman : 

My dear friend, Mr. Monroe, who is appointed minister extraordinary 
to France, takes charge of this, to be delivered to Mr. Este, banker, in 
Paris, to be forwarded to you. 

I arrived m Baltimore, 80th of October, and you can have no idea of 
the agitation which my arrival occasioned. From New Hampshire to 
Georgia (an extent of 1,500 miles), every newspaper was filled with 
applause or abuse. 

My property in this country has been taken care of by my friends, and is 
now worth six thousand pounds sterling, which, put in the funds, will 
bring about £400 sterling a year. 

Remember me in affection and friendship to your wife and family, 
and in the circle of your friends. Thomas Paine. 

A man in those days worth $30,000 was not a pauper. That amount 
would bring an income of at least $2,000. Two thousand dollars then 
would be fully equal to $5,000 now. On the 12th of July, 1809, the 
year in which he died, Mr. Paine made his will. From this instrument 
we learn that he was the owner of a valuable farm within twenty miles 
of New York. He was also owner of thirty shares in the New York 
Phoenix Insurance Company, worth upward of $1,500. Besides this, 
some personal property and ready money. By his will he gave to 
"Walter Morton and Thomas Addis Emmet, a brother of Robert Emmet, 
$200 each, and $100 to the widow of Elihu Palmer. Is it possible that 
this will was made by a pauper, by a destitute outcast, by a man who 
suffered for the ordinary necessities of life ? 

But suppose, for the sake of argument, that he was poor, and that he 
died a beggar, does that tend to show that the Bible is an inspired book, 
and that Calvin did not burn Servetus ? Do you really regard poverty as 
a crime ? If Paine had died a millionaire, would Christians have 
accepted his religious opinions ? If Paine had drank nothing but cold 
water, would Christians have repudiated the five cardinal points of Cal- 
vinism? Does an argument depend for its force upon the pecuniary 
condition of the person making it? As a matter of fact, most reform- 
ers — most men and women of genius — have been acquainted with 
poverty. Beneath a covering of rags have been found some of the 
tenderest and bravest hearts. 

Owing to the attitude of the churches for the last fifteen hundred 
years, truth telling has not been a very lucrative business. As a rule, 
hypocrisy has worn the robes, and honesty the rags. That day is pass- 
ing away. You can not now answer a man by pointing at the holes in 
his coat. Thomas Paine attacked the church when it was powerful; 
when it had what is called honors to bestow ; when it was the keeper of 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



471 



the public conscience ; when it was strong and cruel. The church 
waited till he was dead, and then attacked his reputation and his clothes. 
Once upon a time a donkey kicked a lion. The lion was dead. You 
just don't know how happy I am to-night that justice so long delayed 
at last is going to be done, and to see so many splendid looking people 
come here out of deference to the memory of Thomas Paine. I am glad 
to be here. 

The next thing is: Did Thomas Paine live the life of a drunken 
beast, and did he die a drunken, cowardly, and beastly death ? Well, we 
will see. Upon you rests the burden of substantiating these infamous 
charges. The Christians have, I suppose, produced the best evidence in 
their possession, and that evidence I will now proceed to examine. 
Their first witness is Grant Thorburn. He made three charges against 
Thomas Paine : 

1. That his wife obtained a divorce from him in England for cruelty 
and neglect. 

2. That he was a defaulter and fled from England to America. 

3. That he was a drunkard. 

These three charges stand upon the same evidence— the word of Grant 
Thorburn If they are not all true, Mr. Thorburn stands impeached. 

The charge that Mrs. Paine obtained a divorce on account of the 
cruelty and neglect of her husband is utterly false. There is no such 
record in the world, and never was. Paine and his wife separated by 
mutual consent. Each respected the other. They remained friends. 
This charge is without any foundation, in fact, I challenge the Christian 
world to produce the record of this decree of divorce. According to 
Mr. Thorburn, it was granted in England. In that country public rec- 
ords are kept of all such decrees. I will give $1,000 if they will produce 
a decree, showing that it was given on account of cruelty, or admit that 
Mr. Thorburn was mistaken. 

Thomas Paine was a just man. Although separated from his wife, he 
always spoke of her with tenderness and respect, and frequently <ent 
her money without letting her know the source from whence it came. 
Was this the conduct of a drunken beast ? 

The next is that he was a defaulter, and fled from England to America. 
As I told you in the first place, he was an exciseman ; if he was a de- 
faulter, that fact is upon the records of Great Britain. I will give $1,000 
in gold to any man who will show, by the records of England, that he 
was a defaulter of a single, solitary cent. Let us bring these gentlemen 
to Limerick. 

And they charge that he was a drunkard. That is another falsehood. 
He drank liquor in his day, as did the preachers. It was no unusual 



472 



ingersoll's lectures. 



thing for a preacher going home to stop in a tavern and take a drink of 
hot rum with a deacon, and it was no unusual thing for the deacon to 
help the preacher home. You have no idea how they loved the sacra- 
ment in those days. They had communion pretty much all the time. 

Thorburn says that in 1802 Paine was an " old remnant of mortality, 
drunk, bloated, and half asleep." Can anyone believe this to be a true 
account of the personal appearance of Mr. Paine in 1802 ? He had just 
returned from France. He had been welcomed home by Thomas Jeffer- 
son, who had said that he was entitled to tha hospitality of every 
American. 

In 1802 Mr. Paine was honored with a public dinner in the City of 
New York. He was called upon and treated with kindness and respect 
by such men as De Witt Clinton. In 1806 Mr. Paine wrote a letter to 
Andrew A. Dean upon the subject of religion. Read that letter and 
then say that the writer of it was an old remnant of mortality, drunk, 
bloated, and half asleep. Search the files of Christian papers, from the 
first issue to the last, and you will find nothing superior to this letter. In 
1803 Mr. Paine wrote a letter of considerable length, and of great force, 
to his friend Samuel Adams. Such letters are not written by drunken 
beasts, nor by remnants of old mortality, nor by drunkards. It was 
about the same time that he wrote his " Remarks on Robert Hall's Ser- 
mons." These "Remarks" were not written by a drunken beast, but by 
a clear-headed and thoughtful man. 

In 1804 he published an essay on the invasion of England and a 
treatise on gun-boats, full of valuable maritime information ; in 1805 a 
treatise on yellow fever, suggesting modes of prevention. In short, he 
was an industrious and thoughtful man. He sympathized with the poor 
and oppressed of all lands. He looked upon monarchy as a species of 
physical slavery. He had the goodness to attack that form of govern- 
ment. He regarded the religion of his day as a kind of mental slavery. 
He had the courage to give his reasons for his opinion. His reasons 
filled the churches with hatred. Instead of answering his arguments 
they attacked him. Men who were not fit to blacken his shoes blackened 
his character. There is too much religious cant in the statement of Mr. 
Thorburn. He exhibits too much anxiety to tell what Grant Thorburn 
said to Thomas Paine. He names Thomas Jefferson as one of the dis- 
reputable men who welcomed Paine with open arms. The testimony 
of a man who regarded Thomas Jefferson as a disreputable person, as 
to the character of anybody, is utterly without value. 

Now, Grant Thorburn— this gentleman who was " four feet and a half 
high, and who weighed ninety-eight pounds three and one-half ounces" 
—says that he used to sit nights at Carver's, in New York, with Thomas 



ON THOMAS PAINti. 



Paine. Mrs. Ferguson, the daughter of William Carver, says tnat she 
knew Thorburn when she saw him, but that she never saw him in her 
father's house. The denial of Mrs. Ferguson enraged Thorburn, and he 
at once wrote a few falsehoods about her. Thereupon a suit was com- 
menced by Mrs. Ferguson and her husband against Thorburn, the writer, 
md Fanshavv, t;;e publisher, of the libel. Thorburn ran away to Con- 
necticut. Fanshaw wrote him for evidence of what he had written. 
Thorburn replied that what he had written about Mrs. Ferguson could 
not be proved. Fanshaw then settled with the Fergusons,^ paying them 
the amount deman Jed. 

In 1859 the Fergusons lived at No. 148 Duane Street, New York. In 
The Commercial Advertiser of New York, in 1830, appeared the written 
acknowledgment of this same little Grant Thorburn that he did, on the 
22d of August, 1830, at half-past 6 in the morning, take four bottles of 
cider from the cellar of Mr. Comstock. 

Mr. Comstock says that Thorburn was arrested, and that when brought 
oefore him he pleaded guilty and threw himself upon his (Comstock's) 
mercy. 

The Philadelphia Tract Society gave Thorburn $100 to write his rec- 
ollections of Thomas Paine. 

Let us dispose of this four feet and a half of wretch. In October, 1877? 
I received the following letter frem James Parton: 

Newburyport, Mass., Oct 27, 1877.— My Dear Sir: Touching 
Grant Thorburn, I personally knew him to have been a liar. At the age 
of 92 he copied with trembling hand a piece from a newspaper and 
brought it to the office of The Home Journal as his own. It was I who 
received it and detected the deliberate forgery. * * James Parton. 

So much for Grant Thorburn. In my judgment, the testimony of Mr. 
Thorburn should be thrown aside as utterly unworthy of belief. 

The next witness is the Rev. J. Dr Wickham, D. D., who tells what an 
elder in his church said. This elder said that Paine passed his last days 
on his farm at New Rochelle, with a solitary female attendant. This i s 
not true. He did not pass his last days at New Rochelle, consequently, 
this pious elder did not see him during his last days at that place. Upon 
this elder we prove an alibi. Mr. Paine passed his last days in the City 
of New York, in a house upon Columbia Street. The story of the Rev. 
J. D. Wickham, D. D., is simply false. 

The next competent false witness was the Rev. Charles Hawley, D. D., 
who proceeds to state that the story of the Rev. J. D. Wickham, D. D., is 
corroborated by older citizens of New Rochelle. The names of these 
ancient residents are withheld. According to these unknown witnesses, 
the account given by the deceased elder was entirely correct. But as the 
particulars of Mr. Paine's conduct were too loathsome to be described 
in print," we are left entirely in the dark,.as to what he really did. 



474 



ingersoll's lectures. 



While at New Kochelle, Mr. Paine liyed with Mr. Purdy, Mr. Dean, 
with Capt. Pel ton, and with Mr. Staple. It is worthy of note that all ol 
ihese gentlemen give the lie direct to jhe statements of " older residents" 
and ancient citizens spoken of by the Rev. Charles Hawley, D. D., and 
leave him with the "loathsome particulars" existing only in his own 
ftiind. 

The next gentleman brought upon the stand is W. H. Ladd, who 
quotes from the memoirs of Stephen Grellett. This gentleman also has 
the misfortune to be dead. According to his account, Mr. Paine made 
his recantation to a servant girl of his by the name of Mary Roscoe. Mr. 
Paine uttered the wish tha?t all who read his book had burned it. I 
believe there is a mistake in the name of this girl. Her name was prob- 
ably Mary Hinsdale, as it was once claimed that Paine made the same 
remark to her. 

These are the witnesses of the church, and the only ones you briug 
forward to support your charge that Thomas Paine lived a drunken 
and beastly life, and died a drunken, cowardly, and beastly death. All 
these calumnies are found in a life of Paine by James Cheetham, the 
convicted libel er already referred to. Mr. Cheetham was an enemy of 
the man whose life he pretended to write. In order to show you the 
estimation in which this libeler was held by Mr. Paine, I will give you 
a copy of a letter that throws light upon this point: 

Oct. 27, 1807.— Mr. Cheetham: Unless you make a public apology 
for the abuse and falsehood in your paper of Tuesday, Oct. 27, respect- 
ing me, I will prosecute you for lying. Thomas Paine. 

In another letier, speaking of this same man, Mr. Paine says: "If an 
unprincipled bully can not be reformed, he can be punished." Cheet- 
ham has been so long in the habit of giving false information, that truth 
is to him like a foreign language. 

Mr. CiieL'thum wrote the life of Mr. Paine to gratify his malice and to 
support religion. He was prosecuted for libel — was convicted and fined. 
Yet the life of Paine, written by this liar, is referred to by the Chris- 
tian world as the highest authority. 

As to the personal habits of Mr. Paine, w T e have the testimony of Wil- 
liam Carver, with whom he lived; of Mr. Jarvis, the artist, with whom 
he lived; of Mr. Purely, w ho was a tenant of Paine's; Of Mr. Buyer, 
with whom he was intimate; of Thomas Nixon and Capt. Daniel Pel- 
ton, both of whom knew him well ; of Amasa Wooclsworth, who was 
with him when he died; of John Fellows, who boarded at the same 
house; of James Wilburn, with whom he boarded; of P>. F. Haskins, a 
lawyer, who was well ac quainted with him, and called upon him during 
his last illness; of Waler Morton, President of the Phoenix Insurance 
Company; of Clio Hickman, who had known him for many years; of 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



475 



Willet and Elias Hicks, Quakers, who knew him intimately and well; 
of Judge Hertell, H. Margary, Elihu Palmer, and many others. All 
these testified to the fact that Mr. Paine was a temperate man. In those 
days nearly everybody used spirituous liquors. Paine was not an ex- 
ception, but he did not drink to excess. Mr. Lovett, who kept the City 
Hotel, where Paine stopped, in a note to Caleb Bingham declared that 
Paine drank less than any boarder he had. 

Against all this evidence Christians produce the story of Grant Thor- 
burn, the story of the Rev. J. D. Wickham, that an elder in his church 
told him that Paine was a drunkard, corroborated by the Rev. Charles 
Hawley, and an extract from Lossing's history to the same effect. The 
evidence is overwhelmingly against them. Will you have the fairness 
to admit it? Their witnesses ire merely the repeaters of the falsehoods 
of James Cheetham, the convicted libeler. 

After all, drinking is not as bad as lying. An honest drunkard is 
better than a calumniator of the dead. " A remnant of old mortality 
drunk, bloated, and half-asleep," is better than a perfectly sober de- 
fender of human slavery. To become drunk is a virtue compared with 
stealing a babe from the breast of its mother. Drunkenness is one of the 
beatitudes, compared with editing a religious paper devoted to the 
defense of slavery upon the ground that it is a divine institution. Do 
you think that Paine was a drunken beast when he wrote " Common 
Sense," a pamphlet that aroused three millions "of people, as people 
were never aroused by words before? Was he a drunken beast when he 
wrote the "Crisis?" Was it to a drunken beast that the "following 
letter was a dressed: 

Rocky Hill, September 10, 1783. — I have learned, since I have been 
at this place, that you are at Bordentown. Whether for the sake of 
retirement or economy. I know not. Be it for either, or both, or what- 
ever it may, if you will come to this place and partake with me, I shall 
be exceedingly happy to see you at it. Your presence may remind Con- 
gress of your past services to this country; and if it is in my power to 
impress them, command my best exertions with freedom, as they will 
be rendered cheerfully by one who entertains a lively sense of the im- 
portance of your works, and who, with much pleasure, subscribes him- 
self your sincere friend, George Washington. 

Do you think that Paine was a drunken beast when the following 
letters were received by him: 

You express a wish in your letter to r< turn to America in a national 
ship. Mr. Dawson, who brings over the treaty, and who will present 
you with this letter, is charged with orders to the Captain of the Mary- 
land to" receive and accommodate you hack, if you can be ready to 
depart at such a short warning. You will, in general, find us returned 
to sentiments worthy of former times: in these it will be your glory to 
have steadily labored, and with as much effect as any man living" That 



4/6 



ingersoll's lectures. 



you may live long to continue your useful labors, and reap the reward 
in the thankfulness of nations, is my sincere prayer. Accept the assur- 
ances of my high esteem and affectionate attachm< nt. 

Thomas Jefferson. 

It has been very generally propagated through t'se continent that I 
wrote the pamphlet " Common S nse." I could not have written any- 
thing in so manly and striking a style. John Adams. 

A few more such flaming arguments as were exhibited at Falmouth 
and Norfolk, added to the sound doctrine and unanswerable- reasoning 
contained in the pamphlet " Common Sense," will not leave numbers 
at a loss to decide on the propriety of a separation. 

George Washington. 

It is not necessary for me to tell you how much ail your countrymen 
— I speak of the great mass of the people — are interested in your wel- 
fare. They have not forgotten the history of their own revolution, and 
the difficult scenes through which they passed ; nor d > they review its 
several stages without reviving in their bosoms a due sensibility of the 
merits of those who served them in that great and arduous conflict. The 
crime of ingratitude has not yet stained,"and I trust never will stain, oiH 
national character. You are considered by them as not only having 
rendered important services in our revolution, but as being on a more 
extensive scale the friend of human right and a distinguished and able 
advocate in favor of public liberty. To the welfare of Thomas Paine, 
the Americans are not, nor can they be, indifferent. 

James Monroe. 

No writer has exceeded Paine in ease and familiarity of style, in 
perspicuity of expression, happiness of elucidation, and in simple and 
unassuming language. Thomas Jefferson. 

Was it in consideration of the services of a drunken beast that the 
Legislature of Pennsylvania presented Thomas Paine with £500 sterling ? 
Did the State of New York feel indebted to a drunken beast, and confer 
upon Thomas Paine an estate of several hundred acres ? Did the Con- 
gress of the United States thank him for his 'services because he had 
lived a drunken and beastly life? Was he elected a member of the 
French convention because he was a drunken beast? Was it the act of 
a drunken beast to put his own life in jeopardy by voting against the 
death of the King ? Was it because he was a drunken beast that he op- 
posed the " Reign of Terror '' — that he endeavored to stop the shedding 
of blood, and did all in his power to protect even his own enemies ? Do 
the following extracts sound like the words of a drunken beast: 

I believe in the equality of man, and I believe that religious duties 
consist in doing justice, loving mercy, and endeavoring to make our fel- 
low creatures happy. 
L My own mind is my own church. 

It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful 
to himself. 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



477 



Any system of religion that shocks the mind of a child can not be a 
true system. 

The work of God is the creation which we behold. 

The age of ignorance commenced with the Christian system. 

It is with a pious fraud as with a bad action — it begets a calamitous 
necessity of going on. 

To read the Bible without horror, we must undo everything that is 
tender, sympathizing, and benevolent in the heart of man. 

The man does not exist who can say I have persecuted him, or that I 
have, in any case, returned evil for evil. 

Of all the tyrants that afflict mankind, tyranny in religion is the 
worst. 

The belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man. 

My own opinion is, that those whose lives have been spent in doing 
good, and endeavoring to make their fellow-mortals happy, will be 
happy hereafter. 

The intellectual part of religion is a private affair between every man 
and his Maker, and in which no third party has any right to interfere. 
The practical part consists in our doing good to each other. 

No man ought to make a living by religion. One person can not act 
religion for another — every person must act for himself. 

One good school-master is of more use than a hundred priests. 

Let us propagate morality, unfettered by superstition. 

God is the power, or first cause; nature is the law, and matter is the 
subject acted upon. 

I believe in one God and no more, and I hope for happiness beyond 
this life. 

The key of happiness is not in the keeping of any sect, nor ought the 
road to it to be obstructed by any. 

My religion, and the whole of it, is the fear and love of the Deity, and 
universal philanthropy. 

I have yet, I believe, some years in store, for I have a good state of 
health and a happy mind. I take care of both, by nourishing the first 
with temperance and the latter with abundance. 

He lives immured within the bastile of a word. 

How perfectly that sentence describes the orthodox. The bastile 
which they are immured is the word " Calvinism." 

Man has no property in man. 

The world is my country, to do good my religion. 

I ask again whether these splendid utterances came from the lips o: 
a drunken beast ? 

" Man has no property in nxajo " 



478 



ingersoll's Lectures. 



What a splendid motto that would make for the religious newspapers 
of this country thirty years ago. I ask, again, whether these splendid 
utterances came from the lips of a drunken beast? 

Only a little while ago — two or three days — I read a report of an ad- 
dress made by Bishop Doane, an Episcopal Bishop in apostolic succes- 
sion—regular line from Jesus Christ down to Bishop Doane. The 
Bishop was making a speech to young preachers— the sprouts, the 
theological buds. He took it upon him to advise them all against early 
marriages. Let us look at' it. Do you believe there is any duty that 
man owes to God that will prevent a man marrying the woman he 
loves? Is there some duty that I owe to the clouds that will prevent 
me from marrying some good, sweet woman ? Now, just think of that ! 
I tell you, young man, you marry as soon as you can find her and sup- 
port her. I had rather have one woman that I know than any amount 
of gods that I am not acquainted with. If there is any revelation from 
God to man, a good woman is the best revelation He has ever made; 
and I will admit that that revelation was inspired. 

Now, on the subject of marriage, let me offset the speech of Bishop 
Doane by a word from this " wretched infidel :" 

Though I appear a sony wanderer, the marriage state has rot a sin- 
cerer friend than I. It is the harbor of human life, and is, with respect 
to the things of this world, what the next world is to this. It is home, 
and that one word conveys more than any other word can express. For 
a few years we may glide along the tide of a single life, but it is a tide 
that flows but once, and, what is still worse, it ebbs faster than it flows, 
and leaves many a hapless voyager aground. I am one, you see, that 
has experienced the fall I am describing. I have lost my tide; it passed 
by while every throb of my heart was on the wing for the salvation of 
America, and I have now, as contentedly as I can, made myself a little 
tower of walls on that shore that has the solitaiy les-emblancc of home 

I just want you to know what this dreadful infidel thought of home. 
I just wanted you to know what Thomas Paine thought of home. 

Then here is another letter that Thomas Paine wrote to congress on the 
21st day of January, 1808, and I wanted you to know those two. It is 
only a short one: 

To the Honorable the Senate of tee United States: The 
purport of this address is to state a claim I feel myself entitled to make 
on the United States, leaving it to their representatives in congress to 
decide on its worth and i f s merits. The case is as follows: 

Toward the latter end of the year 1780 the continental money had 
become depreciated — the paper dollar being then not more than a cent 
— that it seemed next to impossible to continue the war. As the United 
States was then in alliance with France, it became necessary to make 
France acquainted with our real situation. I therefore drew up a letter 
to the Count De Vergennes, staling undisguis( dly the whole case, and 
concluding with a request whether France could not, either as a sub- 



ON TBOMAS PAINE. 



479 



sidy or a loan, supply the United States with a million pounds sterling, 
ana continue that supply, annually, during the war. I showed this 
letter to Mr. Morbois, secretary of the French minister. H s remark 
upon it was that a million sent out of the nation exhausted it moie than 
ten millions spent in it. I then showed it to Mr. Ralph Izard, member 
of congress from South Carolina. He borrowed the le;ter of me and 
said: 11 We will endeavor to do something ab'Uit it in cougr ss." Ac- 
cordingly, congress then appointed John A. Laurens to go to France and 
make representation for the purpose of obtaining assistance. Col. 
Laurens wished to decline the mission, and asked that congress would 
appoint Col. Hamilton, who did not choose to do it. Col. Laurens then 
came and stated the case to me, and said that he was well enough 
acquainted with the military difficulties of ihe army, but he was not 
acquainted with political affairs, or with the resources of the country, 
to undertake such a mission. Said he, "If you will go with me I will 
accept the mission." This I agreed to do, aud did do. We sailed from 
Boston in the Alliance frigate February, 1781, an 1 arrived in France in 
the beginning of March. The aid obtained fro. n France was six miliions 
of liyres, as at present, and ten millions as a loan, borrowed in Holland 
on the security of France. We sailed from Brest in the French frigate 
Resolue the 1st of June, and arrived at Boston on the 25th of August, 
bringing with us two millions and a half in silver, and conveying a ship 
and a brig laden with clothing and military stores. 

The money was transported with sixteen ox teams to the National 
bank at Philadelphia, which enable I our army to move to Yorktown to 
attack in conjunction with the French army under Kochambeau, the 
British army under Cornwallis. 

As I never had a single cent for these services. I felt myself entitled, 
as the country is no w in a sta-e of prosperity, to state the case to congress. 

As to my political works, beginning with the p .mphlet "Common 
Sense," published the beginning of January 1770, which awake >ed 
America to a declaration "of independence, as the president and vice- 
president both know, as they were works done from principle lean not 
dishonor that principle by ever asking any reward for them. The 
country has been benefited by them, and I make myself happy in the 
knowledge of that benefit. It is, however, proper for me to add that the 
mere independence of America, were it to have been followe 1 by a 
system of government modeled after the corrupt system of the Eng ish 
government, would not have interested me with the u abated ardor it did. 
It was to bring f -rward and establish a representative system of govern- 
ment. As the work itself will show, that was the leading principle 
with me in writing that work, and all my other works during the 
progress of the revolution, and I followed the same principle in 
writing in English the " Rights of Man.'' 

After the failure of the 5 per cent, duty recommended by congress to 
pay the interest of the loan to be borrowed in Holland, I wrote to 
Chancellor Livingston, then minister for foreign affairs, and Robert 
Morris, minister of finance, and proposed a method for getting over the 
difficulty at once, which was by adding a continental legislature which 
should be empowered to make laws for the whole union instead rd 
recommending them. So the method proposed met with their rui. ^ 
probation. I held myself in reserve to take a step up whenever a 
direct occasion occurred. 



48o 



ingersoll's lectures. 



In a conversation afterward with Gov. Clinton, of New York, now 

vice-president, it was judged that for the purpose of my going fully 
into the subject, and to prevent any misconstruction of my motive or 
object, it would be best that I received nothing from congress, but to 
leave it to the states individually to make me what acknowledgment 
they pleased. The State of New York presented me with a farm, which 
since my return to America, I have found it necessary to sell, and the 
State of Pennsylvania voted me £500 of their currency, but none of the 
states to the east of New York, or the south of Pennsylvania, have 
made me the least acknowledgment. They had received benefits from 
me which they accepted, and there the matter ended. This story will 
not tell well in history. All the civilized world knows I have been of 
great service to the United States, and have generously given away that 
which would easily have made me a fortune. I much question if an 
instance is to be found in ancient or modern times of a man who had 
no personal interest in the case to take up that of the establishment of 
a r presentative government, and who sought neither place nor office 
after it was established ; that pursued the same undeviating principles that 
I had for more than thirty years, and that in spite of dangers, difficulties, 
and inconveniences of which I have had my share. Thomas Paine. 

An old man in Pennsylvania told me once that his father hired a 
old revolutionary soldier by the name of Thomas Martin to work for 
him. Martin was then quite an old man; and there was an old Presby- 
terian preacher used to come there, by the name of Crawford, and he sat 
down by the fire and he got to talking one night, among other things, 
about Thomas Paine— what a wretched, infamous dog he w.ss; and 
while he was in the midst of this conversation the old soldier rose from 
the fireplace, and he walked over to the preacher, and he said to him : 
" Did you ever see Thomas Paine ?" " No." . " Well," he says, " I have ; 
I saw him at Valley Forge. I heard read at the head of every regiment 
and company the letters of Thomas Paine. I heard them read the 
' Crisis,' and I saw Thomas Paine writing on the head of a drum, sit- 
ting at the bivouac fire, those simple words that inspired every patriot's 
bosom, and I want to tell you Mr. Preacher, that Thomas Paine did 
more for liberty than any priest that ever lived in this world. 

And yet theysay he was afraid to die ! Afraid of what ? Is there 
any God in heaven that hates a patriot? If there is Thomas Paine 
ought to be afraid to die. Is there any God that would damn a man for 
helping to free three millions of people? If Thomas Paine was in hell 
to-night, and could get God's attention long enough to point him to the 
old banner of the stars floating over America, God would have to let 
him out. What would he be afraid of? Had he ever burned anybody? 
No. Had he ever put anybody in the inquisition? No. Ever put the 
thumb-screw on anybody ? No. Ever put anybody in prison so that 
some poor wife and mother would c*. me and hold her little babe up at 
the grated window that the man bound to the floor might get one glimpse 
«tf his blue-eyed babe?_ Did he..ever dg that? 



ON THOMAS PAINE. 



Did he ever light a fagot? Did he ever tear human Jlesh? Why, 
what had he to be afraid of? He had helped to make the world free. 
He had helped create the only republic then on the earth. What was 
lie afraid of? Was God a tory ? It won't do. 

One would think from the persistence with which the orthodox have 
charged for the last seventy years that Thomas Paine recanted, that there 
must be some evidence of some kind to support these charges. Even 
with my ideas of the average honor of the believers in superstition, the 
average truthfulness of the disciples of fear, I did not believe that all 
those infamies rested solely upon poorly-attested falsehoods. I had 
charity enough t > suppose that something had been said or done by 
Thomas Paine capable of being tortured into a foundation of all these 
calumnies. What crime had Thomas Paine committed that he should 
have feared to die? The only answer you can give is that he denied the 
inspiration of the scriptures. If that is crime, the civilized world is 
filled with criminals The pioneers of human thought, the intellectual 
leaders of this world, the foremost men in every science, the kings of 
literature and art, those who stand in the front of investigation, the men 
who are civilizing and elevating and refining mankind, are all un. 
believers in the ignorant dogjma of inspiration. 

Why should we Ihink Thomas Paine was afraid to die? and why 
should the American people malign the memory of that great man? 
He was the first to advocate the separation from the mother country- 
He was the first to write these words : " The United States of America." 
Think of maligning that man ! He was the first to lift his voice against 
liuman slavery, and while hundreds and thousands of ministers all over 
the United States not only believed in slavery, but bought and sold 
women and babes in the name of Jesus Christ, this infidel, this wretch 
who is now burning in the flames of hell, lifted his voice against human 
slavery find said: u It is robbery, and a slaveholder is a theif; the 
whipper of women is a barbarian ; the seller of a child is a savage." 
No wonder that the theiving hypocrite of his day hated him! 

I have no love for any man who ever pretended to own a human being. 
I have no love for a man that would sell a babe from the mother's throb- 
bing, heaving, agonized breast. I have no respect for a man who 
considered a lash on the naked back as a legal tender for labor performed. 
So write it down, Thomas Paine was the first great abolitionist of 
America. 

Now let me tell you another thing. He was the first man to raise his 
voice for the abolition of the death penalty in the French convention. 
What more did he do? He was the first to suggest a federal constitu- 
tion for the United States. He saw that the old articles of confederation 



482 



ingersoll's lectures. 



were nothing; that they were ropes of water and chains of mist, and h« 
said, " We want a federal constitution so that when you pass a law rais. 
ing > per cent, you can make the states pay it.'' Let us give him his 
due. What were all these preaches doing at that time? 

He hated superstition; he loved the trn;h. He hated tyranny ; he 
loved liberty. He was the friend of the human race. He lived a brave 
and thoughtful life. He was a good and true and generous man, and 
"he died as he lived. Like a great and peaceful river with erreen and 
shaded banks, without a murmur, without a ripple, he flowed into the 
waveless ocean of eternal peace. I love him ; I love every man who 
gave me, or helped to give me the liberty I enjoy to-night; I love every 
man who helped me put our flag in heaven. I love every man who has 
lifted his voice in any age for liberty, for a chainless body and a fetterless > 
brain. I love every man who has given to every other human being 
every right that, he claimed for himself. I love every man who ha3 
thought more of principle than he has of position. I love the men who 
have trampled crowns beneath their feet that they might do something 
for mankind, and for that reason I love Thomas Paine. 

I thank you all, ladies and gentlemen, every one — every one, &e 
attention you have given me this evening. 



TEACHING THE DEAF TO 
SPEAK. 



The Teeth the Best Medium and the Audiphone the 
Best Instrument for Conveying Sounds to 
the Deaf, and in Teaching the Partly 
Deaf and Dumb to Speak. 

Address Delivered by R. S. Rhodes, of 
Chicago, Before the Fourteenth Convention 
of American Teachers of the Deaf, at 
Flint, Michigan. 



Mr. President and Ladies and Gentlemen: 

I would like to relate some of the causes which led to 
my presence with you to-day. 

About sixteen years ago I devised this instrument, the 
audiphone, which greatly assisted me in hearing, and 
discovered that many who had not learned to speak were 
not so deaf as myself. I reasoned that an instrument in 
the hands of one who had not learned to speak would 
act the same as when in the hands of one who had 
learned to speak, and that the mere fact of one not being 
able to speak would in no wise affect the action of the 
instrument. To ascertain if or not my simple reasoning 
was correct, I borrowed a deaf-mute, a boy about twelve 
years old, and took him to my farm. We arrived there 
in the evening, and during the evening I experimented to 



17 



18 



THE AUDIPHONE. 



see if he could distinguish some of the vowel sounds. My 
experiments in this direction were quite satisfactory. 
Early in the morning I provided him with an audiphone 
and took him by the hand for a walk about the farm. 
We soon came across a flock of turkeys.- We approached 
closely, the boy with his audiphone adjusted to his teeth, 
and when the gobbler spoke in his peculiar voice, the boy 
was convulsed with laughter, and jumping for joy con- 
tinued to follow the fowl with his audiphone properly 
adjusted, and at every remark of the gobbler the boy was 
delighted. I was myself delighted, and began to think 
my reasoning was correct. 

We next visited the barn. I led him into a stall beside 
a horse munching his oats, and to my delight he could 
hear the grinding of the horse's teeth when the audiphone 
was adjusted, and neither of us could without. In the 
stable yard was a cow lowing for its calf, which he plainly 
showed he could hear, and when I led him to the cow- 
barn where the calf was confined, he could hear it reply 
to the cow, and by signs showed that he understood their 
language, and that he knew the one was calling for the 
other. We then visited the pig-sty where the porkers 
poked their noses near to us. He could hear them with 
the audiphone adjusted, and enjoyed their talk, and 
understood that they wanted more to eat. I gave him 
some corn to throw over to them, and he signed that that 
was what they wanted, and that now they were satisfied. 
He soon, however, broke away from me and pursued the 
gobbler and manifested more satisfaction in listening to 
its voice than to mine, and the vowel sounds as com- 
pared to it were of slight importance to him, and for the 
three days he was at my farm that poor turkey gobbler 
had but little rest.. 



HEARING THROUGH THE TEETH. 



19 



With these and other experiments I was satisfied that 
he could hear, and that there were many like him; so I 
<:ook my grip and audiphones and visited most of the 
institutions for the deaf in this country. In all institu- 
tions I found many who could hear well, and presented 
the instrument with which this hearing could be improved 
and brought within the scope of the human voice. But 
at one institution I was astonished; I found a bright girl 
with perfect hearing being educated to the sign language. 
She could repeat words after me parrot-like, but had no 
knowledge of their value in sentences. I inquired why 
she was in the institution for the deaf, and by examining 
the records we learned she was the child of deaf-mute 
parents, and had been brought up by them in the country, 
and although her hearing was perfect, she had not heard 
spoken language enough to acquire it, and I was informed 
by the superintendent of the institution that she pre- 
ferred signs to speech. I was astonished that a child 
with no knowledge of the value of speech should be per- 
mitted to elect to be educated by signs instead of speech, 
and to be so educated in a state institution. This cir- 
cumstance convinced me more than ever that there was 
a great work to be done in redeeming the partly deaf 
children from the slavery of silence, and I was more 
firmly resolved than ever that I would devote the re- 
mainder of my life to this cause. 

I have had learned scientists tell me that I could not 
hear through my teeth. It would take more scientists 
than ever were born to convince me that I did not hear 
ny sainted mother's and beloved father's dying voice 
with this instrument, when I could not have heard it 
without. 



THE AUDIPHONE. 



It would take more scientists than ever were born to 
convince me that I did not hear the voice of the Rev. 
James B. McClure, one who has been dear to me for the 
last twenty years, and accompanied rne on most of my 
visits to institutions spoken of above, and who has en- 
couraged me in my labors for the deaf all these years, say, 
as I held his hand on his dying bed only Monday last, 
and took my final leave from him (and let me say, I 
know of no cause but this that would have induced me 
to leave him then), " Go to Flint; do all the good you 
can. God bless your labors for the deaf! We shall 
never meet again on earth. Meet me above. Good-by!" 

And, Mr. President, when I am laid at rest, it will be 
with gratitude to you and with greater resignation for the 
active part you have taken in the interest of these partly 
deaf children in having a section for aural work admitted 
to this national convention, for in this act you have con- 
tributed to placing this work on a firm foundation, which 
is sure to result in the greatest good to this class. 

You have heard our friend, the inventor of the tele- 
phone, say that in his experiments for a device to im- 
prove the hearing of the deaf, (as he was not qualified 
by deafness,) he did not succeed, but invented the tele- 
phone instead, which has lined his pocket with gold. 
From what I know of the gentleman, I believe he would 
willingly part with all the gold he has received for the 
use of this wonderful invention, had he succeeded in his 
efforts in devising an instrument which would have 
emancipated even twenty per cent, of the deaf in the in- 
stitutions from the slavery of silence. I have often 
wished that he might have invented the audiphone and 



HEARING THROUGH THE TEETH. 



21 



received as much benefit by its use as I, for then he 
would have used the gold he derives from the telephone 
in carrying the boon to the deaf; but when I consider 
that in wishing this I must wish him deaf, and as it would 
not be right for me to wish him this great affliction, there- 
fore since I am deaf, and I invented the audiphone, I 
would rather wish that I might have invented the tele- 
phone also; in which case I assure the deaf that I would 
have used my gold as freely in their behalf as would he. 
[The speaker then explained the use of the audiometer 
in measuring the degree of hearing one may possess. 
Then, at his request, a gentleman from the audience, a 
superintendent of one of our large institutions, took a 
position about five feet from the speaker, and was asked 
to speak loud enough for Mr. Rhodes to hear when he did 
not have the audiphone in use, and by shouting at the top 
of his voice, Mr. Rhodes was able to hear only two or 
three "o" sounds, but could not distinguish a word. 
With the audiphone adjusted to his teeth, still looking 
away from the speaker, he was able to understand ordinary 
tones, and repeated sentences after him; and, when look- 
ing at him and using his eye and audiphone, the speaker 
lowering his voice nearly as much as possible and 
yet articulating, Mr. Rhodes distinctly heard every 
word and repeated sentences after him, thus showing the 
value of the audiphone and eye combined, although Mr. 
Rhodes had never received instructions in lip reading. 
The gentleman stated that he had tested Mr. Rhodes' 
hearing with the audiometer when he was at his institu- 
tion in 1894, and found he possessed seven per cent, in 
his left ear and nothing in his right.] 



22 



THE AUDIPHONE. 



Gentlemen and ladies, now that I have demonstrated 
the value of the teeth and the audiphone as a means of 
conveying sounds to the deaf, I will read this paper 
which I have prepared. 



FOR THE DEAF 



THE AUDIPHONE 



An Instrument that Enables Deaf Persons to Hear Or- 
dinary Conversation Readily through the Medium 
of the Teeth, and Many of those Born Deaf and 
Dumb to Hear and Learn to Speak. 

INVENTED 8Y RICHARD S. RHODES, CHICAGO. 

Medal Awarded at the World's Columbian Expo- 
sition, Chicago, 

The Audiphone is a new instrument made of a peculiar composi- 
tion, posessing the property of gathering the faintest sounds (some- 
what similar to a telephone diaphragm), and conveying them to the 
auditory nerve, through the medium of the teeth. The external ear 
has nothing whatever to do in hearing with this wonderful instru- 
ment. 

Thousands are in use by those who would not do without them for 
any consideration. It has enabled doctors and lawyers to resume 
practice, teachers to resume teaching, mothers to hear the voices of 
their children, thousands to hear their minister, attend concerts and 
theatres, and engage in general conversation. Music is heard per- 
fectly with it when without it not a note could be distinguished. It is 
convenient to carry and to use. Ordinary conversation can be heard 
with ease. In most cases deafness is not detected. 

Full instructions will be sent with each instrument. The Audi- 
phone is patented throughout the civilized world. 

: : PBICB : : 

Conversational, small size, - - • $3 oo 

Conversational, medium size, - - 3 oo 

Concert size. - - - - - 5 oo 

Trial instruments, good and serviceable, - - - 1 50 

The Audiphone will be sent to any address, on receipt of price, by 

RHODES & M'CLURE PUBLISHING CO., 

-A-g^aa-ts fox t3a.e World, 



9a TRTasliixigrtozL St., OHICAOO, XXA, 



PUBLISHED BY 



RHODES & McCLURE PUBLISHING CO., 

93 Washington St., Chicago. 



All handsomely bound in the best English and American cloths, wuth full Silver- 
embossed side and back stamp; uniform in style of binding. Together making 
a handsome library, or, separately, making handsome center-table volumes. 

PRICE, $1.00 EACH. SENT POST-PAID. 



ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S STORIES AND SPEECHES; in cne 
volume, complete. New (1807) edition, handsomely illustrated; 
containing the many witty, pointed and unequaled stories as told 
by Mr. Lincoln, including Early life stories, Professional life 
stories, White House and War stories; also presenting the full 
text of the popular Speeches of Mr. Lincoln on the great ques- 
tions of the age, including his "First Political Speech," "Rail- 
Splitting Speech," " Great Debate with Douglas," and his Won- 
derful Speech at Gettysburg, etc., etc.; and including his two 
great Inaugurals, with many grand illustrations. An instructive 
and valuable book; 477 pages. 

MOODY'S ANECDOTES; 210 pages, exclusive of 
engravings. Containing several hundred interesting 
stories, told by the great evangelist, D. L. Moody, 
in his wonderful work in Europe and America. 
Hundreds of thousands of copies have been sold. 
Illustrated with excellent engravings of Messrs. 
Moody, Sankey, Whittle and Bliss, and thircy-two 
full-page engravings" from Gustave Dore, making 
an artistic and handsome volume. " A book of an- 
ecdotes which have thrilled hundreds of thou- 
sands." — Pittsburg Banner. 

MOODY'S GOSPEL SERMONS. As delivered by the great Evangel- 
ist, Dwight Lyman Moody, in his revival work in Gre t Britain 
and America. Together with a biography of Mr. Moody and his 
co-laborer, Ira David Sankey. Including, also, a short history of the 
Great Revival. Each sermon is illustrated with a handsome, full-page 
engraving from Gustave Dore. The book also contains an engraving of 
D. L. Moody, Ira D. Sankey, Mr. Moody Preaching in the Royal Opera 
House, Haymarket, London, Chicago Tabernacle (erected for Mr. 
Moody's services) and "I Am the Way." A handsome and attractive vol- 
ume of 443 p ges. 

MOODY'S LATEST SERMONS. As delivered by the great Evangel- 
ist, Dwight Lyman Moody. Handsomely illustrated with twenty- 
four full-page engravings from Gustave Dore. 335 pages. 

MOODY'S CHILD STORIES. As related by Dwight Lyman Moody 
in his revival work. Handsomely illustrated with sixteen full-page 
engravings from Gustave Dore and 106 illustrations from J. Stuart 
Littlejohn. A book adapted to children, but interesting to adults. A 
handsome volume. Should be in every family. 237 pages. 





Standard Publications, $1 each, bound in Cloth. 





.SAM JONES' GOSPEL SERMONS: 346 pages, 
exclusive of engravings. Sam Jones is pronounced 
"one of the most sensational preachers in the world, 
and yet among the most effective." His sermons are 
characterized by clearness, point and great common 
sense, including "hits" that ring like guns. Printed 
in large type, and illustrated with engravings of Sam 
Jones and Sam Small, and with nineteen full-page 
w engravings from Gustave Dore. 

SAM JONES' LATEST SERMONS. The favor with which Sam 
J one;' Gospel Serai- ns has been received by the public has induced 
us to issue this beck of his Latest Sermons. Each ;ermon is illustrated 
with a full-prge i lustration from Gustave Dore's Bible Gallery. The 
book is bound unifoimly with his GoFrei Sermons, and contains, besides 
illustrations, reading matt r of 350 pages 

SAM JONES' ANECDOTES; 300 pages. An exceedingly interesting 
and entertaining volume, containing the many telling and effective 
stories told by 3\:r. Jones in his sermons. They strike in all directions 
and always import good moral lessons that can not be misunderstood. 
Adapted f jr the young and old. A book which everybody can enjoy. 

MISTAKES OF INGERSOLL; an 1 his Answers 
complete; n wly revised popular (1897) edition; 
illustrated, 482 pages. Containing the full 
replies of Prof. Swing, Judge Black, J. Munro 
^ Gibson, D. D., • Chaplain 2 McCabe, Bishop 

p**^ Cheney, Dr. Thomas, Dr. Maclauglan, Dr. 
liL Goodw.n and other eminent scholars to Inger. 

^f|j^ soil's Lectures on the "Mistakes of Moses, '- 
Skulls," "What" Shall We Do to be Saved?" and " Thomas Paine," 
to which are a| pended in full these Ingerscll lee lures and his replies A' 
fair pre ent^tion of the full discussion. 

GREAT SPEECHES OF COL. R. G. INGERSOLL; complete; 
newly revised (1897) edition; 409 pages. Containing the many 
eloquent, timely, practical speeches of this most gifted o ator and states- 
man, including his recent matchless " Eulogy on Abraham Lincoln," 
" Speech on the Dec'aration of Independence," "To the Farmers on 
Farming," Funeral Oration at his Brother's Grave, etc., etc. Fully 
and handsomely illustrated. 

WIT, WISDOM AND ELOQUENCE OF COL. R. G. INGERSOLL; 
newly revised pot ular (1897) edition, illustrated; 336 pages. Con- 
taining the remarkable Witticisms, terse, pungent ?nd sarcastic sayings, 
and eloquent extracts on popular themes, from Ingersoll's Speeches; a 
very entertaining volume. 

THE FIRST MORTGAGE; 310 pages. A truthful, instructive, pleas- 
ing and poetical presentation of Biblical stories, history and gospel 
truth; fully and handsomely illustrated from the world-renowned artist, 
Gustave Dore, by E. U. Cook, the whole forming an exceedingly inter- 
esting and entertaining poetical Bible. One of the handsomest volumes 
ever issued in Chicago. 



Standard Publications, $1 each, bound in Cloth. 



TEN YEARS A COW BOY. A full and vivid de- 
scription of frontier li e, including romance, advent- 
ure and ail the varied experiences incident to a life 
cn the plains as cow boy, stock owner) rancher, etc., 
toge ther with articles on cat le and sheep raising, 
how to make money, description of the plains, etc., 
etc. Illustrated with 100 fall-page engravings, and 
contains reading matter 471 pages. 

WILD LIFE IN THE FAR WEST. By C. H. Simpson, a resident 
detective, living in this country. Giving a full and graphic account 
of his thrilling adventures among the Indians and outlaws of Mon- 
tana — including hunting, hair-breadth escapes, captivity, punishment and 
difficulties of' ail kinds met with in ibis wild and lawless country. Illus- 
trated by 30 full page engravings, by G. S. Littlejohn, and contains read- 
ing matter 264 pages. 

A YANKEE'S ADVENTURES IN SOUTH AFRICA. (In the dia- 
mond country.) By C. H. Simpson. Giving the varied experiences, 
adventu es, dangers and narrow escapes of a Yankee seeking his 
fortune in tills wild country, which by undaunted courage, perseverance, 
suffering, fighting and adventures of various sorts is requited at last by 
the ownership of the largest diamond taken out of the Kimberly mines 
up to that time, and with the hea t and hand of tl.e fairest daughter of a 
diamond kirn,'. Containing 30 full-page illustrations by H. DeLay and 
reading matter 220 pages. 



WIT. Contains sketches from Mark Twain, witticisms 
from F. H. Carruth, Dough s Jerrold, M. Quad, Op e 
Reid, Mrs. Partington, Eli Perkirs, O'Malley, Bill 
Nj'e, Artemus Ward, Abe Lincoln, Burdette, Daniel 
Webster, Victor Hugo, Brother Gardner, Clinton 
Scollard, Tom Hood, L. R. Catlin, Josh. Billings, 
Chauncey Depew and all humorous writers of mod- 
ern times. Illustrated with 75 full prge engravings, 
1 y H. DeLay, and contains reading matter 407 pages. 

BENONI AND SERAPTA. A Story of the Time of the Great Con- 
stantine, Founder of the Christian Faith. By Douglas Vernon. A 
religious novel showing a Parsee's constancy and faith through 
many persecutions, trials and difficulties, placed in his way by priests, 
nobles and queens of his time and his final t:iumph over all obstacles. 
Being an interesting novel, int nded to show the state of the religious 
feelings and unscrupulous intrigues of those professing religion at the 
time of the foundation of the Christian faith. Illustrated with 33 full- 
page engravings, by H. DeLay, and contains reading matter 389 pages. 





Standard Publications, $1 each, bound in Cloth. 



EVILS OF THE CITIES: By T. DeWitt Talmage, D. D.; 530 pages. 
The author, in company with the proper detectives, visited many of 
the most vile and wicked places in New York City and Brooklyn, osten- 
sibly looking for a thief, but in reality taking notes for a feries of 
discourses published in this volume, which contains a full and graphic 
derciption of what he saw and the lessens drawn therefrom. The Doctor 
has ako e'xterded his observations to the "Summer Resorts," "Watering 
Places," Races, etc., etc., all of which are popularized from his standpoint 
in this volume. Handsomely illustrated and decidedly interesting. 

TALMAGE IN THE HOLY LAND: 322 pages. The 
Palestine Sermons of T. DeWitt Talmage, delivered during 
his tour of the Holy Land. Including graphic descriptions 
of Sacred Places, Vivid Delineations of Gospel Truths, 
interesting local reminiscences, etc., etc., by his visit to the 
many places made sacred by the personal presence of Jesus 
and the great pens of Biblical characters and writers. 
Copiously illustrated. 

SIN: A series of popular discourses delivered by T. DeWitt 
Talmage, D. D., and illustrated with 136 engravings by 
H. De Lay; 411 pages. 

MCNEILL'S POPULAR SERMONS: 373 pages. Delivered in Lon- 
con and America by the Rev. John McNeill, one of the ablest and 
most p' pular of living divines, tnd known on both continents as "The 
SccTch Spurgeon " of Europe, of whem D. L. Moody has said: " He is 
the greatest preacher in the wcrld." A most clear, vivid, earnest and 
life-like pre?entation of Gospel Truth; sincerely and decidedly spiritual. 
A most edifying, instructive and entertaining volume for young rnd old. 




EDISCN AND HIS INVENTIONS: 278 pages. Containing 
full illustrated explanations of the new and wonderful Pho- 
nograph, Telephone, Electric Light, and all his principal 
inventions, in Edison's own language, generally, including 
many incidents, anecdotes and interesting particulars connect- 
ed with the earlier and later life of the world-renowned 
inventor, trgether with a full Electrical Dictionary, explain- 
ing all of the new electrical terms; making a very entertain- 
ing and valuable book of the life and works of Edison. 
Profusely illustrated. 



BIBLE 



GEMS OF TRUTH AND BEAUTY. A choice selection 
of wise, eloquent extracts from Talmage, Beecher, Moody 
Spurgeon, Guthrie and Parker, forming a volume that 
keenly interests. A good gift and center table took 
300 pages, Illustrated. 



Standard Publications, $1.00 each, Cloth-bound. 



MELODIES FOR THE LITTLE ONES 
AT HOME. 320 pages. " This hand- 
somely illustrated book has been com- 
piled and arranged by one |who is best 
able to tell what is good for the instruc- 
tion and amusement of the children" — 
A Mother. Many of the rhymes are 
original, but a large number are old 
favorites that will interest the old folk 
as reminiscences of their childhood 
days. The illustrations are numerous 
and include illustrations from Gustave 
Dore of nearly every story in the Bible 
interesting to children. 

They are idols of home and of households; 

They are Angels of God in disguise. 
His sunlight still sleeps in their tresses; 
His glory still gleams in their eyes. 

GEMS OF POETRY. 407 pages. Finely illustrated. Contains a very 
choice and varied selection of our most popular, beautiful and time- 
honored poems, written by the poets of all ages and climes. A 
magnificent gift book for a friend; a splendid book for the holidays; ap- 
propriate for a birthday or wedding present; a fine center-table book, in- 
teresting to all. 

COL. R. G. INGERSOLL'S LECTURES COMPLETE. 426 pages. 
Including his "Answers to the Clergy," his lectures on " Gods," 
"Ghosts," "Hell," "Individuality," "Humboldt," "Which 
Way," "The Great Infidels," "Talmagian Theology," "At a Child's 
Grave," " Ingersoll's Oration at His Brother's Grave," "Mistakes of 
Moses," "Skulls and Replies," and "What Shall We Do to Be Saved?" 

GOL. R. G. INGERSOLL'S LATEST LECTURES. 450 pages. In- 
cluding his lectureson " Thomas Paine," "Liberty of Man, Woman 
and Child," "Orthodoxy," "Blasphemy," " Some Reasons Why," 
"Intellectual Developrrent," " Human Rights," " Talmagian Theology," 
"Religious Intolerance," "Hereafter," "Review of His Reviewers," 
"How the Gods Grow," "Ths Religion of Our Day," " Heretics and 
Heresies," "The Bible," "Voltaire," " Myth and Miracle." Including, 
also, Ingersoll's letters on "The Chinese God," "Is Suicide a Sin ?" 
"The Right to One's Life." 

Price, sent by mail, post-paid, bound in cloth with silver trimmings. $1 00 




ADDRESS 

RHODES & M'CLURE PUBLISHING COMPANY, 

93 Washington St., CHICAGO 



WEBSTER'S 

Unabridged Dictionary 



REPRINT EDITION. 




CLOTH, - • 
HALF MOROCCO, 
SHEEP, - - - 



1.75 
2.00 



Every School 
Child Should Have 
One of These 
Copies. 



OVER 1300 PAGES. 

Beautiful Frontis- 
piece of the Flags of 
All Nations in Five 
Colors, Illustrated. 



THE BEST ON THE HARKET TO-DAY 
FOR THE HONEY. 



ADDRESS ALL ORDERS TO 



Rhodes & McClure Publishing Co, 

93 Washington Street, 
CHICAGO. 



I 



